


Rear naked choke hold

by Blanquette



Series: Archives of the Nonsensical [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Crimes & Criminals, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Epistolary, Feel-good, Fights, Fluff, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Mullets, Nonsense, Oblivious, Police, Swearing, Texting, my friend actually choked out a dude once, my plot holes have plot holes, soap opera on acid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 22:39:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 61
Words: 101,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11656164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blanquette/pseuds/Blanquette
Summary: All in text form.It all starts when Kihyun chokes out a dude at a bar. There's a lot of other dudes after that, and also police stations, life discoveries, existential crisis and of course, amidst other shenanigans, the love story of the century.





	1. Rear naked choke hold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No idea where this thing came from. Boredom probably.  
> Sorry Shownu and Hyungwon don't make an appearance :'D. Maybe later if I actually pursue that... thing.  
> So yeah... Enjoy I guess?

**From: MinMinMin**

So kihyun I hear we’re going around choking people now

 

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

Might be.

Who told you that

 

**From: MinMinMin**

Jooheon.

 

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

That rat

 

**From: MinMinMin**

In his defense it's pretty rare that you randomly decide to choke somebody else

 

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

It wasn’t random he was bothering this other dude and I don ’t know

 

**From: MinMinMin**

…

so you just... intervened

 

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

I know I’m small but I’m also full of anger

You should remember that next time you consciously decide to piss me off

 

**From: MinMinMin**

I’m hurt when did I ever to that

Anyway where did you even learn to choke a bloke like that

 

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

Youtube

 

**From: MinMinMin**

You look up choking tutorials? Kinky

 

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

it’s self-defense stuff get your mind out the gutter

 

**From: MinMinMin**

What happened after that? Did the guy thanked you? Did the police show up?

 

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

You didn’t get everything out of jooheon?

 

**From: MinMinMin**

He just texted me “kihyun-hyung chocked a motherfucker out he’s the best” with like ten thousand laughing emojis and then stopped answering

I bet he passed out

Feed my need

 

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

.....

That kid really does have a way with words

I dunno what happened after

I mean I dropped the guy, and the other dude was looking at me with saucer eyes and then jooheon screeched and we hightailed it outta there

I’ve been home for the past hour and no sirens for now

 

**From: MinMinMin**

Was the guy at least cute

 

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

How is that relevant

 

**From: MinMinMin**

It's very relevant

He was wasn’t he

You wouldn’t have bothered otherwise

 

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

I totally would have bothered I’m not as superficial as you

 

**From: MinMinMin**

You wound me again

 

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

But yeah

He was.

 

**From: MinMinMin**

Shoulda get his number

 

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

Would you give your number to the psycho who just chocked a bitch out in front of you

 

**From: MinMinMin**

Language kihyun

You know I would I have practically no standards

 

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

True.

 

********

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung  
**

changkyun-ah guess what some psycho just choked a bitch right in front of me

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng <3**

Language hyung

sounds pretty wild

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

Shit

You don’t say

Some guy was bothering me at the bar cause I’m just that good looking

And he was getting kinda handsy and I didn’t know what to do and then this dude from behind him

He just

Chokes the guy out

Like

No warnings

He just drops him

Outta nowhere

In like three seconds

What the hell who does that

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng <3  
**

What kind of places do you go to srsly

Was he cute

Did you thank him

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

Thank him? for what? Full on assault?

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng <3**

Well he saved you

And the creep was being an asshole right?

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

Yeah

But like

Did that warrant choking him out

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng <3**

I feel like it should

Like in order to move humanity forward we should stop tolerating mediocrity as a whole

If you’re being an asshole you should get what’s coming to you

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

Well

if you put it like this

I didn't know you were a savage

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng (s a v a g e)  
**

I had too much coffee

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

At 1am?

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng (s a v a g e)**

I’m late on assignments.

You didn’t tell me if the guy was cute

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

I don’t know. I was too busy being in shock

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng (s a v a g e)**

Weak.

We should go back there next time

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

Dude I ’m never going back there

When he woke up the creep threatened to call the police and only didn’t cause the guy was gone anyway

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng (s a v a g e)**

Haha intense

Was MMA choke boy alone?

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

Nah he had a friend with him

Who looked like he found the whole thing hilarious

He had red hair now that I think about it

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng (s a v a g e)**

Red hair?

What bar were you in again?

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

Trespass

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng (s a v a g e)**

Haha no way

Did he kinda look like a handsome Bodhisattva

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

What the heck are you on about

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng (s a v a g e)**

You know

Those statues

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

I’ll pretend I do know

But I didn ’t get a good look

Why

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng (s a v a g e)**

Haha I think I might know him

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

No way

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng (s a v a g e)**

Yeah

Some hyung from my hip hop club.

Goes to trespass a lot and has red hair

I don’t think there’s a lot of guys going around with red hair **  
**

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

seriously

Well your friends are really questionable

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng (s a v a g e)**

We’re not really friends.

We should be tho sounds like he knows how to have fun

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

You are really questionable

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng (s a v a g e)**

I’m bored sue me.

 

*******

 

 

**From: Hipitty hopitty dongsaeng #1**

Hyung?

 

**From: Spitfire Hyung *_***

Yeah what’s up?

 

**From: Hipitty hopitty dongsaeng #1**

Were you at trespass yesterday night by any chance?

 

**From: Spitfire Hyung *_***

Absolutely not

What do you know

 

**From: Hipitty hopitty dongsaeng #1**

What?

No cause my friend was involved in some weird incident and mentioned a guy with red hair and I was wondering if it was maybe you.

Some light choking was involved.

 

**From: Spitfire Hyung *_***

Kinky.

 

**From: Hipitty hopitty dongsaeng #1**

Hyung come on

 

**From: Spitfire Hyung *_***

Okay I might have been at trespass but I’m not the one who did the choking.

I was an innocent bystander in this whole business

 

**From: IM Sherlock  
**

Haha I knew it

Who did it then?

 

**From: Spitfire Hyung *_***

Why do you wanna know?

 

**From: IM Sherlock**

It’s just curiosity. My friend was the dude at the bar getting bothered. His name is Hoseok.

 

**From: Spitfire Hyung *_***

Oooh

 

 

********

 

 

**From: sidekick  
**

Hyung I found your damsel in distress lol

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

What? Who?

 

**From: sidekick  
**

trespass boy

He’s friend with a guy from the hip hop club lmao

Should I hook you two up

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

Jooheon I swear to god

 

**From: sidekick**

I won’t tolerate blasphemy in this household

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

JOOHEON

He probably thinks I’m a psycho

 

**From: sidekick**

You didn’t say no to me hooking you guys up tho

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

JOOHEON

stfu

 

**From: sidekick**

r u d e

 

********

 

**From: Spitfire Hyung *_***

Lmao changkyun-ah

Does your friend thinks we’re psychos

 

**From: IM Sherlock**

Well

Only mma choke boy

 

**From: Spitfire Hyung *_***

Choke boy

lmao

I’m so renaming his contact

Which is this by the way: 010-000-000

I do not have a problem with you sharing it.

 

****

 

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng (s a v a g e)**

Haha hyung I was totally right

Want choke boy’s number?

I actually got it from my hyung

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

What? Why would you do that?

 

 **From: Fav dongsaeng (on probation)** :

I dunno I didn’t even ask him for it he just gave it to me

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

What is he trying to accomplish

 

 **From: Fav dongsaeng (on probation)** :

I have a slight suspicion

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

**…..**

 

 **From: Fav dongsaeng (on probation)** :

I mean a knight in shining armor and a damsel in distress…

It just writes itself

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

Changkyun. I do not want to hook up with someone who chokes out people.

Plus he was wearing black skinnies, not an armor

 

 **From: Fav dongsaeng (on probation)** :

So you did check him out

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

No I did not

 

 **From: Fav dongsaeng (on fucking thin ice)** :

Is he your type?

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

No

 

 **From: Fav dongsaeng (on fucking thin ice)** :

He totally is you like brunettes

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

How do you know he’s a brunette

 

 **From: Fav dongsaeng (on fucking thin ice)** :

Ha! So he is!

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

I’ll stop talking to you now

 

 **From: Fav dongsaeng (on fucking thin ice)** :

Coward

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

t h e  d i s r e s p e c t **  
**

 

 **From: Fav dongsaeng (on fucking thin ice)** :

I am sorry

With all due respect, you’re a coward, hyung that I love

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

Since when are you that cheeky

 

 **From: Fav dongsaeng (on fucking thin ice)** :

Must be all that coffee I’m drinking lately.

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

I’m not texting him.

 

 **From: Fav dongsaeng (on fucking thin ice)** :

sure

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

……

He did know how to make an entrance

 

**From: Fav dongsaeng <3  
**

Right!

 

****

 

**From: Unknown**

So you do that often?

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

Who are you?

 

**From: Unknown**

Chocking people out I mean.

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

Oh.

Well.

It was my first time if you wanna know everything.

 

**From: Damsel in Distress**

My dongsaeng knows your friend with the red hair, he gave me your number.

Said dongsaeng thinks I should thank you.

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

And what do you think?

 

**From: Damsel in Distress**

That you probably have anger management issues??

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

It’s my small body, it can’t hold everything inside

But mostly I was just drunk and he was being annoying

 

**From: Damsel in Distress**

So you just choked him out.

That's reasonable

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

At the time it seemed like the shortest road to get him to shut up

 

**From: Damsel in Distress**

Well, he did shut up.

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

Right. So…

 

**From: Damsel in Distress**

Yup.

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

Was there any problems when he woke up? We kinda left in a hurry.

 

**From: Damsel in Distress**

Nope. He just whined a bit.

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

So maybe I can go back there.

 

**From: Damsel in Distress**

I’m pretty sure the bartender thought it was hilarious so it should be alright.

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

I didn’t even get to finish my drink.

 

**From: Damsel in Distress**

Should I buy you one to make up for it

Maybe there’ll be other people you can test your moves on

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

I don’t have that many moves tho

I mean there is this standing guillotine I’ve been meaning to try out but…

 

**From: Damsel in Distress**

Mh. What’s the one you tried

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

Rear naked

 

**From: Damsel in Distress**

Kinky

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

…..

I’ll let that slide

 

**From: Damsel in Distress**

Thanks

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

Were you serious about that drink tho

 

**From: Damsel in Distress**

I think I was

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

Mh. I might be interested.

 

**From: Damsel in Distress**

Good to know.

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

I’ll try not to assault anyone

 

**From: Damsel in Distress**

I’ll try not to get creepily hit on

Might prove difficult tho

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

Yeah you’re just that good looking

 

**From: Damsel in Distress**

Right? I keep saying so but nobody seems to agree. Glad you do.

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

Well I’m here to serve.

 

**From: Damsel in Distress**

Yeah I noticed that. Try to be less over the top next time

 

**From: Anger Issues White Knight**

Will do my best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I even make a sequel to this thing? Kinda wanna do a thing with Jooheon and IM...


	2. About Kihyun Very Mature Daytime Outing At A Family Restaurant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where everybody gets dragged into it.  
> (The Meddler should be Jooheon's middle name)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to all who commented and left kudos! It made me very happy.  
> Here's the sequel! Which will be followed by another! This thing just has no end in sight! What am I doing!  
> Anyway, two chapters for the price of one cause I just wrote it in one but it flows better separated.

**Joohoney** added **I.M** to **group**

 **Joohoney** added **~*~MintyMin~*~** to **group**

 **Joohoney** added **I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone** to **group**

 **Joononey** renamed group to **About Kihyun Very Mature Daytime Outing At A Family Restaurant**

 

**Joohoney**

Heeeeeeey

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

What’s this

 

**I.M**

Hello

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

Who’s this

 

**Joohoney**

Come on hyungwon play nice

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

Can’t you read my username

 

**Joohoney**

Yeah it’s way too long my man you will never be popular with a name like that

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

Blow me

 

**Joohoney**

Oh my god!

The disrespect.

Also not my type sorry but ask Minhyuk I’m pretty sure he would get right on that

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

……

 

**Joohoney**

ANYWAY moving on, if I called you all here today it’s because of:

WHAT THE HECK was Kihyun thinking why are they meeting at a family restaurant in the middle of the day

 

**I.M**

To be fair it was hoseok-hyung’s request

To meet in a safe public place in case kihyun-hyung ends up being an actual psycho

Also he’ll come with a bodyguard

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

What are we talking about

 

**Joohoney**

Haven’t you heard about the whole choking debacle

Which wasn’t really a debacle now that I think about it

Since he got a date out of it

The magnificent bastard

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

Oh that

Okay reformulating:

Why are we still talking about it

Are you meddling again

 

**Joohoney**

What if I am

It’s thanks to us that he got a date

I have the right to meddle

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

Don’t you have anything better to do

 

**Joohoney**

Do I?

Also what’s that about a bodyguard?

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

is it a sexy bodyguard?

 

**I.M**

It’s just

Wait

_***I.M sent screen.jpg** _

 

_> >Somehow I doubt Jooheon-hyung would hang around actual psychos_

_**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung** _

_You seem to put a lot of trust in someone you barely know_

_> >I know him enough_

__

_**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung** _

_Okaaaaay_

_> >Plus it’s really old-fashioned to bring a chaperone to your date you know_

_**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung** _

_Hyunwoo will not be part of the actual date ofc_

_Just conveniently close enough to be able to… intervene_

_> >Wow I’m sure he’s gonna go along with that_

__

_**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung** _

_Humor me_

_Plus he owes me one_

_> >For what?_

_**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung** _

_Haven’t found out yet but I’m sure there’s something_

_> >Sure_

 

 

 

 

**Joohoney**

Aw Changkyunnie you trust me

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

Is it the hyunwoo from the dance club?

 

**I.M**

Yeah

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

so it is a sexy bodyguard

I hope life treats him kind

I hope he has all he’s dreamed of

And I wish him joy and happiness

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

You know I can hear you sing through the walls right

It’s not pretty

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

Aww you know it is

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

Please don’t try to hit the high notes

 

**I.M**

Oh you guys are roommates? Cool

 

**Jooheon**

Hey changkyunnie can you add this bodyguard person to the group

 

**I.M**

sure but he’ll probably not go along with it anyway

 

 **I.M** added **Shownu** to **About Kihyun Very Mature Daytime Outing At A Family Restaurant**

 

**I.M**

Hey hyung

 

**Shownu**

Hey

Judging from the title this is about Hoseok’s date?

 

**I.M**

Yeah

The rest of the people here are all kihyun’s friends

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

debatable

 

**Joohoney**

Ignore mr crankypants here he’s still sore about us crashing one of his ~photoshoot~

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

I’m not talking about that again

 

**Joohoney**

Dude it was with guys from the photography club for the school paper it wasn’t even remotely close to being professional

ANYWAY

 

**Shownu**

Why am I here

 

  **~*~MintyMin~*~**

I will always love you

 

**Shownu**

What?

 

**I.M**

Did you agree on going with hoseok-hyung?

 

**Shownu**

Yeah

 

**I.M**

HOW COME

 

**Shownu**

I don’t know it looked important to him

 

**Joohoney**

Be honest you want to meddle as well

 

**Shownu**

Who are you again?

 

**Joohoney**

r u d e

 

**I.M**

He’s my hyung from the hip-hop club

 

**Shownu**

Ooooh

 

**Joohoney**

What’s that supposed to mean

 

**Shownu**

Nothing

 

**I.M**

Nothing

 

 

 

**From: Shownu-hyung**

It’s the guy you’ve been fanboying about for like a year right

 

**From: Im Changkyun**

Yes but shush

 

 

**Joohoney**

……

suspicious but okay

Anyway moving on

You’ll be here

I feel like I want to be there as well

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

Aren’t you taking this a bit far

 

**I.M**

tbh I kinda wanna see where this goes too

I just can’t believe I have no shame left in me

 

**Joohoney**

I knew I could count on you my friend

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

I don’t want to be a part of this

 

**Joohoney**

Aw don’t pretend you got the moral high ground you could have left this group anytime but you didn’t

You’re as gossipy as the rest of us plebs

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

……

Guess you got me there

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

You can’t all go it will look suspicious he’ll totally spot you

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

Yeah no I mean okay I’m a bit gossipy but I’m not insane I don’t wanna go that’s weird

 

**Joohoney**

Oh just embrace it

Well Shownu-hyung goes with hoseok anyway

And I can go with my new best friend I.M cause the rest of you are just cowards

And we will nourish your dried-up souls with frequent updates <3

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

Somehow I wanna be there just to see what kihyun will do when he’ll see your dumb face spying on him

You do know he does actually choke motherfuckers right  

 

**Joohoney**

I’m pretty sure he would have done the same thing if it was me on a weird date tho

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

You got a point there

 

**Joohoney**

So it's settled

Cannot wait for Saturday

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

Somehow I feel like this will not end well

 

**Joohoney**

Just trust my cute face

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

Somehow you just made it worse

 

**Joohoney**

D:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope I didn't let your expectations down :'D  
> Also like.  
> If you really want something specific to happen.  
> Just tell me I might do something about it, this is so not planned


	3. Choke me daddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun & Wonho's date goes as well as expected.

**I.M** added **Joohoney** to **SPATE**

 **I.M** added **Shownu** to **SPATE**

 

**shownu**

….spate?

 

**joohoney**

Cause we’re on a spy date

a… spate

 

**shownu**

shouldn’t have asked

 

**joohoney**

When are you guys showing up anyway?

We’re sitting kinda behind the potted plant at the back so like try to get him to sit next to the windows

 

**shownu**

Will do my best

Just

I kinda have to warn you I guess

 

**joohoney**

About what

 

**shownu**

no nevermind

you'll see it yourselves

 

**I.M**

I think I know

He’s wearing hot pants isn’t he

 

**shownu**

yup

mini shorts

 

**joohoney**

……

oh yes

is it as glorious as it sounds

 

**shownu**

wouldn’t call it that but I guess

 

**joohoney**

I love him already

Please marry my hyung

 

**I.M  
**

you should see him in crop tops then

 

**joohoney**

HE WEARS CROP TOPS???

 

**I.M**

turtleneck crop tops

 

**joohoney**

bless.

 

 

 

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

We have a problem

 

**From: MinMinMin**

What

Aren’t you at your date

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

That’s the problem

I spotted him

He’s wearing shorts

VERY short shorts

 

**From: MinMinMin**

Isn’t that the opposite of a problem

How are his thighs

 

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

They warrant wearing short shorts.

 

**From: MinMinMin**

thunder thighs~~~ lucky

also you choke people out

next to that wearing short shorts is pretty harmless

 

**From: ~*~Kyuhyunnie~*~**

That’s gonna follow me until I die right

 

**From: MinMinMin**

Yup

Also remember

There’s kids around

So no gratuitous violence

Now go make mama proud and get someeeeeee

 

 

 

**joohoney**

Okay contact has been made I repeat contact has been made

 

**joohoney**

You know what’s stupid

We won’t be able to hear anything from there

 

**shownu**

………

You realized that just now?

 

**I.M**

hyung aren’t you gonna look a bit suspicious just sitting around

alone

surrounded by children

 

**shownu**

……

 

**shownu**

why did I agree to that

 

**joohoney**

those shorts are really short

 

**I.M**

Hoseok-hyung is very proud of his thighs

 

**Joohoney**

Yeah I can see that

That’s even all I can see

So shiny

 

 

 

**From: shownu-hyung**

You should take advantage of the situation

 

**From: Im Changkyun**

What do you mean hyung

 

**From: shownu-hyung**

Well this is clearly boring so just make it your own date

Or spate or whatever

With jooheon

 

**From: Im Changkyun**

You know I do not have a crush on him

I just admire his rapping skills

and would like to be his friend

but that ends here

 

**From: Shownu-hyung**

Whatever you say

Just make this a friend-date then

 

**From: Im Changkyun**

Hyung.

 

**From: Im Changkyun**

Isn’t that waitress looking at you really weird

 

**From: shownu-hyung**

………aren’t they all looking at me really weird

 

**From: Im Changkyun**

You didn’t even order anything!

 

 

 

**joohoney**

hey I’m pretty sure something’s up with the waitressing staff

they’re all herding the kids away from the windows

 

**shownu**

I feel like I should just go

 

**I.M**

Shit hyung save yourself one of them is talking with security

 

**shownu**

what

what the hell

I didn’t even do anything

 

**joohoney**

yeah well that’s the problem hyung maybe next time order something instead of just staring creepily ahead of you

 

**shownu**

the disrespect

 

 ****

 

**From: ~*~honey buns~*~**

Kihyun-hyung choked a motherfucker out he’s the best :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D :’D

 

**From: MinMinnie**

What? AGAIN????

That boy has issues

Who was it

 

**From: ~*~honey buns~*~**

shownu-hyung

I’m dying

:’D

 

**From: MinMinnie**

What

Why

What the heck happened

Wait hyungwon needs to hear this

 

 

 **~*~MintyMin~*~** added **Joohoney** to **choke me daddy**

 **~*~MintyMin~*~** added **I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone** to **choke me daddy**

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

So spill

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

I was sure this was gonna turn out a disaster

 

**Joohoney**

albeit a HILARIOUS one

So basically Shownu-hyung was playing bodyguard but like

He was really suspicious

Dressed in a black hoodie just staring ahead without ordering anything

In a kid-friendly place

With all these kids running around unsupervised

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

So basically he looked like a perv with a van

 

**Joohoney**

Yup.

So naturally the security guy went to ask him to leave and he tried to explain himself

but he kinda looked like a perv trying to resist arrest or something

and then it really escalated when a parent started to be like get this perv away from my kid lmao

it was all very dramatic

And like

What came over him we will never know

But kihyun

He went

And he just

Like

Dropped him

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

……………

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

Maybe he wanted to impress his date

 

**Joohoney**

well I bet he was super impressed when he saw kihyun-hyung just get up and guillotine choke his best friend lmao

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

I don’t know if I should find it funny

 

**Joohoney**

Trust me you should

Did I tell you hoseok was wearing mini shorts? Cause he was

So you had this guy in mini shorts flailing around in a panic

this other dude just sprawled on the floor heaving his last breast

the security guy just standing there staring at Kihyun with a ‘was that really necessary’ look on his face

the screaming parent staring in shock and

kihyun just standing there in the middle of the chaos completely helpless until some kid went poking at shownu-hyung’s lifeless body with a ballerina barbie doll

Legit looked like a renaissance painting my friends

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

Oh god

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

What did you guys do?

 

**Joohoney**

Well nothing we weren’t supposed to be there

Changkyunnie was torn between laughing and crying and I was just trying not to giggle too loudly while hidden behind a potted plant

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

I am amazed

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

……

Did shownu-hyung ever wake up?

 

**joohoney**

yeah it just took a couple of seconds

then it got boring again they just explained the whole thing, that hoseok knew him and whatever

well the security guy clearly thought they were all mental but he let them go

kihyun was this close to spontaneously combust in embarrassment

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

Still

A guillotine choke

He’s getting good

Should we put him in an underground fight club and make some money

 

**I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone**

Well so far he only assaulted unsuspecting blokes from behind so I have real doubt on his success

 

* **I Wish You Guys Would Leave Me Alone** changed their name to **the only sane one**

**joohoney**

haha nice

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

So what happens now? Did hoseok realized he doesn’t wanna date someone batshit insane?

 

**joohoney**

idk

kihyun didn’t speak of this to anyone yet right

I’m gonna ask chankyunnie

 

**the only sane one**

since when is he ‘chankyunnie’ btw

 

**joohoney**

since he stuck by my side while all of you doubted me

AND NOW WHO’S LAUGHING

 

 

**From: Spitfire hyung *_***

Changkyunnie~

is shownu okay

I’d ask him myself but tbh he scares me a little

 

**From: changkyunnie**

Yeah he only got a bruise from when he fell but he’s sturdy

**From: Spitfire hyung *_***

Yeah I bet

So

What’s the dirt on kihyun and hoseok

Is it over forever

 

**From: changkyunnie**

Well

I wouldn’t say that

Wait

_*img201.jpg_

 

 

 

**_From: Respected Hoseok-Hyung_ **

_Waddu I du_

_> >well maybe it_ _’s his thing you know_

_> >like_

_> >you wear short shorts, he chokes people_

**_From: Respected Hoseok-Hyung_ **

_He chocked SHOWNU_

_> >yeah but to be fair he thought shownu-hyung was a creepy pervert with a van _

_> >so like_

_> >in his mind he was just being a white knight again_

**_From: Respected Hoseok-Hyung_ **

_he can_ _’t be totally alright in the head can he_

_> > who is tbh_

_> >plus wasn_ _’t that actually impressive_

**_From: Respected Hoseok-Hyung_ **

_Kinda_

_I mean he did say he wanted to try out his new move_

_Maybe he just saw this as a once in a lifetime opportunity_

_> >right_

_> >hyung be honest_

_> >you found it a lil_ _’bit sexy right_

****

**_From: Respected Hoseok-Hyung_ **

_Maaaaaaaaaaybe_

_> >just call him or text him _

_> >he must be mortified haha_

_> >he chocked your best friend_

_> >I still can_ _’t get over it_

_> >marry him_

**_From: Respected Hoseok-Hyung_ **

_Okay I guess I will do that and see where it goes_

_But I swear to god if he chokes someone on our next date I_ _’ll get him to a shrink_

_....ya know, before the whole choking affair the date was going pretty well._

 

**From: Spitfire Hyung *_***

Changkyun you’re an actual angel

Thanks for rooting for my stupidass hyung

 

**From: changkyunnie**

yeah

I dunno why but I feel emotionally invested now

it got personal

 

**From: Spitfire Hyung *_***

Yeah I know how you feel buddy

It’s my mission now

Let’s do our best

 

 

 

**joohoney**

wow guys wow

hoseok-hyung, our future hyung-in-law, actually enjoyed the date

I mean if you ignore the whole assaulting shownu bit

_* **joohoney** sent **img201.jpg**_

**the only sane one**

wow that changkyun kid really is rooting for kihyun isn’t he

I wonder why that is.

 

**jooheon**

I’ll just ignore that

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

and hoseok has no self-preservation instincts

I like how he considers kihyun doing it again but it doesn’t make him wanna run

 

**joohoney**

it’s DESTINY

 

 ****

 

**From: Thunder Thighs**

So… guess that’s your pastime now

 

**From: The Menace**

can’t believe you’re still talking to me

next time I'll just drop kick your grandma for good measure

 

**From: Thunder Thighs**

please don't do that

but well

ya know

it was going pretty alright before the whole… thing

 

**From: The Menace**

it was wasn’t it.

 

**From: Thunder Thighs**

yeah.

my dongsaeng thinks I should give you another chance

 

**From: The Menace**

the one who thought you should thank me?

should I send him a basket or something he seems to be really rooting for me

 

**From: Thunder Thighs**

yeah

I’m pretty sure that’s cause he’s fanning himself over the guy from the hip hop club that you know

and it gives them something to talk about

 

**From: The Menace**

ah yeah

jooheon

who’s also weirdly implicating himself in this

but then again he’s a meddler so I’m not that surprised

anyway

moving on

are you saying I'm getting that second chance?

 

**From: Thunder Thighs**

guess so

but no choking this time

or like

at an appropriate time and place

 

**From: The Menace**

………

kinky.


	4. The Love Story of the Century

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know anymore. Someone goes blond tho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only reason this updates so fast is that I'm catsitting for four days.  
> Again, two chapters!
> 
> And really thank you for the comments and kudos I'm glad you guys enjoy this mess

***joohoney** renamed **About Kihyun Very Mature Daytime Outing At A Family Restaurant** to **Love Story of the Century**

 ***joohoney** changed his name to **Cupid**

**cupid**

SO THERE’S ANOTHER DATE

 

**shownu**

I won’t be a part of it

I feel like I’ve done enough

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

oh yeah how was it getting choked

 

**shownu**

not fun

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

not into that I see

 

**shownu**

especially not in front of kids

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

oh so you’re actually into it?

just not in front of kids?

 

**shownu**

all of you are blocked

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

☹

 

**cupid**

can we focus on the matter at hand

 

**the only sane one**

you seem to be taking a hell of a lot of credit for that mess, cupid

 

**cupid**

deserved credit

 

**the only sane one**

didn’t your lovely dongsaeng did most of the work tho

 

**I.M**

I’m lovely?

 

**the only sane one**

figure of speech I’ve never even seen you

 

**I.M**

**cupid**

dude.

 

**I.M**

I need validation sue me

 

**the only sane one**

okay you’re not disgusting

 

**I.M**

gee thanks

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

you're wearing make-up in this pic right

 

**I.M**

what if I am

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

nothing

just

more liner and less red

kinda like this

minus the glitter

 

 

**I.M**

are you

are you dressed as some sort of weird cat

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

no

 

**I.M**

you got a cat bell on

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

okay maybe a little then

 

**I.M**

okay I won’t ask

isn’t it a bit too dramatic for me tho

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

nah I’m sure it would look good on you

I can teach you

 

**I.M**

really?

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

yeah

I copied your contact I’ll text you

 

**I.M**

cool

 

 

**From: needs to get laid way more**

can you stop hitting on my dongsaeng

 

**From: needs to get laid way less**

omo

what’s this

sniff sniff

do I smell

jeeaaaaalousyyyyyy

 

**From: needs to get laid way more  
**

blocked

 

**From: needs to get laid way less**

**☹**

**I.M**

how come you know so much about make-up

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

well

I can fix my body but not my soul ya know

 

**I.M**

words of wisdom

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

by the way should I go blond

 

**cupid**

can we move on

 

**I.M**

yeah I think blond would suit you

based on that picture

 

**the only sane one**

what jooheon said

even I is getting bored

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

you’re just sore cause no one asked for your picture yet

 

**the only sane one**

that’s as well I don’t want to hurt anyone self-esteem today

it’s an established fact that I’d smoke all of you bitches

 

**shownu**

language

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

didn’t you say you blocked all of us

 

**shownu**

maybe I’m bored

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

we’re all bored

we’re all vicariously living through other people’s love life

how pathetic is that

 

**the only sane one**

beware people

the very rare but very sought-after spark of self-awareness from Lee Minhyuk

comes once in a blue moon

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

you don’t have a life either get off my case

 

**cupid**

so we all agree we’re losers who have nothing or no one better to do than stalk their best friends

I can roll with that

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

you don’t have to be a loser tho

IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN

 

**I.M**

what do you mean

what are we talking about

 

**From: needs to get laid way less**

aww he cute he reacted instantly

**From: needs to get laid way more  
**

can you not

**From: needs to get laid way less**

I’m not doing anything

 

**From: needs to get laid way more  
**

we both know you are

 

**From: needs to get laid way less**

aww I’m just trying to help ☹

 

 

**From: unknown**

hi hyunwoo it’s the love of your life

also known as Lee Minhyuk

am I right when I say Changkyun has the hots for Jooheon

 

**From: mr muscles**

I’m not sure I should discuss that with you

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

aww come on why does everyone distrust me

also you totally sold it out right now thanks

 

 

**From: MinMinMin**

hey kihyunnie

you who has an in with the other team

just making sure

their changkyun as the hots for our jooheon right

 

**From: ~*~kyuhyunnie~*~**

I believe hoseok’s exact words were

“he’s fanning himself over the guy from the hip hop club”

 

**From: MinMinMin**

ha! I knew I could count on you

thanks for not snubbing me

 

**From: ~*~kyuhyunnie~*~**

you got snubbed?

 

**From: MinMinMin**

yeah the titan from the dance club

the one you choked out

he wouldn’t tell me anything

 

**From: ~*~kyuhyunnie~*~**

oh him

I need to organize my schedule around not meeting him ever again

 

**From: MinMinMin**

he didn’t seem so pissed

 

**From: ~*~kyuhyunnie~*~**

you talked to him?

also how can you tell?

he has like one facial expression

 

**From: MinMinMin**

we’re all in a kakao group dedicated to discussing you and hoseok’s love life

we’re really bored

 

**From: ~*~kyuhyunnie~*~**

.......

don’t you guys have better things to do

like getting ready for classes to start again and whatnot

 

**From: MinMinMin**

idk

the university keeps sending me emails a propos stuff I don’t care about like dorm rules and tuberculosis

this is better

 

**From: ~*~kyuhyunnie~*~**

none of you are free of sin

none.

 

**From: MinMinMin**

blame the summer heat

 

 

**From: needs to get laid way less**

I snooped around he totally does have the hots for you

 

**From: needs to get laid way more**

you what

also he does not

 

**From: needs to get laid way less**

he’s “fanning himself” over you

 

**From: needs to get laid way more**

lmao it’s just admiration for my superior rapping game

tbh I would admire myself too if I wasn’t me

don't read too much into it

 

**From: needs to get laid way less**

I like your humility

also NOT TRUE

 

**From: needs to get laid way more**

dude come on you seen his picture

 

**From: needs to get laid way less**

yeah

he cute

 

**From: needs to get laid way more**

yeah

he is

 

**From: needs to get laid way less**

what are you trying to say

 

**From: needs to get laid way more**

I'm prob not his type

 

**From: needs to get laid way less**

awwww are we having a little self-esteem crisis

dude I’d be telling everyone if I was banging you

I’d have pictures to show

 

**From: needs to get laid way more  
**

lmao gross

you sure none of your exes ever got a restraining order

 

**From: needs to get laid way less**

yeah I checked

just ask him out what do you have to lose

 

**From: needs to get laid way more**

a lot hyung, a lot

some of us still have their dignities intact

 

**From: needs to get laid way less  
**

says the guy who spied on his friend's date

 

**From: needs to get laid way more  
**

r u d e

 

**From: needs to get laid way less  
**

anyway

what do you think of me going blond

 

**From: needs to get laid way more  
**

well

to be perfectly honest

I don't really have an opinion because I don't really care

 

**From: needs to get laid way less  
**

I'm gonna go buy bleach

then you will realize

 

**From: needs to get laid way more**

lmao sure

 

 

 

**the only sane one**

any of you freaks know what came over Minhyuk

he just went out talking to himself and slammed the door

 

**cupid**

oh he went to get bleach lmao

that guy doesn't waste time wow

 

**the only sane one  
**

bleach

like cleaning bleach?

 

**cupid**

for his hair lmao

he's gonna go blond

and then we will realize.

 

**I.M**

should I die my hair too

 

**cupid**

nah you cute as-is

 

**From: shownu-hyung**

he called you cute

 

**From: Im Changkyun**

yes hyung thank you I noticed

 

**From: shownu-hyung**

well how does that make you feel

 

**From: Im Changkyun  
**

why are you like this

 

**From: shownu-hyung**

just because

 

**From: Im Changkyun  
**

I'll be ignoring you now

 

**From: shownu-hyung**

harsh

 

**From: Im Changkyun**

still ignoring you

 

 

**cupid**

anyway are we doing something for kihyun's date

 

**the only sane one**

well we're not invited yet

 

**I.M**

should I tell hoseok-hyung that by dating kihyun he's also dating all of you

 

**the only sane one**

don't lump me in with him

 

**shownu**

you guys don't even know what they are doing yet

 

**cupid**

what's that?

a new mission for cupid?

yes it is.

 

**the only sane one**

are you seriously gonna figure out their plans

 

**cupid**

well if it's as lame as last time someone needs to intervene

it's for their sake

 

**the only sane one**

kay you got a point there

 

**cupid**

plus I mean if kihyun takes it out on some poor sob again I need to be there lmao

 

**the only sane one**

yeah that's more like it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

**From: His Majesty Chae**

okay just a heads up but Minhyuk looks like asian jack frost

 

**From: Red**

lmao, hot

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

I AM BLOND

 

**cupid**

so now do we realize

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

****

 

**cupid  
**

wow you weren't kidding on the bleach it's almost white

 

**From: Red**

lmao he does look like jack frost

 

**From: His Majesty Chae**

told you

 

**I.M**

I think it suits you

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

thank you Changkyunnie

here you go you can frame this one

 

**I.M**

thanks..????

 

**shownu**

you really like those choker thingie

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

does it trigger you

 

**shownu**

not funny

 

**~*~MintyMin~*~**

I wasn't laughing ptsd is a serious issue

 

**shownu**

blocked.


	5. High Kicks and Crop Tops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun and Hoseok's second date goes even better than the first one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is getting way out of hand

**cupid**

so thanks to me kihyun's date will be like 45% less lame

 

**the only sane one**

what did you do

 

**cupid**

I HELPED

hoseok said he could choose the place

so then he wanted to take him to an arboretum

 

**I.M**

a what?

 

**cupid**

exactly.

 

**the only sane one**

what's wrong with arboretums

it's a nice place for a date

you got nature but not the annoying kind

 

**cupid**

I didn't know you were a closeted tree lover

 

**the only sane one**

I'm just saying I don't see why not

trees are nice

 

**I.M**

yeah could be worse

 

**cupid**

don't listen to the hippie nonsense changkyun

it couldn't be worse

does hoseok care about trees? does he?

 

**shownu**

well

 

**cupid**

RIGHT

so in the end I was like lmao no and told him to take him to yeouinaru or something

who doesn't like the river

and there's plenty of food

so they're going there

oh and there's also trees (for me to hide behind) but less

so everyone should be satisfied

even the tree lovers

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

so you're still going to spy on them?

also I'm blond

 

**cupid**

we know.

and yes.

and it's WE because changkyunnie is with me :D

 

**I.M**

it's more for damage control than anything else tbh

 

**cupid**

you wound me.

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

isn't the date now?

are you guys already there?

 

**cupid**

of course we are

we're laying in wait at the subway exit

 

**I.M**

also known as eating meat skewers from an ajumma stand apparently

 

**cupid**

they looked delicious

and they are

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

so you guys are basically on your own little date

 

**I.M**

no

 

**cupid**

no

 

**I.M**

we're being professional

 

**cupid**

we're blending into the masses

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

sure.

 

 

**From: ~*~kyuhyunnie~*~**

we have a problem

 

**From: Jack Frost**

again??

also wait you're already there?

 

**From: ~*~kyuhyunnie~*~**

yeah why?

 

**From: Jack Frost**

nothing lol

so what's the problem

is he wearing short shorts again

 

**From: ~*~kyuhyunnie~*~**

no

he has skinnies on

and some sort of black hoodie

 

**From: Jack Frost**

so what's the problem then

 

**From: ~*~kyuhyunnie~*~**

well

the hoodie also happens to be a crop top.

 

 **From:** **Jack Frost**

ooooooh

amazing

my mind is blown

does he got abs

of course he got abs

thunder thighs and abs

omg he should wear the mini short with the crop top

also, again, that's not a problem

that's a gift to the world

enjoy

 

**From: ~*~kyuhyunnie~*~**

I appreciate your enthusiasm

but

how can I compete with that

 

**From: Jack Frost**

not everything is a competition tho

for some reasons

that GIFT FROM HEAVEN

wants to date your scrawny ass so like

sit back

relax

and send mama some pictures

 

**From: ~*~kyuhyunnie~*~**

I'm not sending you pictures

 

**From: Jack Frost  
**

selfish prick

stop talking to me and go enjoy your date

 

**From: ~*~kyuhyunnie~*~**

will do

 

 

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

lol guys you missed them they already there

 

**cupid**

what

seriously?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yeah kihyun texted me

and hold on to your pants cause

hoseok

he's wearing a crop top

 

**cupid**

seriouslyyyyyy

and I missed that

life is not worth living anymore

 

**I.M**

we could still try to go find them

 

**cupid**

those pastas are delicious tho

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

weren't you guys eating skewers

 

**cupid**

yeah but there's like a shit-ton of food trucks for some reasons

and one of them making pastas

and like you can just go eat them by the river

so we done that

 

**I.M**

they're really good

 

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

dude you're basically on a date with him

stop lying to yourself

 

**From: needs to get laid way more**

we're just food lovers

taking advantage of a situation

also btw what makes you think I like him

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman  
**

EVERYTHING

 

**From: needs to get laid way more**

dude

crop tops tho

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

nice diversion but I'll allow it

cause hoseok

he's like

a god amongst men

kihyun better not fuck that up

 

**From: needs to get laid way more**

he can't

I mean

he already choked hoseok's best friend

what could be worst

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

isn't that what we already said after their first meeting

and then he went ahead and did worse

 

**From: needs to get laid way more**

right got a point there lmao

well it's out of my hands now

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

cause you're too busy

on your DATE

D A T E

IT'S A DATE

 

**From: needs to get laid way more**

b l o c k e d

 

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

changkyun-ah.

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

back from your date?

how was it?

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

well

 

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

JOOHEON

 

**From: sidekick**

WHAT

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

IT WAS FUCKING WILD

 

**From: sidekick  
**

I KNEW IT

WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

WELL HOLD ON TO YOUR TITTIES

 

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

so like it started normal enough

we got there

btw have you seen the amount of food trucks over there now?

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

I actually did

moving on

what about the date

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

right

so like

it was super normal at the beginning

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

except that you were wearing a crop top

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

who told you that

also what you got against crop tops

they highlight my assets

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

true

 

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

so like

we end up getting food from one of the truck

 

**From: sidekick**

did you try the pastas

the pastas are heavenly

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

what? no we took some pizza

 

**From: sidekick**

lame

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

MOVING ON

we go sit down on the big steps under the mapo bridge

there was this high-school girl sitting there just reading

one step down from us

and like

this drunk middle-aged guy

seriously who's already drunk at like 3pm

he starts to go and creep on her like the disgusting creep he is

 

 

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

and well we all know by now that kihyun has the soul of a knight

so he thinks it wise to yell to the guy

it was something along the lines of

"back the fuck off you disgusting creep"

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

eloquent

well at least he didn't just go and choke him this time

that's progress

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

no but wait

maybe he should have cause the guy

he didn't like that one bit

and like

 

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

he started screaming at me

and the school girl was wisely inching away from him

and I don't know what happened in my brain but

this shall not stand, I thought

so I got up

still screaming

but apparently that was the wrong move

cause the guy

 

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

fastest drunk alive

he just scrambles up the steps and deck him one

like square in the face

and all hell broke loose

apparently kihyun fights dirty.

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

wild

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

you have no idea

he didn't stop at nothing

like biting and hair pulling and punching of the kidneys

it was like watching a tiny whirlwind of limbs and teeth

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

he's not that tiny

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

I bet he isn't

his pants were real tight

and

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

let me stop you right there I don't wanna know

what happened next

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

well

 

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

but the guy was like

double my weight

and I swear alcohol made him insensitive to pain cause

I seriously ripped off some of his hair by accident when he made me fall

and he didn't even blink

also like who doesn't react when someone bites your thigh

 

**From: sidekick**

classiest fight ever

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

so I was on the ground

which is never good

well except maybe some times

like I wouldn't mind hoseok and his crop top pushing me to the ground

just sayin'

 

**From: sidekick  
**

why you felt the urge to 'just sayin' that is beyond me

but thanks for the mental image

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

ANYWAY

 

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

it really didn't look good for him

and you know how I did taekwondo right

I mean it's usually not useful in street fights but a kick is still a kick I guess

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

oh god

don't tell me

 

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

HE FUCKING HIGH KICKED THE GUY IN THE HEAD

LIKE

LEGIT HIGH KICKED HIM IN THE HEAD

WITH HIS FOOT

ONE SECOND I WAS LOOKING AT AN ANGRY PUFFING RED FACE

AND THE NEXT

IT WAS HOSEOK'S SHAPELY LEG BLOCKING OUT THE SUN

 

**From: sidekick**

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

 

 

 

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

YOU DID WHAT

 

**From: Respected Hoseok-hyung**

well at least he stopped beating on kihyun

he pretty much stopped beating on anything

cause it kinda laid him flat out

 

**From: fav dongsaeng  
**

I cannot process this

what happened afterwards

 

**From: savage-hyung  
**

well

kihyun kinda checked his pulse and then he looked at me like

I don't know

kinda weird

 

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

and that's the moment I fell in love with him

 

**From: sidekick  
**

I get it

kindred spirits and all

assaulting people together for the greater good

you found your soulmate

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

right

then I realized someone might have called the police so I just grabbed him and started running

 

 

 

**From: savage-hyung**

and in the middle of running he starts laughing hysterically

and then he had a coughing fit cause laughing and running at the same time is pretty hard

so we stopped behind the public bathroom

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

romantic

 

**From: savage-hyung**

you have no idea

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

so yeah I kissed him

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

HE KISSED YOU???????

BEHIND A PUBLIC BATHROOM?????

 

**From: sidekick**

hyung seriously don't kiss people behind public bathrooms

that's just not the place to do it

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

I know I only realized where we were when it was already too late

so I just soldiered on

 

**From: sidekick  
**

was it good at least

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

well

it was for me

I hope it was for him as well

 

 

**From: savage-hyung**

like if we forget the place

and that we were probably running from the police

it was a nice kiss

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

awwww

 

**From: savage-hyung  
**

but then

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

I had actually busted open my brow when I fell on the pavement

and also my cheekbone was bleeding

and then my lip cracked even more because of the kiss

so I was kinda getting blood everywhere

 

 

**From: savage-hyung**

so I took him to the hospital

he got some suture on the brow but the rest will just heal by itself apparently

so the date kinda ended there

they gave him pain medicine that got him all fuzzy

and cute.

I took him home

 

**From: fav dongsaeng  
**

you should have made him soup or something

take the opportunity

nurse trope damnit

 

**From: savage-hyung**

I'll text him in a few see how he is

 

 

**From: sidekick**

phew that was a wild ride

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

right

 

**From: sidekick**

you okay? face-wise I mean

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

well yeah

that's probably cause of the pain medicine but I'm fine

except I look like an extra in fight club but whatev

 

**From: sidekick  
**

so you're both savages with no self-control

the sex is gonna be out of this world

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

jooheon please behave properly

also we're really not there yet

but also

probably yeah

**From: sidekick**

well done brother

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

but you know like

it always ends in violence for some reasons

 

**From: sidekick  
**

reason being you're both batshit insane apparently

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

BUT before everything degenerates we always have a good time

like just talking

so I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not just in for the amazing thighs and the crop tops

 

**From: sidekick**

 dude I know

I'm happy for you

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

cool

I feel like a sap

 

**From: sidekick  
**

that's cause you are one

but that's okay

I'll still tolerate you

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

thank you

I feel so loved right now

 

* * *

 

**From: Thunder Thighs**

how you feeling?

 

**From: The Menace**

I think I'm still high on pain medicine

so pretty good

 

**From: Thunder Thighs**

good to know

soooooo

 

**From: The Menace  
**

hey I didn't choke anyone this time

 

**From: Thunder Thighs**

well when you put it like this

 

**From: The Menace  
**

also WHAT WAS THAT

and sorry for starting a fight

and also

sorry for kissing you behind a public bathroom

 

**From: Thunder Thighs**

Idk I did taekwondo for a long time it just came to me

it's okay for the fight

and also

sorry for the kiss or sorry for the public bathroom

 

**From: The Menace  
**

well sorry for the public bathroom mostly

but it can be sorry for the kiss also if you didn't like it

 

**From: Thunder Thighs**

nah it's okay

I liked it

maybe try less bloody next time tho

 

**From: The Menace  
**

will do my best

 

**From: The Menace**

so there will be a next time

didn't scare you off yet

nice

 

**From: Thunder Thighs**

it will take more than that

 

**From: The Menace**

good to know, good to know

mind if we wait until my face stops swelling tho

I don't feel on top of my game and all that

 

**From: Thunder Thighs**

what a dreamboat you are

that would indeed probably be best tho

 

**From: The Menace  
**

great

ya know I really had fun

even when my face exploded

 

**From: Thunder Thighs**

yeah, me too

I'll see you soon-ish then

 

**From: The Menace  
**

yesssss

 


	6. Psychological warfare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun attains internet stardom, some feelings are vaguely acknowledged, where the heck is that going, who knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more Hyungwon in this chapter! And no Wonho! I treat my characters equally.
> 
> I'm still so surprised you guys like it! Thanks again for the kudos and comments. I don't answer cause I'm a shitty person who never knows what to say but I really love the feedback!

**the only sane one**

so I guess by now everyone's heard of kihyun and hoseok hysterical date at the park

 

**I.M**

oh boy did we

 

**shownu**

yup

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

a tale to remember

 

**cupid**

I'm still sore I missed it

 

**the only sane one**

well

dry your tears little one

I have great news

someone filmed the whole thing and put it on youtube

 

**cupid**

NO WAY

 

**the only sane one**

way

_*http://youtu.be/B47cotfY9v4_

 

**cupid**

OH MY GOD

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

the comments tho

 

 

_> is that guy wearing a crop top_

_> >with a kick like that he can wear whatever he wants_

 

_> that lil dude doesn't fuck around. Biting? You go lil dude_

_> >he's not that tiny it's the drunk that's huge_

_> >>I'd bet my ass he's not that tiny, have you seen his pants_

 

_> I like how the girl just fucks off without looking back_

 

_> someone meme this_

 

_> anyone noticed the girl cheering in the background she got some moves  
_

_> >queen_

_> >>she's my fav_

 

_> if this was a tv show I would so watch it. Crop top & Bulge pants fighting crime, one drunk at a time_

_> >oh please someone make this a reality_

 

 

 

**cupid**

man they didn't fuck around indeed lmao

that kick is impressive

 

**I.M**

yeah hoseok was supposed to be a taekwondo athlete

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

badass

 

**cupid**

I knew they were made for each other

 

**shownu**

it could have gone really bad though

 

**cupid**

but it didn't!

and they just fell even more in love with each other

brought closer together by mindless violence.

I knew they shouldn't go to the arboretum

again we can all thank me

 

**the only sane one**

my my my

I looked it up on tumblr for the heck of it

and there's a fanart of crop top & bulge pants

in cop outfits

should we send it to them

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

FRAME IT

 

 

**From: sidekick**

hyung you're internet famous now

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

I know

I keep receiving messages from friends linking me to the video asking if it's me

or like "so you actually didn't run into a door at full speed"

I didn't want my legacy to be this

 

**From: sidekick**

people find it awesome tho

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

I know right

I lied

I keep refreshing the youtube comments

I'm totally okay with this being my legacy.

 

 

**cupid**

well you can all stop worrying kihyun is real proud

 

**the only sane one**

yeah I'm not surprised there

that boy thirsts for fame

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

like you aren't

 

**the only sane one**

rude

are you still sore about me breaking your gigolos mug

also the world would probably benefit from me being famous just saying

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

maybe I am

I had to order it specially from the internet

 

**cupid**

how's hoseok taking it?

also I'll pretend I don't wanna know what a gigolos mug is

 

**I.M**

he's just using it as more proof that he looks amazing in crop tops

also it's a show about male escorts

 

**cupid**

the guy needs more proof?

should I go wash some of my shirts on his stomach?

also why do you know this?

 

**I.M**

who wouldn't wanna watch a show about gigolos

 

**cupid**

fair point

 

 

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

 OMG ASK HIM TO WATCH GIGOLOS TOGETHER

 

**From: captain oblivious**

why would I do that

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

cause it's a great show

 

**From: captain oblivious**

I'm not sure I wanna bond over a show about male escorts

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman  
**

what you got against male escorts

 it's my fallback plan

 

**From: captain oblivious**

nothing

like good hustling boys

but I mean

I really can't picture changkyun watching trashy TV shows

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

but you can picture me.

 

**From: captain oblivious  
**

well, yeah

I'm surprised you only got a mug

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

well I got a shirt too.

but I only put it on for sleeping

 

**From: captain oblivious  
**

sure.

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

okay and I MAY have a pair of underwear or two

but that's only cause I needed to make those shipping fees worth it

 

 

 

**From: make-up guru**

I.M my little padawan

 

**From: sergeant oblivious**

yes?

 

**From: make-up guru**

you should ask jooheon to watch gigolos with you

 

**From: sergeant oblivious  
**

why

 

**From: make-up guru  
**

cause he needs to broaden his mind

 

**From: Jack Frost  
**

WHY MUST I DO EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSEHOLD

 

**From: handsome chae**

you know I'm in the room right next to yours right

you can just come be annoying in here

 

**From: Jack Frost**

I'm too comfy to move

 

**From: handsome chae**

can you hear me sigh through the wall

 

**From: Jack Frost**

actually yes

our soundproofing really does suck

 

**From: handsome chae  
**

you get what you pay for

 

**From: Jack Frost**

well hurry up and get famous so we can afford some real walls

 

**From: handsome chae  
**

you plan to leech from me your entire life?

 

**From: Jack Frost**

well yeah

but anyway like

how oblivious is jooheon

 

**From: handsome chae  
**

about the whole I.M thing?

 

**From: Jack Frost**

even you noticed

so it is extremely obvious

 

**From: handsome chae  
**

I met him like two days ago after club activities

and he couldn't shut up about how much changkyun improved and whatnot

confusing me with someone who'd actually care

 

**From: Jack Frost**

AND YET

NOTHING

they even had a sort-of-date yesterday but the boy lives in denial

I AM IN DESPAIR

he's gonna die alone at this rate

 

**From: handsome chae  
**

just hit on I.M harder

make him acknowledge his feelings by force

psychological warfare is the solution

make the boy cry

 

**From: Jack Frost**

wow slow down there satan

u ok hyungwonnie

 

**From: handsome chae  
**

I'm dandy

 

**From: Jack Frost**

did you fuck up an audition again

you do know your superior looks are our only hope at a better life right

 

**From: handsome chae**

I didn't fuck up anything I haven't even gone yet

 

**From: Jack Frost  
**

I knew itttt you ARE freaking out

 

**From: handsome chae**

you do know I can hear you giggle

 

**From: Jack Frost  
**

let the sound of my pearly laughter sooth your troubled soul

 

**From: handsome chae  
**

ya know what, I'm gonna take a nap and forget you exist for a bit

 

**From: Jack Frost**

aww like water on a duck's feathers, your words don't hurt me

I know all your being is vibrating for the love you harbor me <3

 

**From: handsome chae**

you should really slow down on those cheesy romance novels you're reading.

 

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

guys what do you think of this look on hyungwon

 

 

he has a big audition today so poor guy is freaking out

when he's out there looking like a goddamn prince

making the rest of us plebs look bad

even when he's taking a stress nap

 

**shownu**

are you stalking him

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

no I'm meddling isn't that what we're doing here

 

**I.M**

wow all of you guys are so handsome

 

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

he said all of us

ALL

A L L

AAAALLLLLLLLL

 

**From: captain oblivious**

I got it hyung thanks

 

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

why thank you my little darling

look at this pic of jooheon I conveniently have on my phone

he's soooo handome when he's serious

 

 

**From: captain oblivious**

HYUNG WHAT THE SHIT

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I'm just providing him with quality fapping material

 

**From: captain oblivious**

LMAO HYUNG

BE LESS GROSS

 

 

**I.M**

woah hyung you seem to have a great camera

it's not your phone right it's a legit camera

 

**From: captain oblivious**

HHHHHHHHHHHHH

HE COMPLIMENTED THE FREAKING CAMERA

I mean I don't care

but it still hurts

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

breath in

breath out

you can take your breath breath breath~

 

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I do have a great camera

but even better models ;)

 

**I.M**

well yeah if Hyungwon-hyung wants to get into modelling he must be real photogenic

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

fuck me the kid is good

 

**From: captain oblivious**

lmao just let me die

A+ for effort tho

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I thought you didn't care :'D

 

**From: captain oblivious**

I don't but it still hurts D:

 

 

 

 

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I could shoot you and jooheon

for the hip hop club new flyers

make it look dope ;)

 

**From: captain oblivious**

hyung.

seriously?

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

hey it's either that or gigolos you choose

 

**From: captain oblivious**

once you get your tiny witch claws into something you really don't let it go do you

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I will let you know my hands are perfectly manicured

also pot kettle black

 

 

 

 

**I.M**

oh yeah if the others agree it would be cool

thanks hyung

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

no probs!

 

**cupid**

btw when is hyungwon's audition?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I don't know I didn't even ask

I was too busy making fun of him

 

**shownu**

you're a great friend

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I really am

should probably go wake him up tho

smell ya later losers

 

**cupid**

why is he like this

 

**I.M**

I think he's fun I like him

 

**cupid**

oh you do?

 

**I.M**

well you know

like a fun hyung

like I like you

 

**cupid**

oh

yeah

I see

 

**shownu**

god this is painful to watch

 

 

**From: captain oblivious**

you know what

I might be a tiny bit not okay with that whole 'like you like a fun hyung' business

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

woa

I didn't even really do anything and yet

 

**From: captain slightly less oblivious**

the heck are you talking about

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

trust your life in me little duckling

everything is gonna be allllllllllrighty

 

**From: captain slightly less oblivious**

for some reason this feels really ominous

 

**From: handsome chae**

why are you laughing like a maniac

woke me up

flimsy walls remember

 

**From: Jack Frost**

cause I managed to get Jooheon and I.M a date

granted I will be on it as well but who cares

 

**From: handsome chae**

if this relationship ends up being a weird threesome I don't wanna know

 

**From: Jack Frost**

aawwww don't worry you're the only one I love

also aren't you gonna be late

 

**From: handsome chae**

oh yeah shit

 

**From: Jack Frost**

you should give me managing fees

 

**From: handsome chae**

get me a job and I will

 

**From: Jack Frost**

oooh do I smell something new to sink my tiny witch claws in?

 

**From: handsome chae**

what?

 

**From: Jack Frost**

nothing

get a move on you idiot

 

**From: handsome chae  
**

right!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My intense procrastinating cat sitting days are sadly almost over so this will probably update way more slowly from now on.


	7. Homoeroticism is the next big thing in hip hop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jooheon is as oblivious as ever, hoseok and wonho get their next date laid out for them and shownu is actually a genius at meddling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy thank you for all the kudos and comments I don't deserve this  
> Also this one feels a bit slow maybe? Idk I was gonna write 'out there' but then when did this ever made any sense lmao  
> 

**From:** **Red**

hyung how could you have let him leave the house like this

minhyuk I mean

 

**From: His Majesty Chae**

oh does he look like shit?

he did it on purpose so that not to overshadow you.

 

**From: Red**

he's taking things A BIT FAR

 

 

 

**From: Jack Frost**

do you think I can somehow convince them that homoeroticism is the next big thing in hip hop

 

**From: handsome chae**

 doubt it

 

**From: Jack Frost**

I sat them on a bench and I'm that close to tell them to hold hands and make-out

 

**From: handsome chae**

you do know they actually expect some good shots for their club at the end of this

not just your weird perverted fantasies

 

**From: Jack Frost  
**

I did NOT think this plan through

 

 

**From: captain oblivious**

hyung where the fuck are you

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I told you where I am

 

**From: captain oblivious**

you told us you were gonna go get a new camera roll from the photo club room.

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman  
**

yup

and that's what I am doing

definitely not something else

 

**From: captain oblivious  
**

hyung.

you're using a digital camera

they don't have camera rolls

they have memory cards.

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

oooooh

okay I see the problem now

well just tell yourself I meant memory card

 

**From: captain oblivious**

LMAO HYUNG

BE LESS OBVIOUS

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I can just come back and push your heads together while making kissy noises if you'd rather

 

**From: captain oblivious**

HYUNG I DO NOT WANNA KISS HIM

plus he likes me as a fun hyung

he said so himself

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

you can still be Fun Hyung and have your tongue down his throat tho

just saying

 

**From: captain oblivious**

you're gross.

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

you wound me

 

 

**From: Jack Frost**

dealing with jooheon is like dealing with a child

except children are usually into being gross

 

**From: handsome chae**

okay

 

**From: Jack Frost**

I have a feeling like you don't care

 

**From: handsome chae**

you know me so well bruh

 

**From: Jack Frost**

cause it's tru wuv fam

 

**From: MinMinMin**

I need your boyfriend's number

 

**From: ~*~bulge pants~*~**

why

he's not my boyfriend yet

 

**From: MinMinMin**

not you too I'm reaching my quota of dumbassery for the week

you kissed him

granted behind a public bathroom like eww who does that but still

 

**From: ~*~bulge pants~*~**

LET ME LIVE

 

**From: MimMinMin  
**

I will if you give me his number

 

**From: ~*~bulge pants~*~**

what you need it for

 

**From: MimMinMin**

dumb & dumber are driving me crazy

I need assistance

 

**From: ~*~bulge pants~*~**

somehow this feels like a sufficient reason

here you go: 010-000-000

 

**From: MimMinMin**

I'll owe you one, bulge pants

 

**From: ~*~bulge pants~*~**

don't call me that

 

**From: MinMinMin  
**

okay captain cock

shouldn't have worn those pants

 

**From: ~*~bulge pants~*~**

IT'S CAPTAIN COOK

 

**From: MinMinMin**

not for you it ain't

 

  **From: Unknown  
**

hello I need your help

 

**From: hwoarang**

who are you and why does this scare me

 

**From: Unknown**

I'm the love of your life perfect blond friend Minhyuk

 

**From: hwoarang**

okay nice to meet you

 

**From: love of my life perfect blond friend Minhyuk**

now as a hyung do you hold any sway over changkyun

 

**From: hwoarang**

probably not

I mean have you seen the lack of respect on this kid

 

**From: love of my life perfect blond friend Minhyuk**

THEN WHO DOES

 

**From: hwoarang**

maybe shownu-hyung?

 

**From: love of my life perfect blond friend Minhyuk**

mr roboto?

I doomed

 

**From: hwoarang**

why?

 

**From: love of my life perfect blond friend Minhyuk**

I'm meddling and it's way less fun than Jooheon made it seems.

 

**From: hwoarang**

you know shownu-hyung actually loves micro-managing

he's our dad friend

 

**From: love of my life perfect blond friend Minhyuk**

oooooh

domo arigato mr roboto

 

**From: hwoarang**

good luck in whatever it is you're doing

 

**From: love of my life perfect blond friend Minhyuk**

thank you thunder thighs

 

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

hello

it's me

I've been wondering if after all this time you'd like to meet

to go over

 

**From: Mr Muscles**

what

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

well let me finish

 

**From: Mr Muscles**

I'm at work

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

have you heard of multitasking

 

**From: Mr Muscles**

I meant I'm not supposed to be texting

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

and yet you are!

see

multitasking.

 

**From: Mr Muscles**

what do you want

 

**From: do NOT engage  
**

well changkyun said he liked jooheon as a "fun hyung"

when we both know it's not true

and now jooheon is crying himself to sleep every night

which is sad and slightly gross

 

**From: Mr Muscles**

oooh that

yeah that was sad

 

**From: do NOT engage**

indeed

now I decided to help because I'm a fairy godmother apparently

but like

IT'S NO USE

 

**From: Mr Muscles**

what did you do

 

**From: fairy godmother  
**

I sat them on a bench and ran away

and now he's crying for me to get back

 

**From: Mr Muscles**

I can see why this wouldn't work

you're a terrible fairy godmother

 

**From: fairy godmother  
**

well I was rly close to pushing an erotic photoshoot on them

but then hyungwonnie said it probably was not that great an idea

 

**From: Mr Muscles  
**

wise words

why don't you get them tickets to that event changkyun's been meaning to go to

 

**From: fairy godmother**

what event

 

**From: Mr Muscles**

you know

 

**From: fairy godmother**

I do not

enlightened me hyungnim

 

**From: Mr Muscles**

club day in hongdae next thursday

his favorites hip hop clubs are involved

but he is broke

 

**From: fairy godmother**

dude

guy

bro

man

you genius

oh my god

they can go double date with hoseok and kihyun

this is gonna be good

 

**From: Mr Muscles**

if someone dies I was never involved

 

 

 

 

**From: MinMinMin**

hey freak face

how's your mug

 

**From: ~*~bulge pants~*~**

well it stopped swelling

now I just look badass tbh

who knew battle scars were sexy

 

**From: MinMinMin**

well like everybody in the history of humanity but you apparently

up for a date on thursday?

 

**From: ~*~bulge pants~*~**

with you?

 

**From: MinMinMin**

I'm that close to giving up on all of you you are all freaking stupid

with hoseok you fuck

 

**From: ~*~bulge pants~*~**

rude.

what do you have in mind

there's a hidden agenda isn't there

 

**From: MinMinMin**

I got tickets for club day through work but I can't go

no hidden agenda whatsoever

also jooheon and I.M will go too

cause of hip hop

and not like

anything else

 

**From: ~*~bulge pants~*~**

well that's not suspicious

also what work

haven't you been unemployed since like that summer job in high school

where you stacked shelves

until you brained yourself with a rebellious bean can

 

**From: MinMinMin**

maybe

look you want those tickets or not

 

**From: ~*~bulge pants~*~**

sure I'll take them

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

hey sorry I'll come back in like a few there was a hold up

 

**From: captain oblivious**

rreeeaaaalllllllyyyyyy

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I'm on my way srsly

but like

I have a great news for your meddling soul

Kihyun and Hoseok are going to club day on a date

 

**From: captain oblivious**

aww I wanted to go there

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I know

I got two extra tickets if you want them

to go spy of course

not anything else

 

**From: captain oblivious**

well that's convenient

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

yeah you wouldn't happen to know anyone else who wanna go would you

 

**From: captain oblivious**

lmao subtle

but I actually really wanna go

also the dynamic duo will probably fuck up in hilarious ways again

so congrats I'm in

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

great

okay I see you I'll make contact in like 20 sec

you sure you can't sit farthest away from him tho?

you have one buttcheek hovering in the air don't you

how weak are you

you gonna die alone

 

**From: captain oblivious**

the disrespect

you weren't raised like this

 

 

**From: Jack Frost**

hey you know about how you still haven't paid me for winning last month betting pool

 

**From: handsome chae**

yeah?

 

**From: Jack Frost**

well how about you pay it in like let's say four tickets for club day

 

**From: handsome chae**

okay but why

 

**From: Jack Frost**

well I might have promised tickets that I don't actually have to four different people

but I'll give ya the details later I actually have to shoot those damn flyers

please murder me when I get back this was the dumbest plan ever

 

**From: handsome chae**

oh I will

 

**From: Jack Frost**

gasp!

kinky.


	8. What transpired before D Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Jooheon and Kihyun gets their mind blown when a secret is revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short bonus chapter of some sort

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

so erm jooheon?

 

**From: sidekick**

yeah?

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

so like

minhyuk gave me his keys to go pick up the tix cause he got late classes

but like

did you know that min doesn't have a bed?

like there's an empty space in his room where there's supposed to be a bed.

or a mattress or whatever

like he just put some shelf with books there

and also an armchair

basically it's a library.

 

**From: sidekick**

what?

where does he sleep?

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

well that's the problem you see

I'm afraid to ask

  
  **From: ~*~bulge pants~*~**

erm minhyuk?

 

**From: ice ice baby**

yes kihyun-ah?

 

  **From: ~*~bulge pants~*~**

where do you sleep?

 

**From: ice ice baby**

in a bed?

 

  **From: ~*~bulge pants~*~**

yeah but whose bed?

 

 

**From: Jack Frost**

ho ho hoe hyungwonnie

I think they're onto us

at least Kihyun is

he always was the smartest of the children <3

 

**From: handsome chae**

ah fuck

it's the week you picked isn't it

 

**From: Jack Frost**

yup :)

bitch better have my money

 

**From: handsome chae**

DO NOT GLOAT

I already paid for the damn tickets damn

 

 

 

**From: ice ice baby**

it's cheating if I say it

 

**From: ~*~bulge pants~*~**

is it

is it hyugwon's bed

 

**From: ice ice baby**

well yeah

where else :3

 

  **From: ~*~bulge pants~*~**

what

WHAT

SINCE WHEN

 

**From: ice ice baby**

well I sold my bed last month to make some money

but then I was more into his than in mine for like five months already

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

ISN'T THAT WHEN YOU GUYS MOVED IN TOGETHER

AND YOU GUYS DIDN'T TELL US

 

**From: ice ice baby**

well no

we had a pool going on

on when one of you oblivious freaks would find out

you just won me 50 000 won bro ;3

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

WHAT

WHAT THE FUCK

 

 

**From: The Notorious**

HYUNGWON SINCE WHEN ARE YOU DATING MINHYUK BEHIND EVERYONE'S BACK

 

**From: frog king**

well

like the end of high school?

but like serious dating for maybe six months

 

**From: The Notorious**

HOW DID WE NOT NOTICE

 

**From: frog king**

well I'm not into PDA

and Minhyuk just professes his love to everyone all the time

and we kept separate bedrooms

really I don't blame you

couldn't you have figured it out a tad later tho

like on monday

 

**From: The Notorious**

DUDE

yeah why the separate bedrooms btw

 

**From: frog king**

well kihyun-ah you see we discovered after a while than we can both be quite a handful for each other

so it is better for our relationship if we each have a place to our own

for whenever we want to be alone and have some privacy

we practically don't fight anymore so I guess it's working

and doesn't mean we love each other any less

you understand?

 

**From: The Notorious**

LOVE???

UNDO THIS

WHY ARE YOU SO MATURE ABOUT THIS

ARE YOU A CLOSETED DAD

I CAN HEAR YOUR CALMING DAD TONE JUST READING THIS

 

**From: frog king**

well I wish you would calm down it's not that big a deal

 

**From: The Notorious**

IT IS

YOU'RE A DAD AND YOU'RE DATING MINHYUK

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

HYUNGWON'S A DAD AND HE'S DATING MINHYUK

SINCE LIKE FOREVER

 

**From: sidekick**

what?

they're dating?

he's a dad?

THEY GOT AN ILLEGITIMATE CHILD???????

PLOT TWIST OF THE CENTURY

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

wait no what they don't have a child

they're just dating

I meant he talks to me like he's a dad explaining why mom got a new lover

 

**From: sidekick  
**

oh well that's less exciting

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

ALL THE SIGNS WERE THERE HOW COULD WE MISS IT

WE'RE SO STUPID

 

**From: sidekick**

why didn't they tell us?

I'm a little hurt

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

they had a bet going on

and probably thought it was hilarious

I'm pretty sure it was Minhyuk's idea

 

**From: sidekick**

lmao he would do that wouldn't he

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

you're taking this surprisingly calm buddy

 

**From: sidekick**

I'm still grieving over Hyungwon's nonexisting illegitimate child

I was so excited to finally be a samchon ;_;

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

I bet they have super weird sex

 

**From: sidekick**

I'm not sure I wanna picture it

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

do you think minhyuk is into spanking

 

**From: sidekick**

who isn't tbh

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

JOOHEON

 

**From: sidekick**

or like at least some light choking

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

doesn't he kinda gives the vibe he'd be into bdsm tho

and like you know

hyungwon is all icy

woopah~

 

**From: sidekick**

are you implying hyungwon is a mistress

I'm feeling slightly disturbed now

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

hey you brought up the light choking

 

**From: sidekick  
**

yeah like this isn't your thing lmao

you kinky bastard

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

IT WAS IN SELF DEFENSE

OR LIKE

self attack

I don't know none of those people were attacking me now that I think about it

 

**From: sidekick**

lmao hyung tis okay we all came to terms with you being a violent lunatic

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

BUT I'M NOT

 

**From: sidekick**

said the guy who choked two guys and fought another in like a week

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

I HAVE ISSUES OKAY

 

**From: sidekick**

well yeah you're a violent lunatic

are you listening

 

**From: WILL choke a bitch**

yes

BUT I HAVE RIGHTS!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there you have it lmao  
> It felt like those two were already dating right under my nose and then Wangyourass asked about it in one of the comment and I was like WELL THEY SHOULD so this happened. You can all hit me later.


	9. If you're looking for where all the stupid on Earth went we found it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first part of that double-date at the club goes relatively well for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I re-watched that weekly idol episode with monsta x and... yeah. Sorry.

* **~*~MintyFreshMin~*~** renamed **Love Story of the Century** in **If you're looking for where all the stupid on Earth went we found it**

 

**cupid**

so rude hyung

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I'm sure you'll live through it somehow

 

**I.M**

he's not that stupid

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

don't worry you're included in the stupid as well

 

**I.M**

gasp!

what did I do

 

**the only sane one**

each time my phone starts blowing up I hope this isn't this and yet

 

**cupid**

you know you can still leave

 

**the only sane one**

and miss all the fun? no way

what if someone's face explodes again

 

**cupid**

true true

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

anyway

any ridiculous fashion choices we should be made aware of

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

we have a problem

 

**From: ice ice baby  
**

oh what is it this time

wait let me guess

he's shirtless except for suspenders and nipple tassels?

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

no but woah that will stay with me for some time

 

**From: ice ice baby  
**

well what is it then

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

well

he's got some sort of dress shirt opened like all the way to the tiddies

and

 

**From: ice ice baby**

that's pretty standard clothing for going clubbing

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

some sort of leash

 

**From: ice ice baby**

what

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

yeah

a choker that is also a leathery leash

like

what more can I say

 

**From: ice ice baby**

well that is something

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

and we were so sure hyungwon was the mistress

but now I realize

it's me

I've been the mistress the whole time

 

**From: ice ice baby**

what the fudge are you talking about

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

I need a moment

 

**From: ice ice baby**

you got a boner?

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

that's my secret minty min

I always got a boner.

 

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

never mind my question was answered

hoseok's wearing a leash.

 

**cupid**

oh yeah he totally is

that's smart tho

I.M's tiny lil body has already almost been swallowed by the crowd twice

I have to hang on to his collar lest he gets swept away by the vast ocean~

tiny people's life is hard

I wish he had a leash

 

**the only sane one**

kinky

 

**I.M**

just for the record we're almost the same size

 

**cupid**

well with your hair all puffed up like that sure

whatever makes you happy lmao

 

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

are you aiming for angry sex

 

**From: captain stupid**

what?

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

why you all mean

 

**From: captain stupid**

cause it's true

he's tiny

should have brought binoculars

for when I inevitably lose him

 him being so tiny and all

also he's wearing lip shiner

why is he wearing lip shiner

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

oh you can thank me for that one

you're welcome

 

**From: captain stupid**

D:

 

**From: shownu-hyung**

he's getting frustrated at you

it's cute

 

**From: Im Changkyun**

it's not cute

he insulted my height

 

**From: shownu-hyung  
**

well

you are a bit tiny

 

**From: Im Changkyun  
**

EVERYONE IS COMPARED TO YOU

ALSO WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON

 

**From: shownu-hyung**

did you really almost get swept away

 

**From: Im Changkyun  
**

I might have.

 

**From: shownu-hyung**

is he really hanging onto your collar

 

**From: Im Changkyun  
**

he might be.

 

**From: shownu-hyung**

cute

 

**From: Im Changkyun**

I'll be ignoring you now

 

**From: shownu-hyung**

okay

but you shouldn't ignore your feelings

they're hanging onto your collar

 

**From: Im Changkyun**

IGNORED

 

**From: Mr Muscles**

they are being very frustrating

 

**From: Fairy Godmother**

upon my word did you text me first

 

**From: Mr Muscles**

because you dragged me into it

and now I'm getting very frustrated

 

**From: Fairy Godmother**

IKNORITE

fear of rejection

I'd almost shed a tear

leave this to me

 

 

**From: ice ice baby**

sorry for interrupting whatever you're doing

but can you go up to jooheon and IM and like

idk just obliterate them

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

did you know that jooheon is awesome at girl groups dances

 

**From: ice ice baby**

what

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

like

waiting for the club to fill up they started playing ooh ahh

you know

twice

 

**From: ice ice baby**

are you doubting my pop culture knowledge

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

and I mean

there was a commotion so we go over there to see what's up

and twas jooheon

dancing

the commotion was jooheon

dancing

to twice

ᕕ(⌐■_■)ᕗ ♪♬

 

**From: ice ice baby**

is this a side of him we've never seen before

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

like there's a circle all around him

people are cheering him on

and now there's basically a contest between him and the DJ

and like

homeboy knows ALL OF THE DANCES

 

**From: ice ice baby**

I am speechless

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

okay some other guy with orange hair joined him on exid

oh my goodness

this is getting slightly PG13

who knew girl group dances involved so much pelvic thrusting

dance battle of the century

_*vid.mp4_

 

**From: ice ice baby**

WOAH

good gracious

his street cred is plummeting down at the speed of light but

BOY GOT SOME MOVES

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

I'm crying tears of joy

my boy

all grown-up

 

**From: ice ice baby**

who's that other guy tho he looks cute and squishy

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

no idea but you should see I.M's face hahahahahahahahahaha

he's looking at him all like

(ㆆ _ ㆆ)

•`_´•

(ง •̀_•́)ง

୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨

୧༼ಠ益ಠ╭∩╮༽

༼つಠ益ಠ༽つ ─=≡ΣO))

 

**From: ice ice baby**

well

that was a visual ride

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

right

(‿|‿)

 

**From: ice ice baby**

is that a butt

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

yes

hoseok's cute butt (っ´ω`c)♡

 

**From: ice ice baby**

did you drink

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

no

 

**From: ice ice baby**

I know you did

cause that's usually when the emojis come out

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

you so smart (*・‿・)ノ⌒*:･ﾟ✧

 

**From: ice ice baby**

KIHYUN

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DRINK TOO MUCH

or when you're sober for that matter

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

tis okay hoseok's here

 

**From: ice ice baby**

THAT'S NOT REASSURING IN THE SIGHTLIEST

 

**From: ~*~danger ki~*~**

okay okay bye bye I'm gonna go make out (づ ￣ ³￣)づ

 

**From: ice ice baby**

gasp!

YOO KIHYUN!

THIS IS SO FORWARD OF YOU!

 

**From: ice ice baby**

┐｜･ิω･ิ#｜┌

 

 

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

these kids shouldn't be left to their own devices

 

**the only sane one**

what happened

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

_*vid.mp4_

 

**the only sane one**

 

**the only sane one**

wait is he taking his shirt off just before it cuts

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well now that you mentioned it

 

**the only sane one**

can't they keep their clothes on at least once

 

**shownu**

is the taking off of clothes a regular occurrence

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you'd be surprised

 

**shownu**

he got moves

I should get him for the dance club

 

**the only sane one**

do not encourage him

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

why not

he looks so free~~

 

**the only sane one**

so do his nipples

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

prude

 

**shownu**

weren't they supposed to keep an eye on kihyun and hoseok

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well I'm pretty sure I.M's keeping an eye on jooheon's nipples

 

**the only sane one**

can we stop mentioning nipples

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you started it my guy

I wanna know what's happening this is frustratiiiiing

 

**shownu**

we can only wait now

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

or go there and track them down

 

**the only sane one**

that's a bit extreme min

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yeah I know.

o r  i s  i t

 

**shownu**

yes.

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

:(


	10. Dancing queen, only seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second part of that double-date at the club goes slightly less well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, look at that mess I made.

**From: captain stupid**

LMAO HYUNG

stop discussing my nipples when I'm not there

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

okay we will wait for you next time your nipples are at the center of attention

 

**From: captain stupid**

are they ever

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

why, you want them to be?

 

**From: captain stupid**

you can't see me but I'm looking offended while protecting my body right now

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

hey I'm not the guy who took my shirt off in front of the whole club

 

**From: captain stupid**

it was in the heat of the moment

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

you sure were in heat

 

**From: captain stupid**

LMAO GROSS AS SHIT HYUNG

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

well what happened yesterday

we're all ears

 

**From: captain stupid**

we?

are you in hyungwon's bed

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

where else am I supposed to be it's morning as fuck

also it is my bed as well you know

 

**From: captain stupid**

still can't believe we were so oblivious

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

really?

can't believe it?

oblivious? you?

unbelievable?

really?

REALLY????

 

**From: captain stupid**

you know you can stop now I got the point like five minutes ago

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

hyungwon is telling you to get on with it

or he's going back to sleep

 

**From: captain stupid**

okay gee the pressure

ANYWAY

I can only tell my part of the story

cause I still got no news from kihyun and hoseok

 

 

**From: Wonho**

hyung

you know how you love me unconditionally right

 

**From: shownu our light and savior  
**

erm

yeah?

 

**From: Wonho**

do you think you can pick us up from hongdae police station?

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

what?

what did you do?????

 

**From: Wonho**

well

funny story

 

 

 

 

**From: captain stupid**

I think those cocktails were way stronger than we thought

cause even I didn't know I knew those dances so well

and like

why did I free my nipples?

who knows

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

did you at least got some digits

 

**From: captain stupid  
**

so many digits hyung, so many

half of which I cannot read cause they're written across my back

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

nice

did you get mochi face's digits

 

**From: captain stupid**

no

cause like

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

the disappointment.

 

**From: captain stupid**

right

he's out of your league anyway hyung

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

no one's out of my league

I landed hyungwon after all

 

**From: captain stupid**

that was so smooth and well crafted

complimenting yourself and hyungwon-hyung in one stroke

impressive

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

moving on

 

**From: captain stupid**

right

 

 

**From: Wonho**

so while jooheon was super busy getting smothered by fans

that boy has some hidden talent dude you should have seen it

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

I did see it

 

**From: Wonho**

how

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

camera phones exist

 

**From: Wonho**

oh true

well you see what I mean then

ANYWAY

kihyun grabbed me

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

by your leash?

 

**From: Wonho**

IT'S NOT A LEASH

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

right

 

**From: Wonho**

anyway

he wanted to make out

he says he didn't but he so totally did

ANYWAY

I think he realized this is Korea

where

BELIEVE IT OR NOT

you can't make out just anywhere

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

especially when one of the partner is a boy on a leash

 

**From: Wonho**

IT'S NOT A LEASH

it's fashion

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

sure

anyway how did you end up in jail

 

**From: Wonho**

well

remember how he got shit for kissing me behind a public bathroom

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

because who does that

 

**From: Wonho**

HIM

AND I LIKED IT

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

good for you?

 

**From: Wonho**

IT WAS

anyway

we got out of the club looking for a secluded and discreet place

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

to hanky pank

 

**From: Wonho**

WHO SAYS THAT

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

me

 

**From: Wonho**

fair enough

so then we found this place

like at first I thought we shouldn't go there cause it looked like maybe the sign on the door said no entry

but what do I know

I'm a boy on a leash

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

so it is a leash

 

**From: Wonho**

HYUNG

I'M IN JAIL

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

did you trespass

 

**From: Wonho**

well

that and some more

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

oh boy

 

 

**From: captain stupid**

so I was nicely talking with mochi face, right

and then the atmosphere suddenly gets super dark

I'm not kidding like the lights seriously dimmed

well it might have been cause alcohol gives me night blindness idk

anyway

Changkyunnie he just appears next to me

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

oh we back to changkunnie now?

 

**From: captain stupid**

and like

he puts the coldest hand on my naked shoulder

and no kidding I felt chills like the clammy fingers of death itself were clawing at my skin

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

dramatic

 

**From: captain stupid**

and he was glaring icicles at poor mochi face

and then he was like "bye" dragging me away by the belt loops

the rudeness

anyway

never found my shirt and then we were outside cause apparently I needed to "cool down"

I finally peak and he tells me to cool down

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

what treason

 

**From: captain stupid**

RIGHT

so I was standing there

sweaty and half naked in the street

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

hawt

on a scale from fried eggs to mount everest how pointy were your nipples

 

**From: captain stupid**

you kid you kid but I must have been pretty hawt cause he did that weird penguin shuffle thing and then he kissed me

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

whaaaaaaaaat

my child

FINALLY

 

**From: captain stupid**

he also whacked me over the head so I'm not sure where we at now

 

 

**From: Wonho**

I thought nevermind the trespassing

I mean it's late and dark as shit who'd notice

but lo and behold

this is korea

where

BELIEVE IT OR NOT

there's cctv fucking everywhere

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

oh man

 

**From: Wonho**

not just a man

MEN

WHO START POURING FROM EVERYWHERE

okay so maybe it was just like two security guys

but in a drunken stupor it was very scary

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

please tell me you didn't

 

**From: Wonho**

I didn't

Kihyun did

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

oh no

 

**From: Wonho**

oooh yes

dude should stop watching ufc on spoTV cause he gonna hurt himself

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

didn't he already

 

**From: Wonho**

when you put it like that

anyway that next part got very confusing

cause like it was dark right

and also we were slightly tipsy

anyway I think I heard some high-pitched screaming

which in retrospect I think might have been me

and that's when kihyun kinda hurled himself at one of the guy's legs

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

wild

 

**From: Wonho**

well not really cause like

security dude was around 3 meters tall

so he just kinda

put his hand on kihyun's head and just

held him there

at arm's length

while kihyun was scratching at air

and shrieking

or maybe that was me again idk

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

isn't that supposed to only happen in cartoons

 

**From: Wonho**

right?

but there it was in real life

so that's when I started laughing like a madman

until I heard the other guy on the phone calling the police

that sobered me right the fuck up

and I was like ready to plead our case

when kihyun changed tactics

remember how he fights dirty

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

oh no

 

**From: Wonho**

yeah

he kinda just dropped to the floor

but by that point the other guy was pretty much just taking a break leaning on his head so he tumbled

and that's when all the mma training he thinks he has came in full force

he latched unto him and they started wrestling

tbh it kinda looked like a barnacle wrestling a walrus

so like

when the police showed up

kihyun was on the guy's back trying to bite into his humongous shoulder

while the dude was swatting at his head with his giant hands

so then one of the police guy starts screaming at him and takes his gun out

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

they don't have guns

 

**From: Wonho**

OKAY I MAY have exaggerated that in my head a lil bit

but if he had a gun the next part would have been way less ridiculous

cause I latched onto the guy crying to please not kill my friend that I wouldn't be able to go on without him and he was too young to die and whatnot

twas all very dramatic

anyway he was pretty nice

he said he wasn't gonna kill anyone

and just kinda

gently laid me on the floor

and wiped the snot off his uniform.

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

great night

 

**From: Wonho**

right!

anyway that's how we ended up in the drunk tank

with some ajusshi that keeps telling me his life story

and I'm like

OF COURSE your wife left you

WOULD YOU JUST LOOK AT YOURSELF

so like

please come get us

they won't let us go on our own

especially since kihyun keeps challenging them to fight him

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

how is he still drunk

it's the morning

 

**From: Wonho**

I don't know

I suspect it's from the soju vapors coming off the ajusshi

LIKE DUDE YOU'RE ON A FIRST NAME BASIS WITH THE COPS

HOW MUCH TIME DID YOU SPEND IN THERE

please come get us

or just me I mean kihyun seems to be enjoying himself well enough

he's playing thumb wars with the desk attendant

through the bars.

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

I've been in the subway for the past fifteen minutes

 

**From: Wonho**

I love you

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

aren't you guys getting arrested though?

 

**From: Wonho**

well the security guy doesn't wanna press charges

he thought it was cute kihyun tried to hurt him

he told him "nice effort buddy" and fist bumped him when the police pried him off his back

I think they're letting us off the hook cause we nice young men

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

......sure

 

**From: Wonho**

please don't call my mom

 

**From: shownu our light and savior**

she's probably better off not knowing what you get up to in your free time.

 

**From: Wonho**

I love you even more now

 

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

he whacked you?

maybe he likes it rough

 

**From: captain stupid**

lmao

isn't that your thing

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

what

 

**From: captain stupid**

nothing

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

so how did it end?

you just stood there with your nipples flapping in the wind?

 

**From: captain stupid**

nah he gave me his jacket to cover up

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

romantic

 

**From: captain stupid**

it was

well until I kinda barfed onto said jacket

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

you didn't

 

**From: captain stupid**

I totally did

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I'd be laughing hysterically but Hyungwon already got that covered

 

**From: captain stupid**

nice thanks hyungs

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

so did he scream and run away

 

**From: captain stupid**

no

he hailed a cab

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

to run away even faster?

 

**From: captain stupid**

no

he took me home

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

to wield your door shut, making sure you'd never go out again?

 

**From: captain stupid**

he made me some jook

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

to... choke yourself with?

 

**From: captain stupid  
**

and then he made sure I drank enough water

and like

he lives far so he crashed on the couch

and I'm pretty sure he's still there cause I hear breakfast-making noises

and now I'm afraid to get out of my room

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

!!!!!!!!!

BE SMOOTH DUDE

 

**From: captain stupid**

I mean I barfed on the guy's jacket

how smooth do I need to be

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman  
**

like real smooth

make sure your nipples are covered

 

**From: captain stupid**

LET MY NIPPLES GO

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

never

good luck buddy

we believe in you

I want a full report by noon today

 

**From: captain stupid**

you don't deserve one

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I so do

you have no idea how much work that took

also we're totally putting that video of you dancing on the internet

 

**From: captain stupid  
**

DON'T YOU DARE

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

BRACE YOURSELF FOR FAME

 

**From: dancing queen  
**

HYUNG NO

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

HYUNG YES


	11. I like my eggs how I like my men, fried on both sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jooheon and I.M share a nice domestic morning involving some eggs, dimples, and some more awkwardness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am traveling around so the updates are much slower, sorry for that!

**From: frog king**

so

care to explain

 

**From: The Notorious**

what you mean

 

**From: frog king**

minhyukkie has been trying to tell me something

but all he managed to say was your name

and now he's been cry-laughing into my pillow for the past ten hours

then like every twenty seconds or so he lifts his head

looks at me

tries to speak

and laugh some more

 

**From: The Notorious**

I see.

 

**From: frog king**

yeah.

look he's doing it again

_*vid.mp4_

 

**From: The Notorious**

he looks like he gonna pop a vein

I don't know if I should be offended or not

 

**From: frog king**

probably

I'm holding you responsible if he chokes

also buy me a new pillow case there's too much body fluids on this one

 

**From: The Notorius**

g r o s s

 

**From: frog king**

I MEANT SPIT, SNOT AND TEARS

 

**From: The Notorious**

sure you did

 

**From: frog king**

also don't change the subject

what did you DO

 

**From: The Notorious**

well

I'm not entirely too sure

altho it might have involved some light wrestling

and maaaaybe a police car

 

**From: frog king**

WHAT THE HECK KIHYUN

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE RESPONSIBLE ONE

 

**From: The Notorious**

isn't that you tho

 

**From: frog king**

OKAY I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT MINHYUK BEFORE HE DIES BUT THIS ISN'T OVER

 

 

**From: dancing queen**

hyung

hyung I think I have a boyfriend

hyung

are you there

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

why are you called dancing queen in minhyuk's phone?

also he's temporarily unavailable

 

**From: dancing queen**

is that you hyungwon hyung

are you answering each other's phones now

please tell me you didn't buy couple clothes

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

no it would cramp my style

 

**From: dancing queen**

what style

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

don't be rude

 

**From: dancing queen**

only the truth hurts

anyway

what happened to minhyuk

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I don't know

I think he finally went mad

he got a phone call from Kihyun this morning and now he's just hysterical

 

**From: dancing queen**

is it better or worse than when you started balding cause of bleaching your hair too much and he just couldn't handle the hilarity

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

who laugh about baldness will cry about it one day

also way worse

also my hair are perfectly fine now

also if you mention this again I will find you and I will kill you

 

**From: dancing queen**

it's fine we all have our ups and downs

remember when minhyuk shaved his eyebrows off by accident

good times

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

that was some quality entertainment indeed

no but like something happened with kihyun involving wrestling and the police and idk

 

**From: dancing queen**

oh maaaan

sounds juicy

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

yeah I think it's aieapgh

 

**From: dancing queen**

?????

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

WHAT'S THAT ABOUT YOU HAVING A BOYFRIEND?????

DID YOU LET YOUR NIPPLES DO THE TALKING?????

WHEN'S THE WEDDING????

 

**From: dancing queen**

I'm assuming this is minhyuk

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

and you would be right!

now spill

 

**From: dancing queen**

wait what happened to kihyun-hyung

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

who the fuck care spill the beans

all my efforts weren't in vain

I'm actually moved

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

hyung are you alright since yesterday?

we lost you guys

 

**From: savage-hyung**

lmao changkyunnie

I don't even know anymore

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

did kihyun busted someone's knee-caps again

 

**From: savage-hyung**

how did you know he'd go for the knee-caps

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

I just assumed cause of the height and all

 

**From: savage-hyung**

LMAO THE DISRESPECT

he's not that small

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

we've all seen those pants, we know

 

**From: savage-hyung**

lmao you all need to retire that joke

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

so he did?

 

**From: savage-hyung**

I kinda had to call shownu-hyung

to come pick us up

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

from where

 

**From: savage-hyung**

jail?

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

whaaaaaaaaaaat

did he assault samsung's heir or something

are you getting sued

do I have to start practicing my wife-crying-at-the-court face

 

**From: savage-hyung**

nah they let us go

they took our fingerprints tho

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

so much for the bank robbery I was planning

so what actually happened

 

 

**From: dancing queen**

so you know how I was stuck in my room right

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

yeah cause you're a coward

 

**From: dancing queen**

I'll let that slide cause it's mostly true

but like I finally built up the resolve to get out and confront my fears

mostly cause I was about to pee myself

and first I was trying to be super discreet so I could go to the bathroom without him noticing

but the guy has like supersonic hearing

and he comes out of the kitchen and he's all like

domestic as fuck with a wooden spoon in his hand asking me how I like my eggs and I couldn't handle it man

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

what you mean did you pee yourself right there?

 

**From: dancing queen**

lmao just imagine if I had

death would have been my only recourse

but sadly no this isn't a peeing yourself in public story

sorry to disappoint

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I'll try to live through the pain

 

**From: dancing queen**

so yeah I just kinda did this noise

like what I'm assuming squirrels sound like if they ever choke on nuts

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I know what I sound like when I do

 

**From: dancing queen**

LMAO HYUNG

GROSS AS HECK

anyway

I do that and I like run to the bathroom slamming the door behind me

and that idiot

HE FOLLOWS ME

AND HE'S LIKE

ARE YOU ALRIGHT

THROUGH THE DOOR

NO I'M NOT ALRIGHT

LEMME PEE

so I screamed that I liked it fried on both sides

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

who doesn't like it on both sides

 

**From: dancing queen**

I don't even know what gross ass shit you're alluding to now

so I'll just ignore it

so like he goes to do the eggs and I go about my business

and it wouldn't fucking stop

like did it happen to you?

it's just an endless stream and you're like

I'm gonna die here

it's gonna overflow and I'm gonna drown in it

and some journalist will have the time of his life writing the dumbest headline ever

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I'm seriously wondering how you go from worrying over death by drowning in your own pee to landing a boyfriend

 

**From: dancing queen**

I'm just that good

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

well that was some wild evening

where is kihyun now? what did you guys do?

 

**From: savage-hyung**

hyunwoo just dropped us off at my place

and now he's just kinda chilling in my bed

with me

in my bed

cause we're both in it

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

you go wonho coco

did you guys get up to some hanky panky

 

**From: savage-hyung**

DUDE

STOP USING THOSE WORDS

also we might have

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

nastyyyyy

 

**From: savage-hyung**

like you wouldn't with mr dimples given half the chance

what happened with him by the way

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

I made him eggs

fried eggs

on both side

that's how he likes it

 

**From: savage-hyung**

I bet he does

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

what is that even supposed to mean

 

**From: savage-hyung**

I'm not sure

I saw an opportunity and I just took it

so is that all?

you made fried eggs?

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

yeah

and I put my finger in one of his dimples

 

**From: savage-hyung**

you what

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

I don't know

after peeing for the longest time

like seriously, the longest time

he came in the kitchen and smiled and said thank you for making the eggs

and ya know he has those huge ass dimples and I just put my finger in it

 

**From: savage-hyung**

I think it's both the most stupid but also cute-ass thing I've read in a while

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

yeah

well

idk

I just stood there with my finger in his dimple

and he was like

okay

this is something that is happening

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I knew those dimples would come in handy someday

what did you do

 

**From: dancing queen**

I kinda just stood there and then it was becoming slightly awkward so I like

okay brace yourself

I did the kuku-kaka thing

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

oh my gooooood why did you do thaaaaaat

I told you to be smoooooth

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

so you know how I was going on and on about how cool he is

 

**From: savage-hyung**

yeah?

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

well turns out that whole night was a real eye-opener about how dorky he actually is

 

**From: savage-hyung**

oh

and does that make you not like him anymore

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

wait

so I had my finger in his dimple right

and after a while he tilts his head to the side, smiles even wider and goes kuku-kaka in the utmost cutesy voice

 

**From: savage-hyung**

kuku-kaka?

what?

is that some sort of homegrown aegyo?

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

I guess

 

**From: savage-hyung**

so he's like an undercover king of aegyo?

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

I don't think it's even undercover

I think he was just trying real hard to look cool in front of me

 

**From: savage-hyung**

aww

what did you do?

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

WHAT DO YOU THINK

I DIED IT WAS SO DAMN CUTE

LIKE I WAS SUPER FUCKING EMBARRASSED BUT ALSO NOT

but like I started laughing like a dumbass and he kinda faltered

and then

 

 

**From: bad timing aegyo king**

like seriously he was laughing like a dumbass and I was like okay I lost him

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I am amazed

is this the worst morning of your life or the best

 

**From: bad timing aegyo king**

I'd say both

cause like

he kinda grabbed my shoulder for support so I leaned into him

and the guy had freaking tears in his eyes

but then he was like real close to my face right

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

oh my god did he kiss you again

this is better than a drama

I'm so into this

 

**From: bad timing aegyo king**

he did kiss me again.

 

**From: savage-hyung**

wait what do you mean again

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

ah yeah I kinda had already kissed him when he was shirtless in the street

but then he barfed on my jacket so it was a bit cut short

 

**From: savage-hyung**

he what

I'll need details later

again, this is both the most endearing but also horrible thing I've heard in a while

my feelings are so confused

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

it's okay hyung mine were too

 

**From: savage-hyung**

so like what happened with the kissing?

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

well

it kinda turned into this full-on make-out session

 

**From: savage-hyung**

niiiiiiiiice

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

but like you know how I was supposedly making eggs

 

**From: savage-hyung**

oh no

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

yeah

the fire alarm going off kinda interrupted us

 

**From: bad timing aegyo king**

so yeah I went out to get some more food and he stayed to try and save the frying pan

but like

yeah

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

you guys are already burning food together this is so nice

I'm so proud

and you're gonna cook lunch

aww

 

**From: bad timing aegyo king**

I can't tell if you're making fun of me or not but I'm in too good a mood to care~

kukukaka~~

 

**From: fav dongsaeng**

so yeah that frying pan has definitely passed on to the other side

but on another note who cares I landed the king of aegyo

 

**From: savage-hyung**

and you who were so quick to dismiss your feelings

I'm so moved

I'm gonna shed a tear

kihyun is slow clapping all of you

 

 

**From: bad timing aegyo king**

I still need that report on what the heck kihyun did tho

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

we all do bruh

I started laughing way too hard way too early and I couldn't get the whole thing

and he didn't tell anything to hyungwon either

maybe I should hound shownu

 

**From: bad timing aegyo king**

let's just expose him in the group chat

maybe I.M knows by now tho

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

you know what

maybe we should just all meet-up

the two teams

finally together

oh my my the emotions are too strong

;_;

 

**From: bad timing aegyo king**

that's either the worst or the best idea you ever had but like sure

why the heck not

I'll tell Changkyun to round up the others and like

maybe tonight? or tomorrow?

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

hyungwon is in "for the sheer hilarity" I'll keep you posted~

 

 


	12. Where the group chat becomes more of a mess than it already is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A collective date gets scheduled amongst a riveting discussion about asses, dingalings, and Wonho amazing fashion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys thank you so much for all the nice comments, I'm so glad you enjoy this.  
> This chapter is a big fat mess.

* **~*~MintyFreshMin~*~** renamed **If you're looking for where all the stupid on Earth went we found it** in **Board Meeting**

* **~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**  added  **Sir Yoo** to **Board Meeting**

 

* **I.M**  added  **Wonh0** to  **Board Meeting**

 

* **cupid**  changed their name to  **HoneyBuns**

 

**HoneyBuns**

so what's the agenda

 

**Sir Yoo**

is that the famous chat room of the creeps that you guys used to discuss my life

is that how all of you became such goody good friends

 

**HoneyBuns**

might be

I reject all responsibilities

 

**the only sane one**

you're the one who created it tho

 

**HoneyBuns**

wow way to throw me under the bus thanks hyung

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm not mad tis okay

 

**HoneyBuns**

is that true

somehow I have trouble believing it

 

**Sir Yoo**

you know it is I'd have already destroyed you otherwise

 

**HoneyBuns**

you got a point there hulk hogan

but by destroying me you mean nagging me until death right dad

 

**Sir Yoo**

really

we're gonna go down that road

 

**HoneyBuns**

see

already nagging

 

**Sir Yoo**

THAT'S NOT NAGGING

 

**the only sane one**

wow wonho you landed such a dreamboat

 

**Wonh0**

I like his short temper

I think it's sexy

 

**HoneyBuns**

if you want me I'll be over there, gagging

 

**Sir Yoo**

says the guy who barfed on his boyfriend

 

**HoneyBuns**

CAN WE NOT BRING THAT UP

also I barfed on myself

 

**I.M**

and I had almost erased it from my memory too

 

**HoneyBuns**

well you managed to almost set my kitchen on fire so like

 

**I.M**

that's cause your tongue was down my throat

 

**Sir Yoo**

if you want me I'll be over there, gagging

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

okay so we all agree you're all terrible people

now let's move on

when/where shall we all meet?

 

**shownu**

probably in a no man's land where you guys can't hurt anyone

 

**the only sane one**

you're always real quiet and then you say something like this

 

**shownu**

well so far they never managed to go out together without any incidents

 

**I.M**

short people usually have a short temper as well

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah you'd know

 

**Sir Yoo**

did he just insult my height?

 

**the only sane one**

is the honeymoon period already over?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

tbh I think it's their kink

like kiho is mindless violence and jookyun is being savages towards each other

secretly they're all big softies

 

**Sir Yoo**

did you just gave us couple's names

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

yes

 

**the only sane one**

what's ours? hyunghyuk? minwon?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

minwon cause then my name comes first

 

**the only sane one**

should have known

 

**HoneyBuns**

this is all profoundly embarrassing

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

come on you know you like it

 

**I.M**

I do

 

**HoneyBuns**

well

I think it's alright

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

see

big softies.

 

**Wonh0**

should we get a name for our team as well

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

what you mean

 

**Wonh0**

idk like a cool gang name

 

**shownu**

we're not cool

and we're not a gang

 

**Wonh0**

we're totally cool

at least I know I am

plus we beat up people isn't that what gangs do

 

**Sir Yoo**

should we get into the drug trade

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

do you think this conversation is monitored by the KCIA

 

**I.M**

in that case, can you get arrested for being too dumb?

 

**the only sane one**

isn't that what happened to kihyun the other day

 

**Sir Yoo**

WE WEREN'T ARRESTED

we were just

ordered to fuck off

 

**I.M**

they took your goddamned fingerprints

and you spent the night in the drunk tank

 

**Sir Yoo**

what are you

first you insult my height and now this?

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

if we ever manage to meet

please do not bust Changkyunnie's ass kihyun

I haven't even seen it yet

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

what

what are you waiting for

 

**HoneyBuns**

IT'S BEEN LIKE THREE DAYS

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

that's plenty

I saw Hyungwon's dingaling on like the first date

 

**shownu**

dingaling?

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm not holding you as a standard tho hyung

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

well you should

GET THAT ASS

 

**I.M**

you do know I'm right there

reading this

being uncomfortable

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

well take your pants off what are ya waiting for

 

**HoneyBuns**

we're not all sex-crazed rabbits hyung

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

must be boring

 

**HoneyBuns**

is that why hyungwon is so sleepy all the time

 

**the only sane one**

if only you knew

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah, I'd rather not

 

**shownu**

are we all just gonna ignore he uses the word dingaling

 

**Sir Yoo**

can we all stop discussing this

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

have you seen wonho's ass?

 

**Sir Yoo**

I might have

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

SEE

some of us know how to get shit done

 

**Sir Yoo**

can we stop discussing the asses I've seen

 

**Wonh0**

why how many asses did you see

 

**Sir Yoo**

like intentionally?

 

**Wonh0**

you've seen accidental asses?

 

**Sir Yoo**

like so, so many

have you seen my friends

you're bound to come across some accidental asses

especially Minhyuk's

 

**the only sane one**

I do my best to make him keep his clothes on but alas

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

no one believes you hyungwon

also who comes in without knocking

 

**Sir Yoo**

who is butt naked at like 5 in the afternoon in the middle of his living room for absolutely no reasons

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

me

also there was a reason

that I can't remember

but there was.

 

**I.M**

jooheon-ah is all the crazy on your side of the gang

 

**HoneyBuns**

have you met wonho

 

**I.M**

touché.

 

**Wonh0**

what did I do

 

**HoneyBuns**

your fashion is legendary

also you high kicked a dude into oblivion

 

**Wonh0**

what's wrong with my fashion

 

**I.M  
**

[](http://www.hostingpics.net)

 

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

oh my gooooood

can we all appreciate the color coordination tho

 

**Wonh0**

I don't see what's wrong

 

**HoneyBuns**

can we also all appreciate how changkyun just has this picture lying around

 

**I.M**

it comes in handy sometimes

 

**HoneyBuns**

as a side note, wonho, how jacked are you

 

**Wonh0**

the jackest

 

**HoneyBuns**

congrats kihyun-hyung

 

**Sir Yoo**

why thank you

 

**shownu**

how about meeting at trespass?

that's where this whole thing started

 

**HoneyBuns**

did you just ignore the entirety of this conversation

 

**shownu**

it's a terrible conversation

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'd be offended if this wasn't slightly true

 

**the only sane one**

just slightly?

 

**HoneyBuns**

the disrespect

go back to sleep

 

**the only sane one**

rude

also I can't

Minhyuk takes up too much space in the bed

 

**HoneyBuns**

you guys are still in bed?

it's like, the middle of the afternoon

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

and?

why be anywhere else when you can just be in bed

 

**Wonh0**

I'm okay with meeting at trespass

going full circle

it's a good idea

 

**Sir Yoo**

yeah they probably don't remember my face by now

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

or maybe there's a black list and you're the only one on it

 

**Sir Yoo**

why would you say that

 

**the only sane one**

ignoring that

let's meet there

let's say tomorrow

at eight

and now that a decision has been reached you can go back to your regularly scheduled crap

 

**HoneyBuns**

wow grumpy much

Minhyuk hyung did you not take care of his dingaling this morning

 

**the only sane one**

can we not call it dingaling

 

**HoneyBuns**

what's wrong with dingaling

 

**the only sane one**

so much

 

**HoneyBuns**

aww is that why you're all grumpy?

 

**the only sane one**

did you plan that joke

 

**HoneyBuns**

you know I did

 

**Wonh0**

this is gonna be fun!

 

**I.M**

the sad thing is, he really thinks this

 

**the only sane one**

the only way this is going to be actual fun is ifaejffjf

 

**I.M**

?????

 

**HoneyBuns**

yes?

 

**Sir Yoo**

let's ignore that

 

**HoneyBuns**

did minhyuk grab your dingaling?

 

**Sir Yoo**

you know when I said "let's ignore that" it was specifically for you not to mention dingalings ever again

 

**HoneyBuns**

maybe wonho should grab your dingaling too mr crankypants

 

**Sir Yoo**

let's keep my dingaling out of this

 

**Wonh0**

I don't mind

 

**Sir Yoo**

brb

 

**HoneyBuns**

those people are all terrible

terrible I say

 

**I.M**

to be fair you offered the bait

 

**HoneyBuns**

they didn't have to grab it

 

**shownu**

can we stop talking about grabbing stuff

 

**HoneyBuns**

I have so many horrible, horrible mental pictures in my head right now

 

**shownu**

and only yourself to blame

 

**HoneyBuns**

you have no idea how hard it is

 

**shownu**

are you doing this on purpose

 

**HoneyBuns**

OKAY NO

YOU KNOW WHAT

goodbye everyone I'm gonna take a nap.

jooheon out

 

**shownu**

....

changkyun?

 

**I.M**

yeah?

 

**shownu**

you didn't grab his dingaling yet did you?

 

**I.M**

HYUNG

WHAT

I DID NOT

 

**shownu**

is that why he's so obsessed with everyone else's dingalings?

 

**I.M**

you know what

having this conversation with you is the weirdest shit

 

**shownu**

sorry?

 

**I.M**

it is okay

I'm just taking my time

this is still a bit new

 

**shownu**

yeah I mean no pressure I was just curious

 

**I.M**

W H Y

 

**shownu**

I think all of their terrible personalities are rubbing off on me

 

**I.M**

gasp

and you were our only hope at some sort of normalcy

 

**shownu**

blame minhyuk

 

**I.M**

oh I am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's probably not much chapters left!  
> But also there's barely any plot so this could probably go on ad vitam eternam  
> Can my brain handle it is another mystery altogether


	13. Just give me a bar fight with a side of whoop-ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By now everyone should know what to expect when Kihyun enters a bar. Or anywhere really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit image-heavy maybe, sorry for that!

**HoneyBuns**

where are you guys I'm alone at trespass and as time goes by just standing there is getting increasingly awkward

I'm getting LOOKS

 

**Sir Yoo**

just order something you fuck

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I just met Kihyun in the uni lobby we're on our way

and we look great might I add

 

**HoneyBuns**

are you wearing goddamn short shorts

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I did a lot of thinking and decided it should be our thing now

 

**HoneyBuns**

****

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

did you just

are you using hyungwon's face as a reaction pic

 

**HoneyBuns**

yes

I am

 

**the only sane one**

what is this

 

**HoneyBuns**

we finally found a use for you

 

**the only sane one**

I do not agree

 

**HoneyBuns**

****

that's me

not caring about your opinion

 

**the only sane one**

why do you even have all those pictures

nvm I don't wanna know

JUST DELETE THEM

 

**HoneyBuns**

do not scream at me

I only work with positive reinforcement

 

**the only sane one**

if you delete I won't set your hair on fire

how's that

 

**HoneyBuns**

****

so rude

 

**the only sane one**

JOOHEON

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm really enjoying this

what a great idea

 

**the only sane one**

why is this friendship so painful

 

**HoneyBuns**

just stop whining and get your ass over there

 

**the only sane one**

I'm at the door in like 5sc

 

**Sir Yoo**

same

 

**I.M**

we're almost there too!

with shownu & wonho

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

my heart is fluttering

 

**the only sane one**

NOT YOU TOO

 

**HoneyBuns**

my legacy will live on~~~

 

 

* * *

 

**I.M**

wonho-hyung

you've been in the bathroom for like seventeen hours

is it constipation

do you need help

 

**Wonh0**

remind me again

whose great idea was it to meet up at trespass?

 

**shownu**

why

 

**Wonh0**

it was yours wasn't it

 

**shownu**

maybe

 

**Wonh0**

well

remember how we met, kihyun-ah my love

 

**Sir Yoo**

okay I'm scared now

 

**Wonh0**

YOU SHOULD BE

I can't get out of the goddamn bathroom

cause the guy you choked is chatting up a bloke just RIGHT IN FRONT OF IT

WHO DOES THAT

WHAT IF HE RECOGNIZES ME WHEN I GET OUT

 

**HoneyBuns**

seriously what's up with people flirting in front of, or behind, public bathrooms

what's the appeal

I don't get it

 

**Wonh0**

JOOHEON

 

**HoneyBuns**

why is everybody screaming at me today

I don't get it either

 

**I.M**

really

 

**HoneyBuns**

watchu mean

I'm a delight

 

**Wonh0**

can we focus on the issue at hand

I've been awkwardly standing there for like 20 minutes

one guy just asked me if I'm selling pot

THIS IS KOREA

OF COURSE I'M NOT

 

**Sir Yoo**

oh

maybe that's our ticket for entering the drug trade

ask him if he knows someone who does

 

**Wonh0**

KIHYUN

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I'm pretty sure the weirdo in your literature class does kihyun

or he takes some cause I mean

have you seen the guy

 

**Wonh0**

you do know I'm still stuck in a bathroom here

 

**I.M**

he probably doesn't remember you hyung

 

**Wonh0**

how could anyone forget this face

 

**I.M**

are you taking selfies

in this situation of emergency

 

**Wonh0**

what do you think I've been doing for the past half an hour

who knew the lightning in there would be so great

but still

send help

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I'm gonna extract you

I'll distract him with my short shorts

and you take the opportunity to get out

 

**Wonh0**

booty shorts are great right

so much freedom

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I do love the slight breeze on my thighs

is that what girls feel like when wearing skirts

cause if it is

I'm gonna start wearing kilts

 

**the only sane one**

I'd be okay with that

easy access

 

**Wonh0**

gross but also true

now could someone actually help me cause like

I've seen way more people pee than I ever needed to

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'll help with the distraction

we're on our way hold tight

 

**Wonh0**

I'd rather not tightly hold onto anything in here

okay some ajusshi seems to think I'm a rent boy so like HAUL ASS

 

**HoneyBuns**

swift as the wind princess

 

* * *

 

 

**HoneyBuns**

so like

this went well

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

****

 

**the only sane one  
**

this really caught on didn't it

 

**HoneyBuns**

among all my accomplishments

this one makes me the proudest

 

**the only sane one**

what accomplishments

 

**HoneyBuns**

I won't stoop to your level

so like everyone went home alright?

 

**I.M**

yeah

did you stop bleeding

 

**HoneyBuns**

I did

who knew teeth were this sharp

I underestimated Kihyun's bravery

 

**shownu**

speaking off, anyone got news from him? or wonho?

 

**HoneyBuns**

not yet

but I'm pretty sure Kihyun hyung's mugshot will look like this tho

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you're like

the worst friend

 

**the only sane one**

you just spat on yourself laughing

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well it is hilarious.

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm not too worried tho

for once it was actual self-defense

so like

 

**I.M**

maybe Kihyun-hyun will actually have to turn to a life of crime

if this goes on his record it's kinda shit for employment

 

**HoneyBuns**

I could actually kinda picture him as a kingpin

like he's super anal

and also a psycho apparently

 

**the only sane one**

you're one to talk

 

**HoneyBuns**

I was trying to help

elbowing the guy in the teeth was a complete accident

and like I was more hurt than he was

SO MUCH BLOOD

for so little teeth

 

**I.M**

I still didn't get how it ended up like this

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

it's because of jooheon's stupid red hair

 

**HoneyBuns**

don't insult my hair

 

**the only sane one**

so you guys thought he could remember wonho's face but not a bloke with firetruck hair

 

**HoneyBuns**

well

when you put it like this

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

but like

who holds a grudge for that long

 

**HoneyBuns**

him apparently

he ripped my collar when he grabbed me

I liked that shirt

 

**the only sane one**

is that when we all heard Minhyuk's shriek

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

it was more of a manly startled sound but yes

and wonho came out of the bathroom then too

and well

the guy recognized him as well

he must have one hell of a photographic memory

 

**HoneyBuns**

and that's when I completely accidentally elbowed him in the face

it was super scary

he like lunged towards wonho still grabbing my collar

and I was sort of flailing around at that point

so like

it was just the momentum

 

**I.M**

you should have let me take you to the hospital

 

**HoneyBuns**

hospitals are scary

it's fine now

there's barely anything

 

**I.M**

do you have like the pointiest elbows on earth

cause his mouth just sorta exploded

 

**HoneyBuns**

I guess

so yeah that's when he let me go and I fell and he tried to kick me in the ribs

that guy has some anger issues too

 

**I.M**

yeah we saw that

 

**HoneyBuns**

kihyun is my hero tho

he just

appeared from nowhere

like a tiny batman

 

**I.M**

he was just at the bar getting more drinks

like two meters from you

 

**HoneyBuns**

don't destroy my dreams

but yeah

that's when it took a turn for the worst

 

**the only sane one**

is that when people started cheering?

 

**HoneyBuns**

you really didn't get up from your sit did you

 

**the only sane one**

it was extremely comfortable

 

**HoneyBuns**

****

but anyway yeah

this very drunk girl started cheering and then people just kinda made a circle

this felt very high school

 

**I.M**

yeah I tried to come see but I couldn't get past all the people

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you know how kihyun lives for his audience

well

I guess he felt spurred on

he knows like nothing about martial arts but he took this kinda bruce lee stance

I'm so taking his movies away from him

 

**HoneyBuns**

it was beautiful tho

I was on the ground

and he was towering over me

I felt like I was in a drama

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yeah

it was super drama-worthy when you kinda just crawled behind his legs to hide

 

**HoneyBuns**

****

 

**the only sane one**

HOW MANY OF THOSE DO YOU HAVE

 

**HoneyBuns**

like so many

I'm your biggest fan

 

**the only sane one**

BLOCKED

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

he didn't even stop there

he just kinda crawled away

under all the people watching

 

**I.M**

yeah he found me

 

**HoneyBuns**

I was so happy to see you

as if I was back from war

 

**I.M**

is that why you hugged me until I popped a lung

 

**HoneyBuns**

it was scary.

plus I was hurt

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

so after courage here left us the guy punched kihyun in the face in the exact same spot the drunk from the other day did

and I guess that just set him off

Kihyun must really learn by watching

cause that high kick was the exact replica of wonho's

but the guy must have been tougher than the drunk cause he didn't go down

he just grabbed kihyun's leg and yanked

and he fell

so like

the guy was basically kicking him in the ribs

 

**HoneyBuns**

seriously is that his kink

 

**shownu**

what the heck were you guys doing during this time

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well believe it or not it all happened super fast

so I was a bit paralyzed by fear

and amazement

and also I suck at fighting and my shirt was super expensive

but!

wonho

bless his soul

he went for the head again

 

**the only sane one**

was that when everyone went "oooooh"

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yeah

he like

lifted his leg and let it go down on the guy's head full force

that knocked him out alright

and I guess that's when the police arrived

so like

I thought we all managed to hide

but Kihyun couldn't get out from under the guy

why does he always chooses meatheads to fight with

when he's so tiny

 

**HoneyBuns**

he's compensating leave him alone

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

anyway wonho stayed with him by solidarity I guess

 

**the only sane one**

or like cause he's in love with him

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

also that

for some reasons

and now they're all at the station.

great night!

 

**shownu**

I knew we shouldn't meet in public

I mean

how does that even happen

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

kihyun must have betrayed the nation in his previous life or something

that boy has no luck

 

**HoneyBuns**

will I be wanted

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

probably not

 

**HoneyBuns**

do we need to go buy kihyun tofu

 

**shownu**

I'm gonna try and call wonho

see what's up

it's been like three hours

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

****

 

**the only sane one**

S TOP

 

**HoneyBuns**

when I'm dead.

 

**the only sane one**

well now that kihyun is gonna lead a life of crime I'm sure it can be arranged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I just love making Kihyun fight for some reason. Maybe I'm the one with anger issues.


	14. Police Tactical Unit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun finds his true purpose in life.  
> The others, not so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you couldn't tell I have no idea of police works.

**Sir Yoo**

so like

new concept

us but without the whole fighting in bars thing

 

**HoneyBuns**

you're baaaaaack

 

**I.M**

welcome back

 

**the only sane one**

I have tofu if you want

 

**shownu**

how did it go?

I couldn't get through to wonho

 

**Wonh0**

they think kihyun should become a cop

 

**the only sane one**

seriously

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

to be honest I kinda see it

 

**HoneyBuns**

lmao

totally

put his nagging prowess at the service of the law

 

**Sir Yoo**

are you guys serious

me

a cop

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yeah

like on the violent crime squad

you have the recklessness required

 

**HoneyBuns**

and the nagging

 

**Sir Yoo**

I don't nag

 

**Wonh0**

it's okay I like it

cops uniforms are sexy

ya should do it

 

**Sir Yoo**

just for the uniform?

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's as good a reason as any

 

**Sir Yoo**

I will... consider it

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

now that we've figured out your future

how did it go

 

**Sir Yoo**

well first of all I want to thank all of you for running away and hiding

letting me take the fall for all this

 

**HoneyBuns**

you're welcome

 

**Sir Yoo**

second of all we need to stop going to hongdae

it was the exact same cops as last time

 

**Wonh0**

there was also the same exact ajusshi in the drunk tank

who recognized me

and screamed at me through the bars

so that was nice.

feels good to be recognized

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

your first fan

I'm moved

 

**shownu**

and then?

 

**Sir Yoo**

well they were like haha you again my guy how do you do

 

**HoneyBuns**

srsly

 

**Sir Yoo**

yeah

and apparently the guy you broke the teeth of with your iron elbow

he's well-known by the services

so like

they readily believed it was self-defense

cause he's a violent lunatic

 

**HoneyBuns**

and you're not

 

**Sir Yoo**

right

 

**Wonh0**

it was pretty nice seeing everyone again

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

by everyone do you mean the cops

 

**Wonh0**

yeah

they were pretty chill last time

and kihyun was all like I was defending my friend officer

and then I was all like I was defending him officer

and that's when they asked if kihyun would ever consider being a cop

 

**HoneyBuns**

lmao they must really have issues recruiting

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'd be offended but that's probably the truth

 

**Wonh0**

maybe they think it's better to get you on their side before you get recruited to a life of crime

you'd be a good henchmen

and then you'd rise through the ranks fast as lightning

and end up murdering your boss to take his place

thus establishing your reign of terror

how could you you were the only one he trusted

your own brother in arms

deep down it would eat you up

and one day you would recruit a youth just like you

and you'd know he'd end up doing the same to you

but you wouldn't even try to save your own life

cause the guilt of all your deeds would be too much to bear

and you would end up really caring for him

so when he would come to kill you

you wouldn't defend yourself

you would be like

"I know who you are"

and another cool line like "this is your death sentence"

super fatalist and all

and he would kill you

the same thing would happen to him years later

and he would finally understand your final words

so like when his own nemesis would come to kill him

this time he would try to resist and break the circle of violence

in your honor

cause he did admire and love you

had the circumstances been any different...

 

**the only sane one**

well that was a ride

 

**I.M**

u ok wonho-hyung

 

**Sir Yoo**

he has actual tears in his eyes

he's been watching way too many mafia movies recently

 

**Wonh0**

all those deaths that could have been avoided

all those misunderstood feelings

it is too much

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you should write a book 

I'd read it

ooooh maaaan

you could totally write books based on kihyun's experiences as a violent crime cop

you guys would make so much money

 

**I.M**

hyung can barely spell his own name

 

**Wonh0**

!!!!!

the disrespect

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

he used the word "thus"

that's half a book right there

also have you seen some of the shit that's out there

 

**the only sane one**

if you start ranting on 50 shades again I swear to god

IT'S BEEN YEARS

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

but there were SO MANY THINGS wrong with it

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah, we know

you made sure we did

repeatedly

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

point is wonho could probably do better

my grandma could do better

 

**the only sane one**

isn't your grandma dead

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

she's already doing better then

not poisoning the world with her sub-par writing

 

**Sir Yoo**

sometime I forget how terrible you guys are

and then you say something like this

 

**HoneyBuns**

so like

if kihyun is a cop

and wonho a famous writer

what are we

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well hyungwon would be a model

you and changkyun would have a lucrative career as a rap duo

shownu would be a renown choreographer

and I'd be a famous make-up artist

 

**HoneyBuns**

and like realistically speaking

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

let's face it if we were in a socialist paradise we would all be collecting unemployment and living off schemes

since this is korea we're all gonna be temporary workers and live in goshiwons

 

**HoneyBuns**

well that's bleak

 

**the only sane one**

I disagree

I mean you would for sure

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well gee thanks

 

**the only sane one**

but like kihyun could actually become a cop

 

**Sir Yoo**

can you stop

 

**the only sane one**

we believe in you

wonho can become an underwear model

 

**Wonh0**

tbh I wouldn't mind

should I look into it

 

**Sir Yoo**

no

 

**Wonh0**

well here goes my career

 

**the only sane one**

I could so get you an audition tho

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

just get it for yourself

 

**the only sane one**

I look like a prying mantis in underwear

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

albeit a sexy one

 

**HoneyBuns**

your sex life must be freaking weird

 

**the only sane one**

at least we have one

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

ooooooooooooooh

 

**I.M**

I wasn't even in this conversation and yet I feel so attacked

 

**the only sane one**

collateral damages

 

 

 

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

srsly did you guys do anything beside kissing

 

**From: iron elbow**

how is that your business

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I care

 

**From: iron elbow**

you don't

you're just a gossipy little mongrel

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

mongrel?

have you been reading the thesaurus again?

 

**From: iron elbow  
**

I need new words for my raps sue me

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

no but srsly what are ya waiting for

are you self conscious

I've seen you naked it's pretty alright tho

 

**From: iron elbow**

YOU'RE SO GROSS HYUNG

also when did you ever see me naked

also still not your business

and also if anything happens I want it to be special

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

lame

 

**From: iron elbow**

I'm sorry we can't all be you

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

want me to help you plan it

 

**From: iron elbow**

that's like

the worst idea I've ever heard

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

you're underestimating my meddling prowess

 

**From: iron elbow**

your what

also no

also bye

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

so, so rude

 

**shownu**

I've looked up how to get into the police academy

 

**Sir Yoo**

why

 

**shownu**

I don't know

 

**Sir Yoo**

okay

 

**shownu**

I think you could do it

 

**Sir Yoo**

for real

what's up with you guys wanting me to become a cop

 

**Wonh0**

the uniform

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's the only hope for any of us to get a decent future

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

it feels like destiny

all this happened for a reason

my son

going off to the academy

I'm so moved

 

**Sir Yoo**

are you my mom or my dad in this scenario

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I feel more like a mom for now

I'll update if I change my mind

 

**Sir Yoo**

okay

 

**HoneyBuns**

seriously tho

you should really totally do it

we support you

go be your true self

bless

 

**the only sane one**

JOOHEON FFS

 

**HoneyBuns**

not my fault your face is probs the most meme-able on earth

embrace it

 

**the only sane one**

embrace death

 

**HoneyBuns**

****


	15. This is nothing like Infernal Affairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun makes peace with his destiny and someone has to pay for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If someone knows where this is going let me know

**From: Fairy Godmother**

shownu my guy

remember how we're such a good team

 

**From: Mr Muscle**

no

 

**From: Fairy Godmother**

oh come on

that club day thing was a stroke of genius

 

**From: Mr Muscle**

it was just

common sense

 

**From: Fairy Godmother**

are you insulting my intelligence

 

**From: Mr Muscle**

you're pretty good at insulting it on your own

 

**From: Fairy Godmother**

you think I'm pretty good?

I'm already spoken for you know :3

 

**From: Mr Muscle**

......

I'll be ignoring you now

 

**From: Fairy Godmother**

OH COME ON

dumb & dumber need our help or they'll both die virgins T-T

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT

they're so awkward

it's painful to watch

so

so painful

 

**From: Mr Muscle**

I'm pretty sure none of them is a virgin

also what if they are

also so not your business

 

**From: Fairy Godmother**

no fun

my baaaaabe

no fun

 

**From: Mr Muscle**

you have way too much time on your hands

get a job

 

**From: Fairy Godmother  
**

you're so rude son hyunwoo D:

 

**From: dancing queen**

hyung my man

lmao hyung I'm not even joking right now

kihyun switched majors

for criminology

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

NO WAY

 

**From: dancing queen**

way

like three days ago

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

amazing.

 

**From: dancing queen**

lmao say that to hyungwon

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

why what happened

 

**From: dancing queen**

ask him yourself

lmao it's glorious

 

**From: Jack Frost**

hyungwonnie

did something happen

 

**From: handsome chae**

why

what did you hear

 

**From: Jack Frost**

absolutely nothing

jooheon was being all cryptic and lmao-ing all over the place

 

**From: handsome chae**

that miscreant

no pity for the misery of his friends

 

**From: Jack Frost**

come on spill

 

**From: handsome chae**

kihyun switched majors

 

**From: Jack Frost**

yeah I heard

 

**From: handsome chae**

well

I think it went to his head a bit

 

**From: Jack Frost**

why what did he do

did he break someone again

did he break YOU

 

**From: handsome chae**

no

well kinda

idk

they had a class on organized crime

so he took it upon himself to bust the university's underground casino

 

**From: Jack Frost**

the university has an underground casino?

why didn't I know that?

 

**From: handsome chae**

cause you suck at games

 

**From: Jack Frost**

you wound me

also that's Kihyun

I am GREAT at games

 

**From: hadsome chae**

since when

 

**From: Jack Frost**

since ALWAYS

ANYWAY

what do you have to do with the underground casino

 

**From: handsome chae**

I am the head of the underground casino.

 

**From: Jack Frost**

!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!

!!!!

!

!

!!!

AND I DIDN'T KNOW

 

**From: handsome chae**

yeah cause you suck at games I told you

and to be fair it was more like one or two poker games after club activities.

 

**From: Jack Frost**

were you

were you swindling freshmen out of their pocket money

 

**From: handsome chae**

maybe

 

**From: Jack Frost**

oh my god!!!

so YOU were the kingpin!!!

when we thought it was kihyun all along!!!

this is just like Infernal Affairs

 

**From: handsome chae**

this is nothing like infernal affairs

 

**From: Jack Frost**

true

none of you is as handsome as tony leung

and andy lau

COMBINED

in the same movie

my heart

 

**From: handsome chae**

MINHYUK

 

**From: Jack Frost**

don't worry I wouldn't ditch you for tony leung

or I mean

probably not

but he must be super rich

so like

I could marry him for his money and keep you on the side

 

**From: handsome chae**

****

that's me

judging you

not liking what I find

 

**From: Jack Frost**

I'M SORRY

also A+ for using your own face

also you know I am joking my guy

listen to my heartbeat

it's beating for you

listen to my heartbeat

it's waiting for you

 

**From: handsome chae**

well it will have to wait a little longer cause I'm at the director's office now

 

**From: Jack Frost**

WHAT

seriously

 

**From: handsome chae**

yeah

waiting for my turn

to DIE

 

**From: Jack Frost**

the director loves you tho

always putting your face on every promotional material that ever was

like seriously

what's he gonna do when you graduate

he's your number one fanboy

 

**From: handsome chae**

good question

 

**From: Jack Frost**

who's in there now

 

**From: handsome chae**

my right hand man

 

**From: Jack Frost**

YOU HAVE A RIGHT HAND MAN?????????

 

 **From:** **handsome chae**

well... yeah

 

**From: Jack Frost**

I can't believe it

this is so great

did you guys beat up people

 

**From: handsome chae**

no!

 

**From: Jack Frost**

okay I'm a little disappointed now

who was your right hand

I could be your right hand

 

**From: handsome chae**

you so could not

you'd babble everything right away

 

**From: Jack Frost**

I'd be offended but that's probably true

 

**From: handsome chae**

......twas changkyun

 

**From: Jack Frost**

WHAT

SINCE WHEN

 

**From: handsome chae**

....since he came into the hip hop club

that's the room we used....

 

**From: Jack Frost**

this treachery has no end

YOU GUYS KNEW EACH OTHER?????

 

**From: handsome chae**

well it was only a professional relationship

 

**From: Jack Frost**

OH MY G O D

but like

I can totally see him as a right hand man

good choice

he's like all smart and serious

and like I can totally see him kill someone execution style

like with a gun in a forest

in front of a ditch

with a cool line

wearing a grey overcoat like a badass

OH MY GOD

IS WONHO'S SCENARIO GONNA COME TRUE

IS HE GONNA KILL YOU TO TAKE YOUR PLACE

OOOOH

 

**From: handsome chae**

dude calm down

it's just after-hours poker

 

**From: Jack Frost**

let me have this

anyway kihyun busted you guys?

 

**From: handsome chae**

yeah

to be fair he didn't know it was us

like he opened the door with a flourish and a HA-HA!

and then he saw my face

and he tried to un-HA-HA! and close the door but alas, twas too late

he was with the campus security dude so like

busted we were

 

**From: Jack Frost**

that idiot

is it gonna spark a rivalry between you two that's gonna span decades

and culminate in a gunfight on a roof

the lawful cop against his childhood best-friend, the smart and handsome kingpin

in overcoats

 

**From: handsome chae**

I knew it wasn't a good idea, you watching all those movies with wonho

also what's with you and overcoats

 

**From: Jack Frost**

overcoats are great

but like in all seriousness how bad is it

 

**From: handsome chae**

I think it's gonna be okay

it's more a matter of unlawful use of the facilities

like you're not supposed to use the club rooms for playing cards

 

**From: Jack Frost**

or swindle freshmen out of their money

 

**From: handsome chae**

it wasn't swindling

they knew what they were getting into

it's not my fault if I'm so good

plus it helped pay the rent so like you profited from it too

 

**From: Jack Frost**

oh

then go ahead I support you

 

**From: handsome chae**

besides no one mentioned anything about money so it's all clear on that front

idk how kihyun knew tho

 

**From: Jack Frost**

ooooh

someone in your organization betrayed you

now you have to find out who it is

and have changkyun cut off their fingers

 

**From: handsome chae**

minhyuk

 

**From: Jack Frost**

what

 

**From: handsome chae**

you need to stop hanging out with wonho so much

 

**From: Jack Frost**

I'll tone it down with the mafia fantasies.

 

**From: handsome chae**

thanks

 

**From: Jack Frost**

still can't believe I'm dating a criminal mastermind tho

 

**From: handsome chae**

IT WAS JUST POKER MINHYUK

 

**From: Jack Frost**

it was all my dreams come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt so bad writing this lmao, people thought I was working on my thesis and were all "are you comfortable enough to work? Do you need anything?" and I was internally like well no people, I've been ruining my life writing trash, but thanks for all the coffee you've made me, love ya


	16. Fear not, El Chaepo will rise again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changkyun comes to a realization, Hyungwon embraces his new persona, and Kihyun is really not sure about all this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still scamming everyone into thinking I'm writing my thesis when I'm doing this, so here's a new chapter!  
> I have a bright future ahead of me.
> 
> Don't choke on the cheese at the end.

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

so jooheon guess we should join mob wives

 

**HoneyBuns**

what?

is that another one of your weird american shows

 

**I.M**

it's a great show

almost better than gigolos

 

**HoneyBuns**

you two should hang out more

but like what are you talking abt

for the hyungwon thing?

 

**From: changkyunnie :3**

I haven't told him yetttttt

 

**From: minhyuk hyungnim**

oh noooo

I thought he kneeeew

 

**From: changkyunnie :3**

he knows for hyungwon hyungnim but not for meeeeeee

 

**From: minhyuk hyungnim**

what are you waiting foooooor

also hyungniiiiim?

 

**From: changkyunnie :3**

I don't knoooooow

 

**From: minhyuk hyungnim**

aaaaaaaah

 

**From: changkyunnie :3**

aaaaaaaah

 

**Wonh0**

guys hahaha this is the best!!

 

**From: Changkyun baby**

hyung shut upppp

 

**Wonh0**

who knew our lil changkyun had it in him

so does it actually feel good to be a gangster

oh you guys should so join mob wives

 

**HoneyBuns**

what?

 

**I.M**

oh my goddddd

 

**From: Wonho-hyung**

oh.

woopsie

:'D

 

**From: I.M**

D:

 

**I.M**

I was maybe slightly helping hyungwon hyung in his operations

but like only slightly

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

aww don't sell yourself short

he called you his right hand man

<3

 

**From: changkyunnie :3**

WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON

 

**From: minhyuk hyungnim**

the side of JUSTICE

 

**From: changkyunnie :3**

are you satan's son

 

**the only sane one**

once again, I am awaken by Minhyuk's maniacal laughter

who said what to him

 

**Wonh0**

you're not in jail?

 

**the only sane onev**

you guys should come back to live in reality with the rest of ussvbebrez

 

* **the only sane one** changed their name to **El Chaeaefeagt**

* **El Chaeaefeagt** changed their name to **El Chaepo**

 

**El Chaepo**

MINHYUK

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

don't you dare change it back it's great

 

**HoneyBuns**

changkyun was your right-hand man?

 

**El Chaepo**

yeah

he did a good job

 

**I.M**

thank you hyungnim

 

**HoneyBuns**

HYUNGNIM?

 

**Sir Yoo**

GUYS I'M SO SORRY

I GOT CARRIED AWAY

 

**shownu**

this is fun

 

**El Chaepo**

it's okay we barely got any punishment

 

**Sir Yoo**

why

 

**El Chaepo**

cause you know the director

he loves me

 

**Sir Yoo**

this is a mockery of justice

 

**El Chaepo**

says the guy who gave a false testimony to get us out of it

 

**Sir Yoo**

I felt bad.

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

tsk tsk tsk

not even a real cop yet and already corrupt?

 

**Wonh0**

this is so like Infernal Affairs

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I KNOW RIGHT

 

**El Chaepo**

THIS IS NOTHING LIKE INFERNAL AFFAIRS

 

**Sir Yoo**

I could also go back and retract it

 

**El Chaepo**

DON'T YOU DO THAT

 

**Sir Yoo**

will you do anything I say then

does that make you my bitch

 

**El Chaepo**

I'm no one's bitch

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

r e a l l y

 

**El Chaepo**

MINHYUK

 

**shownu**

it never ends well to blackmail the mafia

 

**El Chaepo**

NOT YOU TOO

IT WAS JUST POKER GAMES

 

**HoneyBuns**

is that why freshmen are so broke these days

 

**El Chaepo**

I guess

well except Changkyun

he made BANK

 

**I.M**

H Y U N G

 

 

**From: joohoney :3**

why didn't you tell me nothiiing

 

**From: changkyunnie**

well

idk

hyungnim told me to tell no one

plus I didn't know how you'd react

idk

 

**From: joohoney :3**

stop calling him hyungnim

he's not the real mafia

he's just hyungwon and he's an idiot

 

**From: changkyunnie**

right

 

**From: joohoney :3**

I can't believe you were a right hand maaan

 

**From: changkyunnie**

well it wasn't that big a deal

it mostly involved guarding the door

oh and give the face

 

**From: joohoney :3**

the face?

 

**From: changkyunnie**

yeah

you know

the face

wait

kinda like this

 

**From: joohoney :3**

so like kinda your normal face

 

**From: changkyunnie**

that's my normal face?

 

**From: joohoney :3**

well

yeah?

 

**From: changkyunnie**

woa wow

I do not look nice

 

**From: joohoney :3**

well I guess that's a good thing for a right-hand man

 

**From: changkyunnie**

is that why I have no friends

oh wow

 

**From: joohoney :3**

are you having an existential crisis

you have friends

your face is great

what am I supposed to do in this situation

 

 

**I.M**

why did nobody tell me I have a resting bitch face??

 

**Wonh0**

well

erm

we thought you knew?

 

**El Chaepo**

that's basically why I got you into it

just putting you there scares everyone into submission

you make violence obsolete changkyun-ah

you should be proud

 

**shownu**

it's not a big deal changkyun

it makes you look distinguished

 

**I.M**

distinguished? you mean old?

is that why teachers always think I'm my own dad?

I'll need time to reflect on myself

 

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

what did you do to the poor guy

 

**From: dancing queen**

why always me

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

so you're not the cause of this?

 

**From: dancing queen**

well yeah I am

but it could have been someone else

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

.....

did you give him shit for running illegal operations

 

**From: dancing queen**

no

that's actually

like

that's actually pretty hot

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

I KNOW RIGHT

 

**From: dancing queen**

like

I thought he was all serious

and like

idk

pure

and he's not

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

so are ya gonna go sex him up now

 

**From: dancing queen**

is that all you ever think about

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

well yeah

 

**From: dancing queen**

you're gross

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

embrace the hyuk

 

**Wonh0**

what's gonna happen to your operations now

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I think you guys should relocate

El Chaepo will rise again

 

**Sir Yoo**

you do know I'm still reading this

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well there's always a cop on the payroll

 

**Sir Yoo**

I don't want to be a part of this

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

l a m e

now that you're all friendly with campus security

you must now where is safe and where isn't

COME ON MOM

BE FUN

 

**El Chaepo**

we have to lay low for a while anyway

I threw out all my burner phones

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

YOU HAD BURNER PHONES

 

**Wonh0**

OH MY GOD

 

**El Chaepo**

I did not

but I knew you guys would lap it up

thanks for not diappointing

 

**Wonh0**

I hate you

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I'll go twist his nipples for you

 

**Wonh0**

thank you

 

**El Chaepo**

NO

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm so not on board with any of this

 

 

**From: joohoney :3**

changkyunnie

come on

are you still distressed over your face

 

**From: changkyunnie**

I look so OLD

now I understand why I've been able to buy hard liquor since I'm twelve

 

**From: joohoney :3**

you've been buying hard liquor since you're twelve?

 

**From: changkyunnie**

yeah

I'd resell it to kids from the neighboring high school

the profit margin was out of this world

 

**From: joohoney :3**

should I be scared?

should I be in awe?

I have no clue

 

**From: changkyunnie**

  sorry

 

**From: joohoney :3**

nah it's cool

I understand what hyungwon saw in you lmao

 

**From: changkyunnie**

do you think I'm terrible

 

**From: joohoney :3**

nah

I think it's hot

 

**From: changkyunnie**

really

 

**From: joohoney :3**

yeah

and I love your face so stop worrying about it

 

**From: changkyunnie**

really

just my face?

 

**From: joohoney :3**

you cheeky mf

I'll show you

let's go on a date

 

**From: changkyunnie**

alright

like a real date this time?

 

**From: joohoney :3**

no following people around or barfing on your jacket I promise

 

**From: changkyunnie**

you're such a dreamboat

 

**From: joohoney :3**

I know.


	17. The best ghost that ever lived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minhyuk has a genius idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still writing this instead of my thesis can someone come whack me with a pole

* **~*~MintyFreshMin~*~** added **El Chaepo** to **The Greatest Date in the Known Universe**

* ** **~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**** added **Sir Yoo** to ****The Greatest Date in the Known Universe****

* ** ** **~*~MintyFreshMin~*~****** added ******Shownu****** to ******The Greatest Date in the Known Universe******

* ** ** ** **~*~MintyFreshMin~*~******** added ** ** **Wonh0****** to ********The Greatest Date in the Known Universe********

 

******Sir Yoo  
** ** **

are we having a secret meeting now

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yes.

I have the greatest news

Changkyun and Jooheon are going on a date

 

**Sir Yoo**

good for them

how is that the greatest news

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

CAUSE THEY GOING TO A HAUNTED HOUUSSEEEEEE

 

**Sir Yoo**

boi

jooheon

to a haunted house?

 

**Wonh0**

why?

 

**Sir Yoo**

that boy lives in fear

one time I talked to him from behind and he elbowed me in the face

while shrieking

would have been funny if my nose hadn't exploded

 

**El Chaepo**

min how did this even happen

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I might have suggested it to changkyun

so he got tickets and now jooheon can't say no

 

**El Chaepo**

lmao that's evil

you so got a place in my gang of two people

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

RIGHT

 

**shownu**

why torture him

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

CAUSE IT'S FUN

 

**shownu**

we won't be even there to see it

or will we

I feel like I should see those things coming by now

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

OF COURSE WE TOTALLY WILL

who do you think I am

 

**Sir Yoo**

but why

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you do know jooheon spied on like every one of your dates until club day

 

**Sir Yoo**

he what

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

followed you around like a slightly unhinged detective

 

**Sir Yoo**

when & where

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I knew I could convince you

 

**Wonh0**

I don't see how we can follow them there without being seen

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well

how do I say that

 

**El Chaepo**

Minhyuk works there

as a ghost

hahaha

or should I say

hohoho

 

**Sir Yoo**

you what

also that's santa, not a ghost

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

thanks for outing me with tact

now that Hyungwon's pipeline to easy money dried up because of SOMEONE

I had to get a job.

 

**Sir Yoo**

so you became a ghost

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well I was aiming for vampire but you know how it is

tough competition in the haunting business

 

**Wonh0**

vampires are overrated these days anyway

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

thank you for your support

 

**Wonh0**

anytime

 

**El Chaepo**

when did you guys become so lovey dovey

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

why

do you feel threatened

this can't end in a fight cause hoseok would most likely kill you

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'd kill you first Minhyuk

**  
**

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

why does this actually scare me

 

**El Chaepo  
**

I would so totally not fight him myself

I'm weak and I know it

I'd send Changkyun

 

**shownu**

smart

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I'm pretty sure the guy has a gun

he just looks like he would

doesn't he

plus he never told us what his parents are actually doing

is he legit mafia

 

**shownu**

no

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE

 

**shownu**

cause I met his family and also this is the real world?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

bummer

 

**Wonh0**

anyway

I get that you're a ghost but like

that's only you

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well I thought about like buying a go pro and just film their reaction to show you later

but that felt like an over-investment

 

**Sir Yoo**

really

 

**El Chaepo**

I had to physically restrain him from going to the store.

 

**Sir Yoo**

yeah sounds about right

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

how awesome would it be tho

like really

can you live stream with a go pro

 

**Wonh0**

well I'm not sure about Jooheon but

Changkyun is, by virtue of actually being 120 years old, unfazable

 

**El Chaepo**

is that even a word

 

**Wonh0**

unfazable?

idk

it is now

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

IS THAT A CHALLENGE I SMELL

 

**El Chaepo**

if you try to be even scarier Jooheon's legit gonna die

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

then wouldn't that make me the best ghost that ever lived

 

**El Chaepo**

do you see the issue with your sentence

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

anyway nevermind jooheon

so like some of you can just follow them I mean it's a haunted house it's dark

they won't notice

I can get you tickets

probably

 

**Sir Yoo**

by virtue of having been stalked I call dibs

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

don't punch anyone while you're in there

 

**Sir Yoo**

I've really calmed down you know

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

is that thanks to all the sex you're having

 

**Sir Yoo**

do you want to become an actual ghost

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I will shut up now

 

**Wonh0**

I'll come too

and it is

 

**shownu**

we didn't need to know that

I'm not coming cause I'm normal

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

more like boring

come on shownu

LIVE A LITTLE

 

**shownu**

the last time I agreed to one of you guy's weird plan I ended up choked out in front of a bunch of traumatized kids

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

good point

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm sorry

 

**Wonh0**

but look how well it all turned out!

 

**shownu**

still not coming

 

**Wonh0**

sad

 

**El Chaepo**

well not coming either

 

**Wonh0**

why?

 

**El Chaepo**

minhyuk doesn't want me to see him in his ghost outfit

 

**Wonh0**

what's wrong with a ghost outfit

 

**El Chaepo**

he says it will kill his sex appeal forever

 

**Wonh0**

I'd do a ghost tho

 

**Sir Yoo**

that's cause you a kinky mf

 

**shownu**

didn't need to know that either

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

kihyun

 

**Sir Yoo**

yes

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

do you dress up in little outfits sometimes?

 

**Sir Yoo**

remember about you shutting up and me not making your part time job a reality?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

gee

why are you so good at threats

did you get a class on how to threaten suspects into confessing

 

**Sir Yoo**

no

also it's called interview techniques

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you should so join our gang

don't you hear the dark side calling your name

kihyuuuuuun

(hyun)

(hyu)

(h)

 

**Sir Yoo**

is that the echo

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yes

 

**Sir Yoo**

just for this I'm not joining

 

**El Chaepo**

you guys know I don't actually have a gang right

it was just after hours poker

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

course you do

don't sell yourself short

 

**El Chaepo**

there's no getting out of this is there

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

just own up to it buddy

let me be your greedy, glamorous wife

 

**El Chaepo**

weren't you already

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I guess

ANYWAY

so it is settled

 

**Sir Yoo**

if Jooheon actually dies I reject all responsibilities

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

he's not that big a chicken

is he

 

**Sir Yoo**

guess we will find out

 

  **~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well this sounds ominous

 

**Sir Yoo**

twas your idea

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

AND IT'S A GREAT ONE

 

**Sir Yoo**

you're the actual spawn of satan aren't you

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you're giving me too much credit

I'm just a lowly ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what am I doing lmao


	18. Campfire ghost story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoo Kihyun doesn't punch anyone at the haunted house, it's a tiny miracle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are still enjoying this mess :'D

**Wonh0**

it was darker than dark, not even shadows could be seen

you could hear the distant screams of someone being tortured

probably in a leaky basement

it's always in leaky basements

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I do confirm we're fake-torturing people in our leaky basement

 

**Wonh0**

knew it

SO THEN

he stepped into the room he thought empty

but it was there

just laying in wait

for a new victim

and what better victim than lee jooheon.

 

**El Chaepo**

I'm weirdly super into this

 

**Wonh0**

young lee jooheon, who had spent the last fifteen minutes screaming and crying

hanging onto the arm of his boyfriend

but he had lost him.

a ghost had appeared from nowhere

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

from a trapdoor

there's a trapdoor in the wall

 

**Wonh0**

don't ruin my story

 

**El Chaepo**

yeah don't ruin his story

 

**Wonh0**

the ghost appeared from NOWHERE

wailing and crying

reaching out for their faces with his disembodied hands

and jooheon

sweet, innocent lee jooheon

he couldn't bear it anymore

his feet got the better of him and he ran away screaming

leaving his boyfriend to die at the hands of the devilish specter

 

**I.M**

I felt so loved at this instant

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm sorry

I have extremely strong survival instincts

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

it was a beautiful, beautiful sight

and what a scream

 

**Wonh0**

my god what a scream

and his treacherous, treacherous feet

they led him right into a deathly trap

he entered the empty room, convinced he had found sanctuary at last

but alas

in this house

there's only terror.

 

**El Chaepo**

I'm so coming next time

 

**HoneyBuns**

there won't be a next time.

 

**Wonh0**

the door slammed shut behind him

there was a moment of silence

and then he heard it.

the scrapping of heavy feet on the old, creaky floorboard

the labored breathing of a creature made of pure evil

but he still couldn't see it

so he dove under a desk

trying but failing to stifle the whimpers escaping his lips

trembling hands covering his face

the creature coming closer still

 

**El Chaepo**

intense

did he pee himself

 

**Wonh0**

dignity wasn't entirely lost that day

he did not.

but almost!

because the creature was upon him now

he could hear a ghastly laugh tumbling from its deformed mouth

the grinding of pointy teeth, soon to chew on his own flesh

and he thought to himself

this is it

this is how I die

and the scream that escaped his lips was barely human

 

**El Chaepo**

oh my

did he die

 

**Wonh0**

his soul died a little that day

but his body was saved

just as bloody claws where reaching for his whimpering form

huddled under a desk, tears sweeping from his half-closed eyes

the door opened with a bang!

and thus

that's the story of how one lim changkyun came to punch a murder clown.

 

**El Chaepo**

I'm so moved

 

**I.M  
**

I'm sorry I punched a murder clown

 

**HoneyBuns**

I was so NOT crying

it was sweat

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

it's okay changkyunnie

to be perfectly honest the murder clown kinda deserved it

he thinks he's all that

just because murder clowns are suddenly in

I'll let you know that ghosts are a timeless classic

when the hype dies down where will you be uh

in the DUMPSTER

WITH THE WEREWOLVES

 

**Sir Yoo  
**

things are heating up in the haunting field

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I hate that murder clown

 

**Wonh0**

aren't werewolves still in tho

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well

now everybody wants to get it on with them so

we pulled ours

got too many phone numbers

 

**Wonh0**

seriously

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I wish I was kidding

well tbh the guy playing the werewolf was kinda hot

I mean I get it

 

**El Chaepo**

if you're secretly a furry I want out of this relationship

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

werewolves are humans most of the time ya know

sexy, sexy humans

 

**HoneyBuns**

are you sure it's not a real murder clown tho

I mean I definitely felt something evil

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yes I'm sure

I've seen him without his make-up on

it's not pretty

the thing you felt was his assholeness

coming out of him in waves

 

**El Chaepo**

aren't you just jealous

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

JEALOUS

ME

 

**El Chaepo**

yeah

you

you wish you was a murder clown

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I DO NOT

MOVING ON

 

**El Chaepo**

yeah what happened next wonho

 

**Wonh0**

well this program will get rated if I keep going

we will have to send the kids to bed

 

**El Chaepo**

what

did you guys get it on in a freaking haunted house

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

I WOULD NEVER DO THAT

plus I was traumatized

 

**I.M**

I had to piggy-back him to the exit

snot and tears dripping on my neck

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

this is so not the truth

I do not drip

 

**shownu**

how did you do that

you have no muscles

you said it yourself

 

**I.M**

I was high on adrenaline

 

**El Chaepo**

I'm confused then

who got it on in the haunted house

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

OH MY

KIHYUN

YOU GUYS WERE THE CODE PINK

 

**Sir Yoo**

the what

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

we have codes

red is for when someone gets decked

cause it happens way more often than you might think

funny how people go fight instead of flight A LOT OF THE DAMN TIME

 

**El Chaepo**

is that why you were walking funny for like three days

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

girls in heels do much damage.

ANYWAY

this time red was for the murder clown so like no one cared

BUT pink is for when people start to get it on

CAUSE PEOPLE ARE FREAKS

AND APPARENTLY THAT INCLUDES YOU YOO KIHYUN

TWAS YOU WASN'T IT

 

**Sir Yoo**

stop slandering me

wonho started it

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

I can't believe this

I was heaving my last breath

and you guys were getting freaky in some weird torture basement

 

**Sir Yoo**

I will let you know I have class

so it was behind the creature of the lake's aquarium.

and we did practically nothing

 

**Wonh0**

yeah about that

isn't a creature of the lake supposed to be in a lake

and like

not an aquarium

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

is that criticism I'm reading

 

**Wonh0**

well

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I won't hesitate, bitch

 

**El Chaepo**

you're very protective of a company that makes you dress up as a ghost and gets you kicked in the balls

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

why, why is it always the balls

like go for the legs for once

but no

what if I wanted children

 

**El Chaepo**

how

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I haven't fully worked out the logistics yet

maybe we can just steal an orphan

 

**Sir Yoo**

foolproof plan

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I'm doing my best

anyway enough side tracking

what happened when you reached the outside

 

**I.M**

Jooheon blacked out for like 30 seconds

 

**HoneyBuns**

that's so not true

I was just resting my eyes

 

**I.M**

while passed out

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

it's okay jooheon-ah it can happen

it's the overflow of emotions

 

**HoneyBuns**

I hate you sometimes

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

don't hate me cause you ain't me

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah that's exactly what's happening here

on another note did I lose all my credibility as a chic and scary hip hop master

 

**Sir Yoo**

don't worry your street cred was already below sea-level

 

**HoneyBuns**

gee thanks hyung I so do not worry now

 

**El Chaepo**

I think what we all have to remember from this ordeal is that not only did kihyun not fight anything

but I.M punched a murder clown

you so deserves to inherit my casino empire

 

**Sir Yoo**

so it's an empire now?

not just "after hours poker"?

 

**El Chaepo**

why you want a piece yoo kihyun?

 

**Wonh0**

he already getting a piece of THAT ASS

 

**shownu**

go to bed shin hoseok

 

**I.M**

escaping ghosts

punching murder clowns

getting covered in snot

it was all for love ;_;

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

oh my lim changkyun

is that the best declaration ever or what

are you crying yet lee jooheon

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

I will skin you one day Lee Minhyuk

 

**El Chaepo**

why are we suddenly all calling each others by our full names

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

good question chae hyungwon

also don't deny it jooheon

I know you are

please tell me you're running to him full speed under the rain

wiping your tears away as you go

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's not raining

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

nevermind that

don't get hit by a car it's always at those moments that it happens

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm not running

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

why not

 

**HoneyBuns**

he's like, right next to me

I just have to extend an arm

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

then extend it

 

**I.M  
**

we're at a bus stop

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

going where

 

**HoneyBuns**

far away from you

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

why do you keep offending me

I can't believe you're going on a secret date without telling me

 

**HoneyBuns**

well look at what happened last time we told you

I am the meddler here

I can't be meddled with

 

**El Chaepo**

he got a point there

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

so much betrayal ;_;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's already 18 chapters lmao and here I was, thinking I wouldn't go over 5. LITTLE DID I KNOW.


	19. A Fabulous Day at the Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Payback is to be had for that evening at the haunted house.  
> Of course it wouldn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was suggested in the comments that they should spy on Minhyuk's date and I was like THEY SURE SHOULD so here you go (this mess is so unplanned I HAVE NO PLOT).  
> Hope it will meet your expectations :'D

* **HoneyBuns** added **I.M** to **guess that's what our lives have come to  
**

* **HoneyBuns** added **Sir Yoo** to **guess that's what our lives have come to**

* ** **HoneyBuns**** added ****shownu**** to **guess that's what our lives have come to**

* ** ** **HoneyBuns****** added ******Wonh0****** to ** **guess that's what our lives have come to****

 

****Sir Yoo** **

what a fabulous day at the park

 

****HoneyBuns** **

how is that s

how is that so boring

like

how

 

**Sir Yoo**

just for the record

YOU were the one who insisted we should spy on them for once

 

**HoneyBuns**

I wanted payback for the haunted house disaster

but

I'm the one who's been had again

 

**shownu**

I can't believe I'm going to say that

but kihyun

can you just go punch someone when it's uncalled for again

make something HAPPEN

WHY DID I AGREE TO THIS

 

**I.M**

are you finally loosing your mind hyung

 

**shownu**

I'm this close

 

**Sir Yoo**

to be honest I was actually thinking of drop kicking that annoying kid

but hoseok said kids are off-limits

 

**Wonh0**

they are

you can drop kick the mom tho

LEARN TO DISCIPLINE YOUR HELL SPAWN

 

**I.M**

how long have they been together?

cause they look like an old married couple

like I'm pretty sure that's what my grandparents are doing when they date

 

**HoneyBuns**

we never quite got to the bottom of that

but like since high school I guess

are they just staring into each other's eyes now

 

**Sir Yoo**

yup.

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm getting goosebumps

from sheer embarrassment

 

**Sir Yoo**

you're not that much better with I.M

 

**HoneyBuns**

oh puh-lease

 

**Wonh0**

well at least they stopped sharing ice-cream

that was some disgusting shit if I may say so

 

**Sir Yoo**

don't remind me of the ice cream.

 

**HoneyBuns**

on a side note that kid has some pipes

maybe he can find a job as a police siren

tie him to the roof of the car

let him express himself

 

**shownu**

if I don't make his head explode before that

 

**I.M**

did you just threaten a kid with death by headsplosion?

 

**shownu  
**

like you wouldn't consider it

 

**I.M**

I was fantasizing on him accidentally drowning in the fountain

 

**HoneyBuns**

oh god

they're going for a romantic walk under the canopy

 

**Sir Yoo**

I called it

you all owe me a burrito

 

**Wonh0**

it's not gonna be that romantic if that damn kid keeps screaming

 

**HoneyBuns**

is he speaking in korean cause I can't understand a damn word from what he's saying

 

**Sir Yoo**

it's not korean

it's hell talk

cause he's from hell

where I will send him back if he doesn't SHUT UP

HOW CAN PEOPLE TOLERATE THIS

 

**Wonh0**

wait

is hyungwon engaging the demon toddler

 

**HoneyBuns**

is that a fond look on minyuk's face

 

**Wonh0**

HE IS ENGAGING THE DEMON TODDLER

 

**HoneyBuns**

your tree is the closest can you hear what he's saying

 

**Wonh0**

you vastly misunderstand how sound works for a guy that's into music

I'm like 7 meters away

 

**I.M**

so hyungwon hyung's good with kids?

 

**Sir Yoo**

he's not supposed to be

 

**HoneyBuns**

WHAT IS THIS

 

**I.M**

well at least he's getting him to shut up

 

**shownu**

can we all appreciate how we're hiding behind trees wishing death upon a 4 year old

when this guy just gets him to shut up by being nice

 

**Sir Yoo**

we are terrible people is that what you're saying

 

**shonwu**

yes

 

**HoneyBuns**

didn't we already established that

also like isn't this kid just a perfect rapt candidate

the mom doesn't even care hyungwon's there, playing with him

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm getting those calming dad vibes from him again

and I'm horrified

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm more horrified by Minhyuk's face

 

**Wonh0**

this looks like twu wuv bruh

 

**Sir Yoo**

****

 

**HoneyBuns**

can you guys just get out

 

**Wonh0**

hey you got me stuck behind a tree

now accept the consequences

 

**I.M**

I guess hyungwon is just that non-threatening

I'd let him play with my kid too

if I had one

 

**HoneyBuns**

well the kid can probably punch him into oblivion if he so wishes tbh

the guy is made of paper

 

**Sir Yoo**

he's HUGGING IT

how is he not bursting into flames

 

**shownu**

we should stop comparing kids to tiny demons

 

**Sir Yoo**

why

that's what most of them are

eww eww he kissed it

 

**HoneyBuns**

I can see you flapping from where I stand

are you still grossed out by hyungwon being a closeted dad

well I'm actually still grieving his non-existing illegitimate child so I get it I guess

 

**I.M**

what the heck are you guys talking about

aww minhyuk is joining them

 

**shownu**

they look like a happy family

 

**Sir Yoo**

still gross

 

**Wonh0**

I know deep down you think it's cute

 

**Sir Yoo**

maybe.

 

**HoneyBuns**

seriously tho

I think I like spying on kiho's dates better

I miss the action

 

**Sir Yoo**

they just tamed a demon

with their disgusting calming dad vibes

how is that not wild

also like can you stop spying on us

and take care of your own dates

 

**HoneyBuns**

well I tried and look how it turned out

also funny how you're so freaked out by him being a dad when you're such a mom yourself

OOOOOH

IS THAT IT

do you feel threatened in your single parenthood

 

**Sir Yoo**

of all my children you're the worst

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm hurt

 

**I.M**

GUYS I THINK MINHYUK SPOTTED ME

 

**Sir Yoo**

haha he totally did

run for your life changkyunnie

 

**HoneyBuns**

wow who knew minhyuk was this fast

did he just leap over a bench

well color me surprised

what an athlete

 

**Sir Yoo**

I think he's just fueled by rage

 

**HoneyBuns**

changkyun-ah if you ever read this before getting murdered

I really did love you

 

**shownu**

everyone knows that if I.M is somewhere you probably are too

so I'd start running as well if I were you

 

**HoneyBuns**

if you're looking for me I'm in the bushes

 

**Wonh0**

I lost them what's happening

 

**Sir Yoo**

well I.M got rugby-tackled to the ground

and now I think he's getting a lecture by dad Hyungwon

who's still holding the kid by the hand

I might gag.

 

**HoneyBuns**

THERE IS BEES IN THESE BUSHES OH MY GOD

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm so lost

should I watch jooheon trying to outrun bees

should I focus on I.M's sad attempts at crawling away

 

**Wonh0**

personally I'm going with the bees

 

**Sir Yoo**

the bees never disappoint

 

**shownu**

how do you still have friends

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm a great cook.

 

**Wonh0  
**

must be real hard to be jooheon no kidding

between bees and murder clowns

the guy can't catch a break

 

**Sir Yoo**

he will have so much to tell his grandchildren ;_;

 

**Wonh0**

hope he isn't allergic to bees

 

**Sir Yoo**

I don't think so

guess we will find out

 

**shownu**

should we maybe help

 

**Sir Yoo**

how

if you wanna go fight bees be my guest

 

**Wonh0**

he's going for the fountain

 

**Sir Yoo**

is he gonna

yup he did

 

**Wonh0**

is there any way to put 'managed to outrun bees once' on your resume

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm genuinely amazed

what a fabulous day at the park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun is actually adorable with kids (all of them are really) but oh well


	20. Mario Party but Without the Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon finds a kid in his living room. Minhyuk disappears. Changkyun talks about hanky-panky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S THE TWENTIETH CHAPTER should I break out the champagne  
> It's a calm one the guys needed some rest.
> 
> Also I'm shamelessly pimping myself but I made a tumblr blog! Because I have not enough stuff to procrastinate with. I'm not sure what to follow so you can recommend me tumblrs and stuff, or just come talk or whatever it is that people on tumblr do : blanquette.tumblr.com  
> Also it will probably suck cause I'm actually not that funny.

**From: handsome chae**

minhyuk

I just came home

why is there a kid playing mario party alone in our living room

minhyuk

answer me please

MINHYUK

 

**From: frog king  
**

kihyun

there's a kid playing mario party alone in my living room

kihyun

answer me please

KIHYUN

 

**From: The Notorious**

alone?

how is that a party

or well

could be an alone party but he needs wine and some candles

and like

sexy music

 

**From: frog king**

wow you really make an evening of it

also bruh he's like 5

 

**From: The Notorious**

I treat myself right

 bruh why is there a 5yo in your living room tho

 

**From: frog king  
**

I don't know

that's the issue here

 

**From: The Notorious**

you asked minhyuk?

 

**From: frog king  
**

no you're the first one I asked cause you're constantly on my mind

 

**From: The Notorious**

is that sarcasm

 

**From: frog king  
**

how could you tell

 

**From: The Notorious**

I'm smart like that

 

**From: frog king**

minhyuk isn't answering his phone

 

**From: The Notorious**

maybe he did kidnap an orphan

congrats

you're a dad now

 

**From: frog king  
**

I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS

 

**From: The Notorious**

wow and you already sound like one

nice

 

**From: frog king  
**

kihyun

 

**From: The Notorious**

maybe it's for ransom

you know like a mister vengeance scenario

now that you welcomed him into your gang

he's taking initiatives

should be proud

 

**From: frog king  
**

in this case am I bae doona or shin hakyun

 

**From: The Notorious**

definitely shin hakyun

you're not cool enough to be bae doona

 

**From: frog king  
**

nice, thanks

on another note do you have a plausible explanation for the kid in my living room

 

**From: The Notorious**

nope

why don't you go ask the kid

they speak at that age don't they

embrace your dadism

engage like you did yesterday

you hero

 

**From: frog king  
**

.....alright

 

 

**From: The Notorious**

it's been a while what happened?

 

**From: frog king**

he asked me what suicide was.

 

**From: The Notorious**

dark

what did you say

 

**From: frog king  
**

that that's when you murder your own self

 

**From: The Notorious**

brutal

what did he say

 

**From: frog king  
**

he was like

IT IS ALLOWED????

looking mind blown

 

**From: The Notorious**

rough

what did you do

 

**From: frog king  
**

I started working on a voodoo doll of minhyuk

 

**From: The Notorious**

well at least he didn't ask you where do babies come from

could have been worse

what are you guys doing now

 

**From: frog king  
**

well we're not enough of a party for mario

so I put mario kart instead

and I'm destroying him on the rainbow road

 

**From: The Notorious**

you know he's a kid right

like normal people would let him win

 

**From: frog king  
**

he needs to learn the world is an unjust place

where people won't let you win just cause you're weak

 

**From: The Notorious**

you're doing that to him after teaching him about suicide?

 

**From: frog king  
**

are you making a point

 

**From: The Notorious**

I hope so

remember how mister vengeance ended?

 

**From: frog king**

the kid DROWNED

he didn't kill himself cause he lost at mario kart

 

**The Notorious**

well the remakes are usually shitier than the originals

 

**From: frog king  
**

WHERE IS MINHYUK

 

**From: The Notorious**

ask jooheon

he's like his only other friend

 

**From: frog king  
**

we really need to meet other people

 

**From: The Notorious  
**

well there's changkyun and hoseok and hyunwoo now

 

**From: frog king  
**

we really need to meet other people

 

**From: The Notorious**

rude

 

**From: his majesty chae**

do you know where minhyuk is

jooheon

 

**From: his majesty chae**

OH COME ON

 

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

why isn't your boyfriend answering his phone

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

his phone died when he jumped in the fountain

trying to escape bees

remember

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

how could I ever forget

I'm still laughing about it

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

who isn't tbh

he's traumatized tho

sometimes he wakes up at night

covered in cold sweat

screaming about bees and murder clowns

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

wait

at night?

you guys spent the night together?

oooOOOooOOOooOOOoooOOooooOOOOOOoooooh

you can't see me but I'm waggling my eyebrows suggestively

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

well you can stop

I just crash at his place sometimes

but like nothing really happened

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

why?

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

you're really interested?

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

why wouldn't I be

I'm always interested

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

you're like never interested

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

true

but minhyuk disappeared

I'm currently making play dough with a 5yo

and I'm pretty sure he just made a penis

so like

I need something to not acknowledge that

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

well

okay this is embarrassing

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

why

couldn't get it up?

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

HYUNG

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

it happens you know

it's fine

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

okay thanks for that but it wasn't the issue

you know how he's scared of like

everything

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

yeah

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

well

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

do you have a monster pee-pee he's scared of?

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

SERIOUSLY HYUNG

SPEND LESS TIME WITH MINHYUK

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

I need to make him proud

but seriously what is jooheon's problem

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

everything is his problem

last time we got interrupted by me grabbing his ankle when he wasn't expecting it

the time before that it was a moth flying in his face

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

wait why would you be grabbing his ankle during

oh

nevermind I think I get it

ADVENTUROUS

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

CAN YOU NOT

and there was also that time where the fuses blew

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

what kind of dump does he live in that there's just moths flying around all willy-nilly and fuses blow up and people grab your ankles

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

you know I can just stop talking about it

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

no

there's an update on the play dough / penis situation

I think it's actually a girl

with no arms

and now I'm really hopping that's a horse she's riding

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

your life is tough

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

you have no idea

minhyuk usually handles all the weirdness

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

what is this kid btw?

did minhyuk steal an orphan?

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

everybody jumps to that conclusion

but I don't think so

so what are you gonna do about jooheon

except NOT grabbing his ankles like come on changkyun-ah

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

I DON'T KNOW

I mean he had it rough lately

between the murder clowns and the bees

the guy is on edge

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

maybe he should get it rough

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

what

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

don't give him time to think

like no more ankle grabbing just like good ol'fashionned roughy hanky panky

just overwhelmed him

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

I should have never told you about the ankle grabbing.

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

a lot of this conversation should have never happened tbh

okay the horse is actually a bicycle I am relieved

so like are you taking my advice or not

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

maaaaaaybe.

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

I want an update.

 

**From: Righ Hand Man and Also Left**

suuuuuure

 

 

**From: The Notorious**

so like any news on minhyuk?

 

**From: frog king**

nope.

 

**From: The Notorious**

what's happening then

 

**From: frog king**

well idk

we're making play-dough

 

**From: The Notorious**

it's we now?

you actually like this kid don't you

 

**From: frog king**

yeah.

 

**From: The Notorious**

what's his name?

 

**From: frog king**

I don't know

I mean he makes me call him jjang jjang man but I'm pretty sure it's not his name

 

**From: The Notorious**

astute deduction

 

**From: frog king**

right

I'll send you a picture of our play dough masterpieces later

and like

WHERE IS MIN

 

**From: The Notorious**

maybe he's the one who got kidnapped

but he'll probably be able to talk the guy to death so don't worry too much

 

**From: frog king**

you're gonna be the worst cop

 

**From: The Notorious**

didn't we already decide I was gonna be the best

 

**From: frog king**

we were all deceived.

okay dude there's someone at the door

 

**From: The Notorious**

ten bucks it's minhyuk that forgot his keys or whatnot

 

**From: frog king**

you're on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I just write the worst cliffhanger of the history of cliffhangers???? Yes I did.


	21. That's Stockholm Syndrome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out Minhyuk had a busy afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I've been spamming this website a crazy amount lately.  
> It's all that procrastination D:

**From: frog king**

so like you owe me ten bucks

 

**From: The Notorious**

it wasn’t minhyuk?

 

**From: frog king**

oh boy it was so not him

 

**From: The Notorious**

what

 

**From: frog king**

wait

let’s share this

it’s been a while since no one was publicly humiliated

 

**From: The Notorious**  

have you forgotten jooheon and the bees already

 

**From: frog king**

good point!

I did not.

 

**El Chaepo**

so guys

TURNS OUT MINHYUK DID STEAL AN ORPHAN

granted that particular orphan got a really pissed off dad

 

**Wonh0  
**

wut?

 

**shownu**

what?

 

**I.M**

como?

 

**El Chaepo**

minhyuk

EXPLAIN YOURSELF

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

okay guys this could have happened to anyone

 

**El Chaepo**

YOU STOLE A KID

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

entirely by mistake

come on

you know me

I wouldn’t do that on purpose

 

**Sir Yoo**

you so would tho

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

OH COME ON

hear me out

 

**Sir Yoo**

this better be good

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

so like my aunt called me right

and she had to go get her grandkid from school but like something came up

and she couldn’t

but

since she remembers me as a responsible young man

 

**I.M  
**

jooheon said: hahahahaha and then

yeah he's choking on his own spit

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

GO GET YOUR PHONE FIXED BEE BOY

ANYWAY

aunty called me for help

 

**Sir Yoo**

this is so ill-advised

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

AND THEN

I was like

sure

how much do you pay me

and after some negotiations

the woman is TOUGH lemme tell you

I agree to go

but

I have no idea what this kid looks like right

she sends me a blurry picture of a kid in a bowlcut with a pororo backpack

YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY KIDS FIT THAT DESCRIPTION?

 

**Wonh0**

all of them?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

ALL OF THEM INDEED

so I’m standing there trying to decide which pororo backpack is mine

when this one kid starts talking to me

and I’m like

he must be recognizing me!

so I take him by the hand and go on my merry way

turns out he was just very social

 

**Wonh0**

you grabbed the wrong kid?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I grabbed the wrong kid.

 

**Sir Yoo**

couldn’t you like

ask a teacher

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yeah you’d think I’d do that wouldn’t you

so then his actual dad shows up right

and there’s this bowl-cut kid waiting but it’s not his bowl-cut kid

which is nowhere to be found

cause he was long gone

currently playing Mario party in our living room

so he gets understandably worried

and calls the cops

and like

they look over the CCTV

and here I am

one Lee Minhyuk

grabbing some random kid by the hand

no biggie right

 

**Sir Yoo  
**

I bet this never happened to anyone ever in the history of the world

except you

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

oh come on I’m sure it happens all the damn time

 

**shownu**

like where

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I dunno

but like

you should put name tags on kids or something

ANYWAY

it’s an emergency right they’re thinking some creep stole a kid

so like they start distributing my likeness and asking around and stuff

AND

of course

that’s when I thought it was a great idea to go grocery shopping

cause I thought maybe I shouldn’t feed spicy-ass ramen noodles to a kid

 

**El Chaepo**

we should really start having actual real food

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

YOU DON'T SAY

the cashier recognized me

and she called the cops

AND LET ME TELL YOU

the police is no fun when they think you have a kid in your basement

 

**Sir Yoo**

what a surprise

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

so I confess everything and they think I’m lying cause like who would do that right

but then the actual kid I was supposed to pick up was there too cause the school didn’t know what to do with him

and he recognized me and they called my aunt and stuff

and then they went to our apartment

 

**El Chaepo**

where they found me making play-dough.

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

indeed.

what a relief

 

**Sir Yoo**

so like did you all get arrested or something

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

no

twas all a misunderstanding after all.

but wait!

there's more!

the kid apparently had the time of his life.

he didn't wanna leave and stuff

tears everywhere.

 

**I.M**

it's called stockholm syndrome

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

WE DIDN'T KIDNAP HIM

well I guess we did

but like

accidentally

 

**El Chaepo**

I did nothing it's all on you

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

thanks for the support

if you get busted for your criminal activities I'm putting everything on you

 

**El Chaepo**

what criminal activities

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

casinos, whores, organ harvesting

the usual.

but yeah

there was crying and stuff he's half in love with hyungwon

 

**Sir Yoo**

who knew you'd actually be good with kids

 

**El Chaepo**

I was surprised myself to be honest

should I give up modeling and start being a kindergarten teacher

 

**Wonh0**

you so should

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

BUT HOW WILL WE EVER BE RICH

but tbh I'd see it.

 

**Sir Yoo**

you guys should stop picking people's careers based on the bad choices they're making

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

says the guys who switched majors

ANYWAY

the dad actually took our phone numbers

for eventual babysitting emergencies.

 

**I.M  
**

what

 

**Wonh0**

that's like

the most hardcore job interview ever

kidnap random kids, forcibly show how good you are with them

 

**Sir Yoo**

lemme get this straight

you steal a kid

hide him in your apartment

and you get a job out of it?

 

**shownu**

is that father in his right mind

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

probably not

but yey!

money!

 

**I.M**

well

that's

impressive I guess

in a way.

I mean

I would definitely not give you my kid

but who knows.

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I think it's all thanks to my amazing charisma

 

**Sir Yoo**

keep dreaming

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

rude

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

to get a kid you'd first have to get down to business lmao

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

hyung

no

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

hyung yes

he's with you now right?

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

and?

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

minhyuk says you should get on with it

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

are you sharing all our conversations with minhyuk

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

just assume everything I hear he hears it too

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

that's not

are you guys siamese twins or something

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

that would be the weirdest case of incest ever

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

g r o s s

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

you started it

srsly just swipe for insects, keep the lights on, don't make any sudden moves and it should be fine

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

.......thanks for the advice?

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

we believe in you

make us proud

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

don't like

stop discussing this among yourselves like a couple of old pervs

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

but that's what we are, changkyun-ah

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

how do I get a restraining order

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

ask kihyun, he's the cop

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

I will so totally do that

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

we're both hurt :(

after all the support we provided you

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

I'M FINE ON MY OWN

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

sure you are

let us know how that goes

 

**From: Right Hand Man and Also Left**

I so won't

 

**From: El Chaepo-nim**

:(


	22. Pisdyuk Blyat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where the gang is about to get into some more shenanigans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt that shownu needed some more exposure so here ya go~

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you know what I noticed the other day

 

**HoneyBuns**

we don’t currrr

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

what crawled up your butt and died

anyway, ignoring you

you know how I’m dating hyungwon right

 

**Sir Yoo**

we so do

how I miss the good old days of blissful ignorance

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

and jooheon has wooed changkyun for some reason

(reason being me)

(I’m awesome)

 

**HoneyBuns**

it is so not thanks to you

it's my musky charms

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

gross

 

**shownu**

I so do not like where this is going

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you catch on quick

WE NEED TO FIND YOU A DATE

 

**shownu**

no

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

why not

 

**shownu**

not interested

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

is there a tragic backstory to your unwillingness to date

are you still hung up on your first love

are you waiting for your man Dmitri to come back from the war

selling beets by the roadside

 

**shownu**

yes

that is exactly what I’m doing

selling beets

by the roadside.

 

**I.M**

to be honest I’d see it

with like a little shawl draped around you

 

**HoneyBuns**

oooh

a shawl with washed-out colors and a flowery pattern

 

**I.M**

please sir~

 

**HoneyBuns**

only two coppers for my beets~

 

**shownu**

get out

 

**Wonh0**

aren’t you dating that girl from the dance club tho

 

**shownu**

no

 

**Wonh0**

but you guys went to a wedding together

 

**shownu**

how do you know that

 

**Wonh0**

instagram & stalker issues

 

**shownu**

I just went with her so that her parents would get off her back

 

**I.M**

wasn’t there a movie about this

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yeah

the wedding date

 

**I.M**

somehow I’m not surprised you know this

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I’m a sucker for fake-relationship tropes

 

**I.M**

who isn’t tbh

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I KNOW RIGHT

 

**I.M**

YES

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm learning something new everyday

 

**I.M**

but anyway

I thought you were dating that girl from the administration building

didn’t you accompany her to an office party or something?

 

**shownu**

it was just to make her look good in front of that colleague she hates

 

**Sir Yoo**

alright not to pry but

aren't you waiting for that girl from the coffee shop every thursday too

I always see you there

 

**shownu**

well

the guy from the night shift is creeping on her

 

**El Chaepo**

okay I gotta ask

do you have like

a fake-boyfriend business we should know about

 

**shownu**

no

I don't get paid

that would be weird

 

**Sir Yoo**

that's what would be weird?

getting paid?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

dude you're basically an escort

 

**shownu**

I'm just helping out friends

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yeah

by being an escort

 

**I.M**

it's okay hyung I respect your hustling

 

**Wonh0**

it's not hustling if he's not getting paid

it's just...

idk

 

**shownu**

being nice?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yeah

by being a free escort

DUDE

CAPITALIZE A BIT

oh my

I just had the best idea

Hyungwon my love

we found your whore

 

**El Chaepo**

what

 

**shownu**

excuse me

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well now that the casino business went down

hyungwon I see you typing and I swear to god if it's to say it was only after-hours poker I'm ripping your head off

with my teeth

 

**El Chaepo**

jesus

nevermind then 

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

good

anyway

now you can bounce back with an escort business!

pimp shownu out!

 

**shownu**

this is a terrible idea

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

this is a great idea!

 

**I.M**

tbh I'd see it

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm sure you take real good care of the clientele hyung

being a gentleman and all

 

**shownu**

THOSE ARE FRIENDS

there is no clientele

 

**Wonh0**

oh

I know

we should go to the bachelor auction down at starship

 

**Sir Yoo**

what the heck are you talking about

 

**Wonh0**

you know

starship

the slightly creepy joint where older women hang out

 

**Sir Yoo**

yes I know

I have recurring nightmares about that place

 

**I.M**

who doesn't tbh

 

**Sir Yoo**

I meant

what do you mean a bachelor auction?

 

**Wonh0**

well you know

guys come out on a little stage and women bid on them for dinner or something

usually it's for charity

but it's starship we're talking about so it's just for kicks

and you can keep the money

 

**Sir Yoo**

oh

OH

we should totally put you up here

 

**Wonh0**

me?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you're pimping your own boyfriend?

 

**Sir Yoo**

have you seen him

we could get RICH

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I see your point

also curious how you know about the auction

 

**Wonh0**

one of my weird hyungs is the bartender there

 

**El Chaepo**

one of them?

how many 'weird hyungs' do you have?

 

**Wonh0**

a lot

 

**I.M**

he collects them

 

**Wonh0**

I'm easy to love

anyway if you need rent money

 

**El Chaepo**

I'd be in just for the sheer hilarity honestly

there's no way this is a good idea

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

srsly if we get wonho and shownu up there

we can roll on a bed made of money by the end of the night

and we can sooo advertise an escort business there

 

**shownu**

I'M NOT AN ESCORT

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

keep lying to yourself

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'd do it

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

no one would bid on you tho

 

**HoneyBuns**

rude but also are you kidding

old ladies love me

 

**I.M**

I can testify

it's the dimples

we always get free shit from ajummas when he bust those out

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm adorable.

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

.....if you say so

 

**I.M**

hyung you should so go

what if your true love knows you're here and bids on you

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

DMITRI

FINALLY BACK FROM THE WAR

with tears in his eyes

shimmering~

 

**I.M**

my love~

 

**HoneyBuns**

you won't have to sell beets by the roadside now that I'm here~

 

**I.M**

I lost an arm but I still love you~

tbh I'm also a sucker for true love bidding at bachelor-auctions trope

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I know right

 

**Sir Yoo**

seriously you two

what kind of movies are you watching

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

it warms my cold dead heart

 

**shownu**

all of you are terrible friends

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

and yet...

here you are, agreeing to go to the auction with us

 

**shownu**

when did I ever agree to anything

 

**Sir Yoo**

well you never actually said no

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

oh my

Kihyun on my side?

this is new

 

**Sir Yoo**

there's so many ways for this to go wrong

it has to happen

think of the children, shownu

 

**shonwu**

what children

 

**Sir Yoo**

us

we are the children

starving for something other than cup ramyeon

and also eager to watch you pimp yourself out

 

**Wonh0**

well I went ahead and texted my weird hyung

and he says there's still openings

so I said cool

so now we have to go

cause we're marked down

you me jooheon

it's a matter of honor now

we can't back out

as men

we have only one word

 

**shownu**

wonho

I will not

 

**Wonh0**

and let my name be dragged through the mud?

how dare you

 

**shownu**

IT'S A BACHELOR AUCTION WHO CARES

 

**Wonh0**

weird hyung does

he'll kick our collective asses if we don't show up

 

**shownu**

he's called weird hyung

how scary can he be

 

**Wonh0**

I'm pretty sure he got ties to the actual mob tho

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

can he take hyungwon on as an intern?

 

**Wonh0**

I can ask

 

**El Chaepo**

can you stop trying to get me involved in weird stuffs

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you like weird stuff

 

**Sir Yoo**

please do not elaborate

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I wasn't gonna

come on hyungwonnie

we have a business to start

 

**shownu**

I'M NOT AN ESCORT

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

for now~

toodaloo~~

 

**shownu**

are we really doing this

 

**HoneyBuns**

apparently we really are

 

**I.M**

you're so quick to admit defeat hyung

I knew you'd see the light~

 

**shownu**

if this turns out awful, as it surely will, I'm getting new friends

 

**HoneyBuns**

do not fret

dmitri will be here for you

with love

and beets

 

**shownu**

can we stop

 

**HoneyBuns**

neva!

 

**shownu**

pisdyuk blyat

 

**I.M**

?????????

 

**Sir Yoo**

nice hyung

tho who knew taking russian literature as an elective would come in useful some day

bless


	23. Of Mullets and Baby Oil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So that bachelor auction goes amazing

**HoneyBuns**

weird hyung has a mullet.

 

**Wonh0**

yes

 

**HoneyBuns**

do you think he knows?

should we tell him?

 

**Wonh0**

I think he knows

 

**Sir Yoo**

jooheon has this theory that mullets are in fact alien lifeforms that attach to your body while you sleep and feed off your brain

 

**I.M**

makes sense

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's the only plausible explanation

 

**Sir Yoo**

how is it going backstage?

 

**HoneyBuns**

smells like despair and baby oil

 

**Sir Yoo**

someone brought baby oil?

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah

wonho.

 

**Sir Yoo**

THIS IS NOT A BODY BUILDING CONTEST, WONHO

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yes boy slather that body in oil

better be shiny

 

**Sir Yoo**

DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

why not

the shinier the better

those muscles will get us so much dough

 

**Wonh0**

I feel like I should be uncomfortable with this but strangely

I'm having a blast

 

**Sir Yoo**

that's cause it strokes your ego

 

**Wonh0**

good point

 

**shownu**

hey apart from our ego those women aren't allowed to stroke anything else right

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well

funny you should ask

 

**shownu**

MINHYUK

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I'm just kidding

relax

take a chill pill

breathe easy

simmer dooown

 

**shownu**

you got any other synonyms there mr thesaurus?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

nah I'm pretty tapped out

oh!

better unwind ma guy

okay I'm good now

 

**El Chaepo**

in all honesty I'm afraid there's gonna be a riot

some of those women are  s c a r y

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

riots or heart attacks?

 

**El Chaepo**

I hadn't considered this possibility

some of those women are  a n c i e n t

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

weird hyung said there's a defibrillator behind the counter

 

**El Chaepo**

good to know they're prepared

 

**I.M**

when are you guys on?

 

**HoneyBuns**

we're going last

for added effect

 

**shownu**

I'm regretting being born

 

**I.M**

it's gonna be fine hyung

go get some baby oil

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

ooooh the first is up!!

 

**Sir Yoo**

okay

are you guys seeing what I'm seeing

 

**I.M**

if you're talking about his genitals it's pretty hard to miss

 

**HoneyBuns**

oh tall guy tiny speedo?

he was pretty difficult to look in the eye

with all of this going on

how do you squeeze that much booty in that little fabric is what I wanna know

 

**Wonh0**

baby powder

 

**El Chaepo**

baby oil

baby powder

those babies are sluts

 

**Sir Yoo**

there is so much wrong with that sentence

 

**El Chaepo**

I think I'm hilarious

 

**Sir Yoo**

well good for you

that makes at least one of us

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

don't disrespect him like that

at least he's awake and participating

it's rare

oh god

 

**HoneyBuns**

well he's bendy I'll give you that

 

**shownu**

I think that woman in the first row is dying

 

**I.M**

they're bidding pretty high

did you guys prepare a little show too

 

**HoneyBuns**

well we put wonho in hot pants and baby oil

that's the show

 

**I.M**

fair enough

 

**Wonh0**

also shownu is in a muscle shirt and I'm trying to convince him to turn his jeans into a mini short

 

**shownu**

not happening

 

**Wonh0**

it is happening

you just don't know it yet

 

**Sir Yoo**

is it just me or does that second guy looks like all of the village people at once

 

**El Chaepo**

there is a lot going on indeed

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

okay is that assless chaps

oh good he's doing a little twirl

and it is assless chaps.

great!

 

**I.M**

I guess it would work better if actually had an ass

 

**HoneyBurn**

lmao ouch

 

**Sir Yoo**

wonho my love

is this actually a strip club?

 

**Wonh0**

no?

 

**Sir Yoo**

just making sure.

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay there's two more guys and then it's us be prepared

 

**El Chaepo**

should we like

bid too

to get the bids to go higher

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I recognize you here mister big time criminal

 

**HoneyBuns**

GUYS ITS GONNA BE ME

srsly tho if the winning lady is too creepy please outbid for me

 

**I.M**

we believe in you

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you gotta sacrifice yourself for glory jooheon-ah

 

**HoneyBuns**

I hate you okay

 

**I.M**

OH MY GOD

WHAT IS HE WEARING

 

**Wonh0**

well he has no abs to speak off so we decided to emphasize the legs

 

**I.M**

by putting him in fishnets?

 

**Wonh0**

well

 

**I.M**

good call tho

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

so you like it?

interesting.

 

**I.M**

get out

 

**Sir Yoo**

oh wow

going crazy over there

 

**El Chaepo**

it's the dimples.

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

is it me or is that woman the actual ajumma from the tteokbokki stand you guys always go to

 

**I.M**

yes.

he told her he was doing that bachelor auction

her and all the other food ajummas in the area.

 

**Wonh0**

oh

so he brought his fan club

smart

 

**shownu**

are they

fighting

 

**I.M**

yes.

 

**Sir Yoo**

is that weird hyung, threatening them with a fire extinguisher?

 

**I.M**

he has some panache if I dare say so

 

**Sir Yoo**

that lady just took out her teeth and threw them at her friend's head

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well that's a little bit gross now isn't it

 

**Wonh0**

so close to death and yet so much energy left

 

**Sir Yoo**

aw the teeth warrior won the bidding

congrats jooheon-ah

that's gonna be one hell of a weird date

 

**I.M**

I'm so proud

 

**Wonh0**

brace yourselves I'm next

 

**HoneyBuns**

yessss the potato tornado lady won

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

glad you're happy about it

 

**HoneyBuns**

I see so many potatoes in my near future

 

**El Chaepo**

guys

that is

a lot of oil

for just one dude.

 

**I.M**

I'm pretty sure I can see myself reflected in his thigh

 

**HoneyBuns**

going crazy in the first row

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

kihyun did you just outbid that headmistress-looking lady

 

**Sir Yoo**

she felt too predatory

I'm just doing what your boy said

 

**El Chaepo**

you'd actually have to let someone win

that was the whole point of what I said

 

**Sir Yoo**

well not that one either

she looks like the creature of the black lagoon only more bald

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

kihyun

stop out-biding everyone immediately

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm sorry but that one actually licked her non-existent lips

so like no way

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah that was pretty gross.

 

**Sir Yoo**

see

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

kihyun if you actually win this bid I swear to god

 

**Sir Yoo**

it's not my fault this place is choke full of weirdass grandmas from hell

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

okay WHY did you outbid this one

 

**Sir Yoo**

she was too hot

in an older woman let-me-teach-you-about-life kind of way

 

**I.M**

someone just tried to grab his leg

 

**HoneyBuns**

well he slid right out of this one

thanks the oil

 

**El Chaepo**

that weird hyung of his is really gifted with the fire extinguisher

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

fucking hell kihyun

did you just win

 

**Sir Yoo**

okay I'm actually kinda sorry

 

**El Chaepo**

you know what

I knew this would happen the minute I said we should bid ourselves

 

**I.M**

well at least wonho hyung looks happy

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

this is hopeless

 

**I.M**

don't worry there's still shownu-hyung

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

holy shit

 

**Sir Yoo**

you guys weren't kidding about the jean shorts

 

**Wonh0**

right? I'm so proud

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you guys aren't allowed to talk anymore

traitors to the cause

 

**Sir Yoo**

D:

 

**HoneyBuns**

he's actually busting out dance moves wow

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well now all our hopes rest on him so he better deliver

 

**HoneyBuns**

hey I delivered

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

no offense but you're probably gonna get paid in potatoes

 

**HoneyBuns**

what's wrong with potatoes

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well they're not money

 

**HoneyBuns**

I see your point

 

**El Chaepo**

honestly I'd bid on weird hyung cause there's something to be said for mullets and fire extinguishers

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

do you have a thing for mullets I should know about

 

**Sir Yoo**

I know I'm not allowed to talk but someone just threw their bra at shownu and I think that's worth mentioning

 

**Wonh0**

he's doing great

 

**El Chaepo**

your hot mom is ahead of the race kihyun

 

**Sir Yoo**

tbh she looks more like a madam than a mom to me

 

**El Chaepo**

I see your point and I do agree

 

**I.M**

are we selling shownu hyung to a madam

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well seems like we are

go us

 

**I.M**

this isn't gonna end well is it

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well I mean

we're stereotyping maybe she's not a madam

 

**El Chaepo**

considering our track record I'm pretty sure she's doing something terrible with her life

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

but she does look great!

so there's that.

 

**Wonh0**

shownu is gonna kill us all isn't he

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yup

looking up plane tickets to macau as we speak

 

**Wonh0**

good call good call

 

**I.M**

she won...

 

**Sir Yoo**

well

brace yourselves I guess

 

**shownu**

guys

you know what

I hate all of you

actively.

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

aaaaaand macau it is!!


	24. Luxury Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some discoveries are made while the protection squad follows shownu on his escort date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos I'm so glad you guys are still reading this.  
> I see you and I love you people who comment on multiple chapters, it feels like this fic has more friends than I do lmao  
> Onward to the nonsense!

**Sir Yoo**

we should all take a step back and reflect on what we're doing

 

**Wonh0**

isn't it a bit late for that

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

I'm a bit offended that you guys invited weird hyung just cause we couldn't make it

 

**I.M**

how's the baby sitting going?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

that guy is RICH

WE'RE IN A PENTHOUSE

and also he has no standards

he was like

just don't put anything on fire

and went out

 

**I.M**

I like how he's paying for two sitters just for one child

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you should see the child

I'm pretty sure the dad was actually glad when we accidentally kidnapped him

finally some respite you know

I'm exhausted

he finally fell asleep on hyungwon so now hyungwon cannot move lest he wakes him up

so I have to spoon feed him

 

**HoneyBuns**

I've seen you spoonfeed hyung

if that kid wakes up in the middle of it

he's gonna be traumatized

for life.

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

a small price to pay for peace my friend

does weird hyung still have his mullet

 

**HoneyBuns**

undoubtedly

it's right there

staring straight at me.

if I don't make it back

you'll know who did it

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

it's just hair

 

**HoneyBuns**

from outer space

no one knows what it's capable of

 

**I.M**

you know he sees you staring right

 

**HoneyBuns**

the hair or the man it's attached to

 

**Wonh0**

if we find you dead in a ditch I'm not responsible

 

**HoneyBuns**

you're so responsible

all of this is on you

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

 

 

isn't shownu the one you're supposed to find dead in a ditch

isn't it why you're all there

 

**Wonh0**

very true

 

**Sir Yoo**

she doesn't strike me as the type of person who would throw a corpse in a ditch tho

 

**I.M**

yeah me neither

I see her more as like

a classy cannibal or something

 

**Sir Yoo**

like hannibal?

do you think they called him hannibal cause it rhymes with cannibal

hannibal the cannibal

 

**Wonh0**

or maybe he became a cannibal because he was called hannibal

 

**Sir Yoo**

that would explain why jooheon is a moron

ho ho ho

 

**HoneyBuns**

that was so gratuitous

and also not funny

 

**Wonh0**

I am laughing

 

**HoneyBuns**

you don't count

can we focus on the task at hand

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yeah where are you right now come on

I wanna know

Hyungwon fell asleep too and okay it's cute but I'm getting real bored

 

**HoneyBuns**

luxury department store

anybody got visuals on the target?

 

**Sir Yoo**

they're on our side

trying on suits

I didn't know he looked good in suits

 

**HoneyBuns**

is she just dressing him up

 

**Sir Yoo**

seems like it

 

**Wonh0**

the dressing is important with beefcake

hurr hurr see what I did

cannibals, dressing, beef

I'm a riot

 

**I.M**

you guys ate a clown or something?

 

**HoneyBuns**

remember what I said about mentioning clowns?

 

**I.M**

don't do it?

 

**HoneyBuns**

right on.

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

still traumatized by that murder clown eh?

if that can make you feel better he got kicked in the face by a high school girl last week

 

**HoneyBuns**

it does make me feel better

guys I lost weird hyung

maybe he got tired of hiding in the lingerie section

or maybe the mullet finally got the better of him

 

**Wonh0**

I see him

he's trying on suits too.

 

**HoneyBuns**

does he even have the money for what those costs

 

**Wonh0**

I think if he really cuts back on things like eating he can maybe afford half a shirt

 

**HoneyBuns**

I really don't feel in my place here

the bras I'm standing next to costs more than my weekly rent

 

**I.M**

why are you standing next to bras

 

**HoneyBuns**

I thought she would make him watch her buy lingerie

 

**I.M**

who does that

 

**HoneyBuns**

people that go to things like bachelors auctions

 

**Wonh0**

to be honest if I had boobs and a guy I bought I'd probably do that

 

**Sir Yoo**

do you want me to watch you buy underpants

 

**Wonh0**

nah guys underpants aren't very sexy

 

**Sir Yoo**

there's jockstraps

or assless chaps like that guy had

 

**HoneyBuns**

can you guys have that conversation somewhere else

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

prude

 

**I.M**

don't you look like a perv jooheon tho

 

**HoneyBuns**

idk

someone asked me if I had lost my mom

 

**I.M**

what did you say

 

**HoneyBuns**

yes

you may hear an announcement in the near future

 

**Sir Yoo**

we're so good at being undercover

 

**Wonh0**

right

weird hyung is actually good at pretending to be a business man tho

 

**HoneyBuns**

with a mullet????

 

**Wonh0**

well

he got rid of the mullet.

 

**HoneyBuns**

what?

how?

there's no hairdresser here

 

**Wonh0**

hold on tight

it's...

a clip-on...

 

**HoneyBuns**

what

HOLD ON BUDDY

WHAT

 

**I.M**

there is clip-on mullets?

amazing

 

**HoneyBuns**

if you get one I'm so breaking up with you

WHY DOES HE DO THAT

 

**Wonh0**

I don't know

 

**Sir Yoo**

tbh I mean

doesn't the place he works at screams bartender with a mullet

I'd do it too

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yeah I see it

that's just good marketing

 

**HoneyBuns**

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS EVEN TALKING ABOUT

 

**Sir Yoo**

guys they're moving on

she actually bought him a suit

now they're on to the cufflinks

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

hyungwon never buys me anything

he's lucky I'm a ride or die

 

**El Chaepo**

you never buy me anything either you ass

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

oh you're awake

 

**El Chaepo  
**

yeah

where are you this place is a maze

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

master bedroom

there's a home cinema built into it

the TV comes out of the wall

it's great

I've been making it go in and out for like five minutes

quality entertainment

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm pretty sure the guy didn't want you to desecrate his house

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

too late

 

**El Chaepo**

shouldn't have hired us

so basically shownu's escort date is just this lady buying him stuff?

 

**I.M**

well so far

maybe she just likes to see her man spend her money

 

**El Chaepo**

it's not even her man

she bought him too

 

**I.M**

maybe she just likes to spend money on randos from bachelor auctions

 

**El Chaepo**

how's said rando taking it?

 

**Wonh0**

he keeps saying no and being shy and then she's like "oh come on" with a smile and he's like okay

he's getting SO MUCH STUFF

I'm a bit jealous

 

**Sir Yoo**

technically I already spent all my money on you

 

**Wonh0**

I know I was really moved

 

**HoneyBuns**

all I'm getting is a whole lecture on bra sizes

is that a normal thing sales ladies do if you stay long enough in their department

 

**I.M**

maybe

is it interesting?

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's so much more complicated than I thought it was holy shit

I'm learning so much

did you know there's even different bra clasps

I thought there was only those on the back

what naivete

 

**Sir Yoo**

hm

guys

not to alarm anyone

but I'm pretty sure weird hyung just walked straight out of the store with the suit still on

 

**HoneyBuns**

what

 

**El Chaepo**

don't those things have like

an anti-theft device or something

 

**Sir Yoo**

yeah you'd think that

 

**El Chaepo**

wow I really must get an internship with him

 

**Sir Yoo**

I don't know what he said to the sales lady but she looks super dazed

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's the mullet

it gave him superpowers

 

**Wonh0**

we told you it was a fake one

 

**HoneyBuns**

there's no such things as a fake mullet

that's just what they want you to believe

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

there's no way this doesn't blow up in your faces lmao

 

**HoneyBuns**

I can't go to jail I'm too pretty

 

**Sir Yoo**

as the only almost-cop here I can assure you you won't go to jail for that

 

**I.M**

you have very doubtful friends for an almost cop

 

**Sir Yoo**

he's wonho's friend not mind

 

**I.M**

friends-in-law then

 

**Sir Yoo**

those don't exist

 

**I.M**

they should

I feel like your friends should have some sort of legal status

what if you suddenly die and all your things have to go to that cousin you hate

cause nobody loved you enough to marry you

but you still had friends

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm not sure that's how inheritance works but you know you can always make a will changkyun-ah

 

**I.M**

I'm so doing that

 

**HoneyBuns**

do you even have stuff to bequeath on people

 

**I.M**

well no

also I can't believe you used the word bequeath

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

still reading the dictionary I see

 

**HoneyBuns**

yes and I will slay in the next battle so shut up

 

**Sir Yoo**

AS I WAS SAYING

we didn't know he was gonna do that so it's not our problem

 

**HoneyBuns**

law is great

aren't we supposed to say something now that we know tho

 

**Sir Yoo**

snitches get stitches

plus he does look really good in this suit

 

**HoneyBuns**

you're gonna be the best cop

 

**Sir Yoo**

thank you for believing in me

 

**I.M**

hey shownu just passed me by

they're on their way to the watches

he looks super dapper

is she going to introduce him to her parents or something

 

**Sir Yoo**

if that's the case we could tell her he does this shit for free

 

**El Chaepo  
**

maybe he's just some sort of giant doll

that TV is so great

 

**Sir Yoo**

are you two dorks just watching it coming in and out of a wall

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

three dorks now

the kid joined

 

**Sir Yoo**

what a party

 

**I.M**

jooheon heads up they're going your way

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm busy

 

**I.M**

doing what

 

**HoneyBuns**

I may be filling out a application

 

**I.M**

for what

 

**HoneyBuns**

for working here?

like not as a bra boy obviously

 

**I.M**

you're totally applying to work as a bra boy

 

**HoneyBuns**

maybe

okay I see them

she's buying herself a dress tho

no bra

 

**I.M**

hope you're not too disappointed

 

**Wonh0**

she must be taking him somewhere fancy

 

**Sir Yoo**

I really don't think she's some sort of next level axe murderer maybe we could just go home

 

**HoneyBuns**

and miss all the fun?

wow he's actually counseling her and stuff

who knew he had good tastes

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yeah he kinda dresses like a fuckboy half the time doesn't he

 

**HoneyBuns**

bless

 

**Wonh0**

I know everyone was too busy to keep an eye on weird hyung

but did he have designer sunglasses when he came in

 

**I.M**

I'm pretty sure he did not

 

**Wonh0**

hmmm

 

**Sir Yoo**

we should really get out before he tries his hand on a diamond or something

 

**HoneyBuns**

you know I still haven't got over the clip-on mullet

 

**Sir Yoo**

I still haven't got over the fact that I'm surrounded by criminals

 

**HoneyBuns**

you're the only one here who got their fingerprints taken lmao

 

**Sir Yoo**

and yet!

 

**Wonh0**

guys

 

**Sir Yoo**

what

 

**Wonh0**

I asked him about the suit

 

**Sir Yoo**

great

do you have a deathwish

 

**Wonh0**

he said he paid for it.

 

**Sir Yoo**

excuse me

that suit was like

the price of a house

 

**Wonh0**

haha

right

I feel light headed now

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

why would he work at a mullet bar if he had so much money

why would he dress like a trucker

what

WHY THE MULLET

THERE'S TOO MUCH QUESTIONS

 

**El Chaepo**

maybe the mullet bar is just a front

for all of his mafia activities

 

**I.M**

that would make sense

what kind of bar organizes a bachelor auction and let you keep all the gains

 

**HoneyBuns**

are we all gonna end up dead in a ditch

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

boiiiiiii

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey let's make a deal, when you guys are tired to read this mess you tell me and I stop cause the way this is going there is no end in sight.  
> Should I try to find some sort of storyline lol


	25. Hair ghosts and demon children make for the greatest night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Shownu Protection Squad gets to ride in a nice car while our happy couple is having the time of their life during movie night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally an update! Sorry for the delay. Life kinda caught up to me and it wasn't that great :'D  
> Thanks again for the comments srsly they make my day.

**El Chaepo**

guys where are you now

 

**Sir Yoo**

in the back of a bentley?

somehow.

 

**El Chaepo**

what

whose bentley

 

**Sir Yoo**

well

after that lady was done pretty-womaning shownu she took him to her car right?

and we were like well dang there we lost him

but then weird hyung pulled up in a bentley

and we were like

yeah

this is normal

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well

that's a surprise

 

**Wonh0**

there was a lot of silently looking at each others with wide eyes lemme tell you

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

who got to ride shotgun?

 

**Sir Yoo**

bra boy

 

**HoneyBuns**

don't call me bra boy

 

**Sir Yoo**

but that's what you are now

embrace it

embra it even

 

**HoneyBuns**

you should be publicly hanged for that pun

 

**Sir Yoo**

harsh

 

**HoneyBuns**

but true

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

congrats on your new, weird employment

 

**HoneyBuns**

thank you

I will do my best to provide support

see hyung that's how you make puns

 

**Sir Yoo**

it was terrible

 

**HoneyBuns**

worst than "embra it?"

 

**Sir Yoo**

okay maybe not

 

**El Chaepo**

isn't a bentley kind of a douchy car

 

**I.M**

you wouldn't say that if you were in it

those seats are so smooth

I want it to be my home now

 

**Wonh0**

that can probably be arranged honestly

you could be his butler

now that he looks like he should have one

 

**I.M**

I'll send in an application right about now

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay I'm gonna ask

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

about what

 

**HoneyBuns**

about the clip-on mullet

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

isn't that a bit intimate

come on Jooheon

you don't just

ask a man about his mullet

 

**I.M**

I can't watch

 

**Sir Yoo**

by the way what are you guys doing now

still playing with the TV?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well as fun as watching it come out of a wall is

we realized we could actually put movies on it

 

**Sir Yoo**

congrats on figuring out modern technology

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

thank you

 

**El Chaepo**

it was such a mistake tho

 

**Sir Yoo**

why?

what are you watching?

 

**El Chaepo**

what would you say of a movie about a haunted wig

 

**Sir Yoo**

well

that it sounds ridiculous

with a high probability for hilarity

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

right? that's what we thought too

 

**El Chaepo**

turns out we were so, so wrong

IT'S TERRIFYING

 

**I.M**

are you actually watching it with the kid

 

**El Chaepo**

we might be

he's fascinated tho

I think he stopped blinking at least five minutes ago

I think someone should start administering eye drops

 

**Wonh0**

why don't you guys just stop it if it's so scary

 

**El Chaepo**

well

for once that would involve going out from under the covers

which I'm not sure I want to do

and then Minhyuk is afraid to anger the ghost if we don't watch it until the end

 

**I.M**

it's just a movie

you know there is no ghost right

also are you just using the dad's bed

 

**El Chaepo**

rational thinking doesn't have a place in this world anymore

and also yes

 

**I.M**

gross

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

if we die

please use a good picture of us for the service

one where I'm blond

and tell my family how successful I was

 

**Sir Yoo**

successful at what

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I don't know just make-up something

 

**Sir Yoo**

you're not going to die

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

frankly

if the ghost doesn't kill me

I might just die of dehydration I'm sweating so much

it's so warm under those covers seriously

is this a self-heating bed?

plus hyungwon is half-crushing me

 

**El Chaepo**

I need something to hang on to

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I think he broke like six of my fingers and punctured at least two of my lungs

 

**Wonh0**

how many lungs do you have

 

**Sir Yoo**

minhyuk get out from under the covers

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I'd rather die

 

**Sir Yoo**

do you see the conflict in your statement

 

**Wonh0**

aren't you guys gonna traumatize that kid

 

**El Chaepo**

he seems to be doing pretty all right tbh

better than us at least

 

**I.M**

maybe the ghost possessed him

his head is gonna do a 180 at the end of the movie

and he's gonna say something like

diD YoU enjOY mY STORY

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SAY THAT

do you think I can kick him off the bed

 

**I.M**

don't anger the ghost

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I'll just ignore you now

 

**El Chaepo**

I thought I could just close my eyes to escape the terror

but it's even worth with just the sound

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

oh god do you think the clip-on mullet has a ghost in it as well

oh my

jooheon

do not ask about the mullet

you're all gonna die in a terrible car crash and only us are gonna know why

but the police will never believe us

and all that will remain intact from the disaster

is a clip-on mullet.

 

**Wonh0**

seriously turn that movie off

if we die in a car crash it would just be from hyung shitty driving

srsly I think they gave him his license out of pity

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I'm too scared to move

 

**I.M**

aren't you a ghost too

as a professional ghost maybe you can reach an understanding

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

maybe that will just piss it off even more

like dude I'm not a costume ya know

 

**Sir Yoo**

just put that damn TV back into its wall srsly

also if the ghost doesn't kill you the dad probably will

you're not supposed to put kids in front of horror movies

he's gonna turn you in a shish kebab

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

SO MUCH BLOOD

 

**Sir Yoo**

what did I say

 

**I.M**

now that you mentioned kebab I'm super hungry

they better be going to a restaurant

 

**Wonh0**

well we're nearing gangnam so there's good chances we are

 

**I.M**

sweet

 

**Wonh0**

probably won't be for kebab tho

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

btw what's the mullet situation I need an update

 

**Wonh0**

well

jooheon did ask

weird hyung laughed for like a century

and then he just turned to him

hyper serious

and was like

it's for me to know and you to find out

and he stared at him for the longest time

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

intense

 

**Wonh0**

you have no idea

he wasn't even looking at the road

which was scary.

I'm pretty sure we almost hit a truck

and I'm still not sure that grandma didn't die

 

**Sir Yoo**

now bra boy is basically terrified in the front seat

so all in all we're all having a terrific night!

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

maybe that mullet is just a conversation piece you know

 

**El Chaepo**

can we stop talking about hair

I think I'm gonna shave mine seriously

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I'm pretty sure you'd look terrible

 

**El Chaepo**

thanks for the support

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well jooheon's handling all of the support now

 

**El Chaepo**

so funny I'm gonna choke

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

don't

you can't leave me alone with that dvd

and that demon child

 

**Wonh0**

ooooh people we have arrived they're parking

or well giving their car to a valet

also am I the only one finding it kinda weird that mullet man is so good at tailing people

 

**El Chaepo**

he's from the mafia I tell you

 

**Sir Yoo**

well that's for him to know and us to find out apparently

 

**I.M**

is that how we all die

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

no we all die from death by hair ghost why are we watching this I'll never sleep again

 

**El Chaepo**

I can choke you out kihyun hyung showed me how

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I'd say yes but I can't decently leave you alone with a ghost and a potentially possessed child

 

**El Chaepo**

your love for me warms my heart

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

awww

 

**Sir Yoo**

guys I know you didn't care until now but remember there is a child in the room with you

a child weirdly okay with horror but a child nonetheless

 

**El Chaepo**

what are you insinuating

 

**I.M**

is that what being rich feels like

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

watchu talking about

 

**I.M**

the valet just took our car too

and he didn't even laugh at us

I feel so good about myself

 

**El Chaepo**

well you don't need a lot

 

**I.M**

I'm a man of simple pleasures

 

**Sir Yoo**

is that why you're dating bra boy

who looks traumatized btw

 

**I.M**

that's because he is

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

guys you need to know where the mullet is at all time

you never know when it's gonna start murdering people

 

**Wonh0**

not you too

 

**El Chaepo**

I second that

you never know what hair are capable of

 

**Sir Yoo**

TURN OFF THAT DAMN MOVIE

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw that movie does actually exist (the wig) and you do think it's gonna be hilarious and then you're just there shitting your pants it's great.


	26. Octopus Fried Rice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shownu's weird escort date takes an even weirder turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when this was just about people trying to go on dates? Let's go back to that one day.
> 
> (this is out of control)
> 
> (is this what you call an arc? There was the dating arc and now it's the.... wtf arc.)

**HoneyBuns**

maybe he's a spy

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

who

 

**HoneyBuns**

who do you think

weird hyung

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

oh we're still on this

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's hard not to be on it

when he's sitting across the table from you

looking exactly like a spy.

 

**El Chaepo**

wouldn't he be the shittiest spy ever tho

if you can tell just by looking at him

 

**HoneyBuns**

so you mean just like james bond

 

**El Chaepo**

touché

 

**Sir Yoo**

you know we can all see you text under the table right

 

**HoneyBuns**

we can all see you too.

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

how's the restaurant

 

**I.M**

that marinated broccoli I'm eating costs more than my kidney

 

**El Chaepo**

how do you know

 

**I.M**

I tried selling them once

didn't work out

never trust those ads in public bathrooms people

the facilities were a health hazard.

 

**El Chaepo**

I can't tell if you're joking or not

 

**I.M**

that's for me to know and you to find out

 

**HoneyBuns**

can we all agree to ban this expression for ever

also like do we all agree that he's paying the bill himself

 

**Wonh0**

maybe this is a dine and dash

 

**Sir Yoo**

a chew and screw.

 

**Wonh0**

an eat and run?

 

**I.M**

a dine and ditch!

 

**El Chaepo  
**

I think we all got the point by now

 

**HoneyBuns**

hey if he's a spy

do you think the kcia is monitoring this chat

 

**Sir Yoo**

didn't we already have this conversation

 

**HoneyBuns**

I bet we're hilarious

at least I think I am

 

**Sir Yoo**

it's more a case of laughing at you than with you tho

 

**HoneyBuns**

my heart

it broke.

 

**El Chaepo**

what's happening with shownu

 

**Wonh0**

honestly

I'd care but that mushroom soup is diverting my attention

 

**I.M**

I was watching him

but then the server put this bokkeumpab in front of me

and nothing else matters now

that cook can just have my kidneys honestly

seems like a fair trade

 

**Wonh0**

can you eat kidneys?

 

**I.M**

I think so

 

**HoneyBuns**

gross

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

can we get back on topic

 

**Wonh0**

which topic

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

SHOWNU

isn't that why you're all there

 

**I.M**

I thought I was just enjoying this nice nakji bokkeum but alas

duty calls

 

**El Chaepo**

weren't you eating fried rice

like just now

how many dishes did you guys order

 

**Wonh0**

pretty much all of them?

I think I'll need a separate car just for my stomach

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you should be ashamed of yourselves

 

**Wonh0**

that's my secret buddy

I am always ashamed of myself

but now with a full stomach!

 

**HoneyBuns**

you're just jealous

 

**El Chaepo**

we're so not

 

**Sir Yoo**

did you manage to get out of bed

 

**El Chaepo**

maybe

 

**Sir Yoo**

....

 

**El Chaepo**

okay we're still in it but it's just cause it's so comfortable

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

and also you never know maybe the ghost is hiding under it

 

**El Chaepo**

and more rationally speaking

the kid fell asleep

so like

you know

we have no choice but stay there

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

do you guys think we can order food and just tell the guy to bring it all the way to the bed

nvm I'm trying it

 

**Sir Yoo**

exciting night.

 

**El Chaepo**

you got no idea buddy

 

**HoneyBuns**

hey not to alarm anyone but I think that girl is introducing shownu to her father

 

**Wonh0**

is it just me or does said father is looking super suspicious

like he'd cut pinkie fingers with pliers

 

**Sir Yoo**

you should stop with the chinese mafia movies

 

**Wonh0**

it's not just the chinese who cut fingers tho

it's like an international mafia tradition

 

**Sir Yoo**

are you an expert now

 

**I.M**

is it normal that like

everyone at their table looks like the cast of city of violence

 

**HoneyBuns**

are we in the stupidest mafia movie ever made

like

we're here because we went to a bachelor auction

on the advice of a mullet man

a CLIP ON MULLET MAN

I'M STILL NOT OVER IT

WHO DOES THAT

 

**Sir Yoo**

seriously if I die because of this I'm so haunting all of your collective asses

 

**El Chaepo**

like literally or....

 

**Sir Yoo**

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

how would a haunted ass work

like

I can't picture it

 

**Sir Yoo**

can we stop discussing haunted asses and focus on our impending doom

 

**Wonh0**

I wish this was a musical

then everything could be resolved by a dance-off

 

**I.M**

Jooheon is pretty awesome at dance-off

remember the bar

 

**Wonh0**

our lives where so much simpler then

 

**Sir Yoo**

you mean when we got arrested?

 

**Wonh0**

okay maybe not simpler

btw did any of us ever get a normal date

maybe we should try that once

 

**HoneyBuns**

honestly I think we're cursed

ever since kihyun-hyung choked shownu in front of little kids

 

**Sir Yoo**

it was an accident

 

**HoneyBuns**

how do you choke someone on accident

 

**Sir Yoo**

well

 

**I.M**

didn't it started way before that tho

also guys

weird hyung so did not go to the bathroom

like don't look but he's hiding behind that dragon-shaped pillar

also like

dragon-shaped pillars?

what is this place?

 

**Sir Yoo**

did you only notice them just now?

 

**Wonh0**

are you allowed to use civilians as a cover

cause I'm pretty sure that's what he's been doing

 

**I.M**

if I die

please wipe my computer

 

**El Chaepo  
**

you know how this is reality and none of you are going to die

 

**I.M**

tell that to wonho

 

**El Chaepo**

why what is he doing

 

**Wonh0**

I'm just taking measures to protect my soup

 

**El Chaepo**

he went to eat it under the table didn't he

 

**I.M**

good guess!

 

**Sir Yoo**

oh god

 

**El Chaepo**

what?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

guys not to break the tension but my order TOTALLY WORKED

delivery boy even checked under the bed

best service

four stars

10/10 will order again

 

**I.M**

is there room under the table for me and my broccoli

 

**El Chaepo**

guys what is happening

 

**Sir Yoo**

SO MUCH

we were fooled

this is so not a musical

 

**I.M**

well that guy did do some sort of weird somersault

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

can we get details

guys

 

**Sir Yoo**

we're gonna run away first

this seems like the first priority

 

**Wonh0**

anyone sees shownu

 

**Sir Yoo**

I can't even see you

 

**Wonh0**

yeah I kinda like

used a cart to roll myself away from all that mess

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

what mess

 

**Sir Yoo**

that's for us to know and you to find out

srsly tho

talk to you later gotta dashi run run run

 

 


	27. The Hero Seoul Deserves but Doesn't Need Right Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shownu's fake date ends like all of the previous real dates: with somebody's foot in someone's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We were long overdue for a good fight right

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

still having fun?

 

**Sir Yoo**

define fun

 

**HoneyBuns**

guys how do you know if you broke your foot

 

**Sir Yoo**

it hurts?

 

**HoneyBuns**

guys I think I broke my foot

 

**Sir Yoo**

you didn't break your foot

 

**HoneyBuns**

oh yeah?

you're a doctor now?

 

**Sir Yoo**

I've seen you fall off that table there's no way you broke your foot

 

**HoneyBuns**

well it hurts

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

what the heck is happening

why would you fall off a table

 

**HoneyBuns**

I was offering a distraction

 

**Sir Yoo**

you were so not

 

**HoneyBus**

well it worked as one

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

okay back the fuck up

what is happening

I wanna know

in excruciating details

I got the popcorn ready

hyungwon massaging my legs

so all I'm missing is some wholesome entertainment

 

**HoneyBuns**

why is he massaging your legs

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

because that's what people who love each other do for one another

I'm sorry your boyfriend is terrible

 

**I.M**

so I turn my back on you for what

ten minutes

and you're already insulting me?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well did you ever massage Jooheon's legs?

 

**I.M**

no why would I

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

see

mr terrible boyfriend is terrible

 

**I.M**

FIRST OF ALL

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

we don't got time for first of alls

what is happening

 

**Sir Yoo**

well

either mullet man is indeed in the mafia and this is a gang war

or he is indeed some sort of spy and we're witnessing the arrest of the century

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

alright that still doesn't explain jooheon's broken foot

 

**Sir Yoo**

IT'S NOT BROKEN

 

**HoneyBuns**

you're gonna feel so bad if it is

 

**Sir Yoo**

honestly you would have passed out if it was

 

**HoneyBuns**

maybe the adrenaline is keeping me awake

 

**I.M**

instead of going under the table like a normal person

he tried like a hood slide on it

and it failed miserably

cause the table just tipped under his weight

so they both fell and the table kinda crushed him

made for a great distraction tho

 

**HoneyBuns**

thanks

just throw me under the bus

I appreciate it

 

**I.M**

you're already pretty good at throwing yourself under stuff

you don't need me

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

okay why would he need to hood slide over a table in the first place

 

**Wonh0**

it's still not over?

 

**Sir Yoo**

where the heck are you?!!!

 

**Wonh0**

told you

I rolled myself to the kitchen

on a dish cart

it was a great ride

 

**Sir Yoo**

thanks for leaving us to die

 

**Wonh0**

I can see I.M still eating under the table from here so I guess it's not so bad

 

**I.M**

priorities

 

**Wonh0**

do you think you can slide the ramen over here

 

**I.M**

I can try

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

for fuck's sake guys

focus

 

**Wonh0**

okay so like mullet man was behind a pillar right

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

right

 

**Wonh0**

and you know in those movies where you suddenly realize that all the patrons in a restaurant are on two different teams

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I guess

 

**Wonh0**

well those two teams really don't like each other

so we're basically in the middle of a huge fight

 

**I.M**

it was so classy tho

like he walked from behind the pillar to shownu's new father in law

with a little smile

all nonchalant like haha bitch your time has come

and then said something I didn't hear over the sound of me munching on danmuji

but I'm sure it was super cool

 

**Wonh0**

yeah

but then the other guys at the table all got up

and I swear maybe the mullet did give him super powers

cause like

HE WAS SO FAST

basically one of them tried to punch him

but he blocked it

and you know when like they punch a guy and kick another one at the same time

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I guess

 

**Wonh0**

well he did that

and that's when all hell broke loose and I rolled myself out.

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I thought you guys were gonna dasi run run run

in the words of the 18th century poet Yoo Kihyun.

 

**Sir Yoo**

we did try but all the exits are locked

that's when Jooheon hood slided over the table btw

and miserably face planted

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

good stuff

 

**HoneyBuns**

can we stop rehashing the past

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

where are you now

 

**HoneyBuns**

I used the table as a barricade and I'm behind it

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm behind a pillar but like itjsie

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

what

 

**HoneyBuns**

lmfao

okay so like one of the cop just kinda

accidentally threw a guy at kihyun-hyung

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

oh god

what did he do

 

**HoneyBuns**

well you know how he is lmao

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I like that you find it funny

 

**HoneyBuns**

well it's either that or crying so like

 

**I.M**

hey did I saw that right

did kihyun-hyung just kinda broke a guy's face with his foot

 

**HoneyBuns**

yup

 

**Wonh0**

I can't see

he's going on a rampage isn't he

 

**HoneyBuns**

yup!

 

**I.M**

I thought he calmed down

what naivete

 

**Wonh0**

he's like the hulk

piss him off enough and that's what happens

 

**HoneyBuns**

I think he got tired of all that mess and decided to end it himself

okay he's using a metal tray as a shield

he's like off-brand captain america

okay that must have hurt

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

what did he do

he's already like two of the avengers

 

**HoneyBuns**

he whacked a guy with said tray

I'm pretty sure his face imprinted on it

 

**I.M**

amazing

it's like that corridor fight scene in old boy

except with a tray instead of a hammer

and no one stabbed him in the back yet

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

yet?

 

**HoneyBuns**

does captain america insults everyone when he beats them up

 

**I.M**

I don't think so

 

**HoneyBuns**

so he's like

PG13, off-brand captain america

 

**I.M**

he's the hero seoul deserves but not the one it needs right now

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you guys do realize he's just a university student going up against actual gangsters with a metal tray right

 

**HoneyBuns**

when you put it like this it sounds like we should be doing something

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

WELL IDK MAYBE

and like what happened to shownu in all this

 

**I.M**

we discovered he's really good at dishing out roundhouse kicks while wearing a suit

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

and you you're still eating right

 

**I.M**

it's how I cope with anxiety

oh wow

wonho hyung just

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

what

 

**I.M**

he really loves that cart doesn't he

 

**HoneyBuns**

apparently

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

what did he do

 

**I.M**

he kinda just

rolled himself out of the kitchen

right into a guy going for kihyun-hyung

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

did he just save him

 

**I.M**

it's beautiful

 

**HoneyBuns**

and you can't even massage my legs

 

**I.M**

I can massage something else

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm interested tell me more

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I don't wanna know

 

**I.M**

prude

you know who my favorite person is in all this tho

 

**HoneyBuns**

the handcuffs lady right

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

who is she

 

**I.M**

there's this tiny lady just going around ducking all the fighting

putting handcuffs on the people who surrendered

looking like a stern headmistress

she's like giving them a little lesson and stuff

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

that's probably just her telling them their rights

 

**I.M**

I'm pretty sure she's telling them she's gonna call their parents

 

**HoneyBuns**

LOOK AT THE BOSS FIGHT

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

what boss fight

 

**HoneyBuns**

mullet man vs mafia boss

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

we keep calling him the mullet man and it sounds like the worse superhero ever

 

**I.M**

oh that's bad

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

what

 

**I.M**

the guy pretended to raise his hands in surrender

and when mullet hyung approach he like decked him one super quickly

oh

okay

well

mullet man is PISSED lemme tell you

 

**HoneyBuns**

lmao look at kihyun and wonho

they're having a moment

lmao

omg

this is too cheesy to watch

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

are they both rolling away on the cart towards the sunset

lovingly gazing into each other's eyes

 

**HoneyBuns**

they're that close

HOLY SHIT

shownu hyung

lmao

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

what

 

**HoneyBuns**

remember when kihyun-hyung chocked him in front of all those kids

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

how could I ever forget

 

**HoneyBuns**

he just showed up from behind and choked the dude in front of all his underlings

he must have learned so much on that day

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

.....

 

**HoneyBuns**

aw and now the little lady is putting her handcuffs on him

cute

 

**I.M**

well

that was like

the most intense dinner ever

 

**HoneyBuns**

let's never auction off shownu again

 

**I.M**

well who knew he was gonna get bought off by a gangster boss' daughter

under the eyes of an undercover cop

and then introduce him to her father

with the cop tailing her

to get to said father

on the pretense of following shownu with his friends

said cop who would then warn all his buddies and plan an ambush

I mean

is this real life or is this fantasy

 

**HoneyBuns**

when you put it like this

it's like

he's either the shittiest cop ever or the best

cause this plan has so many holes in it

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

can we all appreciate that his cover is being a mullet bartender

 

**I.M  
**

to be fair you would never suspect anyone with a mullet of being a cop

outside of the 80s I mean

 

**HoneyBuns**

maybe Kihyun-hyung can finally get an internship

I mean he did stop half of those guys himself

 

**I.M**

isn't he gonna get arrested tho

like

he's a civilian

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

tbh you guys could basically sue the cops for getting you involved in this

especially now that jooheon has a broken foot

 

**Sir Yoo**

IT'S NOT BROKEN

 

**I.M**

oh you're back hyung

 

**Sir Yoo**

HE'S STANDING IT'S NOT BROKEN

 

**HoneyBuns**

why does my broken foot makes you so mad

 

**Sir Yoo**

BECAUSE IT'S NOT BROKEN

also not to alarm anyone but shownu hyung is probably gonna kill us all

 

**Wonh0**

nah I'm sure he had fun

 

**Shownu**

I did not have fun

and I am gonna kill you all.

 

**Wonh0**

okay well nevermind I guess

 

**Sir Yoo**

we all have to go to the police station for now so the murders will have to wait

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

enjoy the fieldtrip :D

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This makes so much sense you're welcome


	28. Of Goblin Kings and Sexual Awakenings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know how to summarize this anymore.  
> They're at the police station having some sort of ridiculous conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe there's already 28 chapters of this nonsense, cause I can't.  
> And guys, like half of your comments crack me up and the other half has been breathing life into my cold cynical heart, if I ever manage to achieve my dream of buying an island to go live there in peace you're all invited.
> 
> There's some references to chapter 5 and 20 in this one.

**Wonh0**

guess which precinct mullet man is from

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

if you say hongdae I swear to god

 

**Wonh0**

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

for fucks sake

 

**Wonh0**

mullet man was pretty amazed when kihyun started high-fiving and finger gunning everyone

 

**Sir Yoo**

I do not finger gun

 

**Wonh0**

what do you call making a gun shape with your hand and pointing it at people then

 

**Sir Yoo**

I call it keep talking and you won't have any fingers left to point at anything

 

**HoneyBuns**

well that's harsh

wonho-hyung have you been withholding on the sexing of kihyun-hyung

 

**Wonh0**

somehow calling us both hyung in that sentence makes it worse

he's just sore

 

**HoneyBuns**

cause you've been sexing him too much instead of not enough?

 

**Sir Yoo**

JOOHEON

 

**Wonh0**

interesting but no

it's cause mullet man told shownu he'd have the shoulders to make a good agent

so now he's jealous

 

**Sir Yoo**

I so am not

 

**HoneyBuns**

you so are

you had your scrunchy face on

 

**Sir Yoo**

what scrunchy face

 

**HoneyBuns**

you know

that one

 

**Sir Yoo**

JOOHEON

 

**HoneyBuns**

yes it is I

 

**Wonh0**

this is so not an attractive picture of yourself

 

**Sir Yoo**

you know what's not attractive?

 

**Wonh0**

that scrunchy face you make?

 

**HoneyBuns**

oooooooooooh

with that burn we don't even need wood for the pyre anymore

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I can't believe you still have this picture

I also can't believe hoseok hyung has a death wish

 

**I.M**

it's the screensaver on his phone

so he can have a little chuckle every time he looks up the time

also wonho and kihyun hyung might just be wrestling on the floor right now

 

**HoneyBuns**

let's just keep scooting away like nothing is happening

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

where are you

 

**I.M**

still in the police station

why

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

of course they would do that in a police station

also like

isn't wrestling kinda like preliminaries for those guys

 

**HoneyBuns**

this is very gross

but they did have their first kiss behind a public bathroom

while kihyun hyung was covered in blood

so like

this is also probably very true

 

**I.M**

I think that tiny cop is actually taking bets

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

kihyun should so totally work here

this is the most irresponsible police station ever

it was made for him

babe let's send him to the police academy

 

**El Chaepo**

he's not our son

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

might as well be

 

**El Chaepo**

he's older than me

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

we would raise him good

 

**El Chaepo**

we accidentally kidnapped a kid

we made said kid watch an adult horror movie

and eat awful take-out food we got delivered to his actual dad's bed

we're not ready for parenthood yet

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

details details

 

**I.M**

is there non-adult horror movies?

 

**El Chaepo**

I feel like Labyrinth should qualify as one

with that freaking goblin king

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

wasn't it more of a sexual awakening tho

 

**I.M**

please explain

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

the bulge

the goblin king's bulge

 

**HoneyBuns**

omfg

yes

I still have dreams about it sometimes

 

**El Chaepo**

dreams or nightmares?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

who doesn't tbh

goblin king, turning kids gay since 1986

 

**I.M**

doesn't that apply to pretty much all of bowie's career tho

 

**El Chaepo**

you got a point there

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I wish I could do that

 

**I.M**

turn people gay?

or have an obvious bulge 24/7?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

let's go with both

 

**El Chaepo**

you pretty much turned me gay

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

my guy

I still don't understand how you thought you were straight for so long

I know heteronormativity is a thing but COME ON

 

**El Chaepo**

yeah 

well at least you made sure I never turned back

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

there is so many jokes to be made with that sentence

but like

the wonho-kihyun situation kinda escalated

the wrestling did turn into just groping each other

poorly disguising it as playful fighting

which is gross and uncalled for

so I'm gonna go protest

 

**I.M**

kihyun ended up on top tho

just putting that out there.

 

**El Chaepo**

I so knew it tbh

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I bet he's bossy in bed

 

**El Chaepo**

you mean unlike you?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I'm not bossy

 

**El Chaepo**

allow me to scoff at that for a second

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I'll show you how bossy I'm not

 

**I.M**

you know even just saying that is pretty bossy

 

**El Chaepo**

see what I mean

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

well at least I do stuff in bed

UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE

 

**I.M**

I can't tell who is that directed at

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

the person who feels targeted

 

**HoneyBuns**

why are you attacking me when I'm not even there

 

**El Chaepo**

amazing

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I wasn't even expecting that

 

**I.M**

he does stuff

 

**El Chaepo**

does it involve ankles

 

**I.M**

HYUNG

 

**HoneyBuns**

what

 

**El Chaepo**

what

I never got that update I asked for

 

**I.M**

AND NEVER WILL

 

**HoneyBuns**

are you talking about our personal life to hyungwon-hyung behind my back

 

**El Chaepo**

he wishes he was doing other things behind your back

 

**HoneyBuns**

.....hyung please behave properly

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

is there gossip I never knew about

 

**El Chaepo**

I wish

 

**I.M**

since when are you like this

 

**El Chaepo**

since our lives turned in a soap opera on acid

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

wasn't it always like this

all I remember when I turn back towards the past is pain and suffering

 

**El Chaepo**

dramatic much

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

that's just cause you're scared of everything

 

**HoneyBuns**

am not

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

wanna talk about that time at the haunted house again

 

**HoneyBuns**

not particularly

 

**El Chaepo  
**

your life is so complicated

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's just cause I'm friend with dumbasses who make it so

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you'd be so bored without us be honest

plus you'd have never met changkyun

 

**HoneyBuns**

we're... we're in the same club

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you know what

I had totally forgotten about that

how's hip hop going

 

**HoneyBuns**

it took a step back since we started getting into fights all the time

 

**El Chaepo**

Kihyun gets into fights

you get chased by bees and end up in fountains

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

why you gotta be mean

also I bled once

and I broke my foot today

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

by gloriously failing to hood-slide over a table lmao

 

**Sir Yoo**

FOR THE LAST TIME

IT'S NOT BROKEN

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

if we ever loose kihyun in a crowd I guess we can just yell about jooheon's broken foot

then he'll just appear out of thin air

 

**Sir Yoo**

if you say that one more time istg I'll break it for real

 

**HoneyBuns**

r u d e

all of you were raised in a barn srsly

 

**Wonh0**

what you got against farmers

 

**HoneyBuns**

why

you a farmer?

 

**Wonh0**

no

 

 **Honey** **Buns**

why you gotta antagonize me

 

**El Chaepo**

can I ask something

 

**HoneyBuns**

yes

 

**El Chaepo**

what are you guys all doing at the police station apart from texting

and wrestling apparently

 

**I.M**

we're waiting for mullet cop's boss to stop screaming at him

apparently it was indeed the shitiest plan ever

but somehow he still pulled it off

by some miracle

 

**Wonh0**

I bet it was us

we were the miracle

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

that's probably a bit too optimistic but I'll take it

 

**I.M**

so yeah we're waiting for the end of the screaming

cause he needs to audition us or whatever

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah something boring

what about you?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

home

the dad came back

so we eventually had to get out of the bed

unfortunately

 

**Sir Yoo**

I bet he was super happy to see you there

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

story for another day honestly I'm beat

have fun being interrogated

let's hope kihyun doesn't end up in jail again

 

**Sir Yoo**

I was never in jail

 

**I.M  
**

yeah you were in the less dignified drunk tank

 

**Sir Yoo**

you want a broken foot too?

 

**HoneyBuns**

see

told you it was broken

 

**Sir Yoo**

start running srsly

 

**HoneyBuns**

I can't

my foot is broken

 

**Sir Yoo**

JOOHEON

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that Labyrinth is way dated as a reference and most definitely not one of them has seen it in real life but that won't be the first time this doesn't make sense lmao


	29. A tad underwhelming as far as evenings in police stations go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even more nonsense coming your way. As well as vampires, special agents and dinner plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't slept so like.... Sorry for that I guess

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

guys what would you do if I became a vampire

 

**Sir Yoo**

nothing? cause they don't exist?

but if they did jooheon would probably rat you out to van helsing or some shit tho

 

**HoneyBuns**

what?

I'd so not

I'd just like

run really far away

we'd have a long, long-distance relationship

and I'd just pretend you're not a blood-sucking monster now

 

**I.M**

wouldn't that make you super strong

I'd probably agree to be your bloodbag if you like

become my henchman or something

 

**Wonh0**

are you launching into criminal activities we ought to know about

also like you're scaring me

 

**I.M**

like you wouldn't do it if that would put an undead terminator at your service

 

**HoneyBuns**

luv I don't recognize you anymore

 

**I.M**

think of the potential

 

**HoneyBuns**

the potential for what

 

**I.M**

for stuff

so, so much stuff

 

**Wonh0**

I bet the sex would get super kinky

 

**HoneyBuns**

wasn't that addressed in that twilight masterpiece

like how the d would crush her to death or something

 

**Wonh0**

she was willing to die for it tho

so must have been something

 

**I.M**

dracula had many, many slutty undead years

I'm pretty sure he didn't dickstroyed anyone during them

 

**El Chaepo**

this is great

tho you guys do realize he meant becoming a vampire at the haunted house right

like

his place of employment

 

**~*~MintyFreshMint~*~**

oh come on

I wanted them to go on

 

**Wonh0**

oooooooh

well do I feel like a silly goose now

 

**Sir Yoo**

to be completely honest I had almost forgotten you worked there

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I'm a bit offended

 

**Sir Yoo**

didn't we all agreed that vampires were overrated tho

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

only because they didn't want me to be one

now they're cool again

 

**Wonh0**

well congrats then

 

**Sir Yoo**

at least one of us is getting promoted

 

**Wonh0**

and it's not a werewolf

so maybe hyungwon will let you keep the outfit for

ya know

 

**I.M**

you're wagging your eyebrows right now hyung aren't you

 

**Sir Yoo**

is there something about you and vampire sex I should know about

 

**Wonh0**

no

 

**I.M**

he's a big fan of lestat the vampire

I'm pretty sure he writes fanfiction in his spare time

 

**Wonh0**

I so do not

 

**I.M**

like self-insert fanfiction

 

**HoneyBuns**

why do you know about self-insert fanfiction

 

**I.M**

why do YOU know about self-insert fanfiction

 

**Sir Yoo**

I feel like this is a talk you guys should have in the privacy of your own respective homes

 

**El Chaepo  
**

hey now that we exhausted at least two of the dumbest conversations we ever had

can you tell us what happened yesterday at the police station

cause that's actually all I'm interested in

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

you don't care about my vampire outfit?

 

**El Chaepo**

you know I do

we already celebrated

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

without us?

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

trust me you wouldn't be into it

 

**HoneyBuns**

into what

 

**Sir Yoo**

after all this time

you think he'd know not to ask

but alas

 

**~*~MintyFreshMin~*~**

I'll tell you later jooheon-ah ｡(-‿•)｡

 

**HoneyBuns**

was that a wink

cause I'm legit scared now

 

**Sir Yoo**

isn't that your normal state of being

must be so exhausting being you

 

**HoneyBuns**

why you gotta be so disrespectful all the goddamn time

you

a future cop

a future servant of the law

 

**El Chaepo**

yeah srsly about that

how did all that mess end

is shownu still snobbing us?

is kihyun still sore?

 

* **~*~MintyFreshMin~*~** changed their name to  **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

 

**Min **｡(-‿•)｡miN****

so many unanswered questions

 

**HoneyBuns**

I feel personally victimized by that username just so you know

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

hehe ｡(-‿•)｡

 

**Shownu**

I'm not snobbing you

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

gasp!

he lives!

 

**Shownu**

I have like three hundred unread messages what have you guys been talking about

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

we've mostly been exchanging witticism

and being generally delightful

 

**Shownu**

I believe that.

 

**El Chaepo**

srsly hyunwoo-hyung

they wouldn't tell us what happened

 

**HoneyBuns**

we're trying but we keep getting side-tracked

not our fault

 

**Shownu**

nothing special happened they just talked to us

 

**Min **｡(-‿•)｡miN****

well that's a bit underwhelming

what happened to mullet man?

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah

did he put his mullet back on?

 

**Shownu**

no

 

**I.M**

hyung you're really not good at telling stories

 

**HoneyBuns**

understatement of the CENTURY

we need more than one syllable

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I never thought I'd miss Kihyun dramatic flair

and yet

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm not dramatic

 

**HoneyBuns**

right

 

**El Chaepo**

can any of you just tell us so we get this over with

 

**HoneyBuns**

no but he's not wrong

it was a tad underwhelming lmao

 

**Shownu**

see

 

**I.M**

they did tell you you should become a special agent tho

 

**Sir Yoo**

and jooheon's foot wasn't broken

 

**El Chaepo**

so wait

shownu is becoming a special agent?

 

**Shownu**

no

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

why the heck not

istg if you say something like 'just because'

there will be a real broken foot to complain about

 

**Shownu**

do you really think you can take me

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

of course not

I'll send forth my champion

 

**El Chaepo**

I hope it's not me

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

of course not noodle arms

 

**El Chaepo**

I'd be offended but I guess I do have noodle arms

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you kinda have abs these days tho

 

**Sir Yoo**

it's probably just a trick of the light honestly

or contour

 

**Wonh0**

I should so contour my abs

 

**Sir Yoo**

I thought you already did

 

**Wonh0**

no they're naturally this awesome

 

**HoneyBuns**

we're getting side tracked again aren't we

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

yup

 

**El Chaepo**

will we ever know what happened in this goddamn police station

 

**Shownu**

I keep telling you

nothing happened

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

didn't you basically get hired as a special agent tho

while kihyun got passed over like the sad little man that he is

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'll destroy you one day

 

**Shownu**

actually now that he switched majors he can get hired by a law enforcement agency upon graduation

 

**I.M**

did you google how to work for the man

 

**Shownu**

what man

 

**I.M**

well

you know

The Man

 

**Shownu**

I don't know that's why I asked

 

**I.M**

I can't believe I'm having this conversation with a grown-ass man

 

**HoneyBuns**

can anyone tell me what happened to the mullet

I don't want to turn around and find it there

hovering in the air

ready to pounce on my scalp

 

**Sir Yoo**

he probably still has it

it's 99% of his cover

 

**El Chaepo**

so like did he really plan on the lady renting shownu

 

**Sir Yoo**

no

remember the guy with assless chaps?

 

**El Chaepo**

how could I ever forget

 

**Sir Yoo**

well it was supposed to be him

he's actually a cop like we saw him

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you saw assless chaps man?

please tell me you got him to sign your underwears

 

**Sir Yoo**

I did no such thing

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I'm crushed

 

**Sir Yoo**

I made him sign a paper like a grown adult

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

my love for you has reached new heights

 

**Sir Yoo**

why thank you

ANYWAY as I was saying yeah they fucked up

so when she bought shownu they were just like well okay

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I still don't understand why a mafia daughter would like

go to a seedy bachelor auction

 

**Sir Yoo**

her dad owns the bar I guess she thought it would be funny

 

**Shownu**

it wasn't

 

**I.M**

hyung just admit you had fun

we all saw the face you made while kicking people in the head

 

**Sir Yoo**

so there was a slight change of plan and he followed us instead

cause he knew wonho so like... it's not weird

 

**El Chaepo**

it was weird

 

**Sir Yoo**

right

and then she led them straight to her papa and you know the rest

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

so their plan fucked up from like the first hour and he still went ahead I'm actually amazed

 

**Sir Yoo**

that's basically what his boss told him

with a very different feeling behind those words

 

**El Chaepo**

did he got fired to come back and save the day later in the episode

 

**Sir Yoo**

nah since the arrest was successful he only got screamed at

and then congratulated

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what a roller coaster of emotions

 

**Sir Yoo**

he offered to take us out to eat next week

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I'm so going

did you say yes

tell me you said yes

 

**Wonh0**

how could we resist honestly

 

**HoneyBuns**

does he think this will make up for my foot

 

**Sir Yoo**

are you baiting me

 

**HoneyBuns**

yes

 

**Sir Yoo**

well it's working

 

**HoneyBuns**

:D

should we be mad tho

I feel like maybe we should be mad

for all the danger ya know

 

**Sir Yoo**

who cares honestly

 

**I.M**

yeah we're all gonna die anyway might as well go out in a blaze of glory, fighting the mafia

 

**Wonh0**

plus like free food

 

**HoneyBuns**

well

if you put it like this.

 

 

 


	30. A Welcome Respite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's some lull in their routine chaos, so Minhyuk takes it upon himself to finally discover what the deal is with jookyun. Said lull doesn't last long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously my dudes this is the thirtieth chapter. HOW AND WHY.
> 
> Thank you to all who have stuck with me until now, through thick and thin, you guys are great.  
> Thank you to my thesis, who sucks so much I'm writing this instead. If there's other graduate students out there I'm with you guys, the struggle is real.  
> And I would also like to thank my mother, without whom I wouldn't be standing here today. 
> 
> Anyway let's dive in. I'm going back to the basics with this one. I mean I think. I don't know what this fic is about anymore. It might have started with dating, way, way back in the days.

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

bruh

dude

dongsaeng

man

guy

 

**From: Bra Boy**

hyung

you must know that's annoying

what you want

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

you're such a delight in the mornings

I was just wondering

now that we have some respite from murder clowns, bees and crazy cops

did you and changkhyun finally...

you know

consummated

sealed the deal

roasted the broomstick

hid the bishop

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**From: Bra Boy**

what

it's way too early for you to be already that vexatious

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

vexatious?

seriously?

when is that battle so you can finally stop humping the thesaurus

 

 **From:** **Bra Boy**

I do not hump the thesaurus

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

yeah

and apparently you're not humping your boyfriend either

¬‿¬

 

**From: Bra Boy**

that's so not your business

also can you stop with the emojis

that's drunk kihyun's thing

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

you're right

I miss drunk kihyun

he's nice and relaxed

it's been a while since we haven't seen him

 

 

 

**From: sidekick**

hyung I need help

minhyuk-hyung is being improper again

and he's using emojis so it's like

at least twice as worse than usual

 

**From: His Majesty Yoo Kihyun**

aren't emojis drunk me's thing

 

**From: sidekick**

that's what I said

 

**From: His Majesty Yoo Kihyun**

I miss drunk me

he's nice and relaxed

 

**From: sidekick**

that's what he said

 

**From: His Majesty Yoo Kihyun**

does he like drunk me more than sober me?

I'll kick his ass

 

**From: sidekick**

hyung

that was so not the point you were supposed to focus on

 

**From: His Majesty Yoo Kihyun**

right

tell him then

no point in delaying it any longer

 

**From: sidekick**

I guess.

 

 

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

please tell me you've at least seen him naked

╰⋃╯ლ(´ڡ`ლ)

 

**From: Bra Boy**

WHAT THE HELL WHAT IS THAT

lmao hyung

like

srsly

you're gross

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

but also hilarious

 

**From: Bra Boy**

if that can make you feel better then sure

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

it really does

 

**From: Bra Boy**

okay

so

about changkyun and me

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

yes I am all ears

or all eyes I guess

since this is text

see!

hilarious.

 

**From: Bra Boy**

I'm signing you up for stand-up night.

anyway

we didn't want to tell you guys yet

didn't want to bring everyone down

but

we actually broke up.

kihyun knew

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

YOU WHAT

 

**From: Bra Boy**

yeah....

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

SINCE WHEN

OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY

WE KEPT MAKING JOKES

oh my

you okay?

 

**From: Bra Boy**

yeah

just after the haunted house

it just didn't work out

we realized we were better as friends

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman  
**

well fuck

I'm floored

if you need to talk I'm here

sorry for the emojis

 

**From: Bra Boy**

lmao it's fine hyung really

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman  
**

you're so strong ;_;

 

 

**From: sidekick**

honestly I feel a bit bad

 

**From: His Majesty Yoo Kihyun**

w e a k

STEEL YOURSELF

 

 

 

 

**From: changkyunnie~ <3**

hyung?

 

**From: jooheon-hyung :3**

yeah?

 

**From: changkyunnie~ <3**

are you dumping me?

 

**From: jooheon-hyung :3**

what?

 

**From: changkyunnie~ <3**

I got a cryptic voicemail from Minhyuk telling me how sorry he is

that he won't make jokes anymore and he hopes I'm alright

and like...

are you dumping me?

 

**From: jooheon-hyung :3**

OH GOD

OH MY I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU

 

**From: changkyunnie~ <3**

that you're breaking up with me?

yeah I guess

that would have been neat

 

**From: jooheon-hyung :3**

I'M NOT

CHANGKYUN-AH

I'M NOT BREAKING UP WITH YOU

okay I'm on my way to your place now

I love you I'm not breaking up with you

it's kihyun-hyung's dumb idea lmao

I'm so sorry

you know how Minhyuk and Hyungwon-hyung hid they were together and shit

this is like... revenge

 

**From: changkyunnie~ <3**

THAT'S SO CRUEL

but also like

yeah

I'm so on board

should we stage a fight?

oh my god we should so stage a fight

 

**From: jooheon-hyung :3**

dude

are you serious

 

**From: changkyunnie~ <3**

well yeah

I like theater

also kihyun is a terrible person

isn't this one of the worst thing we ever did

 

**From: jooheon-hyung :3**

we should get him drunk again

then he's nice

 

**From: changkyunnie~ <3**

true

I miss drunk Kihyun

 

**From: jooheon-hyung :3**

everybody does apparently

 

**From: sidekick**

hyung?

so like

changkyun knows

and he's weirdly on board with this.

 

**From: His Majesty Yoo Kihyun**

SRSLY???

MY TIME HAS COME

omg you guys should so stage a fight

 

**From: sidekick**

that's exactly what he said.

I'm on my way to his place now

and honestly

I'm a bit scared of you both

 

**From: His Majesty Yoo Kihyun**

you're scared of everything what's new

how did minhyuk take it

 

**From: sidekick**

he's mortified

 

**From: His Majesty Yoo Kihyun**

that will teach him to lie to me for years

 

**From: sidekick**

I can't believe you're still hung up on their stupid bet

sometimes I wish at least one of you wasn't a conspiring jerk

 

**From: His Majesty Yoo Kihyun**

isn't that a lil bit like the pot calling the kettle black

 

**From: sidekick**

that's just you guys rubbing off on me

I used to be so nice and pure ;_;

 

**From: His Majesty Yoo Kihyun**

keep telling yourself that

you'd be so bored if we weren't tho

 

**From: sidekick**

maybe.

 kay I'm in front of changkyun's building I'll ttyl **  
**

 

**From: His Majesty Yoo Kihyun**

yeah I'll go polish my maniacal laughter in the meantime

 

 

 

* **Sir Yoo** added **I.M** to **GATHER ROUND MY LOVELIES THIS IS PLOTTING TIME**

* **Sir Yoo**  added  **HoneyBuns** to  **GATHER ROUND MY LOVELIES THIS IS PLOTTING TIME**

 

**HoneyBuns**

so how's that maniacal laughter coming along

 

**Sir Yoo**

pretty great if I do say so myself

 

**I.M**

hello hyung

 

**Sir Yoo**

hello dongsaeng

you've always been my favorite changkyun-ah

I knew you'd go on to do great things

like CRUSHING MINHYUK'S SOUL

 

**HoneyBuns**

you're a terrible person

but also

this is fun!

 

**Sir Yoo**

I knew you'd come around

 

**HoneyBuns**

aren't you afraid minhyuk is never gonna talk to us ever again

 

**Sir Yoo**

he'll be able to recognize the quality of a good homegrown, organic prank do not worry

he'll be amazed at the craftsmanship

 

**HoneyBuns**

....don't come crying to me if that takes a terrible turn

as it surely will

 

**Sir Yoo**

it is okay lil grasshopper do not fear

 

**I.M**

what is the plan then?

 

**Sir Yoo**

well first we let him stew in his misery for a bit

and I was thinking

it's their turn to host movie night right?

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah

on thursday

 

**Sir Yoo**

that leaves him two days to stew that's great

he'll be a marinated pickle on thursday

that's when you guys have The Fight

 

**HoneyBuns**

what should we fight about tho

 

**I.M**

we should make it real dramatic

should I cry

I think I could cry on demand

wait lemme try

 

**Sir Yoo**

is it working?

 

**HoneyBuns**

well he's really red in the face if you wanna know

like this close to pop a vein I guess

 

**Sir Yoo**

that doesn't seem to alarm you much

think of something really sad changkyun-ah

like the fact that you're dating jooheon

 

**HoneyBuns**

fuck offffff

I'm a great boyfriend

 

**I.M**

he actually is I was surprised

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah I was too

 

**I.M**

I'm sorry to let you guys down but this crying business is harder than expected

 

**Sir Yoo**

that's cause you have no soul

 

**I.M**

you're one to talk

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm actually sensitive you know

 

**HoneyBuns**

says the guy who masterminded a plot to psychologically torture his best friend

 

**Sir Yoo**

well you're going along with it that's almost worst

you're an enabler

 

**I.M**

what happens after we fight?

 

**Sir Yoo**

I was thinking

you should start to pretend-assault each other

and then turn it into aggressive making-out

and that's when I burst through the door, laughing maniacally

 

**I.M**

sounds good

I'm fine with this

 

**Sir Yoo**

alright men

let's synchronize our watches

 

**HoneyBuns**

what

 

**Sir Yoo**

I don't know I've always wanted to say that

 

* * *

 

 

**Sir Yoo**

today is the day

DON'T FUCK THIS UP MEN

 

**I.M**

we won't

we trained all of yesterday

 

**HoneyBuns**

physical assault can be kinda hot like I get it now hyung

 

**Sir Yoo**

what's that supposed to mean

 

**HoneyBuns**

nothing

okay we're almost there

 

**Sir Yoo**

Wonho is in he'll record discreetly for the archives

 

**HoneyBuns**

you really trust hoseok-hyung to be discreet?

 

**Sir Yoo**

I made him demonstrate first it's fine

 

**I.M**

hitting target in like 2

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm already in place

see you on the other side boys

 

 

 

**From: MinMinMin**

kihyun you need to get out of the bathroom right the fuck now

they're fighting

KIHYUN

WADDU I DO

THEY BOTH SAID IT WAS FINE IT'S SO NOT FINE

KIHYUN

like srsly what is taking you so much time

do you need laxatives

OH MY GOD

CHANGKYUN SLAPPED HIM

OH MY

okay I'm gonna try to get them to separate

 

**From: MinMinMin**

OKAY ONE OF THEM BIT ME WHAT IS THIS

KIHYUN THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING IN THE BATHROOM SRSLY

OH GEE

OH JESUS

OH

oh

oh my

okay what

this is getting slightly pg13

dude

dude's taking off his shirt

WHAT IS HAPPENING

KIHYUN

 

**From: MinMinMin**

KIHYUN I FUCKING HATE YOU

 

 

**Sir Yoo**

mission was a success boys

 

**HoneyBuns**

do they still talk to you

 

**Sir Yoo**

yes

granted mostly through the f-word

 

**I.M**

so nothing too much out of the ordinary

 

**Sir Yoo**

exactly!

success!

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO US

WE WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU

I FELT SO BAD

 

**From: THE TRAITOR**

well

you know you can't say no to kihyun when he gets that look is his eyes

plus it was kinda funny.

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

STILL

SHAME ON YOU

but also yeah like A+ for execution you guys were so believable

 

**From: on probabtion**

right?

we trained a bit

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

that make-out session was pretty steamy uh

 

**From: on probation**

I guess we got carried away a little bit

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

.....so like

did you guys

you know

doddled

went crab fishing in the dead sea

loaded the clown into the cannon

moistened the pope

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**From: on probabtion**

HYUNG

SRSLY

FUCK OFFFFFF

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

**／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼**


	31. Revenge Is a Dish Best Served With a Side of Fried Rice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some payback is had, and a nice little get-together is planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys thank you all so much for the comments on the last chapter :D I'm so happy you're enjoying it despite the non-existent plot and characterization that keeps getting out of hand lmao

**Sir Yoo**

wat are u guyz doing on this gret night

(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

 

**HoneyBuns**

did you drink

 

**Sir Yoo**

no

why

 

**HoneyBuns**

you know why

 

**Sir Yoo**

don't be so grumpyyy

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay who got him drunk

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

no one

 

**HoneyBuns**

hyung

what did you do

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

nothing

 

**HoneyBuns**

HYUNG

I know we all missed drunk kihyun

but come on

 

**Wonh0**

I guess that explains why I keep getting blurry pictures of what I assume is his face

oh wow okay

I think he's sending me his left buttcheek now

 

**El Chaepo**

how can you tell his left buttcheek from his right on a blurry picture

 

**Wonh0**

I'm a physionomist

 

**Sir Yoo**

I don't care what you are

I luv you anyway (ｏ・_・)ノ”(ᴗ_ ᴗ。)

 

**Wonh0**

thanks?

I love you too

 

**Sir Yoo**

hahahahahhahahahahaaahaha

 

**Shownu**

you guys do remember what happened the last time he was drunk right

 

**HoneyBuns**

oh

hyung

I keep forgetting you're still in this groupchat

 

**Shownu**

I feel like you guys shouldn't be left unsupervised

 

**I.M**

the way this is going you might be right

 

**Sir Yoo**

are you insinuate I'm not responsible

 

**Shownu**

yes I am insinuate

nice to meet you not responsible

 

**Sir Yoo**
    
    
    （　ﾟДﾟ）
    

was that a dad joke

DAD JOKE PEOPLE

THE FIRST ONE IN TEH GROUPCHAT

 

**HoneyBuns**

where is he I kinda want to witness this

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

our place

we had him over for a nice little dinner

 

**HoneyBuns**

lmao

is it just me or does that sound super ominous

 

**I.M**

how could he just walk into this obvious trap

did you poison him

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

naaaah

remember how someone put that video of him fighting on youtube

 

**HoneyBuns**

how could I ever forget

I still watch it when I'm down

cheers me right the fuck up

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well we thought his fans might want a little update on his current whereabouts

 

**HoneyBuns**

did you just

like

get him drunk and put him on youtube

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

maybe

 

**El Chaepo**

we might be live streaming a lil bit

 

**I.M**

so going straight to public humiliation are we?

I like your thinking

 

**Sir Yoo**

who getting humiliated?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

not you

 

**Sir Yoo**

cool

(｡◕‿‿◕｡)

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

he's so trusting I almost feel bad

 

**I.M**

should Jooheon and I also expect something like this in our near future

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

we thought going after the mastermind would suffice

you were just pawns after all

 

**I.M**

can we see

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I'm sending you all the link in private

 

 

**HoneyBuns**

nice

okay

what the heck is he doing to your couch

 

**El Chaepo**

we're not sure either

 

**I.M**

nice acrobatics tho

 

**Wonh0**

well damn

I knew he wasn't stiff

but this is like

a whole new level of flexible

 

**HoneyBuns**

opens up new horizons right

 

**Wonh0**

you're gross

but also yes.

 

**I.M**

the comments are pretty sweet tho

 

_> isn't that the guy that was fighting the drunk that one time_

_> >yup. seems tiring being him_

 

_> anyone able to recognize that song he's trying to sing tho_

_> >just recognizing the language would be a good start_

_> >>I though it was korean at first but then he started making those inhuman sounds and now I'm so confused_

_> >>> are those even part of the song? maybe he's just choking_

 

_> is that dancing or just like... hardcore aerobics_

_> >honestly I'm using this as my next workout video seems like good cardio_

 

_> when he slips and whacks his head on the coffee table am I right_

_> >I thought he'd have a concussion or smth but he just picked himself right the fuck up. my man doesn't slow down for shit  
_

 

_> that person he's sending all those selfies to must be so happy_

_> >I'm kinda sad his friend covered him when he started stripping tho like... give the people what they want smh_

 

_> look at him go!_

_> >too turnt srsly_

 

_> is he seriously gonna cook_

_> >should they really allow him near live fire_

_> >>it makes me real uncomfortable that he's shirtless making fried rice I mean think of all the oil that's in that pan  
_

_> >>>dude doesn't feel pain. dude is made of steel. like 1%. the rest is all ethanol._

 

**I.M**

is he really making you guys fried rice

 

**El Chaepo**

yeah.

we already ate but who am I to stop him

 

**HoneyBuns**

drunk kihyun is so nice we don't deserve him

he's like the mom I never had

 

**El Chaepo**

you have a mom tho

 

**HoneyBuns**

well yeah

that's why kihyun's the one I never had

did you drink too or what

 

**El Chaepo**

nevermind.

 

**Wonh0**

I feel like maybe I should protect his dignity

and also his skin like holy hell put an apron on him or something

but like

this is oddly entertaining

 

**El Chaepo**

right

 

**I.M**

he's great at drunk cooking tho

you guys his most basic instinct is to feed you

isn't that sweet

 

**HoneyBuns**

what a dreamboat

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

are you trying to make me feel bad

cause it's not working

 

**I.M**

no

I'm enjoying this please keep going

 

**Shownu**

you guys do realize he'll be able to read all this when he sobers up

and then probably kick all of your asses

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

....

so maybe we didn't think this through

what of it

 

**HoneyBuns**

should we just pool all our money and invest in a panic room

 

**Wonh0**

it's too late to be mad on his behalf right

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you can kiss goodbye to your relationship and also you're welcome

 

**Wonh0**

hey he told me he loved me even if I'm a physionomist

that must mean something right

 

**I.M**

let's just embrace our upcoming doom

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

right

plus we should make our last moments on earth as enjoyable as possible

 

**HoneyBuns**

exactly

so just keep streaming

plus if you stop you're gonna disappoint all those youtube people

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

right

we have a responsibility to this people

it's not just us anymore

 

**Shownu**

you're all terrible

 

**I.M**

but you love us right hyung

 

**Shownu**

why

are you feeling insecure

 

**HoneyBuns**

hohoho harsh

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh god

 

 

 

_> I'm amazed, that fried rice actually looks good and he put nothing on fire_

_> >did you miss the part were he burned his bangs and the guy started to furiously whack him over the head with a dishcloth_

_> fuck. I'm never going to the bathroom ever again_

_> >>he looks better with his hair pushed back imo_

_> >>>yeah I agree it's kinda sexy_

 

**El Chaepo**

okay so that was close

 

**HoneyBuns**

so you're probably really going to die now

nice knowing you

 

**Wonh0**

did you guys almost disfigure my boyfriend

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

disfigure is such a strong word

 

**Wonh0**

•`_´•

(ง •̀_•́)ง

 

**El Chaepo**

don't turn on us now you hypocrite

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

while we're at it should we give him a haircut

I mean we can't rightly let him go around looking like this

 

**I.M**

well the youtube people did say he looked better with his hair pushed back so...

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

so you think we should trust the opinion of anonymous strangers on the internet

 

**I.M**

when did that ever go wrong

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

right.

 

**El Chaepo**

the most tricky thing in all this is making him sit still on a chair

 

_> see I was right he looks better with his hair pushed back_

_> >the dude is not half bad at cutting hair that's pretty nice_

_> >>those guys are so dead when he sobers up tho_

_> >>>right lmao I wish I could see that_

_> >>>>>he's still trying to feed them the fried rice that guy is a legend_

 

**Shownu**

even your fans think you're going to die

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well at least it will be in a blast of glory

destroyed by the monster we created

 

**El Chaepo**

hey no but seriously he looks good doesn't he

 

**Wonh0**

he actually does

you should be a hairdresser

 

**El Chaepo**

the way my modeling career is going I might as well

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

didn't we already decide you'd take over the underworld

 

**El Chaepo**

the barbershop can be a front

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

smart

 

**HoneyBuns**

maybe he'll kill you guys less since he actually looks good

by some miracle

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

guess we will find out

aww he seems ready to pass out

I guess we should go put him to bed

 

**HoneyBuns**

do you have some fizzygood

for when he wakes up

 

**El Chaepo**

fizzygood?

oh

alka-seltzer

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah

that

 

**El Chaepo**

yeah we do

and we're gonna make pancakes in the morning

wanna come?

 

**I.M**

how did this suddenly turn into some sort of weird sleepover

 

**Wonh0**

I feel like maybe I should be there when he wakes up

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

for damage control?

 

**Wonh0**

he really likes his hair.

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well we could all have brunch

face our doom together

 

**HoneyBuns**

lmao this is gonna be the bloodiest brunch ever I'm in

 

**I.M**

you should come too shownu hyung

if only to witness our violent deaths

 

**Shownu**

yeah, why not

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

so we can bribe you with food

good to know!

 

_> aww it's over. what am I gonna do with myself now_

_> >you and me buddy_

_> >>srsly tho. he should have his own show_

_> >>>I'd watch that. drunk cooking cranked up to 11._


	32. World War Prank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun just takes everything to the next level because why not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So holy shit it was mentioned in one of you guys awesome comments that it's already been three months and I was like WHAT but it had.  
> There's not a word written for my thesis but this thing has 32 chapters I guess it counts as an accomplishment. Let's all hope my research advisor sees it that way lmao.  
> Anyway onward my lovelies, this is even more nonsensical that usual.

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

Jooheon

do you know if Kihyun is planning anything

srsly it's been like three days and nothing happened

I'm getting so paranoid I can barely get out of the house

 

**From: potential traitor beware**

I'm not aware of anything

he said he forgave you tho

I mean he was pretty normal once he got over the shock of the new haircut

and stopped screaming about the live streaming

maybe he did forgave you

you know

you guys are even now

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

dude

it's kihyun we're talking about

I'm sure there's a bank vault somewhere in europe holding a list of all the people that pissed him off since he was old enough to form memories

and Lee Minhyuk & Chae Hyungwon just appeared on top of it

written in blood

 

**From: potential traitor beware**

aren't you being a bit dramatic

 

**From: Frosty the Snowman**

am I?

am I really?

really jooheon?

really?

AM I DRAMATIC?

 

**From: potential traitor beware**

lmao I got the message

don't fret I'm gonna ask him

 

**From: sidekick**

hyung

are you planning anything against dumb & dumber

 

**From: His Majesty Yoo Kihyun**

wasn't that you and changkyun

 

**From: sidekick**

I bestowed the title upon them now

 

**From: His Majesty Yoo Kihyun**

makes sense

 

**From: sidekick**

seriously tho

are you planning anything

Minhyuk is losing his damn mind

 

**From: His Majesty Yoo Kihyun  
**

really?

good to know.

 

**From: sidekick**

HYUNG

 

**From: His Majesty Yoo Kihyun**

well

I thought about a lot of things

like put hair-removing cream in their shampoo

saran wrap all of their earthly possessions

plant a grass garden in their computer

render them both impotent somehow

but nothing felt right

so now I lay in wait

and if it drives them nuts in the meantime that's a bonus honestly

 

 

**From: potential traitor beware**

holy shit hyung you're so dead lmao

he's still thinking about it so nothing is planned

but I wouldn't unclench yet if I were you

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

honestly I haven't regretted anything as much as I do now

do you think he's gonna poison us at dinner

 

**From: potential traitor beware**

he wouldn't go for straight up murder

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

are you sure about that

 

**From: potential traitor beware**

well I mean

mullet hyung will be there and he's a cop so it's like

rule number one of murder

do not murder anyone when a cop is at the table

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

true true

well I guess we'll see you all in a bit then

 

**From: potential traitor beware**

this might be your last day of peace enjoy it hyung :D

 

 

**From: Jooheon hyung :3**

this is gonna be the tensest dinner ever holy shit lmao

 

**From: Changkyunnie~ <3**

I'm on my way and honestly I was this close to go find myself a bullet proof vest

 

**From: Jooheon hyung :3**

you probably should have.

 

 

**Wonh0**

is it just me or is it the exact same restaurant as last time

 

**El Chaepo**

maybe they give him free service if he promises to not destroy their restaurant next time he busts a kingpin

 

**I.M**

they recovered pretty quickly tho the place is spotless

where is Minhyuk

 

**Shownu**

why are you all late

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's called making oneself desired

also I'm lost

 

**El Chaepo**

Minhyuk is inspecting the restaurant

 

**I.M**

what? why?

 

**El Chaepo**

in case kihyun hired a sniper or something

 

**Sir Yoo**

I didn't do that

I don't have enough money yet

 

**El Chaepo**

yet?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

see

I knew it

you do have a hit list

 

**Sir Yoo**

how did you know about the list

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

is my name on it written in blood?

 

**Sir Yoo**

it's in standard ink but that's a good idea

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

how do you update it when it's all the way in europe

 

**I.M**

what in the name of heck are you guys talking about

 

**Sir Yoo**

I have an attorney

 

**El Chaepo**

you have enough money for an attorney but not for a sniper?

 

**Sir Yoo**

yeah cause this isn't real

like my friendship with you guys

 

**El Chaepo**

I haven't felt that threatened since I was bullied in kindergarten

 

**HoneyBuns**

you were bullied in kindergarten?

btw I'm still lost but I should get there anytime now

 

**El Chaepo**

kids are savages

 

**Sir Yoo**

you don't know the true meaning of savage yet

 

**El Chaepo**

can you stop

and like I can see you glaring at me from the lobby just come sit down

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm with mullet hyung!

be on your best behavior we're coming

 

 

 

 

**From: Jooheon**

did you pay mullet hyung so that he'd compliment kihyun on his new haircut?

 

**From: Wonho-hyung**

maybe?

he doesn't believe it when it comes from me

he won't say it but he's sort of mullet man's fanboy so I thought might as well

 

**From: Jooheon**

cute.

 

**From: Wonho-hyung**

that haircut does suit him tho so it's not technically lying

 

**From: Jooheon**

I'm not judging

plus I'm sure he actually likes it

but he can't say it

 

**From: Wonho-hyung**

yeah

I caught him starring in the mirror, smiling

he loves it.

 

 

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

this is going too well

jooheon

are you sure nothing's gonna happen

 

**From: potential traitor beware**

honestly we're all in one room so given our track record something's bound to happen

but it probably won't be because of kihyun

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

you seem way sure of yourself

 

**From: potential traitor beware**

well he got a pretty big mouth but like

when did he ever do something terrible

to us I mean

he threatens a lot but he doesn't really follow through

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

true.

but it's the first time we went after his hair

THE RULES HAVE CHANGED

 

**From: potential traitor beware**

unclench hyung

he actually likes it

he just can't say anything cause it's thanks to you and hyungwon

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

you just told me not to unclench

I'm so tense a coin wouldn't even fit in between my buttcheeks

 

**From: potential traitor beware**

in what world did I need to know that

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

if I suffer you suffer with me

 

**From: potential traitor beware**

I'm sitting right in front of wonho I'm already suffering enough

that boy eats like a vacuum

a disgusting, disturbingly muscular vacuum

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

well the food is good

at least my last meal will be great

 

**From: potential traitor beware**

hyung

stop texting me under the table and eat

it's gonna be fine

 

 

**From: Love**

hyungwon-ah is it just me or do you feel something ominous coming over the horizon

jooheon keeps insisting it's alright

but my butt won't unclench

and I trust it more than I trust jooheon right now

 

**From: sleeping beauty <3  
**

if by horizon you mean the lobby

there's way too much people standing around in there

it's making me uncomfortable

plus the two guys sitting behind us look way familiar

 

**From: Love**

if we die today

I'll find you in my next life

 

**From: sleeping beauty <3**

I love you too

we'll make it through

it's just kihyun

what can he do

 

 

 

**From: hoseokkie(づ￣ ³￣)づ**

HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK KIHYUN

 

**From: Kihyun <3**

(\\____/)  
( ͡ ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡ ͡°)  
\╭☞ \╭☞

 

 

**From: Mullet Man**

the cat is in the basket.

 

**From: that crazy kid with the nice hair**

roger that and thank you ( ￣▽￣)/

 

 

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay now that we're safely away from whatever that was

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS HOLY SHIT

 

**I.M**

watch your profanity

that being said

satan's ballsack on a stick what in the name of heck just happened

 

**Shownu**

why do I ever expect anything to go smoothly

 

**I.M**

that naivete will kill you one day hyung

 

**HoneyBuns**

kihyun

did you just get them fake arrested on bogus criminal charges

or was Hyungwon really the crime lord we knew him to be all along

 

**Sir Yoo**

what do you think lil buddy ｡(-‿•)｡

 

**HoneyBuns**

holy shit remind me to never piss you off

 

**Wonh0**

I'm scared

but also turned on

so many conflicting emotions

 

**Sir Yoo**

I can help ｡(-‿•)｡

 

**HoneyBuns**

you're so proud of yourself aren't you

 

**Sir Yoo**

you got no idea

I pranked the shit out of them

the best thing is that they can be held up to 72 hours

the prank that keeps on pranking

 

**HoneyBuns**

how did you even pull that off you absolute madman

 

**Sir Yoo**

mullet man helped

he thought it was hilarious

and well you know how the hongdae precinct loves me right

who knew getting arrested multiple times would pay off one day

 

**Shownu**

so everyone is insane that's good news

 

**I.M**

basically.

are they really gonna keep them 72 hours tho

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm not that mean

they'll release them in the morning

I borrowed Mullet hyung fancy car and designer sunglasses to go pick them up

cause I so won that war

 

**I.M**

well thank fuck you're not that mean

 

**HoneyBuns**

that's like super extreme but at the same time I admire you so much hyung

I'm changing my role model to you

 

**Shownu**

who was it before that?

 

**HoneyBuns**

the man your man could smell like.

 

**I.M**

well that explains a lot

 

**HoneyBuns**

they will never forgive you

 

**Sir Yoo**

most importantly

they'll be too scared to ever retaliate

I'm too powerful

 

**HoneyBuns**

that's probably true

you really took that prank war and ran with it

 

**Sir Yoo**

well they set my hair on fire what can you do

 

**HoneyBuns**

technically you set your own hair on fire

 

**I.M**

I really hope one day we can all laugh about that one time Kihyun got minhyuk and hyungwon hyung thrown in jail for the night

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm already laughing about it now

 

**Wonh0**

yeah I kinda am too holy shit

 

**HoneyBuns**

you're laughing now but what if you want to break up with him one day

he'll straight up murder you

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm a mature adult who can handle rejection

 

**Wonh0**

see

plus are you kidding after this I'm marrying him

 

**I.M**

hyung you're turned on by the weirdest things

 

**Wonh0**

it's cause I'm so sweet

opposite attracts

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'd had put people in jail sooner if I knew you'd like it so much

 

**HoneyBuns**

so are you actually gonna become a cop now

just cause your boyfriend finds it hot

 

**Sir Yoo**

could find worse as a motivation

 

**HoneyBuns**

true.

 

**Shownu**

so did we all just make peace with mullet man's gross abuse of power that is most definitely illegal and how Kihyun is probably a sociopath

 

**Wonh0**

albeit a hot one

 

**HoneyBuns**

I guess

honestly nothing fazes me anymore

I'm just accepting things as they are now

why fret

tomorrow's probably gonna be worse

 

**I.M**

you went from nicely philosophical to straight up nihilism real fast u ok

 

**HoneyBuns**

yes it's just how I am now that Kihyun is my role model

 

**I.M**

neat.

 

**HoneyBuns**

on another note

I'm not even sure they got it was all Kihyun's doing lmao

 

**I.M**

they can't be that stupid can they

 

**HoneyBuns**

who knows

amidst all that panicked screeching

 

**I.M**

the image of Kihyun just sitting there with his hands crossed over his belly and that satisfied smirk on his face is seared into my mind

I bet it's the last thing I'll see when my life flashes before my eyes when I die

 

**HoneyBuns**

see what I mean when I say he's my new role model

 

**Sir Yoo**

your admiration will be rewarded

I'll cancel the thugs I sent after you guys for laughing at that video

 

**HoneyBuns**

....did you really send thugs after us

 

**Sir Yoo**

what do you think lil buddy ｡(-‿•)｡

 

**HoneyBuns**

honestly at that point anything is possible and I am very scared

 

**I.M**

I punched a murder clown for you but I draw the line at actual thugs

 

**Sir Yoo**

I just said I cancelled them

yeah and also I actually didn't send them in the first place

there's so much I can plan I'm not god

 

**I.M**

more like satan

 

**HoneyBuns**

that he might be

we never know

srsly

he just sent his friends to jail

 

**Sir Yoo**

they'll probably just put them in the drunk tank relax

 

**HoneyBuns**

probably?

 

**Sir Yoo**

I mean I hope.

 

**HoneyBuns**

dude.

too savage

 

**Sir Yoo**

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

bow down before the prank king

 

 


	33. Blue is the New Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jooheon and Minhyuk debrief that one night in jail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes this is back cause apparently it will never die

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

he came to pick us up

in a fancy convertible with the hood down

wearing designer sunglasses

blasting "all I do is win"

 

**From: Traitor**

LMAO HAHAHAHAHA

rest in fucking pieces hyung

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

can I kill him

 

**From: Traitor**

be honest you were impressed by the whole scheme

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

I was so not

 

**From: Traitor**

you so were

my admiration for him has reached new heights

did the car have hydrolic pumps

was he making it rain

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

you're really enjoying this aren't you

 

**From: Traitor**

I'm trying not to

but you're making it really hard hyung

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

I'm gonna kill you too and then eat your body

 

**From: Traitor**

wow harsh

who did you share your cell with

a serial killer?

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

well at first I thought I did

then it turned out to be a local nut who just really believed in his dreams

 

**From: Traitor**

good times

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

I had to wear OVERALLS JOOHEON

 

**From: Traitor**

well at least they're blue over here

imagine what orange would have done to your complexion

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

JOOHEON

 

**From: Traitor**

what

I'm right

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

I WAS IN JAIL

well not actual jail

they just put us in holding cells

but still

WE HAD TO WEAR OVERALLS DO YOU HEAR ME

IT WAS TOO SCARY

 

**From: Traitor**

the jail or the overalls?

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

I THOUGHT IT WAS REAL AT FIRST

 

**From: Traitor**

lmao I was sure you guys would be too stupid to get it right away

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

!!!!!!

the disrespect

I'm disowning you

 

**From: Traitor**

what did you even have to bestow upon me

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

debts

 

**From: Traitor**

wow

what a loss

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

seriously tho

how do I get back at him

 

**From: Traitor**

hyung

no

don't you see

he's too powerful

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

maybe so

BUT

what if we get wonho fake-murdered

now that I know a fake-serial killer

 

**From: Traitor  
**

hyung

too dark lmao

also it would probably end with someone being real-murdered and then real-sent to prison

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

yeah he would go on a deadly rampage wouldn't he

 

**From: Traitor  
**

I mean

he corrupted the actual police to get you guys send to actual jail just because you cut his hair

so like

I wouldn't put it past him

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

are we friends with a sociopath

 

**From: Traitor**

shownu did point that out at some point

then we all decided it wasn't that big a deal

cause you know

he's our sociopath

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

true.

 

**From: Traitor**

how is hyungwon-hyung taking it

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

well

turns out he was in the neighboring holding cell

sharing with a guy they just got for tax evasion

 

**From: Traitor**

sexy

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

no but get this

the guy has a high position in a talent agency

 

**From: Traitor**

is this about to get ridiculous again

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

well yeah

so apparently prisoner-blue really is hyungwon's color cause like

the guy told him to call his assistant and set up a meeting for when he got out of jail

cause he could get him something interesting

so now hyungwon is in fetal position on the floor trying to remember the phone number

and failing

 

**From: Traitor**

did you guys fall for a weird pyramid scheme again

are you sure the something interesting is a position and not in his pants

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

gross jooheon, very gross

 

**From: Traitor  
**

you're the one taking job offers from shady guys in prison

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

well it seemed legit this time

 

**From: Traitor  
**

legit

coming from a guy in jail

who doesn't pay his taxes?

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

let's be honest

who does

I know I don't

 

**From: Traitor**

you have not that much taxes to evade from

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

right

 

**From: Traitor**

wait does this have anything to do with you guys never having hot water

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

cold water is good for your skin

 

**From: Traitor**

yeah and so is rolling in dirt but you don't see me doing it

pay your goddamn bills hyung holy shit

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

well I will once hyungwon lands a new cushy job

 

**From: Traitor**

working for the shadiest agency ever?

can only end well

what if the guy doesn't get out

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

apparently his assistant is deadly with a paper shredder

so he was pretty confident they wouldn't find enough proof to get him

 

**From: Traitor**

does any of you have any shred of morality left

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

think of all the money jooheon-ah

 

**From: Traitor**

I'm pretty sure that's how it starts

and then ten years down the road you take a good look at yourself

and it hits you

it's you

you've become the creepy guy in jail offering shady contracts to young and impressionable fellow prisoners

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

you're making it sound bad

 

**From: Traitor**

BECAUSE IT IS

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

well it's a dog eat dog world out there

no god no master

we ride till we die

 

**From: Traitor**

so you spend one night in jail and suddenly you're a hardass?

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

OVERALLS JOOHEON

you have no idea what they will do to a man

 

**From: Traitor**

you should get some sleep hyung

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

I'm not sleeping ever again

I'm a man on a mission now

revenge boiling in my blood

 

**From: Traitor**

I told you not to take revenge

it will only end with one of you dead

and like no offense but it will probably be you lmao

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

how can I not be offended by that

 

**From: Traitor  
**

cause it's the truth

just quit hyung

embrace defeat

was it even that bad

I mean despite the overalls

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

well

I mean once I got past the whole having no teeth and pretending to be a murderer bit

my cellmate was pretty okay

he makes macrame for a living

he's gonna send me a little hat

 

**From: Traitor**

see

wait

you gave your address to a lunatic you met in prison?

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

....no?

 

**From: Traitor**

lmao hyung

twas nice knowing you

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

I'm his only friend he wouldn't do that to me

 

**From: Traitor  
**

just like kihyun-hyung wouldn't lend your ass in jail right

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

we can't trust no one in this dump

 

**From: Traitor  
**

truer words were never spoken

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

should I just take hyungwon and move out of the country

 

**From: Traitor**

and ruin his burgeoning career as an intern in crime?

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

he still can't remember that damn phone number so like

 

**From: Traitor**

couldn't you guys just ask for a pen

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

IT WAS PRISON JOOHEON

not 

I don't know

a furniture shop

 

**From: Traitor**

I'm pretty sure they would still have lend you a pen

it's not like you can fashion a weapon out of it

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

have you never watched any prison movie jooheon

 

**From: Traitor  
**

I have

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

I meant the kind where nobody ends up naked

 

**From: Traitor  
**

what's the point then

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

JOOHEON

 

**From: Traitor  
**

MINHYUK

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

and I took you for a well-behaved young man

 

**From: Traitor  
**

I am

I'm a delight

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

debatable honestly

 

**From: Traitor**

rude

I'm deadass the cutest amongst all you uglies

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

keep telling yourself that

hey while we're on the topic of naked people

 

**From: Traitor**

we're so not on the topic of naked people tho

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

did you finally bone

 

**From: Traitor**

why are you so invested in knowing

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

why are you so invested in not telling me

 

**From: Traitor  
**

cause it's funnier that way

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

come on

I might die soon

choking on macrame

 

**From: Traitor  
**

true

well

if you must know

we didn't.

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

why the heck not

did you finally realize he was way out of your league

and now you don't know what to do anymore

and you cry yourself to sleep every night

living in fear of the day he'll realize the same

and dump you to go ride into the sunset with someone worth his time

 

**From: Traitor  
**

dude

go back to jail

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

my bad

got carried away

 

**From: Traitor**

idk I guess it needs to be special or something

didn't feel like the right time yet

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman  
**

lame but also cute

why isn't it the right time

 

**From: Traitor**

idk there's no time for romance amidst all this madness

it's like I need a break to find my center again

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman  
**

find your center?

have you been watching hippie nonsense again jooheon

I told you those yoga video weren't good for you

 

**From: Traitor**

I'M NOT WATCHING YOGA VIDEOS

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

geez no need to scream

it's your turn to unclench now Jooheon

as someone who just got out of jail

 

**From: Traitor**

YOU WERE THERE FOR ONE NIGHT

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

AS I WAS SAYING

as someone who just got out of jail

I know the frustration my guy

I will help you

 

**From: Traitor**

don't.

do not help.

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

you can rely on me don't worry

 

**From: Traitor  
**

hyung

I'm being serious

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

me too.

your misery will come to an end just trust me

 

**From: Traitor  
**

I'd rather trust your toothless macrame buddy

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

speaking of I should probably get new locks

 

**From: Traitor  
**

and a bodyguard.

 

**From: Frosty the Deadman**

you know just the words to comfort me

 

**From: Traitor  
**

anytime my guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's about to get all romantic up in here


	34. Love to love you baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minhyuk does his best to give Jooheon & Changkyun the romantic evening they deserve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slow update is slow oh my. Onward for the romance my lovelies~

**HoneyBuns**

any of you freaks know why there's lil macrame hearts all over my damn living room

 

**El Chaepo**

do you like it?

 

**HoneyBuns**

that's not the point

how did you guys get them in there

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you gave us your key

 

**HoneyBuns**

I what

when

why would I ever do that

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

when you first moved in

you were scared that you'd slip in the shower and crack your head open

and we would only find your body a week later or something

when you'd be too decomposed to have a great open-casket ceremony

with people crying over how handsome you were and what a waste

especially that girl from middle school who stood you up

so like

you gave us your key to check up on you

 

**HoneyBuns**

wow

I have issues

 

**Sir Yoo  
**

lmao yeah you do

wanna talk about it?

 

**HoneyBuns**

not with you you psychopath

 

**Wonh0**

you're still salty about something that happened in middle school?

 

**Sir Yoo**

it's a wound that never healed.

 

**HoneyBuns**

wanna talk about how you still have a picture of the guy that beat you at basketball that one time

 

**Sir Yoo**

that's different

 

**HoneyBuns**

how

 

**Sir Yoo**

we were rivals

I need to beat his ass

for honor.

 

**HoneyBuns**

we're not in a shonen you know

rivals don't exists lmao

he probably doesn't even remember you

 

**Sir Yoo**

he sure will when I get my hands on him

 

**Wonh0**

is that the picture I saw on your desk with the creepy little skulls drawn on

 

**Sir Yoo**

maybe

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm seriously worried for your mental health

 

**Sir Yoo**

at least I didn't plan my funerals specifically for people to regret ever ditching me

 

**HoneyBuns**

you know what

let's just change the topic

this one just makes us both look bad

so why the macrame hearts

I need answers

they're stressing me out

who knew macrame hearts could be so menacing

forget writing stuff in blood

just use macrame

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

ya checked your bedroom yet?

 

**HoneyBuns**

what the fuck

WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO

you know you're supposed to use de-thorned roses

I'm bleeding from my freaking foot now

 

**El Chaepo**

we weren't super clear on the details

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay so why is my room covered in flowers that are actively trying to murder me

and why is there a chair blocking my bathroom door

HYUNG HOLY SHIT

WHY IS CHANGKYUN LOCKED IN MY BATHROOM

 

**Min **｡(-‿•)｡miN****

SURPRIIIIIIIIIIISE!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**Sir Yoo**

this is going well innit

 

**Shonwu**

well I tried warning you that this was the stupidest plan ever but alas

 

**HoneyBuns**

HE'S ALL DEHYDRATED

 

**Min **｡(-‿•)｡miN****

how can he be dehydrated he was in a bathroom

just drink from the faucet my man

 

**HoneyBuns**

WHAT'S THIS AGAIN WHY IS MY DOOR RINGING

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

SURPRIIIIIIIIIIISE!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**HoneyBuns**

WHAT'S ALL THIS FOOD

 

**El Chaepo**

we ordered a bit of everything

bon appétit 

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

is that supposed to be a romantic evening of some sort

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what do you think

 

**HoneyBuns**

oh god

are you guys trying to get me laid

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you're welcome

we rented you a movie too

it's already in

 

**HoneyBuns**

...ghost?

really?

 

**El Chaepo**

it's a timeless classic

 

**HoneyBuns**

you know what else is a timeless classic

my foot in your ass

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

go eat and be romantic you ungrateful schmuck

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

after this I'm trading you guys in for less insane friends

also changkyun wants to know what you did with his phone

 

**El Chaepo**

he doesn't need his phone

if he wants to occupy his hands he has other places to put them

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay you know what we're ignoring all of you now

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

so rude

after we worked our asses off

you know how hard changkyun is to kidnap?

very.

jooheon

okay

he is ignoring us isn't he

 

**Shownu**

what a surprise

 

**El Chaepo**

I hope they're still enjoying the food

 

**Sir Yoo**

they are

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you're in position?

 

**Sir Yoo**

yup

they're watching the movie and eating and such

this is really boring

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

this is for the greater good

be patient

 

**Wonh0**

it's kinda cold out here

also if anyone sees us standing on that scaffolding with binoculars they're probably gonna call the cops

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well apparently they're all best friends with kihyun so how is that a problem

 

**Wonh0**

fair point my guy

fair point.

 

 

 

**Sir Yoo**

okay so they've started making out

shouldn't we just leave them alone

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

nah go ahead they need some ambiance to get into it

 

**Sir Yoo**

well if this backfires I'm putting everything on you

 

 

 

**HoneyBuns**

what the fuck

what the fuck hyung

why is kihyun on the scaffolding opposite my building

why is he sitting on Wonho's shoulders scream-singing I will always love you in a megaphone

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

it's for

ambiance

just keep doing what you were doing

 

**HoneyBuns**

dude

how can we

it was great until a man started screaming at us from a scaffolding

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

he's good tho isn't he

he should get into singing as a career

 

**HoneyBuns**

maybe in an alternate universe where you aren't all rabid lunatics

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

rude

 

**HoneyBuns**

srsly if you have any more of this idiocy planned please cancel

and I'm back to ignoring you now

 

 

**Sir Yoo**

they're running away in the bedroom

we can't spy them from here also I think I pulled a thigh muscle

 

**El Chaepo**

how can you do that you were just sitting on wonho's shoulders

 

**Sir Yoo**

the human body is the greatest mystery

 

**El Chaepo**

eat some vegetables srsly

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

this was a success tho wasn't it

 

**Shownu**

you interrupted them making out and ruined everything

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

harsh

they did go to the bedroom tho

 

**Shownu**

as a mean of escape

is there anymore stupid stuff in the bedroom

 

**El Chaepo**

you mean apart from the aggressively romantic roses?

 

**Shownu**

....yeah

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well

I guess

as long as they don't open the bedside table drawer they should be fine

 

**Shownu**

what did you put in there

 

**El Chaepo**

enough for some pretty awkward bed talk lemme tell you

I'm pretty sure you don't wanna know

 

**HoneyBuns**

HYUNG WHAT THE HECK

WHAT IS ALL THAT STUFF

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HALF OF IT IS FOR

 

**Shownu**

well so much for that I guess

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

we thought you could use the inspiration

 

**HoneyBuns**

the heck

also did you need to put roses in the bed as well

you know normal people just use the petals

cause that's the best way NOT to get thorns stuck in your ass

 

**El Chaepo**

did they pop your bubble butt

 

**HoneyBuns**

HYUNG

 

**El Chaepo**

come on it's funny

 

**HoneyBuns**

IT'S SO NOT

 

**El Chaepo**

is changkyun laughing

 

**HoneyBuns**

HE DOESN'T COUNT

 

**El Chaepo**

I should so go into comedy

 

**HoneyBuns**

I actively hate all of you

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

we're just trying to help

 

**HoneyBuns**

HOW IS THAT HELPING

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well we did get changkyun in your bedroom

 

**HoneyBuns**

I COULD HAVE DONE IT MYSELF

IT'S NOT THAT HARD

 

**El Chaepo**

that's what she said

 

**HoneyBuns**

HYUNGWON SHUT UP

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

srsly tho if it's not hard some of the stuff in the drawer will help

 

**HoneyBuns**

JESUS

HYUNG

lmao srsly please stop

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

okay okay

go enjoy (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ )

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay lmao bye bye

okay wait

side note

why can I hear Wonho and Kihyun screaming just shake that ass in my street

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

honest to god I have no idea

great song choice tho

 

**HoneyBuns**

HYUNG

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

srsly this one's not on me

 

**HoneyBuns**

oh geez it's not just them anymore people joined in

 

**El Chaepo**

did we create a monster

 

**HoneyBuns**

so like

Kihyun is still on wonho's back

who's indeed shaking his ass

which is kind of a feat with someone on your back ya know

and I guess they're.. jamming?

with some randoes.

did you know kihyun could rap?

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

he can?

 

**HoneyBuns**

well let's say he's trying his best

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

.........I have no idea how to react

this was supposed to be ROMANTIC

 

**HoneyBuns**

dude you put nipple clamps in my drawer

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

are you saying nipple clamps aren't romantic

 

**HoneyBuns**

what's going on in your head half the time srsly

 

**El Chaepo**

too much

way too much

 

**HoneyBuns**

were you ever on the wrong end of a nipple clamp hyung

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

nipple clamps have a wrong end?

 

**HoneyBuns**

how do I kick someone out of the group chat srsly

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I'm offended

I've been nothing but nice and supportive

 

**HoneyBuns**

in a very weird way

like

maybe just sliiiiightly overbearing

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well you're underbearing so like

SOMEONE has to take some action

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay the two crazies downstairs switched from shake that ass to love to love you I'm so confused

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

ooooh

are they making the naughty sounds

 

**HoneyBuns**

I can see you wagging your eyebrows

and yes.

yes of course they are

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

:D

does it gets your juices flowing

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay so like super gross hyung

 

**Shownu**

shouldn't you like stop talking to him and like love to love changkyun

with or without the nipple clamps

 

**HoneyBuns**

that's soooooo gonna be without

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

COME ON SPICE IT UP

also I'm so having the crazies sing careless whisper next

 

**El Chaepo**

I like that the whole neighborhood can enjoy it too

such a generous spirit

 

**Shonwu**

anyone wanna bet they get arrested again

 

**HoneyBuns**

lmao hyung savage

but like I'm gonna turn my phone off so bye bye have fun you lunatics

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I knew donna summer would get to him

also I'm totally betting

 

**El Chaepo**

get them to sing africa instead

bet he can hit those notes

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

IT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT TO DRAG ME AWAAAAAAY FROM YOUUUUUUUUUUU

I'm into it.

great idea, buddy

great idea.

 


	35. The creaming of the twinkie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang debrief that night where history was made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly there's less and less plot as this thing go on but no one seems to mind so like... I'll just let my brain freestyle some more :'D good stuff
> 
> Thank you so much for commenting I'm a sucker for those honestly this is why this is still going on lmao

**Sir Yoo**

my friends

my brothers.

the history of our friendship is about to take a turn for the greater

as the day we've all been waiting for has finally come to pass.

I will now let the love of my life announce the good news

Shin Hoseok, sir, if you please

 

**Wonh0**

THE TWINKIE HAS BEEN CREAMED

I REPEAT

THE TWINKIE HAS BEEN CREAMED

 

**Sir Yoo**

thank you.

 

**El Chaepo**

excuse me what?

 

**Sir Yoo**

they did the do.

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

OH

SO IT ALL WORKED OUT

THANKS TO MY PLAN

 

**Shownu**

more like it worked out despite it

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

don't pee on my parade

 

**Shownu**

rain

it's don't rain on my parade

why do you always make things grosser than they need to be

 

**El Chaepo**

why would anything need to be gross tho

 

**Shownu**

keep you on your toes

 

**El Chaepo**

sometimes I'm like

oh

at least hyunwoo is sane

and then you go and say stuff like that

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

WHO CARES

are you sure of what you're saying

 

**Sir Yoo**

yes.

at some point changkyun opened the window to scream at us to shut the fuck up

that boy is rude srsly

and he was half naked

and there's not a lot of activities that require being half naked

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well

being shirtless doesn't necessary mean that

I mean I'm shirtless right now

and nothing titillating is happening to either of my halves

 

**Sir Yoo**

okay so like never use the word titillate ever again

and also he was naked from the waist down.

 

**Wonh0**

which really emphasized his nakedness lemme tell you

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

holy baloney

did you see his dingaling

 

**Sir Yoo**

no.

we did see his butt

cause he mooned us

us and all four of our back up dancers

srsly who raised that child

 

**El Chaepo**

you had five back up dancers?

 

**Sir Yoo  
**

yes.

 

**Wonh0**

I'm not really sure how we got them

but we sure did

all six showed up out of nowhere

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what were you singing

 

**Sir Yoo**

what is love~

baby don't hurt me

don't hurt me

no more~

 

**El Chaepo**

do you have any songs outside of the 80s

 

**Wonh0**

it's a bop tho

and it was like early 90s my man

 

**El Chaepo**

the early 90s are basically the 80s but worse

 

**Sir Yoo**

how you dare

 

**El Chaepo**

you mean how dare you?

 

**Sir Yoo**

BUDDY

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

can we go back to the seven dancers that's like all I'm interested in

that and the creaming of the twinkie of course

 

**Wonh0**

well we don't have much info on either so like

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I'm so very disappointed my guy

told you we should have put cameras in the bedroom

 

**El Chaepo**

that was taking things a bit far

 

**Sir Yoo**

just a bit?

also like why would you ever wanna see them get down to business

must be gross

and super awkward

with lots of like

flailing

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'll let you know there was no flailing involved thank you very much

I'm smooth as hell you salty fuck

 

**Sir Yoo**

wow rude

 

**I.M**

yeah I was surprised how well that went tbh

 

**HoneyBuns**

well thanks for the vote of confidence luv

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

the men of the hour!!!!!

what an anglerock in your relationship

 

**HoneyBuns**

what?

 

**Shownu**

did you mean cornerstone?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

same thing

 

**Shownu**

that's not how synonyms work

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well they damn well should

 

**Shownu**

you can take it up with the dictionary

 

**El Chaepo**

please don't give him more irrational crusades to go on

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

when have I ever been irrational?

 

**El Chaepo**

you want a list?

how about that one time you bought a wholesale amount of pokemon bread

we ate pokemon bread for MONTHS

 

**Wonh0**

why would anyone do that

 

**El Chaepo**

he wanted to prove they didn't make a sticker for each pokemon

and that it was thus impossible to collect them all.

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well they shouldn't lie to children

 

**El Chaepo**

I still gag anytime someone mentions pokemon

my dreams are plagued by cream-filled pikachus

you broke me.

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

don't be so dramaramatic pal

I know you used them as your midnight snacks

 

**El Chaepo**

they were getting stale and attracting mice

someone HAD to eat them

I sacrificed both my mental and physical health for the greater good

AND THAT'S THE THANKS I GET

 

**Sir Yoo**

what's up with him

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

he didn't get to nap yet

so he's a bit on edge

 

**El Chaepo**

I'M NOT ON EDGE

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

also he's stressed cause he got an audition soon

 

**Sir Yoo**

ooooh

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

but I mean it's like with the company whose CEO we met in prison

so I wouldn't sweat it

they probably don't have much standards

 

**El Chaepo**

thanks that makes me feel great

I'm so dumping you when I get famous

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you wouldn't

 

**El Chaepo**

no you're right I wouldn't

I don't know why I said that I'm sorry

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

it is okay I forgive you

 

**El Chaepo**

I'm so tired

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

go take a nappy nap

 

**Sir Yoo**

you guys have a weird life

 

**I.M**

says the one who was singing what is love in the street at 1 a.m

with like eight backup dancers

 

**Sir Yoo**

the disrespect on that kid

never ceases to amaze me

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

YES

now that we've come back to the nine backup dancers

where the hell did they come from

 

**Sir Yoo**

the woodwork

 

**Wonh0**

honestly I have no idea

at some point we turned around and they were just there

doing dancy stuff

 

**Sir Yoo**

gave us some panache tho

even if it did kinda turn into some sort of barbershop quartet at some point

 

**I.M**

is that when you guys started singing nicki minaj

but like in canon

 

**Sir Yoo**

this does ring a bell

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I'm so mad I missed this

 

**I.M**

it wasn't that great tbh

 

**Sir Yoo**

how dare you

it was majestic

 

**El Chaepo**

see now you got it right

 

**Sir Yoo**

GO NAP

 

**El Chaepo**

geez alright no need to get all worked up

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

how did no one call the cops on you is what I wanna know

 

**Sir Yoo**

honestly have you seen the neighborhood Jooheon lives in

that's probably the most normal thing that happened there in months

 

**HoneyBuns**

what you got against my neighborhood

the housing is affordable

there's great like

amenities

 

**Sir Yoo**

we had to skirt the burning remnants of a car to get there

 

**HoneyBuns**

ambiance lighting and free heating

I don't know what you're complaining about

 

**I.M**

I like it

I think it's great

there's this thrill of 'will I make it out alive this time' everytime you go there

gets your blood pumping

 

**Sir Yoo**

this right there

this is why people think you're weird changkyun-ah

 

**Wonh0**

it did lend some great dramatic effect to our dance routine tho

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you guys should form a band

also like

for someone as chickenshit as you are jooheon-ah

pretty ballsy to live there

 

**HoneyBuns**

you got no idea

why do you think I got like this

I'm on edge all the time

you never know from which side death is gonna come for you

gotta be ready

 

**El Chaepo**

why don't you just like

move

 

**HoneyBuns**

OH I SHOULD JUST MOVE SHOULD I

WITH WHAT MONEY

 

**El Chaepo**

aren't you making the big bucks selling lingerie

bra boy

 

**HoneyBuns**

aren't you supposed to be asleep

 

**El Chaepo**

and miss an opportunity to call you bra boy?

never.

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

you're all terrible

selling lingerie is like art

meaning my genius will only be recognized after my death

and only my heirs will collect the big bucks

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

so basically you're a minimum wage worker like the rest of us and your life is very sad?

 

**HoneyBuns**

yes.

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

just move in with Changkyun and split the cost that's what I did

 

**HoneyBuns**

OH I SHOULD JUST MOVE IN WITH CHANGKYUN SHOULD I

 

**I.M**

I wouldn't mind

 

**HoneyBuns**

OH YOU WOULDN'T MIND WOULD YOU

 

**Wonh0**

why is he screaming

 

**Sir Yoo**

that's what he does when he's freaking out

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'M NOT FREAKING OUT

 

**I.M**

is this moving too fast for you

should Kihyun sing you a little song to soothe your nerves

 

**Sir Yoo**

I can so do that

I took all ten of the backup dancy guys numbers

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you should so have them follow you around

and break out in little numbers every know and then

when the circumstances call for it

real-life musical

hell yeah

 

**Sir Yoo**

you know what

I did think of it

get my own theme music wherever I am

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

great minds think alike

 

**HoneyBuns**

alright

I did some thinking

 

**Shownu**

that was quick

 

**HoneyBuns**

have you seen the dump I live in

 

**Shownu**

fair point

 

**HoneyBuns**

and I guess I could move in

but like

only if we get those little fancy towels with our initials embroiled on them

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

my my two anglerocks in one day this relationship is moving FAST

 

**HoneyBuns**

are you trying to make me freak out again

 

**I.M**

think of the towels jooheon

think of the towels.

 

**HoneyBuns**

I am.

 

**Sir Yoo**

that man is easy to please

 

**I.M**

he's so not oh my god

 

**Sir Yoo**

oh?

 

**El Chaepo**

does he have weird fetishes?

I knew it

 

**HoneyBuns**

GO TO SLEEP HYUNGWON HOLY SHIT

 

**El Chaepo**

how can I when all of this is going on

 

**I.M**

what would you give me to sell out jooheon

 

**HoneyBuns**

CHANGKYUN

 

**I.M**

I kid I kid

 

**HoneyBuns**

trust is dead and so is love

 

**I.M**

aw come on I'm already ordering matching towels

 

**HoneyBuns**

this just in, love is BACK ON

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

such a rollercoaster of emotions

you guys should so throw a house warming party

 

**I.M**

I've already been living there for years tho

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

don't rain on my parade

did I get it right this time

 

**Shownu**

yes

I am proud of you

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm so inviting all twelve of our back up dancers

and mullet hyung

awesome

 

**I.M**

dude

I don't have enough room for thirteen dancers and a mullet man

plus you guys

 

**Wonh0**

you should believe in yourself more changkyun-ah

 

**I.M**

I don't see how believing in myself is gonna expand my apartment

 

**Sir Yoo**

too late already invited everyone

 

**I.M**

HOW

WE HAVEN'T EVEN PLANNED ANYTHING YET

 

**Sir Yoo**

well they're all showing up on friday so like

guess you guys need to hurry the fuck up with the planning

 

**HoneyBuns**

will the towels be there by friday

 

**I.M**

are towels all that you care about

 

**HoneyBuns**

I guess so

 

**I.M**

what did I get myself into

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

his ass

 

**HoneyBun**

LMAO HYUNG

FREAKING GROSS

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I saw an opportunity

and I took it.

 

**I.M**

wait why do I have to plan everything when you basically invited yourselves without my consent

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

it's the law of the land

 

**I.M**

you guys suck

 

**HoneyBuns**

istg minhyuk I see you typing and if it's a gross joke again I'll destroy everything you love

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well

no need to go that far

I'll help you changkyun-ah

I'm nice like that

 

**I.M**

doubt it but like okay thanks I guess

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

gee hide your enthusiasm better

 

**I.M**

that's the best I can do

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'll start packing up

 

**El Chaepo**

this is the fastest anyone moved out of anything I'm so impressed

 

**HoneyBuns**

why are you still not napping

 

**El Chaepo**

I'm actually 80% asleep right now

I'm typing this with my subconscious

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

fun

 

**El Chaepo**

I'm probably gonna dream of you

 

**HoneyBuns**

don't

 

**El Chaepo**

and embroiled towels.

and poke bread

and

I dunno

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I'm gonna do us all a favor and smother him with his pillow

see ya all later

for the PARTY

 

**I.M**

I still haven't fully agreed to this

 

**Shownu**

I don't think you have an actual choice

just embrace your doom

 

**I.M**

thanks hyung

I knew you'd have my back

 

**Shownu**

anytime.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even remember which one of them mentioned pokemon bread in whatever show they were on and I remember eating that thing and always finding the same damn stickers. And yet I still went back for more. The greatest tragedy of my LIFE


	36. It's not a party until cantaloupes get involved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changkyun throws the best party despite himself. There's some issues with the punch bowl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This timeless masterpiece is back!! Sorry for the late update, I lost my funny for a while there. Hope this chapter will not disappoint for the wait.

**Sir Yoo**

see

told ya we would all fit

 

**I.M**

I hate all of you

seven billion people in the world and my only friends are you guys?

I want a refund

 

**Sir Yoo**

just admit it

you've never been that popular in your life

 

**I.M**

I don't know half the people here

correction I know none of the people here

where did you find them?

are they all your back up dancers?

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm not even sure tbh

I don't remember all fourteen of their faces

 

**HoneyBuns**

hey like

why is there so many people with mullets?

why?

is this a trend now?

it this how the world ends?

smothered in mullets?

 

**Sir Yoo**

they came with mullet hyung

apparently he has a whole mullet gang

 

**HoneyBuns**

of course he does

 

**I.M**

where are you jooheon

I can't see you

granted I can't see much there's TOO MANY PEOPLE

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm where the mullet gang will never find me

one of them is BRIGHT RED

WHY

 

**Shownu**

see that pile of people on your sofa?

 

**I.M**

vaguely

 

**Shownu**

he's somewhere underneath that

 

**I.M**

do you need me to get you out

might take a while before I can reach you tho

how many people can you pack in one kitchen srsly

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's okay

I feel safe here

granted I can't feel my left leg

but I think it's still there

so no sweat

 

**El Chaepo**

okay like sorry to interrupt but quick question

who spiked the punch?

and

with what?

 

**I.M**

it doesn't need spiking

it already is

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I did

 

**Wonh0**

you did?

cause I did too

 

**I.M**

oh god

 

**El Chaepo**

great

me too

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well shit son

that thing must be like 90% alcohol by now

 

**El Chaepo**

we should really coordinate our tempering better

 

**I.M**

if someone dies

I'm not helping you hide the body

 

**Sir Yoo**

no biggie I saw you had drain unblocker

 

**I.M**

can you state the relationship between a corpse and drain unblocker

 

**Sir Yoo**

you know

we can just use that

 

**I.M**

for what?

 

**Sir Yoo**

for dissolving it

there's sodium hydroxide in it

it dissolves

flesh and stuff

 

**I.M**

I do not know that

why do you

 

**Sir Yoo**

isn't that common knowledge

 

**I.M**

no it's not

 

**Shownu**

it's better with alkali tho

 

**Sir Yoo**

good point

leaves less organic residues

 

**I.M**

wtf hyungs

why do you know this

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I suddenly feel super unsafe

 

**Shownu**

I just listened in chemistry class

 

**El Chaepo**

they taught you how to dissolve bodies in chemistry class?

what kind of fucked up high school did you go to

 

**HoneyBuns**

couldn't we just dump it in the river

that's like

way less gross

 

**Sir Yoo**

since when do you have a boat

 

**HoneyBuns**

can just throw it off a bridge

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that's like

super subtle

carrying a corpse up a bridge

and then just dumping it

 

**I.M**

you put it in a wheelchair with little shades on

 

**HoneyBuns**

swaggy

 

**El Chaepo**

I bet it could work

like people would never suspect you're actually running around with a corpse in a wheelchair and gucci shades

 

**Shownu**

why did the shades suddenly become gucci

 

**El Chaepo**

because why the heck not

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

hold right the fuck up a corpse can't be better dressed than I am

 

**Wonh0**

speaking of gucci have you noticed the guy who's dressed all in it

like since when do we have rich friends

who is he

 

**Sir Yoo**

I think he just like... came in

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

we should so steal his clothes and resell them on the black market

 

**I.M**

already on it

well I just took his jacket

I have a heart I'm not gonna leave the poor guy totally naked

 

**HoneyBuns**

wow okay

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

guess we just have to find the black market then

 

**I.M**

already sold it back

 

**HoneyBuns**

wow okay x2

to whom?

 

**I.M**

the same guy

only he has the budget for gucci apparently

 

**El Chaepo**

you stole some guy's jacket

and resold it to him?

 

**I.M**

what can I say I have the heart of an entrepreneur

but to be fair he drank A LOT of that punch

I could probably sell him his own shoes too

ooooh

genius

brb

 

**HoneyBuns**

sometimes you scare me

 

**Wonh0**

okay I have full on visuals and changkyun is crawling on the floor towards the guy

like assault course style

and... yeah

yup

he got em

nice

 

**El Chaepo**

I don't know whether to be impressed or horrified

 

**I.M**

it's just smart business hyung

 

**El Chaepo**

no it's not

it's basically a hostage situation that's what it is

you're ransoming the guy for his own clothes

 

**I.M**

tbh I'm not sure he notices those are his own clothes

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I don't know if that makes it better or worse

 

**El Chaepo**

worse

definitely worse

you're a terrible person changkyun

 

**I.M**

you do know I can see you cheating at poker from here right

when the hell did you have time to set up a game and round up people to rip off

 

**El Chaepo**

I'm not ripping off anyone

they just suck

and are really drunk

seriously we should probably throw out the punch

 

**I.M**

not when it allows me to resell his own clothes to a guy

multiple times

seriously that's the third time he buys his own jacket from me

I'd almost start to feel bad

 

**Shownu**

you're all terrible

 

**I.M**

it's not my fault he's so drunk

or just plain stupid honestly at this point it's hard to tell

I managed to sell him the shoes and the shoelaces separately

 

**Shownu**

I raised you better than that

 

**I.M**

yeah you raised me awesome look at me go

I just want to know how many times I can pull the same stunt

for science

 

**HoneyBuns**

how much cash does that guy have on him holy shit

 

**I.M**

honestly I'm starting to think he might be a sentient ATM

 

**HoneyBuns**

I feel bad

 

**I.M**

I almost got our rent money for the month

 

**HoneyBuns**

I feel great you can do it I believe in you

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

have you noticed that other dude staring at you very intensely

 

**I.M**

now that you mention it

he does look kinda pissed

 

**Shownu**

did he just flip you off

 

**I.M**

rude

suddenly I'm thankful for the ten thousand people kihyun invited

can't touch this

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

if I were you I'd put that hat back reaaaally carefully

I'm pretty sure finger on the throat means death

 

**Wonh0**

speaking of kihyun anyone knows where he is

 

**El Chaepo**

no

 

**I.M**

he wouldn't dare attack me in my own house would he

 

**Wonh0**

nobody knows this is your house

srsly we should find kihyun he shouldn't be left to his own devices

 

**I.M**

okay fair point

putting the hat back

and operating a strategic retreat.

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'd come cover you but damn

I really can't move

people are HEAVY

someone's sitting on my freaking face

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I thought you liked that

 

**HoneyBuns**

hyung fucking gross

 

**I.M**

he does

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

LMAO

 

**HoneyBuns**

CHANGKYUN FFS

 

**I.M**

what

I might die soon idgaf anymore

 

**Wonh0**

why are you stuffing your pockets with fruits

 

**I.M**

weapons

 

**Wonh0**

......so you're in a kitchen looking for weapons and the first thing you go for is a cantaloupe?

and not like

knives?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

cantaloupes are fruits?

 

**I.M**

I'm looking for non-lethal alternatives hyung holy shit I'm not gonna stab a guy in my kitchen

 

**HoneyBuns**

you can fit a cantaloupe in your pocket?

 

**Wonh0**

he shoved it in his pants

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

haha does it look like he has a huge boner

 

**I.M**

hyung srsly how old are you

it kinda does.

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

hahaha

 

**I.M**

walk away from the punch bowl hyung

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

NEVER

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay not to be alarming but the guy just passed me by

 

**Shownu**

how can you even see

 

**HoneyBuns**

I managed to push my face past the buttcheeks

 

**Shownu**

congrats

 

**Wonh0**

srsly guys I can't find kihyun

oh

nvm

found him

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what did he do?

 

**Wonh0**

I wanna say started a cult?

but I'm not sure

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what?

 

**Wonh0**

like

just come to the bedroom

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

jesus

 

**I.M**

LEAVE THE FREAKING PUNCH BOWL BEHIND

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you shut up and ready your crotch cantaloupe

 

**HoneyBuns**

what will you do if the guy asks for the money back

 

**I.M**

FIRE THE CANTALOUPE

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

guys

kihyun started a cult

 

**I.M  
**

please explain

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I think he's wearing your drapes as a cape

 

**Wonh0**

I like the facepaint tho it's edgy

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that punch is like

potent

**Wonh0**

am I the only one that's getting a slight lord of the flies vibe

with all the shirtlessness and the curtain rod used as a spear

and bodypaint.

 

**I.M**

please don't let him destroy anything

 

**Wonh0**

only if you tell me why you got body paint

 

**I.M**

I don't have body paint

 

**El Chaepo**

I think the mullets brought it over

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well it's not a party until someone breaks out the body paint

 

**HoneyBuns**

what kind of weirdass parties are you going to hyung

 

**I.M**

srsly don't let him destroy my room

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I'm so not getting between him and his minions

 

**HoneyBuns**

he has minions?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that wouldn't be a cult without minions Jooheon

I think the mullet hyungs are his lieutenants

 

**HoneyBuns**

I KNEW IT

THIS IS HOW THE END STARTS

 

**Shownu**

not to alarm anyone but changkyun just cannonballed the cantaloupe out of the kitchen

 

**HoneyBuns**

and I missed that?????

I need to get off

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

should be easy with someone sitting on your face

 

**HoneyBuns**

GET OFF THE COUCH HYUNG FREAKING GROSS

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

haha

｡(-‿•)｡

 

**HoneyBuns**

stay away from the punch srsly

 

**El Chaepo**

wow that guy is NOT happy about the cantaloupe

 

**I.M**

WHY DON'T WE HAVE MORE FRUITS

 

**HoneyBuns**

we have embroiled towels

 

**I.M**

NOT HELPING

 

**Wonh0**

just take a knife

 

**I.M**

I'M NOT GONNA STAB HIM HYUNG

 

**Wonh0**

it's not a party until someone gets stabbed

 

**I.M**

you and minhyuk really have to revise your definition of a party like I'm actually concerned

 

**El Chaepo**

should be more concerned about getting your ass whooped

 

**I.M**

thanks for the support

 

**El Chaepo**

no probs

 

**Sir Yoo**

(*・‿・)ノ⌒*:･ﾟ✧

 

**I.M**

what does this means

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that drunk kihyun is back probably

 

**HoneyBuns**

I fucking love drunk kihyun

 

**Sir Yoo**

(ง •̀_•́)ง

 

**Wonh0**

they're on the move

 

**I.M**

who

 

**Wonh0**

the cult

 

**Sir Yoo**

WE RIDE AT DAWN

o()xxxx[{::::::::::::::::::>

 

**I.M**

is that a sword

 

**HoneyBuns**

holy shit

what an entrance

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

was he originally aiming for a kick in the balls tho?

 

**I.M**

I think he just slipped on the cantaloupe

 

**Shownu**

how did he know who to attack

 

**El Chaepo**

I'm pretty sure it's just blind luck

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

we should oil them up and start a fight club

 

**HoneyBuns**

lemme guess

it's not a party until someone breaks out the baby oil?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

right on

 

**Wonh0**

ngl I'm kinda turned on

 

**I.M**

honestly hyung everything turns you on if kihyun is involved

 

**Wonh0**

that's not untrue

 

**I.M**

should I be touched that he's fighting for me

 

**Wonh0**

I'm not sure he knows he's doing it

and like

it's not really a fight is it

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well it was until someone put the music on real loud and screamed 'dance battle'

 

**HoneyBuns**

that might have been me

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you finally got off?

 

**HoneyBuns**

OFF THE COUCH

 

**El Chaepo**

they got the moves tho

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

should we film it

 

**I.M**

already doing it

 

**El Chaepo**

can't let kihyun's fans down after all

 

**Shownu  
**

you guys do remember what happened the last time you filmed him without his consent

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

yeah

hilarity

 

**Shownu**

you guys ended up in jail

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

still hilarious

 

**El Chaepo**

not a party until someone ends up in jail

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you catch on quick

 

**El Chaepo  
**

doing my best

 

**Shownu**

is it also not a party until someone calls the cops because I'm pretty sure they just pulled up in the street

 

**Wonh0**

oh

well shit

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

maybe it's not for us?

 

**Wonh0**

you see many other parties with ten thousand people, a cult, and music so loud I can feel the bass through my feet?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

no?

 

**I.M**

if anyone asks I don't live here

 

**Shownu**

your name is on the door

 

**I.M**

damnit

foiled again

 

**Sir Yoo**

EMBRACE YOUR DOOM

 

 


	37. Trousers Trout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That party keeps going awesome, Hyungwon discovers altruism, and Kihyun realizes his feelings once more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIDE THE CHILDREN THERE'S AN UPDATE  
> Is anyone still reading this lmao it's been so long I'm so sorry.  
> Truly a christmas miracle.  
> HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

guys what do we do

I WON'T GO BACK TO JAIL

 

**Shownu**

I thought you found it hilarious

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

RETROSPECTIVELY SPEAKING

 

**I.M**

we got like 5 minutes to change this event into a dignified wine & poetry night

GET MOVING

 

**El Chaepo  
**

a what

 

**I.M**

PUT EVERYONE IN THE BATHROOM

 

**HoneyBuns**

like how

there's

at least twelve people

won't fit

 

**I.M**

at least?

 

**HoneyBuns**

well

yeah

im not worng

 

**I.M**

okay Jooheon is drunk

put him in the bathroom

 

**HoneyBuns**

what slander

tis okay I'll just slide myself under the couch

 

**I.M**

how would you even fit

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm

supple

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that sounds gross somehow

 

**Wonh0**

hey amazingly enough he does fit under the couch

 

**HoneyBuns**

tollya

supple.

is goten rel hrd to type tho

 

**I.M**

WINE AND POETRY, PEOPLE

ACT DIGNIFIED

 

**Sir Yoo**

this will never work you know that

they already heard the mayhem

 

**I.M**

ya wanna get arrested for what must be like the hundredth time?

 

**Sir Yoo**

no

 

**I.M**

FALL IN LINE THEN

 

**Sir Yoo**

who knew you were all twitchy and yelly

 

**I.M**

I'M NOT YELLY

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

hey throwing people out the window isn't an option right

 

**I.M**

well

 

**Shownu**

no it's not

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

bummer

 

**Wonh0**

isn't mullet hyung from the police

can't he do something for us

 

**HoneyBuns**

there's smth gross ujnder here

it's touching me

 

**I.M**

maybe it's my cat

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you have a cat?

 

**I.M**

I did

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

......what?

 

**Wonh0**

jooheon shot from under there SO FAST

 

**HoneyBuns**

IF THIS WAS A DEAD CAT I SWEAR

 

**I.M**

I kid I kid

 

**Shownu**

are those cop lost

it's been like five minutes

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

changkyun-ah you don't have wine

can it be vodka and bawdy songs instead of wine and poetry

 

**I.M**

you're all useless

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

not my fault you don't have wine

 

**I.M**

who's singing

make him stop

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

no it's funny

 

**I.M**

HYUNG

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

WHAT

 

**I.M**

SHUT UP

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

the disrespect on that kid

I want a refund

 

**I.M**

YOU DIDN'T BUY ME

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

yeah I'd never do something so ill-advised

 

**HoneyBuns**

you wouldn't buy him if you could?

why not?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

the quality/price ratio is shit

 

**HoneyBuns**

what?

why?

what's wrong with him?

what are you trying to say hyung?

 

**I.M**

why are you offended on my behalf?

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'd buy you if I could

 

**I.M**

wouldn't that make me a whore

 

**HoneyBuns**

what you got against whores

 

**I.M**

why is this suddenly turning against me

 

**Shownu  
**

sorry to interrupt this riveting conversation but

anyone knows where Hyungwon went

 

**Sir Yoo**

yeah

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

can you elaborate

 

**Sir Yoo  
**

outside

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you mean the same outside where there's people wearing police uniforms

 

**Sir Yoo**

yup!

 

**Wonh0**

what's he doing there

 

**Sir Yoo**

I don't know

but it's fun to look at

 

**I.M**

oh man

oh boy

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I'm stuck in the bathroom what's he doing

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'd say gesticulating widely

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

but

why

 

**HoneyBuns**

we shouldn't have let him drink

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

did he start a dance battle again

 

**Shownu**

excuse me?

 

**Sir Yoo**

that is dancing?

he looks like he has a live trout down his trousers

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

harsh

 

**Sir Yoo**

you're not arguing

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

yeah cause that's probably true

 

**Wonh0**

is he... stalling?

 

**HoneyBuns**

you mean... chae hyungwon would be doing a selfless act?

 

**Shownu**

I'm not sure stalling the cops for a bunch of drunks could be considered selfless

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's beautiful tho

truly amazing

what came over him I do not know

 

**I.M**

probably the punch

 

**HoneyBuns**

right

 

**Sir Yoo**

he just almost knocked himself out

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

how

 

**Sir Yoo**

lost control of his arm

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

typical

 

**Sir Yoo**

is he that uncoordinated in bed

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

KIHYUN

MIND YOUR MANNERS

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm just asking

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

he... kinda is

 

**Sir Yoo**

is that why you have all those weird bruises sometimes

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

it's

yeah

accidents

that's what they are

 

**HoneyBuns**

so hyungwon IS a mistress

that's one mystery solved

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

.....get out

 

**HoneyBuns**

I can't

there's cops outside

 

* **HoneyBuns** renamed **El Chaepo** as  **whoop-eesh**

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what... what's that supposed to mean

 

**HoneyBuns**

tis a whip

cause he's a mistress

GET IT

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

there's nothing to get

 

**HoneyBuns**

ISN'T IT NOT FUNNY ENOUGH FOR YOU

IS YOUR TASTE IN JOKES THAT FANCY

THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE A GOOD RUSTIC JOKE ONCE IN A WHILE

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

changkyun collect your man

 

**I.M**

Im too busy right now

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

doing what

 

**Wonh0**

he's changing his name on the door

and the mail box.

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

but

why

 

**I.M**

so I can say I don't live here duh

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I don't know if it's stupid or smart

 

**Sir Yoo**

stupid

definitely stupid

also the cops are too busy staring at hyungwon anyway

 

**Wonh0**

he's still dancing?

amazing.

 

**Sir Yoo**

he's this close to death I can tell

 

**I.M**

COLLECT YOUR MAN MINHYUK

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

DON'T USE MY WORDS AGAINST ME

 

**I.M**

I DO WHAT I WANT THIS IS MY HOME

 

**Wonh0**

I thought this was Mim Khankung home

you know that's not even a name right

 

**I.M**

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

 

**Sir Yoo**

they're putting Hyungwon in their cruiser should we be worried

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

HE CANNOT GO BACK TO JAIL

 

**Sir Yoo**

well it landed him a job last time so why not

 

**HoneyBuns**

I think it's beautiful

he sacrificed himself for us

what a guy

 

**Shownu  
**

I think he's so drunk he barely knows what he's doing

 

**HoneyBuns**

DON'T DIMINISH HIS ACHIEVEMENTS

but yeah

that's probably far more plausible

 

**Sir Yoo**

I liked the panicked scrambling when they tried to get him to keep his shirt on

 

**Wonh0**

what

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

yeah he's a strippy drunk

 

**HoneyBuns**

I thought it was you

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

it's all of us tbh

 

**HoneyBuns**

.....tru

 

**Shownu**

aren't you even a little bit ashamed

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

no

why should we

 

**Sir Yoo**

I think they're going

amazing

 

**Wonh0**

I feel a tiny bit bad tho

should we help him

 

**Sir Yoo**

you're too good for this world luv

I'll talk to mullet hyung cause you're pure and beautiful

 

**Wonh0**

are you drunk

 

**Sir Yoo**

a tiny bit

BUT YOU ARE

I CAN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF YOU

HOSEOK

YOU'RE TOO GREAT

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

collect your man shin hoseok

 

**Wonh0**

well

at least mine isn't half dressed in the back of a cop car

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

okay that stung a tiny bit

 

**Sir Yoo**

I LOVE YOU

 

**HoneyBuns  
**

yeah we know

 

**whoop-eesh**

guys

why am I half naked and moving

okay

guys

why am I named whoop-eesh

 

**HoneyBuns**

BECAUSE

 

**I.M**

thank you for your sacrifice

 

**whoop-eesh**

my what

oh

OH NO


	38. Do not insert swab into ear canal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where we discover that Changkyun does actually have a job, that everyone is indeed kinda ripped, and that alcohol does solve everything sometimes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANOTHER UPDATE HOLY SHIT  
> Have some more, to make-up for my accidental hiatus. I haven't slept so this might not make a lot of sense but when DID THIS EVER

**HoneyB** **uns**

guys I'm tidying up the apartment and

where the heck did the punch bowl go to

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

it was so strong

maybe it grew some legs and left to live its best life

 

**HoneyBuns**

hyung

come on

 

**Wonh0**

after the fourth drink of that thing I wasn't registering much anymore

sorry

 

**HoneyBuns**

YOU'RE ALL USELESS

also

people forgot stuff

like

ten thousand bucket hats

 

**whoop-eesh**

I feel that in order to move forward as a species

humanity should take a good, hard look at itself

and

outlaw bucket hats

 

**I.M**

you just dissed 90% of jooheon's wardrobe aren't you ashamed

 

**whoop-eesh**

he thinks it gives him street cred

it doesn't

 

**HoneyBuns**

there's one covered in fur with a lil pompom on top

should I gift it to you for your birthday

 

**whoop-eesh**

I'm cancelling this friendship

 

**Sir Yoo**

you're just salty cause your tiny head looks stupid in a bucket hat

 

**HoneyBuns**

whoa

and I didn't even bribe him to be on my side

 

**whoop-eesh**

my head just looks tiny to you cause it's so far away from the ground you scurry on

 

**HoneyBuns**

holy shit hyungwon-ah

lmao

 

**Sir Yoo**

wanna go back to jail naked?

 

**whoop-eesh**

NO

 

**Sir Yoo**

thought so

 

**I.M**

hey btw

now that we've all seen way more of Hyungwon than I'd personally ever wish to

when did you got abs?

 

**HoneyBuns**

he got abs?

what is this treachery

I thought he was a soft boi too

 

**I.M**

don't worry jooheon-ah

you got abs too

they're just

hiding out for the winter

under all that pure soft-bellied goodness

 

**HoneyBuns**

I don't know whether to be insulted or not this is very confusing

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

why are you surprised he got them since like forever

 

**HoneyBuns**

I don't know

he's kinda shaped like a q-tip

I just assumed nothing much was going on under there

 

* **Sir Yoo** renamed **whoop-eesh** to **Q-Tip**

 

**Q-Tip**

can you guys stop naming me stupid ass things

I AM NOT SHAPED LIKE A Q TIP

 

**I.M**

 

**HoneyBuns**

LMAOOOOOOOO

 

**Q-Tip**

CHANGKYUN FFS

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

the disrespect on that kid lmao

 

**Shownu**

changkyun-ah aren't you supposed to be at work

 

**I.M**

when did that ever get in the way of anything

 

**Sir Yoo**

you have a job?

there's still so much dull stuff to discover about all of you guys

how am I ever bored

 

**I.M**

how do you think I'm paying for the apartment ya'll destroyed

I'll let you know I'm a receptionist

THE FACE OF THE COMPANY

or so they tell me

 

**HoneyBuns**

hope they like eye bags and shitty skin

 

**I.M**

is that payback for my 'your abs are wintering' joke

cause it better be

 

**HoneyBuns**

of course

you know you're the most beautiful being to ever grace this earth

that the only things better than your beauty are your personality and intelligence

that your witticisms are the stuff immortal books are made of

 

**I.M**

okay thanks I am satisfied

we're sill switching tonight tho

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

switching what

 

**Sir Yoo**

you probably don't wanna know

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

maybe you don't

I

for one

definitely do wanna know

 

**Wonh0**

not to change the subject

but to totally do that

anyone else wanna know how q-tip boy got out of jail

 

**Q-Tip**

NOT YOU TOO

 

**Wonh0**

you can be grape on a stick if you'd rather but that's kind of a mouthful

 

**I.M**

lmao hyung

 

**Q-Tip**

I liked you better before you started hanging out with kihyun so much

 

**Sir Yoo**

what's that supposed to mean

 

**Q-Tip**

that you're kind of a bitch

but you knew that already

 

**Sir Yoo**

maybe.

remember what I said about being naked and in jail?

 

**Q-Tip  
**

I'M SORRY

 

**Wonh0**

come on

details

what happened

 

**Sir Yoo**

honestly nothing much

I took mullet hyung with me but he was waaaay too drunk to be of any use

so I just got everyone else drunk too

and then they were suddenly super eager to do whatever I was saying

that punch was the best thing srsly we should have written down the recipe

also you'll never see your bowl again jooheon-ah

 

**HoneyBuns**

WHAT

TWAS MY FAVORITE BOWL

 

**Sir Yoo**

no one has a favorite bowl

 

**HoneyBuns**

I DO

AND IT WAS THIS ONE BOWL

how dare thee

 

**Sir Yoo**

see that as a small price to pay for Hyungwon not spending a night shirtless in a drunk tank

he sacrificed himself

we sacrificed your bowl to get him back

what a guy

what a story

 

**HoneyBuns**

he probably wouldn't have even noticed if you just left him there honestly

 

**Q-Tip**

I'd resent that if it wasn't true

srsly never again

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

we have that dinner with the guys from your new company tomorrow tho

 

**Q-Tip**

okay maybe once again

 

**HoneyBuns**

oh yeah with your shady jail buddy that will probably get you killed somehow?

or sold into the sex-trade

 

**Wonh0**

what

quick question does anything normal ever happens to you guys

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you're one to talk

 

**Shownu**

to be fair it only became that way once we met you guys

 

**HoneyBuns**

kihyun-hyung is a vortex of chaos

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'm the most put-together out of all of you loonies I don't know what you're talking about

 

**HoneyBuns**

sure why not

 

**I.M**

 

**HoneyBuns**

WHAT IS THIS AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

**Q-Tips**

CHANGKYUN SRSLY

 

**I.M**

I'M BORED SUE ME

come on it's funny

 

**Q-Tip**

NO

 

**I.M**

not even a tiny bit?

 

**Q-Tip**

NO

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I see him he's laughing

 

**Q-Tip**

TRAITOR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly apologize for this horrific paint edit


	39. Hyungwon's Slightly Incompetent Agony Column

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A pause in the action for Kihyun's internal drama, Changkyun being great at his job, and him and Jooheon's newfound love for cleaning products.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I don't know what came over me but I put some feels at the end. It's still stupid don't worry.
> 
> And on a side note I'm actually happy being back on whatever this thing is, thank you for the comments and the enthusiasm, I love you.

**From: Bear Hyung  
**

Changkyun

 

**From: Changkyun  
**

yes my guy

 

**From: Bear Hyung**

why do I have twelve missed called from your reception desk

 

**From: Changkyun  
**

oh you do uh?

 

**From: Bear Hyung**

Changkyun.

 

**From: Changkyun**

keep not answering I just call to make myself look busy when people pass by

 

**From: Bear Hyung**

changkyun

 

**From: Changkyun**

you stopped capitalizing my name am I in trouble

 

**From: Bear Hyung**

can't you put a little more effort into your job

 

**From: Changkyun**

there is no effort to be put into anything my guy

I just need to be there looking pretty

and occasionally answer the phone

 

**From: Bear Hyung**

somehow I doubt that's really all you have to do

 

**From: Changkyun**

okay i MAY have forgotten to sort the mail once or ten times

but srsly it's the age of high technologies

if you still send business letters they don't deserve to be read

besides, less work for everyone else!

I should be thanked srsly

 

**From: Bear Hyung**

you're gonna get fired again

 

**From: Changkyun**

what do you mean by again

I've always walked out willingly

 

**From: Bear Hyung**

you see them coming and you just run away

throwing your resignation letter over your shoulder

 

**From: Changkyun**

oh that reminds me

I have to prepare one

 

**From: Bear Hyung**

CHANGKYUN

 

**From: Changkyun**

relax

they actually like me here

I managed to hide my incompetence pretty well

I'm too cute to get mad at anyway

 

**From: Bear Hyung**

it's not incompetence it's disinterest

and you're really not cute

 

**From: Changkyun**

you wound me so much hyung

my soft heart is bleeding in pain

 

 

**I.M**

guys

buddies

look at this face

too cute to get mad at right

[ ](https://imgbb.com/)

 

**Shownu**

don't drag them into this

 

**Q-Tip**

drag us into what?

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

TOO CUTE!

THAT'S TOO DARN CUTE!!

TOO SQUISHABLE!!

 

**Sir Yoo**

okay what's up with Minhyuk

 

**Q-Tip**

sugar high ignore him

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

R U D E

I'm offended

 

**Q-Tip**

no you're not

 

**HoneyBuns**

changkyun-ah

shit

when is your break

 

**I.M**

whenever

 

**Shownu**

it's not whenever changkyun

 

**I.M**

nobody cares

 

**Shownu**

everyone does

you're the goddamn front desk

 

**Wonh0**

did hyunwoo just swear

I am in shock

 

**HoneyBuns**

omw

be there in 10

 

**I.M**

meet you in the broom closet

bye people

 

**Shownu**

what

what was that

 

**Wonh0**

did jooheon just pop a boner looking at changkyun's selca

it would be cute if they weren't so gross

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

THEY

GON

FRICK

FRACK

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Sir Yoo**

collect your man Hyungwon

also what the hell since when do they do it in a broom closet during work hours like how did that happen like what?

weren't they blushing maids like two hours ago?

what did I miss?

what?

 

**Q-Tips  
**

why does that bother you so much

 

**Sir Yoo**

it doesn't bother me

 

**Q-Tips**

it so does

 

**Sir Yoo**

shut up

 

**Shownu**

changkyun has no work ethics

 

**Wonh0**

that's all you got from all this hyung?

he's doing it in a broom closet.

 

**Shownu**

well I am for free love

 

**Wonh0**

why does this sentence grosses me out so much?

 

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

(◞థ౪థ)ᴖ

 

**Sir Yoo**

what is this hippie nonsense srsly

 

**Q-Tip**

do you need to talk about it kihyun

are you jealous

 

**Wonh0**

we can do it in a broom closet too if you want hun

 

**Sir Yoo**

DON'T START

 

 

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

I'M NOT JEALOUS

 

**From: Frog Face**

what's all this yelling then

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

just

nothing

 

**From: Frog Face**

come on you can tell me

I swear I won't use it against you later

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

....you swear

 

**From: Frog Face**

when did I ever betray your trust

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

that's so not the thing to say right now

 

**From: Frog Face**

yeah the regret was instantaneous

but yeah I swear

cross my heart and everything

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

you don't have a heart

 

**From: Frog Face**

WILL YOU SPIT IT OUT

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

OKAY OKAY

it's just

they've been going out for some time right

 

**From: Frog Face  
**

to the unending surprise of everyone, yes

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

how are they still in this stage???

 

**From: Frog Face**

you mean the kinky office sex stage?

cause like that's just them

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

I mean the like

honeymoon stage

 

**From: Frog Face**

ooooooh

so you WERE jealous

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

Q TIP HEAD ASS BOY I SWEAR

 

**From: Frog Face  
**

okay sorry

what is it

are you already bored of your hunk

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

IM NOT

what if he is tho

like

we just do normal stuff

doesn't that get boring after a while

 

**From: Frog Face**

thank god cause like I can only take so much of disturbing mental images

but it's true that it's been a while since you haven't chocked anyone in front of him

or kissed him behind public toilets

or got him arrested

or

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

I GET IT HYUNGWON

 

**From: Frog Face**

OKAY GEEZ

so you're afraid he's gonna get bored

because you don't go screw his brains out in a dirty closet every time he sends you a selca?

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

it sounds real stupid when you put it like this

 

**From: Frog Face**

cause it is

but like

I get it

you're getting into the mature phase of the relationship

the stable part

the... seasoned stage, if you will

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

you're aware all those can be used to mean old and boring right

 

**From: Frog Face**

 kihyun srsly help me help you

if you're so worried just ask him

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

I can't just do that

 

**From: Frog Face**

wait

 

**From: Chae Hyunfrog**

hoseok my dude

 

**From:** **Kihyun's muscle man**

yes hyungwon my man

 

**From: Chae Hyunfrog**

are you bored of kihyun

 

**From:** **Kihyun's muscle man**

no I'm not

 

**From: Chae Hyunfrog**

thanks

 

**From:** **Kihyun's muscle man**

anytime

 

 

**From: Frog Face**

_*img2358.jpg_

see all is well

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO

 

**From: Frog Face**

don't you feel more at ease tho

come on

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

ffs

okay maybe a little

why would he tell you the truth tho you're my friend

 

**From: Frog Face**

okay wait

 

**From: Hyunwoo (ᵔᴥᵔ)**

hoseokkie you there?

 

**From: Hoseokkie**

yeah?

 

**From: Hyunwoo (ᵔᴥᵔ)**

are you tired of kihyun?

and

wait

okay

do you wish he would practice free love in a broom closet with you?

 

**From: Hoseokkie**

no I'm not

and

hell no I don't want to throw my back or catch something weird or whatnot

 

**From: Hyunwoo (ᵔᴥᵔ)**

cool

 

 

 

**From: Frog Face**

_*img2359.jpg_

see

all is still well

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

WHAT IS THAT

 

**From: Frog Face**

fret not I didn't say it came from you

but like

if you worry so much

why don't you just do some grand romantic gesture or something

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

I cannot

 

**From: Frog Face**

why

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

cause it involves being corny and ridiculous and I physically can't handle it

 

**From: Frog Face**

didn't you already loose grip on your dignity tho like what's a bit more at this point

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

HYUNGWON

 

**From: Frog Face**

KIHYUN

no but srsly just talk to him that's the best way

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

did you go through this with minhyuk

 

**From: Frog Face**

maybe

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

what did he do

 

**From: Frog** **Face**

laughed in my face and moved in without asking

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

yeah sounds about right

 

 

**From: Hoseokkie**

hyunwoo?

 

**From: Hyunwoo (ᵔᴥᵔ)**

yeah?

 

**From: Hoseokkie**

why is everyone asking me that?

 

**From: Hyunwoo (ᵔᴥᵔ)**

everyone is asking you about frick fracking in broom closets?

 

**From: Hoseokkie**

no

about the other thing

also don't let Minhyuk rub off on you srsly it's weird

 

**From: Hyunwoo (ᵔᴥᵔ)**

I don't know

maybe you should ask kihyun

 

**From: Hoseokkie**

yeah

maybe

 

 

**From** **:** **Crush me with your thighs I don't mind dying if it's you**

Kihyun you busy?

 

**From: Choke me if you want I can't breath when you're there anyway**

not for you

what's up?

 

**From** **:** **Crush me with your thighs I don't mind dying if it's you**

is there a reason why Hyungwon and Hyunwoo are asking me if I'm tired of you

 

**From: Choke me I can't breath when you're there anyway**

I knew those assholes were

so

not

subtle

 

**From** **:** **Crush me with your thighs I don't mind dying if it's you**

so what's it about

 

**From: Choke me I can't breath when you're there anyway**

it's stupid

 

**From** **:** **Crush me with your thighs I don't mind dying if it's you**

it's not if it bothers you come on

 

**From: Choke me I can't breath when you're there anyway**

it's just

we kinda settled yeah?

like it's not as intense as it was

between us I mean

 

**From** **:** **Crush me with your thighs I don't mind dying if it's you**

and you went ahead and thought I'd get bored

 

**From: Choke me I can't breath when you're there anyway**

maybe?

 

**From** **:** **Crush me with your thighs I don't mind dying if it's you**

you can do me in a broom closet if it will make you feel any better

 

**From: Choke me I can't breath when you're there anyway**

CAN WE DROP THE BROOM CLOSET

 

**From** **:** **Crush me with your thighs I don't mind dying if it's you**

NEVER

no but srsly kihyun

I'm not bored

I like that we got sort of a routine down

it makes me feel secure

like we're going somewhere

 

**From: Choke me I can't breath when you're there anyway**

we're going somewhere?

 

**From** **:** **Crush me with your thighs I don't mind dying if it's you**

we're not?

 

**From: Choke me I can't breath when you're there anyway**

no

yeah

I think we are

yeah we definitely are

yeah

okay

cool

so you don't need some grand romantic gesture or anything

 

**From** **:** **Crush me with your thighs I don't mind dying if it's you**

wouldn't that make you feel ridiculous

 

**From: Choke me I can't breath when you're there anyway**

it totally would but like

 

**From** **:** **Crush me with your thighs I don't mind dying if it's you**

I'd rather you just give me your key

 

**From: Choke me I can't breath when you're there anyway**

my key?

 

**From** **:** **Crush me with your thighs I don't mind dying if it's you**

your house key

you know

so I can come and like

put all my stuff there

dorms suck

 

**From: Choke me I can't breath when you're there anyway**

oh

yeah sure

okay

cool

yeah definitely

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

well he didn't laugh in my face

and

he did ask before moving in???

I think that was asking

maybe

 

**From: Frog Face**

holy shit he's moving in?

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

I think??

yeah

I'm pretty sure that's what's happening right now

 

**From: Frog Face**

holy fuck I'm so good

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

YOU DID NOTHING

it all happened despite yourself

 

**From: Frog Face**

I'll be expecting dinner

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

you'll get one (1) beer

nothing more.

 

**From: Frog Face**

make me your ring bearer and we have a deal

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

HYUNGWON

 

**From: Frog Face**

KIHYUN

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

........thanks

 

**From: Frog Face**

(づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

 

 

 

 

 


	40. And Then Someone Gets Deported To Siberia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The return of Hoseok's short shorts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys it's the 40th chapter what am I doing with my life  
> To think I thought this wouldn't exceed 5 chapters and yet here we are.  
> IM_JHoney mentioned the booty shorts in a comment and it spurred this on. This is me deflecting responsibility for this mess. 
> 
> I love you all, the comments make my day keep them coming ;_;

**From: Prison Break**

minhyuk

you there

 

**From: The Victim  
**

yes

is something troubling you my child

come to daddy

 

**From: Prison Break**

nevermind

gonna ask jooheon

 

**From: The Victim**

cause you think he'll be less gross?

 

**From: Prison Break**

fair point

 

**From: The Victim**

come on

don't let daddy hanging

 

**From: Prison Break**

ffs will you stop calling yourself daddy

keep that for hyungwon

 

**From: The Victim**

oh I'm not the daddy in that relationship

 

**From: Prison Break**

that's the last thing I ever wanted to know

you freaks better keep the rest to yourselves

 

**From: The Victim**

but why

we could give you tips

or just the tip

p-unitended

 

**From: Prison Break**

did you really make me read that with my own two eyes

 

**From: The Victim**

apparently

regret being my friend yet?

 

**From: Prison Break**

you got no idea

 

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

how can you date Minhyuk srsly

 

**From: Frog Face**

he does this thing with his tongue and my nipple where

 

**From: smol angry hyung**

FORGET I ASKED

 

**From: Frog Face**

geez

you got no interest in your friends

 

 

**From: Prison Break**

why are you guys like this

 

**From: The Victim**

cause it's fun

but okay in all seriousness

do you have a problem

 

**From: Prison Break**

I got so many

you being one of them

 

**From: The Victim**

you're breaking my heart kihyun-ah

 

**From: Prison Break**

ANYWAY

you know how Hoseok's moving in with me right

 

**From: The Victim**

yes I heard about that

 

**From: Prison Break**

of course you did

 

**From: The Victim**

what's that supposed to mean

 

**From: Prison Break**

that you and hyungwon are a bunch of blabbermouths

 

**From: The Victim**

can't argue with that

 

**From: Prison Break**

glad to hear it

ANYWAY

we been packing

 

**From: The Victim**

ooooh did you find his collection of weird sex toys and now you're scared

 

**From: Prison Break**

why

why minhyuk

why does it always come to this with you

 

**From: The Victim**

I'm the fun hyung

 

**From: Prison Break**

one

we're basically the same age

two

wasn't that jooheon lmao

 

**From: The Victim**

hahahaha yes

I miss the good ol'days of jooheon's pining

 

**From: Prison Break**

we all do my friend, we all do

but anyway

it's not the sex toys I'm worried about

 

**From: The Victim**

ooooh

so there were sextoys???

 

**From: Prison Break**

MINHYUK

FOCUS

 

**From: The Victim**

I am

on all the important things

 

**From: Prison Break**

srsly why did I come to you

 

**From: The Victim**

cause I give the best damn advice

come on spit it out

 

**From: Prison Break**

okay so like

hoseok has classes now so I'm packing his stuff right

 

**From: The Victim**

okay

 

**From: Prison Break**

and like

remember our two first dates

 

**From: The Victim**

how can I ever forget

that's the most entertained I had ever been in MONTHS

 

**From: Prison Break**

remember what I told you he was wearing

 

**From: The Victim**

yes

still waiting on the pictures btw

 

**From: Prison Break**

don't have any

so like

I thought

haha

might just be a fluke

like one crop top here, one or two short shorts there

well

 

**From: The Victim**

what are you trying to say

 

**From: Prison Break**

I'M DROWNING IN SHORTS MINHYUK-AH

I NOTICED HE WAS ROTATING LIKE TWO PANTS AND THREE SHIRTS AND I THOUGHT

BROKE COLLEGE STUDENT

BUT NO

THAT'S THE ONLY ONES HE OWNS BECAUSE EVERY THING ELSE IS BOOTY SHORTS AND CROP TOPS

 

**From: The Victim**

I am flabbergasted

truly a man after my own heart

the greatest fashion icon of our generation

 

**From: Prison Break**

MINHYUK

 

**From: The Victim**

what

there's no set amount of booty shorts a man can own you know

 

**From: Prison Break**

THERE SHOULD BE

what does this mean

 

**From: The Victim**

that he likes a little breeze on his dingaling?

 

**From: Prison Break**

I thought we banned that word

 

**From: The Victim  
**

just ask him if it bothers you so much srlsy

 

**From: Prison Break**

is it a fetish

 

**From: The Victim**

I don't think it is

but I mean

people lust after balloons so like

who knows

 

**From: Prison Break**

people do what

 

**From: The Victim**

you don't go on the internet very often kihyun-ah do you

 

**From: Prison Break**

I never managed to get the child safety off my computer

 

**From: The Victim  
**

are you serious

 

**From: Prison Break**

WHAT DO YOU THINK MINHYUK SRSLY

actually yes I am plz send help

 

**From: The Victim**

must be so tiring being you

 

**From: Prison Break**

you got no idea

 

**From: The Victim**

anyway go ask your man

I'm pretty sure there's a good explanation

 

**From: Prison Break**

there better be I'm slightly scared

 

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

Hoseok you still in class?

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

yup but who cares

what's up?

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

so like I'm packing right

 

 **From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**  

everything going fine?

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

yeah

just

quick question

what the fuck pal

why so many shorts

not to mention the crop tops

like

why

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

oh that

I like a little breeze on my dingaling

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

FFS

 

**From: Prison Break**

MINHYUK

DID YOU PUT HIM UP TO THAT

 

**From: The Victim**

(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

 

**From: Prison Break**

(°ㅂ° ╬)

 

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

SERIOUSLY HOSEOK

WHERE ARE WE EVEN GOING TO PUT THEM ALL

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

why does it freak you out so much

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

why do you own so many

like

do you even have time enough in a year to wear all of them

cause if we exclude autumn and winter

and like the end of spring

there's not that many days a year a guy can wear short shorts and crop tops

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

you're really bothered

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

well

yes

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

like hot and bothered or just bothered?

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

HOSEOK

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

okay just bothered then

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

I didn't even bring enough boxes

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

well you know

it's not like you get a quota at birth of how many booty shorts you'll be allowed to own thorough your life

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

maybe we should

 that should be put up for discussion

I'll email the UN

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

yoo kihyun

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

shin hoseok

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

wear one

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

what?

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

srsly try one on I'll wait

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

why

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

just do as I say come on

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

........okaaaaay

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

oh

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

oh dear

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

RIGHT

do you feel your legs finally breathing

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

what is this sensation

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

FREEDOM MY MAN

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

okay all right

still doesn't explain why so many tho

dude I opened a window and woa

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

are you hot and bothered yet

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

HOSEOK

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

KIHYUN

no but like

you know it's like chocolate

you love it you buy it

I may have been a tad overenthusiastic with shorts

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

just a tad?

okay I tried on a crop top but on me it's just a normal shirt

what kind of treason

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

cute

you're like my pocket boyfriend

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

I'm not that tiny you fucking freak

 

 

**From: The Victim**

so did he give a reason?

is it because he spent so much time on his thunder thighs he needs to show them off?

 

**From: Prison Break**

it's like chocolate

the freedom

 

**From: The Victim**

what?

did he break you

 

**From: Prison Break**

minhyuk

 

**From: The Victim**

yes?

 

**From: Prison Break**

the breeze against my thighs feels so soft

 

**From: The Victim**

oh god did you try one on

 

**From: Prison Break**

the material is so light

and smooth

against my skin

 

**From: The Victim  
**

this kinda read like a very bad erotic novel kihyun-ah u ok

 

**From: Prison Break**

I don't know

I don't know anything anymore

 

**From: The Victim  
**

are you guys starting a weird booty short cult

 

**From: Prison Break**

maybe we should

they're so soft minhyuk

so smooth

 

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

it's like being naked but clothed

 

**From: ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡**

so now you're hot and bothered.

 

**From: ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅**

maybe

 

 

 

 

**Shownu**

any of you guys know why Hoseok just up and sprinted out of the classroom

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

he did uh

 

**Shownu**

you know something don't you

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

maybe.

it might have something to do with booty shorts

 

**HoneyBuns**

hey guess what I'm not sure I wanna know

 

**Q-Tip**

I do

come on

details

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

is that why kihyun thinks we're blabbermouths

 

**Q-Tip**

well we are

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

good point!

but I don't know much more

he was freaking out about the amount of booty shorts hoseok owns

 

**I.M**

yeah the guy does own a hell of a lot

I think he's in some sort of cult

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that's exactly what I asked him

cause then kihyun tried one on

and he seriously lost it

 

**HoneyBuns**

anyone else feels the urge to kink shame

cause like

prime material right there

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

right

I told him it probably wasn't a fetish but now I'm reconsidering my positions

 

**Shownu**

sometimes I ask you people things

and then later on

there's only regret left to feel

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

hey for once it's not our fault you're friends with a weirdo

 

**Shownu**

true true

I can only blame myself

 

**HoneyBuns**

is that what Crime and Punishment is all about

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what

 

**Q-Tip**

what the hell are you on about lee jooheon

 

**HoneyBuns**

you know

doing stuff and regretting it

that's what it is right

and then you get deported to siberia

 

**Q-Tip**

what?

 

**I.M**

are you still writing that lit paper

wasn't it due for like

three months ago

 

**HoneyBuns**

yes but then SO MUCH THINGS HAPPENED

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

who's getting deported to siberia?

 

**HoneyBuns**

hyunwoo-hyung

 

**Shownu**

what?

 

**I.M**

honestly you basically have the core ideas down

you're just missing a loving prostitute and something about god probably

 

**HoneyBuns**

Hyunwoo-hyung, I'm using you for my paper

kihyun can be the loving prostitute

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you do know he's probably gonna read this chat right

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm just using him to further my education

it's a very noble pursuit

he should be flattered

 

**Q-Tip**

if you say so

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's so last year to have something against prostitutes anyway

 

**I.M**

have you even finished the book jooheon

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's like ten thousand pages changkyun, be reasonable

 

**I.M**

you're so gonna fail this class

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm explaining the underlying themes found in this masterpiece of literature by drawing comparisons with everyday life's occurrences

what's not to like

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I liked it better when we were just talking about Hoseok's unhealthy obsession with booty shorts

 

**HoneyBuns**

see hyung that's why you'll never be an intellectual like myself

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

is that a joke

 

**HoneyBuns**

why would it be

 

**I.M**

I feel like I must inform you all that Jooheon's intellectual paper does include a drawing of Hoseok's booty-to-short ratio

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

an intellectual huh

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's just so that the lecturer can really get what I'm talking about

 

**Shownu**

can you divorce your friends

and like

get the dog and your sanity back in the proceedings

 

**HoneyBuns**

aren't you halfway to siberia already

 

**Shownu**

mentally yeah

 

**Q-Tip**

hang in there hyunwoo hyung you get used to it after a while

 

**Shownu**

I thought I already was but then you guys keep on surprising me

 

**Q-Tip**

we like to keep things interesting

 

**Sir Yoo**

hey

WHY AM I THE PROSTITUTE

also LEAVE HOSEOK'S BUTT OUT OF YOUR NONSENSE

 

**HoneyBuns**

lmao watch me run away at the speed of light

 

**Sir Yoo**

JOOHEON

 

**HoneyBuns**

buh-bye

 

 

 

 

 


	41. A Nice Rest By The Stream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon offers some new material to Kihyun's internet fanclub - or, the return of the youtube comments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still on a roll with that thing lmao

**From: The Victim**

where are you guys

we're all waiting

 

**From: Prison Break**

what do you mean we're all waiting

who's we

 

**From: The Victim**

well remember how you invited everyone to Changkyun and Jooheon's housewarming party that they didn't wanna have?

 

**From: Prison Break**

.......maybe.

 

**From: The Victim**

well changkyun invited everyone to yours and hoseok's housewarming party that you don't wanna have.

 

**From: Prison Break**

the lil shit

 

**From: The Victim**

should have seen that coming tbh

 

**From: Prison Break**

still a lil shit

 

**From: The Victim**

so where are you?

 

**From: Prison Break**

hospital

 

**From: The Victim**

oh god what did you do

did you choke some poor unsuspecting bloke once again

did you fight a drunk

are you the drunk someone fought

 

**From: Prison Break**

minhyuk

 

**From: The Victim**

yes

 

**From: Prison Break**

hoseok felt a boob lump

 

**From: Prison Break**

oh

oh no

 

**From: The Victim**

so we rushed to the hospital with a serious case of moob cancer

waited in complete anguish for over two hours

 

**From: The Victim**

shit

what did the doctor said?

 

**From: Prison Break**

he said

and I quote

"this is a serious case of having ribs, sir"

 

**From: The Victim**

LMAO WHAT

is this a joke

 

**From: Prison Break**

I wish buddy

I wish

we stood there like two idiots for the longest time

and the guy was like

"it's okay guys I've seen worse"

so yeah

hoseok got diagnosed with acute dumbassery

 

**From: The Victim**

lmao wild

 

**From: Prison Break**

I need to get drunk

to forget that I'm dating a clown

with fucking

lumpy ribs

 

**From: The Victim**

well I mean

hyungwon claims he remembers the recipe for the punch from last time

if only cause he tasted it again when it came back out the wrong end

so like

we could probably help with that if you guys just came home

 

**From: Prison Break**

can you not mention Hyungwon's either ends

 

**From: The Victim**

oh and also

I just finished telling everyone about the whole lumpy ribs experience

so brace yourself for ridicule

 

**From: Prison Break**

yeah of course you did

I expected no less from radio minhyuk

 

**From: The Victim**

I aim to please

we're so ready to party

 

**From: Prison Break**

cause that always ends so freaking well

 

**From: The Victim**

dunno what you mean

 

 

 

_> holy crap I came back to this account just in case and aren't I glad I did_

_> >right? I wanna have what they're having_

_> >>welcome to crazy town srsly anyone here knows what's going on_

 

_> seriously bless that guy that's just like... better put that shit on the internet_

 

_> when he started streaming everyone was still fully clothed and not on fire and five minutes later here we are_

_> >someone caught fire? again?? and I missed it??? again????  
_

_> >>twas intentional this time. One dude put some other dude's mullet on fire. Plot twist: it was a clip on_

_> >>>why would anyone wear a clip-on mullet_

 

_> more importantly: why is that guy screaming about lumpy ribs?_

_> >who knows at this point. might as well  
_

_> >>it's the same guy that was on fire in the previous stream right_

 

_> our king._

_> >I think I'll gift him my first born_

_> >>he'll probs kick it into the sun one way or another  
_

_> >can do whatever he wants tbh my love for him knows no bounds_

 

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

JOOHEON WERE ARE YOU

 

**From: Sugar Jooheoney honey**

I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

WHY DID YOU DO THAT HOLY FUCK

 

**From: Sugar Jooheoney honey**

IT WAS STARING AT ME

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

IT DOESN'T HAVE EYES 

 

**From: Sugar Jooheoney honey**

THAT YOU KNOW OF

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

IT'S FAKE HAIR

 

**From: Sugar Jooheoney honey**

BUT REAL EVIL

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

JOOHEON

 

**From: Sugar sugar Jooheoney honey**

CHANGKYUN

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

lmao honestly hyung where are you

 

**From: Sugar Jooheoney honey**

where mullet hyung will never find me

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

so under the couch?

 

**From: Sugar Jooheoney honey**

you know me so well luv

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

ya need to stop hiding under couches it's not good for your asthma

 

**From: Sugar Jooheoney honey**

I don't have asthma

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

wait then who does

 

**From: Sugar Jooheoney honey**

I don't know?

no one?

do you need one of us to have asthma

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

not particularly

 

**From: Sugar Jooheoney honey**

how does asthma actually work

wait lemme google that

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

jooheon

focus

 

**From: Sugar Jooheoney honey**

I am focusing you're the one bringing up asthma all of a sudden

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

get out from under the couch

 

**From: Sugar Jooheoney honey**

no

I like having the ceiling close to my face makes me feel safe

nothing can fit under here except my supple body

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

jooheon

 

**From: Sugar Jooheoney honey**

changkyun

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

I love you but srsly

stop using the word supple

 

**From: Sugar Jooheoney honey**

but that's what I am

young and

s u p p l e

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

okay holy shit wait hold on

 

 

 

 

_> okay so like are you seeing what I'm seeing_

_> >where were they hiding this greek god all along srsly  
_

_> >>finally giving the people what they want. some fucking BEEFCAKE  
_

 

_> okay so at first I was happy but now I'm just.... like.... wat_

_> >I mean that's some pretty good dancing but I see where you're coming from_

 

**shownu**

just putting it out there

should we maybe stop hoseok

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

let the boy express himself

this is art in its purest form

 

**I.M**

is this what fancy people call raw art

I feel like I'm witnessing something special

and definitely raw

 

**shownu**

he just almost gave himself a concussion your know that

 

**I.M**

see

special

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

we should have invited kihyun's ten thousands backup dancers

what a missed opportunity

 

**I.M**

speaking of kihyun

what's he doing?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

let the boy express himself

this is art in its purest form

 

 

_> hey if you actually don't focus on the dancing and just listen the lil dude is a pretty good singer_

_> >how can you not focus on the dancing like how it's everywhere I don't even know who's arm is who's anymore. was that a leg? who knows._

_> >>anyone knows where the rap is coming from?_

_> >>>under the couch. he filmed it earlier. some guy's head is poking out_

_> >>>>that's some pretty solid skills if I do say so myself_

_> >>>>>when's the album_

 

_> I like that the guy previously on fire is just jamming out that's true grit right there_

_> >literally too lit_

 

_> honestly I'd so pay to see them put together a show  
_

_> >only if they keep the booty shorts _

 

_> honestly those people. those people. like. can we rent them I have a birthday coming up_

_> >happy birthday!!!!!_

_> >>I do believe they have a great future as fucked-up rent boys_

 

_> they should form a boys band imagine them on tv holy shit_

_> >your favs could never_

 

_> side note, what is that guy in the corner doing to this casserole_

_> >love, but there's something fucked up in their relationship_

 

_> casserole boy really going at it uh_

 

 

 

 

**I.M**

hey not to interrupt but to totally do that

who baked the casserole

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

someone baked a casserole?

since when do we know middle-aged ladies?

 

**I.M**

I'm looking for the one responsible to put them on trial

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what's wrong with the casserole

 

**I.M**

it's offending to every senses known to man and at least several others

that's what's wrong with it

also it's moist and slimy

two words that should never be put together in one sentence

 

**Q-Tip**

what you got against my moist and slimy casserole

 

**I.M**

bruh

it's moist

and slimy.

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

YOU COOKED???

well slap my ass and call me judy

no wonder it's shit

 

**Q-Tip**

I would be hurt but I'm too drunk to care

I mean why do you keep eating it if it's so disgusting like I can see you on the couch stuffing your face

 

**I.M**

I DON'T KNOW

IT'S GROSS BUT I CAN'T STOP PUTTING IT IN MY MOUTH

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

it's like feet

at first it's gross

but then you put one toe in your mouth and

 

**Q-Tip**

OKAY no more alcohol for minhyuk

 

**shownu**

I mean honestly I kinda saw that coming but I thought he'd go with dick

but no

he had to go with feet

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I like being unpredictable

**Q-Tip**

speaking of unpredictable

wait

 

 

 

 

_> why is his face so close to the camera_

_> >that's a very flattering angle too_

_> >>I think he's reading the comments_

 

_> hello!!_

_> hi!!!!_

 

_> do body shots!!!!_

_> >off the hunk plz  
_

 

_> come to brazil_

 

_> what's your friend name the tiny angry one he's gold_

 

_> can we request songs_

_> >fuck yeah make him sing _

 

_> is he ignoring us?_

_> >he's ignoring us._

_> >>rude._

_> >>>life's tough in the lunatics fandom_

 

**Q-Tip**

so I might have created a monster

 

**I.M**

worse than the casserole?

 

**Q-Tip**

SRSLY

 

**shownu**

what did you do

 

**Q-Tip**

I might have been streaming again?

and like

comments are lit

 

**I.M**

are we famous yet

can we make money off of it somehow

 

**Q-Tip**

they really love kihyun

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

glad that some people do

 

**I.M**

lmao rude

 

**shownu**

put kihyun's booty shorts on ebay

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

GASP

HYUNWOO-HYUNG

clutching my pearls right now

 

**I.M**

I mean I'd be okay with that

 

**Q-Tip**

they call you casserole boy

 

**I.M**

I mean no way they deserve to touch kihyun's booty shorts

greedy bastards

 

 

 

_> did casserole boy just flip us off_

_> >the disrespect_

_> >>eating, texting, flipping people off. king of multitasking_

 

_> quick question are the two others fighting or making out_

_> >both?_

_> >>both._

_> >>>how did that table not crumble yet like what's it made of, mithril?_

 

_> okay I spoke too early_

_> >that must have really hurt_

_> >>did he twist his ankle_

_> >>>looks like it_

_> >>>>why is he still talking about lumpy ribs srsly what's this all about _

 

_> is the hunk crying_

_> >yes. yes he is._

_> >>a sensitive hunk I stan_

 

_> I like that he's still streaming like zero respect_

 

_> aw nevermind it cut off_

_> >what a loss_

 

 

 

 

 

 

**From: The Victim**

look at the bright side kihyun

now you have an actual real reason to be in the hospital

 

**From: Prison Break**

IS THIS FUNNY TO YOU

 

**From: The Victim**

well I mean yeah kinda

 

**From: Prison Break**

yeah no I get it I'd have laughed too if it had been you

 

**From: The Victim**

thanks?

 

**From: Prison Break**

anytime

 

**From: The Victim**

does it hurt?

 

**From: Prison Break**

still too drunk to feel anything tbh

ankle's not broken tho so there's that

and hoseok feels really bad so I might be able to milk it for months

 

**From: The Victim  
**

so all in all great night right

 

**From: Prison Break**

you guys still owe me a table

 

**From: The Victim**

sheesh

we put some duct tape around it

good as new

no more dancing on table tho

if that was actually dancing

seriously what was it

 

**From: Prison Break**

another mystery lost to the ages my friend

 

**From: The Victim**

it's fine we've got a video

 

**From: Prison Break**

you WHAT

DO YOU GUYS NEVER LEARN

 

**From: The Victim**

guess not

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 

 


	42. What the Harry Potter movies got wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Kihyun agrees to shoot for the stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I saw those Seoul music awards outfits and I just had to

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

guys I am distressed

 

**Shownu**

what happened?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

one of my thighs is way bigger than the other

it's uncanny

 

**Shownu**

why did I ask

 

**Wonh0**

join the circus

I see no other option for you

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

why did I expect support out of you all

 

**HoneyBuns**

we're way supportive hyung

we just draw the line at freaky thighs

 

**I.M**

it's normal to not be symmetrical you know

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

WHO SAYS

 

**I.M**

science?

and like

your eyes

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well maybe science is wrong

 

**I.M**

sure

science is wrong

and

you're right

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I feel like you're trying to make a point

 

**I.M**

am I?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I don't appreciate that tone young man

 

**Sir Yoo**

it's probably a tumor minhyuk

you're gonna die

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

want me to break your second ankle?

 

**Sir Yoo**

you know

sure I can't fight you now

but I'm gonna heal eventually

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I don't care

my giant thigh is gonna kill me before then

 

**Sir Yoo**

you can come over and I'll put you out of your misery

 

**HoneyBuns**

hey like

not to interrupt this riveting conversation

but ya know how I was supposed to pick up hyungwon from his audition right

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh yeah how did it go?

they told us it was basically a done deal but ya never know

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah well

about that

mind telling me what the fuck is he wearing

cause I mean

 

**I.M**

oh wow that is a lot

 

**HoneyBuns**

I thought kinky leather leashes were Hoseok's thing

but apparently

I was

SO WRONG

 

**Shownu**

what was he auditioning for

morticia's sex dungeon?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

we just thought we would go for an edgy look and we had that lying around

 

**I.M**

you had that

just

lying around?

 

**HoneyBuns**

this gives me so much information I didn't wanna have about what you guys get up to

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh come on

 

**Wonh0**

I just like how happy he looks

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

lots of good memories associated with the outfit

 

**HoneyBuns**

is this gonna escalate into some gross ass shit yet again

cause you don't need us for that right

 

**I.M**

maybe they like an audience

 

**Wonh0**

ngl I'm lowkey into it

 

**Sir Yoo**

you are huh

 

**I.M**

honestly hyung you've seen how he dresses

should have seen it coming

 

**Q-Tip**

I can lend it to you if you want

 

**Sir Yoo**

I just gagged a little

not touching this with a ten feet pole

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you can get your own (-‿•)

the store probably still has them

it's a bestseller

 

**I.M**

a bestseller uh

I bet

 

**Shownu**

I kinda wanna know what it is attached to

 

**I.M**

leather jock strap probably

 

**Shownu**

why did I ask

 

**I.M**

you never learn

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh come on

there's some kind of undershirt

 

**I.M**

well that's a big letdown hyung

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that still doesn't tell us how the audition went

 

**Q-Tip**

it went great

they liked the outfit

 

**Shownu**

was this the audition for the guy you met in jail

 

**Q-Tip**

yes

 

**Shownu**

well that explains a lot I guess

 

**Q-Tip**

what's that supposed to mean

 

**Shownu**

nothing

 

**I.M**

you should so wear that for the uni talent show

 

**Q-Tip**

what talent show

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

there's a talent show?

 

**I.M**

well, yeah?

like

there is one

every year.

where have you guys been?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well not at uni apparently

 

**Sir Yoo  
**

hyungwon has no talent tho what would he do there

 

**Q-Tip**

r u d e

as if you got any

 

**Sir Yoo**

excuse you I have the voice of an angel

 

**Q-Tip**

well satan was technically an angel so I guess

 

**Sir Yoo**

srsly shut up leash boy

 

**Q-Tip**

why so aggressive

 

**Wonh0**

boredom makes him grumpy and rude

 

**Sir Yoo**

I'M NOT GRUMPY AND RUDE

 

**Wonh0**

sure love

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh I just got a brilliant idea

 

**Sir Yoo**

no you didn't

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

how can you say that you haven't even heard it yet

 

**Sir Yoo**

I don't need to hear it to know it's gonna be a shit idea

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

srsly wonho rein in your man

 

**Wonh0**

I have no power over him

he's like a

wild horse

 

**HoneyBuns**

this image disturbs me way more than it should

 

**I.M**

guess it's not the time to make the obvious joke about him being a stallion then

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah you would think that uh

and yet look what you just did

 

**I.M**

it just needed to be out there jooheon

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

can we get back to my fantastic idea

 

**Wonh0**

sure minhyuk-ah what is it

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

we dress our stallion there in the kinky leather leash and put him up for the talent show

 

**HoneyBuns**

for fucks sakes hyung

 

* **Sir Yoo** was renamed to **Stallyoo**

 

**HoneyBuns**

you guys really have it out for me huh

 

**Stallyoo**

it wasn't even me but I'm gonna roll with it

 

**HoneyBuns**

this chat needs rules

 

**I.M**

is it because you find centaurs sexy so now you're all confused

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

excuse me he what

 

**HoneyBuns**

I DO NOT FIND CENTAURS SEXY

 

**I.M  
**

that's not what you said while reading harry potter

 

**HoneyBuns**

well I'm sorry firenze was described as such a babe

the movies were the biggest letdowns of all times

 

**Wonh0**

yeah tbh I was a bit disappointed as well

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

yeah I mean I get it

where did the sapphire eyes go seriously

 

**Shownu**

and the elvish blond hair

 

**I.M**

okay was I the only one without a shame boner for firenze

 

**Stallyoo**

I mean

she even called him firenze like some sort of latin lover

 

**Wonh0**

yeah she was really pushing it wasn't she

 

**HoneyBuns**

do you think there's a whole generation of kids running around with a weird horse kink because of Harry Potter

 

**I.M**

well apparently there's at least you guys

 

**HoneyBuns**

it really doesn't make me feel good about myself when you're putting it like this

 

**I.M**

it's okay I still love you

 

**HoneyBuns**

thanks?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

so now that we've all made our coming out of the stables can we get back to the matter at hand

 

**HoneyBuns**

which was?

all this talk of centaurs got me so lost

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

Kihyun in a leash at the talent show.

 

**Wonh0**

I'm lowkey turned on

 

**HoneyBuns**

honestly hyung

when aren't you

 

**Wonh0**

when you're born this sexy you can't help feeling yourself half the time

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay gross

how do I return you to the hyung store

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

we could so call your bajillion back up dancers

and put wonho and shownu in the lead

heck yeah

 

**Stallyoo**

can we all calm down I didn't agree to anything yet

 

**Shownu**

I think it's another one of those instances where you don't really have a choice

 

**Stallyoo**

there's way too many of those recently

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

this could so be our break to stardom come on be a pal

 

**Stallyoo**

if I'm gonna do it I need an incentive

like

a shit ton of money

 

**I.M**

we could stream it and ask for donations lmao

I'm pretty sure your fans would do anything for you

 

**Stallyoo**

I have the looming premonition that I'm so going to regret this

 

**Q-Tip  
**

that sounds like a yes

 

**Stallyoo**

it is a yes

albeit a very, very regretful one.

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

heck yeah

yoo kihyun in a leash!

 

**Wonh0**

finally giving the people what they want

 


	43. Confused yet Aroused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where the streaming of the talent show is a resounding success.

**Stallyoo**

where are you guys

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you know those flat stairs near the library

 

**Stallyoo**

yeah

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you know they have those

like

flat but wide steps?

 

**Stallyoo**

yes

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

and literally no one has legs designed for those

you can't go across them with one step but two is too much

so you do like

one normal step and one tiny awkward one?

 

**Stallyoo**

indeed

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

yeah and it goes on forever so you do that idiotic shuffling walk for like

half your life

 

**Stallyoo**

that's a way convoluted explanation just for this minhyuk

I know those freaking stairs

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you know them

good

cause I fucking hate those

anyway we're not here we're already at the auditorium

 

**Stallyoo**

MINHYUK FFS I'M ALREADY HALFWAY THERE

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**Stallyoo**

having a laugh are we

one day I'll end you

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

and I'm sure it will be glorious but for now haul ass

we've already started streaming

 

**Stallyoo**

I have half a mind to just turn back ya know

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

and disappoint all your fans?

you wouldn't dare

 

**Stallyoo**

oh you think I wouldn't?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

THIS ISN'T A CHALLENGE KIHYUN

 

**Stallyoo**

fine

I'm on my way

I'll still destroy you one day

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

can't wait

 

 

 

_oh shit they already started streaming_

_okay fill me up what did I miss_

    > _some guy ranting about inadequate stairs_

_ >> okay okay, riveting_

            >>> _casserole boy was here!! and he flipped us off again!!_

_ >>>>gotta love casserole boy_

_ >>>>>I want him to bear my children_

_ >>>>>>a bit overenthusiastic here are we_

_ >>>>>>>he would probably flip you off just as you crank one out_

_ >>>>>>>>I wouldn't even mind tbh_

_ >>>>>>>>is it time to kinkshame yet_

 

_THE KING IS HERE_

_ >and already putting people in headlocks gotta love true royalty_

_ >>that's a bit of a shame tho I really wanted to know where that guy was going with that whole "I have a giant thigh" demonstration _

_ >>>you were hoping he would strip weren't you_

_ >>>>cause you guys weren't?_

 

_okay where is that person from earlier cause NOW is the time to kinkshame I mean WHAT THE FUCK IS HE WEARING  
_

_ >how would you call "confused yet aroused"_

_ >>my life_

 

 _holy shit_. _holy shit. I'm so here for this. kinky leather yes bring it on_

  > _honestly take all my money way to never disappoint_

 

_okay serious question tho what is that sharpie-headass guy in the background how do you get hair to be that color_

_ >that's sofa rapper isn't it._

_ >>well it's sharpie head now no take backs_

_ >>>is it green? is it blue? am I daltonian?_

_ >>>>if you look at if for too long it hurts_

_ >>>>>if you manage to get past the hurt, your third eye opens and you gain access to higher realms of consciousness_

_ >>>>>>neat_

 

 

_where are they taking us is this an auditorium_

_IT IS AN AUDITORIUM_

_ >THIS IS A FREAKING TALENT SHOW_

_ >>they have talent?_

_ >>>probably? wasn't our royal highness kinda halfway decent at singing?_

_ >>>>I don't know did we ever see him sing sober? or actually just sober._

_ >>>>>if sober him just casually dresses in leather leashes I, for one, is applauding_

_I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT_

_ >honestly I'm sweating so much right now _

_ >>I mean if this goes as well as I think it is gonna they can get all my money no kidding _

_ >>>I already donated just for the leash. And the headlock. And sharpie-head because damn that must have taken some efforts_

_ >>>>king of fashion. ahead of his time. a true icon. _

 

_my university is so boring compared to theirs tho_

_ >everything is boring compared to what's happening whenever that freaking stream is on _

 

_did thighs boy just start MC-ing_

_ >yup. _

_ >>so his name's minhyuk? somehow I'm just gonna keep thighs boy_

_ >>>he seems weirdly okay with that_

 

_he's oddly entertaining_

_ >in a I-just-snorted-too-much-cocaine way_

_ >>are we sure they're sober_

 

_EVERYONE HIS NAME'S YOO KIHYUN_

_ >YOO KIHYUN FOR PRESIDENT_

_ >>YOO KIHYUN! YOO KIHYUN!! YOO KIHYUN!!!_

 

_EVERYONE SHUT UP IT'S GONNA START_

_ >WE'RE NOT EVEN MAKING ANY NOISE  _

_ >>I'M SWEATING_

_ >>>HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT'S A LOT OF BOOTY SHORTS_

 

_WHERE DID ALL THOSE PEOPLE COME FROM_

_ >honestly I've never seen that many nipples at once in my whole goddamn life_

_ >>they always deliver don't they_

_ >>>that's actually good choreography tho_

_ >>>>is that beefcake in the lead_

_ >>>>IT IS BEEFCAKE IN THE LEAD MY SOUL IS ASCENDING_

_ >>>>can someone explain how The Booty didn't just burst through those shorts when he did the splits _

_ >>>>>why did you capitalize the booty_

_ >>>>>>cause it feels like a whole-ass entity with its own sentient personality have YOU SEEN IT I bet it has a name and calls you darling_

_ >>>>>>>confused yet aroused once more_

 

_YOO KIHYUN IS HERE!!!_

_ >YOO KIHYUN FOR PRESIDENT_

_ >>YOO KIHYUN! YOO KIHYUN!! YOO KIHYUN!!!_

_HOLY SHIT_

_ >HOLY SHIT THE_

_ >>THE WHAT?_

_ >>>I GOT OVERWHELMED SORRY MY BAD I WANTED TO SAY HOLY SHIT THE KING CAN ACTUALLY SING_

_ >>>>WE STAN A LEGEND_

 

_> how does the stage doesn't cave in tho that's a whole regiment of back up dancers_

_ >>a king needs a court_

_ >>>do you think they're sponsored by baby oil_

_ >>>>yeah and probably that weirdass fetish shop downtown cause that's a LOT of leather harnesses_

_ >>>>>bless _

_ >>>>>>I'm still not over that leash tho but like I wouldn't even know who would be the dom in that relationship_

_ >>>>>>>right cause he might be the one wearing the leash but I got no power whatsoever_

 

_WHY DOES THIS LOOK SO PROFESSIONAL IT SHOULD BE A MESS_

_ >well it is kind of a mess. just not the one we were prepared for_

_ >>a sweaty, oily, leathery mess_

_ >>>they should go to a bachelor auction honestly they'd make so much dough_

_ >>>>in booty shorts, covered in oil. would buy._

_HOLY SHIT SHARPIE HEADASS MAN IS HERE TOO_

_ >AND CASSEROLE BOY_

_ >>DUET OF THE CENTURY_

_my vision just blurred I think I'm having an aneurysm_

_ >it's just the lights reverberating off those oily chests _

 

_I counted the nipples. There's 75_

_ >that can't be right_

_ >>why not_

_ >>>cause that means someone has three nipples that's like basic nipple math_

_ >>>>>or someone just has one lonely nipple_

_ >>>>>>hey would you rather have a third nipple, or just one_

_ >>>>>isn't it better to have too much than not enough?_

_ >>>>>>>but then you could just like tattoo a second nipple right? _

_ >>>>>>>oh yeah I hadn't thought about that_

_ >>>>>>>>is nipple transplant a thing?_

_ >>>>>>>>>maybe you can be a pioneer in that field _

_ >>>>>>>>>>hey like not to interrupt you nerds but was that a guy in assless chaps _

 

_THAT WAS A GUY IN ASSLESS CHAPS_

_JUST LIKE CASUALLY STROLLING BY_

_ >I'M LOOSING MY MIND  _

_ >>>is it just me or is this slightly veering towards PG13 village people_

_ >>>>what a concept_

_ >>>>>they should start a band like this I don't even care I'm unemployed I'd fund it_

 

_I'm not sure what I'm looking at but I like it._

_ >confused yet aroused?_

_ >>should this be their band name cause like this really is the defining concept of whatever this is right_

_ >>>honestly if they don't win that damn talent show I'm starting a riot_

_ >>>and the song is actually good too like. I mean. I've heard way worse_

_ >>>>I've never seen nothing better tho look at them go_

_ >>>>>yeah that's some powerful synchronized hip thrusts if I do say so myself_

 

_Is that what it feels like to be a groupie._

_ >oh you're discovering a whole new world too?_

_ >>you got no idea. I'm actually gifing that shit_

_ >>>please do share when you're done_

_ >>>>we need a fanclub name_

_ >>>>>is this what this is? a fanclub?_

_ >>>>>well I mean. might as well embrace the truth  
_

 

_DID GLITTER JUST EXPLODE ALL OVER THEM_

_ >dehydrated and covered in glitter. what a way to go_

_ >>that was one heck of a finale  
_

_ >>>I like how the auditorium is just... stunned_

_ >>>>they're probably not sure what just happened either_

_ >>>>>I mean witnessing that up close. how are you not just straight up blown away by the raw sexual energy_

_ >>>>>>love the hesitant clapping. the bewildered looks. the girls upfront just loosing their shit. true kings._

_ >>>>>>>how can anyone just go on that stage after them _

_ >>>>>>>>I mean even from a technical standpoint that's probably a death trap by now. so much oil and glitter all around_

 

_our boy minhyuk providing after-show commentary, nice_

_ >what a show. what a show. good damn. how can I ever watch anything else and find joy in it anymore   _

_ >>let's wait for the winners._

_ >>>they should let us vote I mean we were basically there after all_

 

_THEY DIDN'T WIN_

_ >WHAT IS THIS TREACHERY_

_ >>RIOTING IT IS _

_ >>>I think they were too ahead of their time. true avant-garde _

_ >>>>right. true art is often misunderstood at first_

_ >>>>>in my heart they won all of the awards and that's what counts  
_

_ >>>>>>that's beautiful_

_ >>>>>>>also to make up for it I just donated a shit ton cause my daddy left me his card what a good move_

_ >>>>>>>>like your actual dad or_

_ >>>>>>>>you know what now that you mentioned it my actual dad also left me his card what a good strategy_

_ >>>>>>>>>why did I ask_

 

_well. what an experience.  
_

_ >I feel like we're all connected by that now. till death._

_ >>>that was certainly a bonding moment._

_ >>>>I can't wait for the next stream honestly. yoo kihyun. what a guy. _

_ >>>>>those oily backup dancers have imprinted on my retinas. they're all I see when I close my eyes  
_

_ >>>>>>how many nipples do you count_

_ >>>>>>too many. too many nipples_

_ >>>>>>>is there such things as too many nipples tho_

_ >>>>>>>>is there such things as too many nipples, you got two hours._

 

 

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

HOLY SHIT PEOPLE WE MADE A METRIC TON OF MONEY WHAT THE FUCK

THAT WAS A GENIUS IDEA YOU CAN ALL THANK ME

 

**Stallyoo**

great

but

I can't feel anything anymore

 

**Wonh0**

anyone can tell me how to get oil and glitter off my body

cause I think the gym shower doesn't work

that's like my third one and it's still there

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

it's probably gonna stay until you're dead honestly

you'll be an eighty year old with glitter in your ass crack

 

**I.M**

oil and glitter

that's like the worst combination you can think of

 

**HoneyBuns**

or the best

I mean

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

don't try to explain yourself it's just gonna make it worse

 

**HoneyBuns**

right.

 

**Q-Tip**

where is shownu

 

**Wonh0**

somewhere, busy being covered in glitter probably

 

**Q-Tip**

how could I loose him

he's so sparkly

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

right

I think those super enthusiastic girls in the front row just got him to sign stuff or something

 

**Wonh0**

I knew I was right forcing those shorts on him

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

for me it's the harness that did it

 

**Q-Tip**

oh yeah?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

as if you weren't looking too

 

**Q-Tip**

I mean it was hard not to

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

right

**Stallyoo**

can I ask what just happened and how was I dragged into it and just like what in general

was this even what we rehearsed for I feel like it got way out of hand way faster than it should have

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

honestly what did you expect we put a leash on you

 

**Stallyoo**

fair point

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

don't pretend you weren't feeling yourself tho

cause like someone in the stream gif-ed you and like

 

 you were definitely feeling yourself.

 

**Stallyoo**

....

okay I might have a little bit.

 

**Wonh0**

oh wow

that's what my dreams are made of

 

**HoneyBuns**

didn't wanna know but thanks anyway!

 

**Wonh0**

you're welcome

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I'm reading the comments and holy shit there's so much to unpack

anyone we know with a third nipple?

 

**Stallyoo**

you know what

I'm just going to go to bed.

 

**Wonh0**

can I come with you

 

**HoneyBuns**

can we stop this conversation right there

 

**Shownu**

why is there girls following me?

 

**Q-Tip**

cause you're hot and covered in oil?

 

**Shownu**

oh.

okay

help?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

just enjoy it while it lasts

 

**Wonh0**

it will last forever apparently

freaking glitter

whose idea was it

I was just as surprised as everyone else

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

might have been me?

 

**Wonh0**

well gee thanks

I hate it

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

great finale tho

and we're rich!

 

**Sallyoo**

hoseok are you coming or what

 

**Wonh0**

YES

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well that was quick

arr arr arr

get it

 

**HoneyBuns**

holy shit hyung

just don't make jokes

 

**Q-Tip**

I laughed

 

**I.M**

you don't count you're whipped

 

**Q-Tip**

like figuratively or

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay shut up

 

**Q-Tip**

sorry?

 

**HoneyBuns**

TOO LITTLE TOO LATE

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The gif is from kihon.tumblr.com


	44. Family Holiday Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang plans a nice little get-away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So holy shit sorry for the wait lmao. I have a whole arc more or less planned so I should update more consistently now if work doesn't get in the way.
> 
> Also thanks all of you for the comments/kudos, they really help keep this mess going strong

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

when we become bajillionaires can we hire someone to empty the dishwasher for us

 

**HoneyBuns**

you guys got a dishwasher?

what kind of decadent luxury are you living in

changkyun-ah why don't we have a dishwasher

 

**I.M**

we're eating a bowl of white rice with a side of nothing for breakfast what do you think

 

**HoneyBuns**

are we going to develop deficiencies

 

**Q-Tip**

maybe that's why you're soft in the head

all this lack of iron

 

**HoneyBuns**

who are you calling soft in the head?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

do we have to fight this early in the morning

 

**Stallyoo**

it's half past two minhyuk

in the afternoon

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

ooooh

that explains a lot

like

why the sun is up

 

**HoneyBuns**

and I'm the one who's soft in the head?

 

**Wonh0**

I bet scurvy would be a good look on you

 

**I.M**

no I need his teeth

 

**Wonh0**

I'm so not gonna ask

 

**I.M  
**

you know saying that is basically asking right

 

**Wonh0**

in what world

 

**HoneyBuns**

should we use the stream money to buy ourselves a dishwasher

and a toaster

a toaster would be great

 

**Stallyoo**

maybe if you didn't blew all your savings on freaking embroidered towels you guys could get a toaster

 

**HoneyBuns**

do not diss the embroidered towels

also why is embroidered so freaking hard to spell

 

**Stallyoo**

the struggles of the illiterates

 

**HoneyBuns**

if you weren't just recently a cripple I would so whoop your ass

 

**Stallyoo**

the only chance you have at whooping my ass is if I'm a cripple so like bring it on bitch

 

**HoneyBuns**

why is he so rude?

who raised him?

 

**Wonh0**

don't diss his mom

 

**Stallyoo**

did you just diss my mom

 

**HoneyBuns**

I so did not diss your mom

 

**Stallyoo**

you did diss my mom

 

**HoneyBuns**

are we just gonna keep saying that I did diss your mom because the alliteration makes it sound funny

 

**Stalyoo**

as long as you don't diss my mom

 

**HoneyBuns**

wouldn't it be funnier if I did diss your dad

 

**Wonh0**

don't diss his dad

 

**Stallyoo**

did you just diss my dad

 

**HoneyBuns**

dang I did not diss your dad

 

**Q-Tip  
**

can someone stop them

this isn't even remotely funny I'm questioning everything

 

**HoneyBuns**

dude did you just dang diggity diss us cause I don't give a dimmadamn if you did

 

**Stallyoo**

haha good one

 

**Q-Tip**

can we stop being friends now or is it too late

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

be nice the children are just easily amused

 

**Shownu**

hey guys

what's all this about toasters and people's moms I am widely confused

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oooooh sparkly grandpa is back!

 

**Shownu**

I'm back?

sparkly grandpa?

 

**Wonh0**

I lost you yesterday after the concert

despite you being so sparkly

 

**Shownu**

oh

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

so like what happened?

 

**Shownu**

I don't know I just went home

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what about the cute girls?

 

**Shownu**

cute girls?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

see

that's why you're still single

did you NOT NOTICE the cute girls following you?

 

**Shownu**

oh them

no I did but then I just went home

 

**Q-Tip**

I think Minhyukkie is having a stroke

 

**HoneyBuns**

should we buy Hyunwoo-hyung a girlfriend with the stream money

 

**I.M**

that's called an escort and it's illegal hyung

 

 **Honey** **Buns**

well it shouldn't be I mean they should be able to do whatever they want ya know

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

okay so poorly worded sex workers advocacy aside WHAT DO WE DO WITH THAT MONEY

beside buying hyunwoo a girlfriend

 

**Stallyoo**

yeah cause it's a lot of money

we could probably buy him two girlfriends

 

**HoneyBuns**

what do you mean poorly worded?

 

**Shownu**

I don't have use for that many girlfriends

 

**I.M**

it's nice that "that many" is just like... two

 

**Shownu**

that's one too many changkyun-ah you should know that

 

**I.M**

what if you're all into steady threesomes

**Q-Tip**

are we just gonna watch them have that conversation and not to anything about it

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

YES

 

* **Q-Tip** left the chat

* **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN** added **Q-Tip** to the chat

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

don't be such a piss baby

 

**Q-Tip**

I should have run away to macau when there was still time

 

**Stallyoo**

oh yeah we did talk about that at one point didn't we

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah when we auctioned off hyunwoo to that woman

and then got somehow involved with a crime syndicate

GOOD TIMES

 

**I.M  
**

well we did meet mullet-hyung out of that

I mean the more the merrier right

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

HE PUT ME IN JAIL

 

**I.M**

well

technically it was kihyun-hyung

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

we should take a break

see other people

 

**Wonh0**

you know other people?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that's a minor detail

 

**Q-Tip**

taking a break is a good idea

why don't we use the stream money to go on vacation

 

**Stallyoo**

all together?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well apparently the more the merrier right

although I vote you off the island

 

**Stallyoo**

go back to having a stroke minhyuk

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

so rude

 

**HoneyBun**

I TOLD YOU HE WAS RUDE

 

**Wonh0**

you guys only notice that now?

 

**Stallyoo**

I don't know how to take this

 

**Wonh0**

I like you rude

 

**Q-Tip**

how many kinks does hoseok have holy shit

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you're one to talk

 

**HoneyBuns**

holy shit I'm buying tickets to macau but only for me and IM you guys can get your gross asses on another plane

 

**Q-Tip**

you do know all the money went to my account right

we don't have a joint account for stupid shit

 

**HoneyBuns**

what?

WE SHOULD

why yours

WHAT IS THIS TREACHERY

 

**Q-Tip**

well we used my phone for streaming I just put my paypal there

 

**Stallyoo**

I feel that as the main attraction it should have gone to me

 

**Q-Tip**

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha no.

 

**Stallyoo**

WHAT'S THIS

 

**Shownu**

a vacation is a good idea I like traveling

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

hyung you're so cute

 

**Shownu**

what did I do

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

nothing

it's just cute you think a vacation with those assholes is gonna be relaxing

 

**Stallyoo**

what's that supposed to mean

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

have you met ourselves

 

**Stallyoo**

okay good point

 

**HoneyBuns**

can we even leave in the middle of the semester

 

**Q-Tip**

cause you guys have been regularly going to all your classes?

 

**I.M**

no

 

**Wonh0**

no

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

no

 

**HoneyBuns**

no

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

no

 

**Shownu**

I had a dance competition to prepare for

 

**Q-Tip**

SEE

what's a few more days

 

**Wonh0**

so we're actually doing this?

a trip?

to like

the crime capital of asia?

can only turn out well

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

didn't we take all those triads movies away from you?

 

**Q-Tip**

macau is actually quite safe you know

like in the real world

 

**Stallyoo**

he's still not over leslie cheung's character dying on a train in macau in that one movie

 

**Wonh0**

HE HAD SO MUCH LEFT TO LIVE FOR OKAY

 

**HoneyBuns**

wikipedia says "crime in macau ranges from triad attacks, gang violence, money laundering, human trafficking, pickpocketing, petty theft, murder, etc"

"ETC" HYUNG **  
**

 

**Q-Tip**

wikipedia is a dramaqueen

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you want to go because of all those casinos right

 

**Q-Tip**

DUDE I'M GONNA MAKE SO MUCH DOUGH

 

**I.M**

I mean I hear the street food there is delish

 

**HoneyBuns**

changkyun-ah did you just use "delish" as a word in a sentence you just typed with your own fingers and that I had to read with my own two eyes 

 

**I.M**

are you breaking up with me

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'M THIS CLOSE

 

**I.M**

can I keep the towels

 

**HoneyBuns**

YOU SO CANNOT

 

**Q-Tip**

okay so as the money guy I made the decision for all of us and we're going

 

**Stallyoo**

you know in those triads movies the money guy is always the first one to get his nails ripped off right

 

**Q-Tip**

why would you say that

 

**Stallyoo**

no reasons

 

**Q-Tip**

wonho does he have his psycho face on

 

**Wonh0**

you mean there's times he doesn't have a psycho face on?

 

**Stallyoo**

OH COME ON

 

**Shownu  
**

when are we leaving?

 

**Q-Tip**

yeah about that

we might need to be at the airport in about like

three hours

 

**HoneyBuns**

WHAT

BUT I'M STILL IN MY PAJAMAS

 

**Q-Tip  
**

it's like 3pm jooheon have a little dignity

 

**HoneyBuns**

why get dressed when you're not gonna leave the house

 

**I.M**

in case SOMEONE books a trip to macau like a goddamn lunatic

how many underwear do I need to pack

 

**Q-Tip**

I don't know do you have a tendency to wet yourself?

 

**I.M**

HOW MANY DAYS ARE WE STAYING HYUNG

 

**Q-Tip**

oh

three days not counting this one

 

**I.M**

thanks

 

**Wonh0**

well guess I'll go hurry the fuck up then thanks for nothing hyungwon

 

**Q-Tip**

you guys are babies

 

**HoneyBuns**

we're already screaming at each other and the vacation hasn't even started yet

we truly are a family I'm moved

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

can I be the handsome older brother back from studying in the states

 

**HoneyBuns**

you're the vodka aunt minhyuk-ah everyone knows that

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

damn

all my dreams are crumbling

 

**Shownu**

should we stop wasting time on this app and actually pack

 

**I.M**

that would be wise hyung

 

**Q-Tip**

see you in three hours you fucks

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

this is gonna be terrible I can barely wait

 

**HoneyBuns**

THIS IS ALREADY TERRIBLE

 

**I.M**

you can ride a plane in your pajamas luv no one will notice

 

**HoneyBuns**

shut up and help me find my toothbrush why are we texting each other you're in the damn living room

 

**Q-Tip**

a whole new brand of fools those two

 

**Stallyoo**

if you blew all my money on a plane we're gonna miss I'm just gonna straight up kill you hyungwon that's not even a threat that's a promise

 

**Q-Tip**

okay people let's form an orderly line and hurry the fuck up yeah?

 

**Stallyoo**

that's more like it


	45. Snakes on a plane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there's some roasting in the groupchat, Hoseok gets to experience sky high flirting and really Minhyuk should launch a romance writing career

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought it would be straight to Macau right well enjoy this extended plane ride instead my dudes

**HoneyBuns**

lo and behold there's wifi on that plane

I can shitpost 5000 feet up in the air

technology truly is a marvel

 

**Q-Tip**

and here I was

hoping to finally have some hours of respite from y'all dumbassery

 

* **Q-Tip** was kicked by **Stallyoo**

 

**HoneyBuns**

LMAO SAVAGE

 

**Stallyoo**

what

I'm just delivering on what his heart truly desires

 

 _*_ **Q-Tip** was added by **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

don't kick my bf

 

**Stallyoo**

why it seems like he wants it

 

**Q-Tip**

I do but can't you see my dilemma

you guys need supervision

I can't have you talking shit about me behind my back

 

**HoneyBuns**

we always talk shit about you to your face tho

don't your worry q-tip boy

 

**Q-Tip**

thanks

I need new friends

 

**Stallyoo**

well you got four hours pal start looking

 

**HoneyBuns**

four hours?

I thought it was closer than that

I'm already bored and it's only been like fifteen minutes kill me now

 

**I.M**

do not fret little one I brought entertainment

 

**HoneyBuns**

please do share

 

**I.M**

okay hold on to your breeches this is something like you've never seen before

 

**HoneyBuns**

my pantaloons are secured

my eyes are wide open

my heartbeat is rising

I'm as ready as I'll ever be

 

**I.M**

BEHOLD:

[ ](https://imgbb.com/)

 

**HoneyBuns**

holy fucking shit

 

**I.M**

wait wait

look

my favorite:

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

IS THAT HOSEOK

 

**Q-Tip**

why does his bangs look like they have a conflict of interest with the rest of his hair

 

**HoneyBuns**

I like the kicked puppy look

it implies he knows what's going on in the hair department

but there's nothing he can do about it

just, you know, long-suffering resignation

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

truly tragic

 

**Wonh0**

I PAID YOU TO ERASE THOSE YOU LITTLE SHIT

 

**I.M**

that just wouldn't be good business hyung

 

**Stallyoo**

so many things are coming into question right about now

you really did bloom like a butterfly

 

**Wonh0**

butterflies don't bloom

and more importantly changkyun

you really wanna play that game?

 

**I.M**

I have nothing to hide

 

**Wonh0**

ARE YOU SURE

 

**I.M**

okay I have maybe one thing

 

**HoneyBuns**

PLEASE EXPLAIN THE TRIANGLE BANGS

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I can't even comprehend the texture of that trainwreck of an hairdo

 

**Stallyoo**

were you going for some sort of reverse super saiyan look

 

**I.M**

I was going for a lot of things at the same time it was really unfortunate

 

**HoneyBuns**

speaking of unfortunate have you seen kihyun in high school

 

**Wonh0  
**

oh please do share

 

**Stallyoo**

DO YOU NOT FEAR DEATH LEE JOOHEON

 

**HoneyBuns**

worth it honestly

let it be my last contribution to the world nothing I do will ever top this fucking picture anyway

 

**Wonh0**

holy molly

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh yes

I love this picture

I have it in my wallet

I look at it every time I feel a little down and it cheers me right the fuck up

 

**Stallyoo**

you're all dead

 

**Wonh0**

okay though quick question

why does it looks like it's from the 70s

I mean look at it

that long-neck, bowl-cut hair

the horrendous sweater-vest

the people in the background smoking indoors

the grainy quality making it look like film

are you actually a 45 year-old man kihyun

 

**Stallyoo**

yes wonho

you got me

that's my secret

I'm actually nearing my fifties

I just have really great skin

 

**Wonh0**

explains a lot honestly

 

**Stallyoo**

what's that supposed to mean

hoseok

hoseok

HOSEOK

DUDE DON'T LET ME HANG IN THE MIDDLE OF A POTENTIAL FIGHT DO YOU KNOW HOW FRUSTRATING THAT IS

 

**Shownu**

calm down sir he's getting hit on by a steward

 

**Stallyoo**

excuse me he's WHAT

I knew I couldn't leave him alone

should have let me trade seats with you

 

**Shownu**

don't worry it's pretty benign

 

**Stallyoo**

GETTING HIT ON IS NEVER BENIGN WHEN YOU LOOK LIKE SHIN HOSEOK

REMEMBER HOW I MET HIM

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

he got a point there

which steward is it

 

**Shownu**

well the gay one what do you think

he just asked him why he was laughing like a hyena

and

oooh he's good

 

**Stallyoo**

what

what is happening

 

**Shownu**

hoseok showed him your picture and the guy asked if it was a picture of his dad in high school

 

**Stallyoo**

I WILL KILL HIM

 

**Shownu**

hoseok or the steward?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I love that steward where is he

 

**Q-Tip**

well he's all over hoseok aren't you listening

or reading this is confusing

 

**Shownu**

you should trust hoseok

it's nothing 

 

**HoneyBuns**

lmao kihyun is all rage and insecurities his trust department is waaaay understaffed hyung

 

**Stallyoo**

slander I am perfectly fine with hoseok flirting with a fricking steward

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you shouldn't

I know exactly how it's gonna go down

 

**Stallyoo**

what are you talking about you cretin

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

okay listen carefully my little dude

I'm going to lay it out for you

 

**Q-Tip**

don't listen carefully kihyun

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

shut up

ANYWAY

our boy hoseok here

deep down he's tired of being in a relationship with a fifty year old man, no matter how great your skin is

and he craves romance, passion, adventure

and what's better than a sky high romance with a dashing steward

at first he'll be like

upon my words no! this cannot be!

but then

the temptation will be too high

(like the plane haha wow)

 

**Stallyoo**

fucking kill me this is the worst thing I've ever read

 

**HoneyBuns**

shut your piehole I'm hooked

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

so then

he'll eventually give in and have a torrid love affair with the steward

 

**HoneyBuns**

oh no!

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

it will last for weeks until you eventually find out

and your heart will break!

and you will just leave draped in your dignity

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay this is a bit unrealistic someone would probably end up getting whooped

at the very least

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

last I heard I was the one telling the story

 

**HoneyBuns**

rude

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I won't tolerate any more interruptions so WATCH IT

anyway

once you're gone hoseok realizes you were his one true love but it's TOO LATE

fast forward a few years

you're on your deathbed

 

**Q-Tip**

wow

this got real dark real quick

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

and somehow he knows and he comes to see you

and like you forgive him and you die

and your daughter gives him oldass love letters

FROM HIM

YOU KEPT THEM ALL ALONG

so he realizes you never stopped loving him but the betrayal was too painful

and he dies too! of sorrow!!

 

**HoneyBuns**

holy shit hyung

 

**I.M**

wait how does he get a daughter

 

**Q-Tip**

didn't I burn all your nicholas sparks novels all those months ago

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

twas too late the damage had already been done

 

**HoneyBuns**

honestly this was better than nicholas sparks you should write a book I'd read it

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well I mean if you're that enthusiastic I'll consider it

 

**Q-Tip  
**

hey on a side note is it just me or did the plane suddenly got really cold

I'm legit shivering

 

**I.M**

I think it's the murder vibes coming off Kihyun's seat

I'm trying to slip him a valium but he's not drinking his water

 

**Stallyoo**

you do know I can read that changkyun

 

**I.M**

yes hyung

drink your damn water I'm trying to slip you a valium

 

**HoneyBuns**

hyunwoo hyung what's happening I can see you shrivel up from here

 

**Shownu**

it's just

he said something really corny

so then my body just naturally shriveled up into a ball

 

**HoneyBuns**

what did he say?

 

**Shownu**

oh damn

oh

 

**HoneyBuns**

what?

holy shit why is the steward walking towards us

 

**Shownu**

okay so he offered Hoseok to help him find his luggage after landing

cause

oh it's so hard to type

cause he needed to stick around to check if his halo was real of if it was just a reflection of the light on the plane window

cause he been looking like an angel ya know

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

holy shittttt he's good he's good

 

**HoneyBuns**

that doesn't explain why he's incoming in like three seconds

 

**Shownu**

cause hoseok told him his halo was in seat 39C

 

**I.M**

that's kihyun's seat

holy shit that's kihyun seat

that's magnificent

 

**HoneyBuns**

is that claw marks on kihyun's armrest

 

**Q-Tip**

I need to see

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you know you could have asked that old lady to move instead of just climbing over her

 

**Q-Tip**

that's probably the most action she's seen in a hundred years I bet she's elated

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

it's good you have no ass to speak of or it would have rubbed all over her face

 

**Q-Tip  
**

once again, she's welcome

also I have an ass

it's just slightly concave

 

**I.M**

he's glowering

I can almost see black tendrils of hatred emanating from his tiny, tiny body

 

**Stallyoo**

I'm taller than you you cretin

 

**HoneyBuns**

****

 

**I.M**

where is the solidarity between lovers honestly

 

**HoneyBuns**

we live in a terribly individualistic world honey better get used to it

 

**I.M**

I'm hurt

 

**Shownu**

does kihyun have his murder face on

 

**I.M**

I love the murder face

 

**HoneyBuns**

this is really entertaining we should fly more often

 

**Shownu**

what is happening?

 

**HoneyBuns**

they're just staring at each other

it's the most intense unspoken dialogue I've ever witnessed

 

**I.M**

THEY'RE GOING OUT THE BACK

SHOWDOWN IN THE PARKING LOT

 

**Q-Tip**

this is a plane

there is no going out the back

 

**I.M**

but they did go to the back tho

 

**Shownu**

don't they need the steward to do the safety procedures

doesn't he got a job to do

 

**HoneyBuns**

honestly why do they even do it anymore

it's all on those silly little videos with horrendous graphics they show you when you just want to watch your movie in peace

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I CAN DO THE SAFETY PROCEDURES I KNOW THEM

 

**Q-Tip**

DON'T DO THAT MINNIE

 

**I.M**

that old lady got so many butts in her face in so little time

 

**HoneyBuns**

is she still alive cause like there is little to no reaction from her being climbed over twice in the span of ten minutes

 

**Q-Tips**

she's just enjoying herself let her be

 

**I.M**

minhyuk is doing pretty good there

 

**Q-Tip**

I'm gonna go spy out the back brb

 

**Wonh0**

why is minhyuk suddenly a steward

 

**I.M**

you don't know what you've done hoseok hyung

 

**Wonh0**

what?

 

**HoneyBuns**

I like the little wiggles

you go minnie hyung! show them how it's done!

 

**I.M**

oh

well damn

that must have hurt

 

**HoneyBuns**

did they really have to tackle him like that?

he was just doing his best smh

 

**I.M**

where are they dragging him

 

**HoneyBuns**

maybe they're taking him to the time-out corner

 

**I.M**

he was just helping this is so uncalled for

I'm gonna go complain

 

**Shownu**

stay in your seat changkyun

 

**I.M**

I will not stay idle in the face of injustice!

 

**Wonh0**

I'm so confused

 

**HoneyBuns**

just scroll up my dude

I'm gonna go see what's up at the back good luck changkyun-ah

 

**Shownu**

stay in your seat jooheon

 

**HoneyBuns**

no way josé

 

**Shownu**

why is no one listening to me

 

**Wonh0**

I would so not ditch kihyun to have a torrid love affair with a steward minhyuk is so wrong I'm so gonna whoop him where is he

 

**Shownu**

oh damn don't

okay

am I alone here

yes I am

great

I'm just going to take a nap wake me up when we land

or not I don't care

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone remembers what the group chat was supposed to be named cause I didn't take note and I'm too lazy to go look for it in the previous chapters lmao
> 
> Also thank you all for the comments! It starting to feel like this fic has its own streaming fanclub hahaha I love you


	46. Where there's one too many broken noses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang is help up somewhere, much to Shownu's dismay, although he should be used to it by now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well it seems that I'll be calling you guys Judy's now, as was discussed in the comments of the previous chapter~  
> (As in Minhyuk's "Slap my ass and call me Judy" lmao)
> 
> This monster is slowly inching towards it's 50th chapter and I'm wondering if I should do something special when that happens although I have no idea what. We'll see I guess!
> 
> Also I was curious to know where all you guys are from? If you don't mind sharing of course. I was so happy to see new readers in the last chapter's comments and how you guys still seem so enthusiast about this work. I love you all. You really keep me going ;_;
> 
> So that's enough for the sap, and onward to the 46th (holy shit) chapter!

**Shownu**

guys

where are you

why did the cleaning lady woke me up

and why did she give me her number

also why did we go to a country where none of us understand the language

 

**I.M**

I'm sorry I might suck at Chinese but I speak perfect English

 

**Wonh0**

how do you say "delusional" in English changkyun-ah

 

**I.M**

I see what you're doing and I do not approve

 

**Q-Tip  
**

you guys do know they speak Portuguese here right

and like

not English

 

**I.M**

oooooh

well that does explain a lot

 

**Q-Tip**

you guys are killing me I hope you know that

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh come on you know you love us

 

**Q-Tip**

I love you

well

most days

all the others can die I do not care

 

**Satllyoo**

to be fair you could have stayed in your seat and none of this would have happened

 

**Shownu**

guys

come on

focus

where are you

what happened

 

**I.M**

we might be slightly held up hyung

 

**Shownu**

held up

by what

 

**I.M**

it's more of a 'held up by whom' type of situation

 

**Shownu**

changkyun.

 

**HoneyBuns**

I can hear his disappointed dad tone from here

it's giving me shivers

 

**Shownu**

do you want it directed at you too jooheon

 

**HoneyBuns**

please no I can't stand disappointing father figures

 

**Q-Tip**

oh god I'm gonna stop this conversation right there

immigration

we're held up at immigration

 

**Shownu**

why

 

**Q-Tip**

WELL

kihyun here might have something to do with it

 

**Stallyoo**

this is entirely your fault

 

**Q-Tip**

I just tried to get you to settle your little different with the steward over a nice poker game

instead of mindless violence as per use

 

**Stallyoo**

you just wanted to rip us off as a warm-up

 

**Q-Tip**

MAYBE

but I'm not the one who started chucking cards at him like the world's shittiest ninja

 

**Stallyoo**

HE WAS CHEATING

 

**Q-Tip**

so were you

so was I

 

**Stallyoo**

but he's the enemy what don't you understand

 

**Shownu**

you guys so deserve whatever happened next

 

**Q-Tip**

I could have made so much dough if you had refrained to switch from chucking cards to throwing your goddamn shoes

 

**Stallyoo**

HE WAS BEING SMUG

 

**Q-Tip  
**

yeah and it really showed him when you lunged at him, tripped, and face-planted into the toilet door

 

**Stallyoo**

socks are slippery

 

**Q-Tip**

it was a carpeted floor kihyun how did you even managed that

 

**Stallyoo**

I HAVE ISSUES OKAY

 

**Q-Tip**

clearly.

 

**HoneyBuns**

ooooh so that's why your body was just halfway inside the bathroom when I showed up

 

**Stallyoo**

yeah thanks for nothing by the way

 

**HoneyBuns**

I thought you needed help

 

**Stallyoo**

next time you're trying to stuff me inside a tiny bathroom I'm ripping your head off

 

**HoneyBuns**

we already established the only thing I don't fear is death itself

 

**I.M**

this almost sounds badass

almost

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

is that what you were doing when my human rights were being violated

wrestling with bathroom's doors

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's way harder than it sounds

 

**Stallyoo**

I was trying to protect my honor okay

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

seems like it was a resounding success

 

**Q-Tip**

well to be fair he did landed one on that steward guy

albeit accidentally

while trying to wrestle his legs out of jooheon's grasp

 

**Stallyoo**

you're not supposed to just grab people's legs okay that's not something that you just do

I didn't even know it was jooheon at that point

 

**HoneyBuns**

I was just trying to get the rest of your body inside the toilet

 

**Stallyoo**

I WAS DOING FINE ON MY OWN

 

**HoneyBuns**

it didn't look like it

 

**Q-Tip**

don't you have a concussion by the way

you hit your head pretty hard on the way down

 

**Stallyoo**

yeah I left a dent in the sink

but my skull seems fine I don't know

 

**HoneyBuns**

it looked okay when you got up and started shaking me while screaming

I got a real good look at your forehead when it collided with my nose

 

**Stallyoo**

it was an accident what kind of plane just dips like that

 

**HoneyBuns**

THE KIND THAT LANDS

the little seatbelt light was on

 

**Stallyoo**

I'm sorry about your nose

 

**Q-Tip**

you should apologize to that poor steward's face too

I mean it just kinda exploded when your foot slipped out of Jooheon's hand and landed on it

 

**Stallyoo**

it was an accident I don't know why he's so intent on suing me

 

**Q-Tip**

I don't know maybe cause you ruined his face

 

**Stallyoo**

it will heal what kind of bitchass weakling is he

what was he doing crouching down anyway it's not my fault he put himself in harm's way

 

**Q-Tip**

is that what you tried to explain to the officer that collected us

 

**Stallyoo**

yes

 

**Q-Tip**

cause I don't think he got it

 

**Stallyoo**

really?

gee I thought he had perfectly understood and handcuffed me to a bench just for fun

 

**Shownu**

YOU'RE HANDCUFFED TO A BENCH?

 

**Wonh0**

he so is

looks kinda hot tbh

do you think they'll let us keep the handcuffs

 

**Q-Tip**

you should ask hoseok

I bet they really need a good laugh

 

**Stallyoo**

don't make fun of my boyfriend it's not like yours is any better

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

hey at least I'm not handcuffed to a bench

 

**Stallyoo**

only because you got a fake lawyer how is that any better

by the way changkyun it's probably illegal to impersonate a lawyer ya know

 

**I.M**

I know

but I didn't think they would ever believe me

and now it's way too late to backpedal

 

**Q-Tip**

how did they not notice the business card you gave them is from a chicken place btw

 

**I.M**

they can't read korean

also I look trustworthy

 

**Shownu**

oh god

if you guys get deported before we even set foot outside the airport I'm taking my friendship back

 

**HoneyBuns**

and abandon all your children?

how could you do this to us

 

**Shownu**

I thought I couldn't but you're making a good case for abandonment right now

 

**HoneyBuns**

THAT'S WAY HARSH HYUNG

 

  **I.M**

don't make him cry

plus we're the true victims here

 

**Shownu**

all right I'll listen to your plea

 

**I.M**

thank you, your honor

my client, M. Lee Minhyuk, was only trying to do his duty as an honest and caring citizen

the airline staff member being inconvenienced at the time, he saw it as his duty to perform the security instructions for the benefit of the other passengers

since he knew them from his stint at a stewards academy.

the airline staff, in tackling him to the ground in a concerted effort to stop him, acted beyond what was strictly necessary

that, in the ensuing struggle, his elbow collided with the stewardess' nose, resulting in injury, is purely an accident that he shouldn't be held accountable for

 

**Shownu**

why is it always the nose

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well it just sticks out in the middle of the face like a sore thumb

it's not my fault it's just there like a target

you're doing great changkyun I was so right in hiring you

 

**Stallyoo**

wait since when did minhyuk go to a steward academy

 

**Q-Tip**

remember that one week he spent watching top gun

 

**Stallyoo**

sadly

 

**Q-Tip**

well

 

**Stallyoo**

but top gun is about the airforce

or did I miss something

 

**Q-Tip**

they wouldn't let him in because of his shitty eyesight and also all the crazy

so steward academy was the next best thing

 

**Stallyoo**

I am speechless

 

**Q-Tip**

so were them

they kicked him out after like two weeks cause he wouldn't stop using top gun lines regardless if they were relevant or not

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

can we stop rehashing my past mistakes

 

**Shownu**

yeah let's just focus on the present ones

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I'm hurt

 

**Shownu**

why did they arrested you if it was just an accident

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I might have been slightly loud in pleading my innocence

also Changkyun screaming about being a human right lawyers might not have actually helped the situation in any efficient ways

 

**Stallyoo**

I don't know why you all think I'm the one who's twitchy and yelly when it's so obviously Minhyuk

did they think you were dangerously unhinged

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

they didn't like my speech about the shackles people like them impose on mankind's freedom through blind obedience to laws forced upon us by the coercive power of the government, that is only trying to protect its own interests and those of a selected elite

 

**Shownu**

oh god

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I felt inspired

 

**Shownu**

I'm just going to sit down quietly and like

just tell me when you have an update

 

**I.M**

are you all right hyung

 

**Shownu**

I'm just

I'm reconsidering every actions that led me to this point in my life but no biggy

so many broken noses that could have been avoided is you guys had just stayed seated

 

**Stallyoo**

well who could have predicted this outcome

 

**Shownu**

anyone who knows you for more than 42 hours

 

**Stallyoo**

that's fair

 

**Wonh0**

it's okay they're just waiting on the korean authorities to phone them back

 

**Shownu**

how is that okay

are you getting deported

 

**Wonh0**

I don't know

changkyun is giving another speech

 

**Shownu**

tell him to sit his ass down before they realize he's actually not a 37 year old human rights lawyer

 

**HoneyBuns**

he's so hot when he takes charge tho

 

**Shownu**

that's not what's important right now jooheon-ah

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's always important

have you seen him

 

**Shownu**

well no cause I didn't get arrested for the umpteenth time with you cretins

 

**HoneyBuns**

now it's the airport authorities tho we kinda mixed things up

 

**Shownu**

I'm giving you up for adoption

 

**HoneyBuns**

you can't do that I'm too old

shoulder your responsibilities

 

**Shownu**

I'm so stressed

 

**Wonh0**

settle down

there's a phone call!

 

**Q-Tip**

gasp

 

**Stallyoo**

I hope they free me cause like it does kinda hurt when there's no fur around the handcuffs

 

**HoneyBuns**

that's saying too much and too little at the same time hyung

 

**Q-Tip**

you probably don't want the details

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

speak for yourself

 

**Shownu**

can you guys focus on your impending doom and not on kiho's sex life 

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

did you just use their couple name

I'm so proud

 

**I.M**

the guy is making a funny face

 

**Shownu**

funny as in I finally get to throw someone in jail?

 

**I.M**

nah

more like

shit wait

 

**Shownu**

what

 

**I.M**

we're free?

for some reason

 

**Shownu**

how

 

**I.M**

I don't know I do not speak Portuguese as you guys so helpfully pointed out

this is weird why are they suddenly so nice

 

**Shownu**

just get out of here before they change their minds

I'm in the little lounge near baggage claim

 

**Stallyoo**

did you claim our luggages

 

**Shownu**

no I've been watching them spin around in circles for the past hour

 

**Stallyoo**

I can't tell if this is sarcasm or not

 

**I.M**

no one can with him usually it's okay hyung

let's just go I need to pee like a motherfucker

 

**HoneyBuns**

oh god you too? I thought I'd die

can your bladder just burst

would you die if that happened

 

**Shownu**

just stay there and find out 

 

**HoneyBuns**

r u d e 

 

 

 

 


	47. The Shownu Showdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shownu getting lost leads to some action and an impromptu stream session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IS THAT A NEW UPDATE AND WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO WAIT A BAJILLION YEARS FOR IT?  
> Yes it is. Unbelievable.  
> Hope my chatty mood in last update's comments didn't traumatize anyone lmao  
> Also prepare yourself for some good ol'fashioned violence.

**From: Jooheoney  
**

you guys already left the hotel?

 

**From: Jack Frost**

yeah hyungwon feels luckier in the mornings

 

**From: Jooheoney**

luckier?

oh god are you guys hitting the casinos already

 

**From: Jack Frost**

Jackpot my guy

 

**From: Jooheoney**

so I guess shownu hyung isn't with you

 

**From: Jack Frost  
**

nah

wasn't he with you?

 

**From: Jooheoney**

yeah

he was.

 

**From: Jack Frost**

oh

well

he's a big boy ya know

 

**From: Jooheoney**

yeah you'd think so

and yet

 

 

 

 **From:** **Changkyunnie**

hyung

hyung are you lost

 

**From: Hyunwoohoo hyung**

no?

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

are you quite sure

cause like

you're definitely not with us anymore

 

**From: Hyunwoohoo hyung**

oh

 

**From: Chankyunnie**

HOW THE HELL DID YOU NOT NOTICE

 

**From: Hyunwoohoo hyung**

I thought you were still around here somewhere

I did think the quiet was a bit unusual

 

**From: Chankyunnie**

around WHERE

 

**From: Hyunwoohoo hyung**

well that's the thing with being lost changkyunnie

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

can't you use that little handy map on your phone device

 

**From: Hyunwoohoo hyung**

well that's the other thing with being lost changkyunnie

my phone device has really bad reception here

the little handy map isn't working so well

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

oh god

just like describe your surroundings

 

**From: Hyunwoohoo hyung**

I'm eating dumplings

there's a cute girl making them

it's like sort of a food street?

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

did you get lost following a cute girl

or did you get lost following the scent of dumplings.

 

**From: Hyunwoohoo hyung**

which one is worse?

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

do you really have to ask

 

**From: Hyunwoohoo hyung**

sorry?

 

**From: Changkyunnie**

don't move I'm gonna send search parties

 

 

 

 

**I.M**

so like jooheon and I did lose hyunwoo-hyung yeah

 

**Wonh0**

how could you guys loose sparkly grandpa I can't believe this

 

**Stallyoo**

well he's not so sparkly anymore maybe that's the problem

should we oil him up and dump him in glitter again

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

YES

 

**HoneyBuns**

wonho you're one to talk

you took three steps outside the hotel before making a wrong turn

you almost fell into a fountain

kihyun-hyun is literally using the buddy system of holding your hand to keep you from wandering

you don't even know your left from your right hyung

 

**Wonh0**

okay we get the point you're making jooheon thanks a lot

 

**HoneyBuns**

no probs buddy

 

**Q-Tip**

I saw him leave

I thought it was a conscious thing

that he needed some quiet time after the whole airport debacle from yesterday

 

**Stallyoo**

he does look pretty tired

you guys should take pity on him

 

**Q-Tip**

YOU'RE THE WORST

OUT OF ALL OF US

 

**Stallyoo**

I resent that

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

it's nothing that a little oil and glitter couldn't fix

 

**I.M**

we're gonna look towards the like

you know

the place

with the streets

 

**Stallyoo**

you mean the one unlike all those other places with streets we keep passing by?

 

**I.M**

NEAR THE MALL OKAY

minhyuk and hyungwon hyung can you just look around your area?

 

**Q-Tip**

I can't I'm on a winning streak

 

**I.M**

you're what

 

**Q-Tip**

I am making the big bucks changkyunnie

I'm raking it up

the odds are in my favor

I'm bringing home the bacon

I'm... stacking paper, if you will

 

**I.M**

I have no words

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I'll go look around the casino kyunnie don't worry

we will find your dad

 

**I.M**

he's not my dad

 

**Q-Tip**

ah right you're out there being your own dad

 

**I.M**

what?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

he's saying you look old

 

**I.M**

oh

should I be offended?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

only if you feel like it

**I.M**

I think I'm good

 

**HoneyBuns**

hey he might not be kyunnie's dad but he's mine tho

can we find him

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

do not fret lil buddy

I'm looking around as we speak

 

**HoneyBuns**

good good

 

**Stallyoo  
**

I'm think I'm heading in your direction minnie

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

cool cool cool

oh I think I see him

oh

hahaha omg

 

**I.M**

what?

 

**HoneyBuns**

WHAT'S HAPPENING

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

hold on lmao gotta stream that shit

 

**HoneyBuns**

WHAT

 

**I.M**

how can you stream if his damn phone doesn't even get data?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

cause mine isn't from the ice age

hold on lol

 

 

 

_> oh hi guys it's been a while!!!!_

_ >>right! now can someone tell me what it is we're looking at_

 

_ >>is he abroad? doesn't look like korea_

_ >>>mister worldwide finally delivering  
_

_ >>>>is that the guy that was covered in oil in the choreo_

_ >>>>>weren't they all covered in oil_

_ >>>>>>good point!  
_

 

_> those dumplings really looking delish _

_ >>new rule no one ever use the d word ever again _

_ >>>dick?_

_ >>>>DELISH_

 

_> is he filming from around a corner like a creep  
_

_ >>that's laughing that we hear right he's not like having an attack  
_

_ >>>is that flirting? is that guy flirting with the dumpling lady?_

_ >>>>he can't be flirting. flirting isn't supposed to look like that from the outside. and I should know. I've seen it once on the telly  
_

_ >>>>>did he just like... curl up on himself from self-inflicted cringe_

_ >>>>>I mean she's laughing let's give him that_

_ >>>>>>who isn't at this point_

 

_> this is so painful to watch _

_ >>agreed I'm this close to quit _

_ >>>do you think he meant to drop his dumpling in her hair or that was just an accident_

_ >>>>I have no idea what he was going for so like let's just say it was his goal all along _

_ >>>>>it's making me real sad oh fuck wait what_

_ >>>>>>okay what is happening who are those people_

 

_> okay what_

_ >>I AM AFRAID  
_

_ >>>is it just me or like, shit is about to go down_

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

HOLY FUCK

 

**I.M**

what

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

kihyunnie please hurry the fuck up

your particular brand of crazy might be needed

okay omg sending my location guys hurry

 

**HoneyBuns**

WHAT IS HAPPENING

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I DON'T KNOW EITHER BUT SHIT IS TENSE LEMME TELL YOU

 

 

 

_> is that a stand-off is that what we're doing now  
_

_ >>well those guys do look like they're not here to fuck around so  
_

_ >>>why is there always a slightly overweight lil dude with dragon tattoos and his shirt off _

_ >>>>right? it's like you HAVE to have a slightly overweight lil dude taking his shirt off at all times to be considered an actual gang_

_ >>>>>bonus points if his hair are slicked back, win the game if he's bald_

_ >>>>>>I'm not sure that's what we should be focusing on have you seen the guy with the ACTUAL NUNCHUCKS_

_ >>>>>>>ENTER THE DRAGON MY DUDES_

 

_> should we be panicking_

_ >>I mean I would but the stream guy seems pretty chill about the whole thing  
_

_ >>>did he just start humming the good the bad and the ugly's theme music _

_ >>>>so that's what we're hearing? _

_ >>>>>I like that he's managing to do the little whistling part, the wah wah wah, and somehow also the percussion  
_

_ >>>>>>truly an artist what can you do. guy knows how to set up a scene_

_ >>>>>>>right? I'm so tense  
_

_ >>>>>>>>do you think the plastic bag that just crossed the street like tumbleweed was on purpose_

_ >>>>>>>>>the universe is on their side what can I say_

 

_> MY BUTT IS SO CLENCHED RN  
_

_ >>honestly I'm shitting myself_

_ >>>are we lagging or are they just not moving_

_ >>>>that's some fucking intense stare down if I do say so myself  
_

 

_> look at the little dumpling lady what's she saying_

_ >>it's chinese she's like please no leave my family alone  
_

_ >>>well that's a bit stressful innit  
_

 

_> look at them parting like the red sea _

_ >>THEIR LEADER IS HERE THIS IS NOT A DRILL_

_ >>>........_

_ >>>>that's just like... another lil dumpling lady_

_ >>>>>are we in the middle of a food war  
_

_ >>>>>>okay so wait is he just out there standing between mafiosi streetfood makers and their target, mouth full of dumplings, while his friend is being a discount enio moricone _

_ >>>>>>>does that make our man bootleg clint eastwood then_

_ >>>>>>>>I'd watch that movie_

_ >>>>>>>>well you kinda are_

 

_> is he trying to zoom in on their eyes  
_

_ >>A+ for effort_

 

_> okay shouldn't now be the time to run _

_ >>is that pose supposed to be menacing or _

_ >>>it kinda is. in a weird way._

_ >>>>maybe he doesn't fear death_

_ >>>>>I mean he kinda has to make up for that horrid flirting_

_ >>>>>>by straight up dying?_

_ >>>>>>maybe he'll win_

_> >>>>>>suuuuuuuure_

_> >>>>>>>have a little faith darnit_

 

_> okay nevermind I mean that was courageous but also kinda dumb  
_

_ >>why did he go for the guy with the nunchucks first? shoulda targeted the lil shirtless dude. purple nurple waiting to happen_

_ >>>you can't just purple nurple a gang member_

_ >>>>why not?_

_ >>>>>cause this is not kindergarten_

_ >>>>>>what kind of fucked up kindergarten did you go to where kids would just go around handing out purple nurples all willy nilly  
_

_ >>>>>>>oh boy if only you knew. still have nightmares about it sometimes_

_ >>>>>>>>hey not to encroach on the conversation but are we witnessing a murder _

 

_> that must have HURT HOLY SHIT_

_ >>hey he did managed to land a punch before that one guy started choking him from behind that's something right  
_

_ >>>he does gets point for enthusiasm and exectutHOLY SHIT DID HE JUST SUPLEX THAT MF HOW HOW DID HE DO THAT HOW  
_

_> >>>we stan the right type of people that showdown is full of plot twists_

_> >>>>I am flabbergasted_

 

_> wait is that_

_> >DID YOU GUYS JUST SEE THAT_

_> >>WHERE DID HE COME FROM_

_> >>>where did he go_

_> >>>>where did he come from_

_> >>>>>cotton eye joe_

_ >>>>>>I hate all of you _

 

_> he just appeared out of nowhere  
_

_ >>like a vengeful angel  
_

_ >>>>>>OUR KING!_

_ >>>>>>YOO KIHYUN! YOO KIHYUN!! YOO KIHYUN!!!_

 

_> in all honesty I am now aroused _

_ >>confused yet aroused?_

_ >>>exactly._

 

_> he's like a tiny whirlwind of fists and feet _

_ >>is that sensitive beefcake that just came barreling out of the alley_

_ >>>yes indeed and what a high kick holy crap_

_ >>>>the gang looks as dumbfounded as we are  
_

 

_> he's really angry isn't he _

_ >>well they tried to choke his friend I mean I'd be pretty pissed too _

_ >>>is he screaming something about being the only one allowed to choke him _

_ >>>>they must get up to some weird shit in their down time lemme tell you_

 

_> I like how our main man is still just streaming instead of maybe calling the police_

_ >>he's committed to his art all right_

 

_> okay now that the element of surprise has faded that looks dangerous_

_ >>they backing them up against that wall it's never good D:_

 

_> who is that tall guy that just walked out with what looks like a wad of cash tho_

_ >>I don't know but he's waving at us. or at the stream guy? I don't know, I'm gonna go with us. I need love._

_ >>>heeeeeey it's hairdresser guy! good to see him_

_ >>>>what is this pose?_

_ >>>>>kinda looks like a praying mantis dunnit_

_ >>>>>>is he hissing? he is hissing._

_ >>>>>>I mean as far as fffffffffffffffffffuck what was THAT? _

_ >>>>>>it's just like a fusion. combine two bodies into something more powerful_

_ >>>>>>>how doesn't he wanna throw up beefcake is spinning him so fast_

_ >>>>>>>and yet look at all those kicks the king's landing! I'm calling this the Feet of Death Tornado._

 

_> hey that's casserole boy! and sofa rapper guy! oh my god they're all here! this is great_

_ >>all here getting their shit handed to them tho_

_> >>I mean dumplings man suplexed that dude he can lose he'll still have my eternal respect_

_> >>>he got the nunchuks out of that guy's hands at least  
_

_> >>>>did he whack himself in the face of that was just me_

_> >>>>nah he did. he's already doing better with them tho. Look at him go!_

 

_ >is casserole boy just like... lecturing everybody_

_ >>officiating as a human shield too like we can see you MC Sofa your boy isn't large enough to hide you_

_ >>>this isn't gonna end well is it_

_ >>>>I mean. You know. While there is life there is hope_

_ >>>>>might not be life for too long tho_

_ >>>>>>we should believe in our king. look at him. he just bit into that guy's shoulder and isn't letting go. a model of tenacity _

 

_> BEEFCAKE GAVE SHIRTLESS DUDE A PURPLE NURPLE I AM LIVING_

_ >>so many flashbacks from kindergarten _

_ >>>you know you should probably get treated for ptsd_

_ >>>>I was too ashamed to ever ask for help_

_ >>>>>as a fellow whateverournameis I strongly encourage and support you_

_ >>>>>>thank you. what a great community. also did casserole boy just make that huge guy cry_

_ >>>>>>>I had my volume all the way up he was telling him all about bad life decisions and the path to redemption  
_

_ >>>>>>>when is his ted talk _

 

_> like not to alarm anyone but this looks real bad doesn't it_

_> >it's been looking real bad since forever and yet. they always find a way it seems_

_ >>>THEY NEED BACK UP _

_ >>>>I'd go but I'll have to get out of my pj's and that's not an option right now_

_ >>>>>lmao I'm in my pj's too_

 

_> I'm donating money for their hospital bills cause like this is a lot of blood isn't it._

 

_ >GO FOR THE DAMN LEGS_

_ >>AND WHEN IN DOUBT ALWAYS GO FOR A HEADBUTT THEN LEG SWEEP THEN CUFF THEM _

_ >>>PUNCH THEM IN THE GODDAMN THROAT IT ALWAYS WORKS_

_ >>>>SOLAR PLEXUS MY GUY_

_ >>>>>is stream guy screaming your advice at them  
_

_ >>>>>>HE IS AND I AM PROUD_

_ >>>>>>>NOW IS THE TIME TO GO FOR A KNEE TO THE FACE YES YES THAT'S RIGHT NOW SWEEP BITCH SWEEP _

_ >>>>>>>>AND HE SWEPT! YES THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT_

 

_> boy oh boy this is wild isn't it_

_ >>all this just to get the best spot in the food street_

_ >>>gotta do what you gotta do_

  

_> am I drunk or are you guys seeing what I'm seeing_

_> >you mean the third gang?_

_> >>I'm so lost there's too many people_

_> >>>why they all got mullets tho?_

_> >>>>mullet king in the middle look at him go_

_> >>>>>wow he is very handy with a fire extinguisher isn't he_

_> >>>>>>where did he even get one _

_> >>>>>>is he handcuffing the dudes? iS HE A COP????_

 

_> oh my god_

_> >wow. just wow. did we just witness the arrest of the century_

_> >>and he arrived just in the nick of time too. what a hero  
_

_> >>>I dunno how I feel about the mullet tho_

_> >>>>embrace the mullet or the mullet will embrace you_

_> >>>>>this sounds so ominous_

 

_> seems like they know each other_

_> >amazing. just amazing. take all my money_

_> >>is that a hug or is dumpling man just using mullet cop as a crutch_

_> >>>bit of both?_

_> >>>>bit of both._

 

_> they all made it out in one piece. well. kinda.  
_

_> >see, toldya so. always go for the legs_

_> >>that was so intense I feel drained_

_> >>>BEST STREAM OF MY DAMN LIFE_

_ >>>>>I'm gonna sleep and hope this wasn't just a fever dream._

 

 

 

**HoneyBuns**

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT

WHY IS MULLET HYUNG HERE

WHAT

WHY

ARR

 

**Shownu**

this was a bit over the top wasn't it

 

**HoneyBuns**

A BIT??????

 

**Shownu**

I'm feeling slightly light headed

 

**Stallyoo**

must be the the whole hemorrhaging from the head thing

 

**Shownu**

that's calm

I'm gonna follow mullet hyung to the ambulance that seems like an adequate course of action

 

**I.M**

yeah I strongly encourage that too hyung

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

BOYS

THE STREAM

WE MADE SO MUCH DOUGH

SO MUCH!!!!

 


	48. The Flowers of Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a nice, calm chapter after the storm that was the last one, where Kihyun gets an offer he can't refuse on top of a substance-induced existential crisis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly almost nothing happens in that chapter but I guess the boys needed a break lmao. My brain is fried from having the most boring job in the entire universe so enjoy the product of unadulterated boredom.
> 
> Also quick question, any of you guys going to one of the Monsta X show in the US? I'm not but that way I can live vicariously through you.
> 
> Last but not least, big announcement: somehow there's now a [dumbass spinoff](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13951080/chapters/32113677) about mullet hyung, I kid you not.

**Q-Tip**

so like

should we maybe

debrief

 

**HoneyBuns**

HOLY FUCKING SHIT ON A STICK WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED BACK THERE

 

**Q-Tip**

yeah that's more or less the feeling I was going for

 

**Stallyoo**

not that I do not condone his actions

but

what the fuck was mullet hyung doing here that's what I'd like to know

 

**HoneyBuns**

how glorious was that though

like he and his minions just appeared from nowhere

right in the nick of time

goddamn hero

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what are you willing to bet he was just crouching behind a dumpster until it would look cool enough to make an entrance

 

**HoneyBuns**

SLANDER

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

since when are you his lil fanboy jooheon-ah

what happened to your fear of the mullet

 

**HoneyBuns**

I am willing to overlook some things in the face of unabashed coolness

 

**Shownu**

that's 100% what happened though

he told me himself

 

**Wonh0**

hyunwoo!!

how's the head?

 

**Shownu**

could be worse

could also be better

I don't know I am still widely confused

 

**Stallyoo**

who isn't at this point

if he's still around can you ask mullet hyung why

like just

why

for my own peace of mind

 

**I.M**

also does he has anything to do with us getting released from the airport

cause I'm starting to get way suspicious

 

**Shownu**

okay

he says

haha!

with like

an emphasis on the second "ha" and an air of overall mystery about him

 

**Stallyoo**

did he tell you to type that too by any chance

 

**Shownu**

yes

 

**Stallyoo**

okay great!

I'm just gonna go lie down

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

lie down?

hoseok

what did you do to him

why's he so meek

and feeble

and weak

 

**Wonh0**

I did absolutely nothing

why is it always me

 

**Shownu**

not to interrupt but apparently we did almost really die

 

**Q-Tip**

excuse me?

 

**Shownu**

remember the assless chap guy from the bachelor auction?

 

**Stallyoo**

how could we ever forget

that's probably the last thing I'll see when death finally comes to relieve me from my earthly shackles

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

okay that's dark!

 

**Stallyoo**

well 

I am but a cemetery by the moon unblessed after all

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh

oh no

goddamnit did one of you cretins fed him absinthe again?

cause if he's going through yet another accursed poet phase I'm gonna need to sedate myself

 

**Stallyoo**

it is indeed the hour to be drunken my friends

to escape being the martyred slaves of time, one need be ceaselessly drunk

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

OKAY HOSEOK SERIOUSLY

 

**Wonh0**

alright

that one might be on me?

just a tad

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

WHY DID YOU DO THAT

 

**Wonh0**

I didn't know!

we just needed a little something to settle our nerves after that whole thing

and it looked pretty in the bottle!

plus you can like lit it on fire and whatnot whats not to like

but then he started acting all like

dramaramatic

 

**HoneyBuns**

did he part his hair on the right side yet

is he trying to smoke cigarillos

 

**Wonh0**

maybe

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

uuuurrrrrrhhhhh

absinthe Kihyun is the only unfunny drunk kihyun there is

 

**Q-Tip**

well unless you like bad poetry and depression

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

WHO DOES

 

**Q-Tip**

kihyun apparently

 

**Stallyoo**

it is called the spleen I'll have you know

and it is not by my own faults that I find myself trudging through an oasis of horror in a desert of boredom.

 

**Q-Tip**

oh god

we are truly lost

 

**Stallyoo**

of course we are lost

to err is proper to man

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

hoseok

take his phone away from him

I beg of you

or he's gonna bring everyone down

and I swear if he end up watching Total Eclipse yet again I'm offing myself

 

**I.M**

am I the only one who's actually interested in why we almost died and what assless chap guy has to do with it

 

**Shownu**

no he has nothing to do with it

he's just here too

and he's quite nice? in a way

it doesn't take much to get him talking

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

tell him to do some squats cause that ass was sad

 

**Shownu**

he said something I don't want to type but it was very vulgar

 

**Stallyoo**

nothing can be as vulgar as the horrible burden of time that breaks your back and bends you to the earth

 

**HoneyBuns**

holy fuck

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

seriously I'm gonna march down to you guys' room and grant him his death wish

 

**Wonh0**

okay okay I'm taking his phone no need to get so pissy

 

**Stallyoo**

you cannot silence the cries of my soul

 

**Wonh0**

OKAY

I can and I did **  
**

 

**I.M**

hyunwoo-hyung can you just ignore those guys and go on

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

wow the disrespect

 

**Q-Tip**

no like I second that, why did we almost die?

 

**Shownu**

well

apparently that tiny dumpling lady was the real deal

like chopping off fingers left and right with her carrot knife

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I knew it

she had that air about her

 

**HoneyBuns**

an air of finger chopper?

please do tell

what does that entail?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well

you know

stuff

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay

that's eloquent

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

rude

 

**Shownu**

yeah I'll just keep that ignoring you guys thing going

so she's a korean national

and they had been trying to arrest her for ages

so that was like

a conjoint effort with macau's police

and south korea's special forces

you know

a Huge Deal

....

 

**Q-Tip**

okay

and

SOMEHOW

you ended up in the middle of that thanks

to

your stomach?

 

**Shownu**

well

who would have guessed, right

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

so did you guys just defeat yet another dangerous gang?

when do we get a medal?

 

**Shownu**

I don't know but mullet hyung is buying us dinner

 

**Q-Tip**

dinner.

for risking our lives?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

don't mind him

I'm a slut for free dinners

 

**Shownu**

Assless is asking after kihyun for some reason

 

**HoneyBuns**

are we just calling him Assless now

 

**I.M**

well that's his one defining feature innit

 

**HoneyBuns**

I guess

should we call you The Nose then

 

**I.M**

I wouldn't mind I love my nose

gives me an aristocratic air

 

**Q-Tip**

can we stop with air this and that

 

**Wonh0**

can we stop with aristocrats

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

did we ever start with aristocrats

are you having some more issues with Absinthe Kihyun

 

**Wonh0**

well

maybe?

I think he thinks this is the 19th century now.

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

just lock him up until he's sober again

 

**Wonh0**

where did he find a pipe?

since when does he smoke?

what is happening?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

just don't look directly at him hoseok

it's like a printer you can't let him feel your fear

 

**Wonh0**

HE'S DOING SMOKE RINGS

and soliloquizing about

something depressing as fuck probably I can't understand a word he's saying

did he always know old korean?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I think absinthe just somehow unlocks his genetic memories and he's relieving his ancestor's past experiences

 

**I.M**

hyung you do know that this is only a thing in assassin's creed right?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

excuse me

 

**Q-Tip**

I'M GONNA CUT RIGHT THROUGH THIS DEBATE CAUSE I CANNOT HAVE IT AGAIN

I SEE YOU TYPING LEE MINHYUK YOU BETTER SHUT THE FUCK UP

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

jesus all right

no need to get on your tall horse

 

**I.M**

high horse

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what?

 

**I.M**

it's high horse not tall horse

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

does that make any goddamn difference

 

**I.M**

not really

 

**Stallyoo**

to handle a language skillfully is to practice a kind of evocative sorcery

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

OH FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK

 

**Wonh0**

my bad he got away from me for a bit there

yet again

he's slippery

like an eel

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

rein in your man hoseok

also ew

 

**Shownu**

hey so since you were all super busy I went ahead and mullet hyung is going to pick you guys up at the hotel

in around 30 minutes

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

all of us? even kihyun?

 

**Shownu**

yup

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

dang it

 

**HoneyBuns**

isn't it a bit early to have dinner

 

**Q-Tip**

are you saying that cause you're somehow back in your PJs

 

**HoneyBuns**

nope

 

**I.M**

yup

 

**HoneyBuns**

you fucking traitor

 

**Shownu**

half an hour boys

 

**HoneyBuns**

oh geez

 

* * *

 

 

**Q-Tip**

I don't know what is unsettling me more

that mullet hyung isn't actually wearing his mullet

that one of his colleague has a bright blue one that is probably not a clip-on

or that Kihyun is really starting to look 19th century-ish

 

**Wonh0**

it's the cravat

**Q-Tip**

where the hell did he even find one

 

**Wonh0**

I honestly have no idea

how the hell did he know how to tie it?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

genetic memory

 

**Q-Tip**

minhyuk

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you want me to shut up about this don't you

 

**Q-Tip**

correct

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well you didn't have to kick me under the table you know

 

**Q-Tip**

that wasn't me

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

who the hell kicked me under the table

I did not deserve this

I've been nothing but a delight to you all

and this is how I'm rewarded?

 

**HoneyBuns**

sorry

my bad

I was aiming for Changkyun

 

**I.M**

what did I do?

 

**HoneyBuns**

you know exactly what you did

 

**Wonh0**

am I missing something

oh

oh okay

changkyun that's not very proper at the dinner table you know

 

**I.M**

I'm just innocently eating I don't know what you guys are talking about

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well okay!

if you go at it like this no wonder Jooheonnie boy here is so sore half the time

 

**HoneyBuns**

HYUNG

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what

 

**HoneyBuns**

you're way gross shut up

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I'm getting real tired of those attacks on my freedom of speech

 

**Wonh0**

just say less stupid things

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

Hoseok!

oh my god

all this time I thought you were the sweet one

and yet

 

**Shownu**

sorry but

is mullet hyung actually offering Kihyun a job upon graduation

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what

oh god he is

 

**Q-Tip**

"I might not live long enough to see the end of this crumbling tunnel"

how did mullet hyung not just whack him after that bit honestly

 

**Wonh0  
**

why is Changkyun suddenly acting like his legal advisor?

 

**Q-Tip**

well I mean if we really face the facts

he probably does need one

 

**HoneyBuns**

what's this

 

**Q-Tip**

maybe he was real impressed with Kihyun's proficiency in ass-kicking

I see no other redeeming qualities

 

**Wonh0**

did Changkyun really used the word "affidavit" and does anyone knows what it means

 

**HoneyBuns**

I don't know but it might have something to do with that affiant person he keeps talking about

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

anyone else noticed half his fancy words start with A

 

**HoneyBuns**

that's cause he only had time to learn the first page of the legal dictionary he bought

 

**Q-Tip**

the what now

 

**HoneyBuns**

he really loved that whole human rights lawyer experience.

 

**Q-Tip**

you mean lying out of his ass for Minhyuk's sake?

 

**HoneyBuns**

yes exactly

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that's probably a good thing if he becomes a lawyer

I'm mean kihyunnie would be like

76% of his income

and like

I really hope whatever police department he ends up in has good relations with the prosecutor office

 

**Shownu**

mullet hyung would work with him

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

right

so they probably do cause damn

even kihyun looks normal next to him

and he's wearing a damn cravat

 

**Wonh0**

it kinda suits him though?

like this is kinda hot

I'm lowkey getting into the whole gonna-die-soon-from-tuberculosis vibe

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

name one thing

like, just one thing okay?

that you're not "lowkey into"

especially when it comes to kihyun

 

**Wonh0**

I mean

well there must be something

I need time to think

 

**HoneyBuns**

that's all when and good but what the heck is currently happening to hyunwoo-hyung

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

why he look all dopey

 

**Wonh0**

must be the painkillers kicking in

he's gonna start being overly touchy real soon

and there it is!

so that mullet was indeed not a clip on!

 

**Q-Tip**

that must have hurt

kudos to that guy for not reacting though

 

**HoneyBuns**

this dinner is great

we should do that more often

good food

a little theater show put on by renowned actors Yoo Kihyun and Im Changkyun

and other people suffering instead of us

this is fantastic

 

**Q-Tip**

speaking of should we maybe stop texting under the table like some rude teenagers

 

**HoneyBuns**

fantastic I say

is that lobster?

yes it is

I'm in heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big up to my boy Baudelaire for providing or inspiring some of Kihyun's quotes


	49. The Science of Double Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyunwoo participates in a double date but no one is sure he's actually on it.  
> Some good ol'days spying ensues, and the gang wonders about the true nature of Mullet Hyung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought we would go back to the old habit of spying on dates.
> 
> Work is kinda tiring me out, sorry for the lack of updates on any of my fics recently :'D

**Stallyoo**

so you meant to tell me

that

you guys

and by that I mean Lee Jooheon and Im Changkyun

lost Hyunwoo

again?

 

**HoneyBuns**

well

I mean

he's a grown-ass man

 

**Stallyoo**

a grown-ass man running around with a concussion

 

**HoneyBuns**

well he's not hoseok we can't really well put a leash on him

 

**Wonh0**

hey what's that supposed to mean

 

**Stallyoo**

you know damn well what he means leash boy

 

**Wonh0**

I feel so attacked right now

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

and by your own boyfriend too lmao tough titties

 

**Q-Tip**

minnie you're not helping

 

**Stallyoo**

do you remember what happened the last time you lost him?

which was barely 24 hours ago?

 

**HoneyBuns**

we got a nice free dinner

and you got a promise of employment upon graduation?

 

**Stallyoo**

before that.

 

**I.M**

you mean when we were all almost obliterated by the dumpling mafia don't you

 

**Stallyoo**

WHAT DO YOU THINK

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh great here comes the yelling

 

**Stallyoo**

I'M NOT YELLING

 

**Wonh0**

he's really not he just has that little crunched up face he has sometimes

okay nevermind now he is

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

yeah we can hear through the wall

did he just call you a "marzipan dildo"

cause I'm not sure what that implies

 

**Q-Tip**

still not helping minnie

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

and yet here I was doing my best

what a shame

 

**I.M**

I asked mullet hyung

 

**Stallyoo**

since when you got his number

 

**I.M**

jealous?

 

**Stallyoo**

why would I be

 

**Wonh0**

yeah why would he be

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

can you guys go back to screaming at each other it was way less gross than whatever is going on right now

 

**Q-Tip**

you could also unstick your ear from the wall

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what's the point in having adjacent rooms if I do that

 

**Q-Tip**

then you could unhear wonho trying to prove he's not a marzipan dildo

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well believe me I'll never be able to unhear that

 

**I.M**

okay that's all well and good but is anyone interested in what's going on with Hyunwoo-hyung?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

is it more or less interesting than what's happening next door

 

**I.M**

depends

how do you feel about double dates?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I feel great about double dates

do you mean to tell me hyunwoo is on a double date?

 

**I.M**

I guess so

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

with who?

 

**I.M**

mullet hyung?

and the dumpling girl

like the not-dumpling mafia girl

the other one

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

are they both dating the girl?

 

**I.M**

I don't know

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well ask for the location what are you doing

did I teach you nothing

 

**I.M**

yes master

 

**Q-Tip**

oh god don't call him that

 

**HoneyBuns**

why

bringing back too many memories?

 

**Q-Tip**

shut your trap Lee Jooheon

 

**HoneyBuns**

oooh hit a nerve there

 

**Q-Tip**

can we just get out of this hotel

it's getting real uncomfortable

 

**HoneyBuns**

in your pants?

 

**Q-Tips**

ffs jooheon

 

**I.M**

okay I got it

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

nice

let's meet in the lobby in 5

 

**HoneyBuns**

I guess the two bozos next door won't be coming

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh believe me if they keep this up they both will

 

**Q-Tips**

LET'S JUST GET OUT

 

 

 

 

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay

quick question

aren't double dates supposed to be four people in love?

and not like

two guys, one uncomfortable girl, and another guy apparently doing paperwork while eating a parfait

 

**I.M**

isn't that assless chaps guy?

it is assless chaps guy.

 

**HoneyBuns**

hey by the way aren't all chaps supposed to be assless

 

**I.M**

how the hell should I know I'm not a cowboy

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

it's just to emphasize the fact that his ass was hanging out

or lack of ass idk

that dude really had no ass whatsoever

like to the point where it's almost sad

can asses be concave?

we should send him to the gym with hoseok

cause that's a respectable ass

a bubble butt if I may say so

 

**Q-Tip**

can we stop discussing asses or their absence thereof and like

focus

I mean what is happening

is Hyunwoo dissociating?

or is it just the concussion

 

**HoneyBuns**

didn't he always look like that

 

**Q-Tip**

did he?

well I'll be damned

I never noticed

 

**I.M**

he has just really subtle facial expressions

like that one he just made

it means

"where am I?"

"who are these people?"

"is my head still bleeding?"

 

**HoneyBuns**

he just twitched an eyebrow and you can tell all that?

 

**I.M**

I have years of experience in Hyunwoo-reading

wish I could put that on my cv I mean that's true talent

 

**Q-Tip**

do you think they got assless chaps because they just couldn't find another girl

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well that's kinda sad innit

 

**Q-Tip**

sadder than concave asses?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

nothing is sadder than concave asses

 

**HoneyBuns**

not even the fact that we can't tell who's dating who in this scenario

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

okay yes maybe this

I mean is that girl discussing paperwork with no-ass man?

did he just order yet another parfait?

how did mullet-hyung managed to get ramyeon in a french-style restaurant?

I have so many questions

 

**HoneyBuns**

I think he got them delivered

the ramyeon I mean

 

**Q-Tip**

why the hell would they let him do that

 

**HoneyBuns**

have you seen the number of empty parfait cups on their table

I mean they probably got their monthly turnover just with those

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

how can he have no ass if he's eating this much I mean where does everything go

 

**I.M**

well he's working with mullet hyung you must need a lot of energy just to put up with him

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'd defend him but that's probably true

 

**Q-Tip**

should we maybe go over and tell them they're supposed to date the girl and not each other

 

**HoneyBuns**

do you think he noticed his head started bleeding again?

maybe he shouldn't be out of the hospital

how the hell did that date even come about

 

**I.M**

mullet hyung said he felt bad for interrupting hyunwoo's horrid flirting with wanted criminals-related business

so he like made up for it

in getting hyunwoo a date

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

but it looks like he's the one introducing hyunwoo to his parents

 

**I.M**

yeah it kinda look like that doesn't it

 

**HoneyBuns**

and like how is getting a guy bleeding out his skull on a date with you, your coworker, and some random lady making up for anything

 

**I.M**

also a good point

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

this is terrible but also highly entertaining!

look at hyunwoo twitch

he has no idea what the heck is going on does he

 

**HoneyBuns**

maybe we should get kihyun to come and choke him out

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

wonho did that all right

 

**HoneyBuns**

CAN WE STOP WITH THOSE JOKES

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

NEVA

 

**Q-Tip**

those are like 90% of minnie's humor what did you expect

 

**HoneyBuns**

I don't even know and yet I am dissapointed

 

**I.M**

how did they not spot us yet tho

I mean we're not being exactly super discreet

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah perhaps it wasn't such a great idea to just get a discarded couch in front of the window was it

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

at least you guys are comfortable

if we forget all those suspicious stains

for your sake I hope they're blood and not something else

 

**Q-Tip**

you could have been hoping they were nachos sauce or orange juice or literally anything else why do you go for blood first thing

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

suspicious stains are always bodily fluids one way or another I just went for the less gross

 

**Q-Tip**

how is blood the less gross?

what about sweat

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that's way grosser

at least blood is like on the inside of you

it's sterile

sweat is all

eww and smelly

 

**I.M**

I'm going to ignore this whole conversation

 

**HoneyBuns**

can you guys send us snacks

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

no

 

**HoneyBuns**

why not

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

if we leave the table behind the plant they gonna spot us for real

 

**HoneyBuns**

why couldn't we all just get a table

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

because you're broke jooheonnie

and I'm not paying for you yet again

 

**HoneyBuns**

but I want one of those parfait

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well tough titties

 

**HoneyBuns**

can you stop with tough titties

 

**I.M**

THEY'RE MOVING

OKAY FALSE ALERT sorry

damn this is boring isn't it

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I'm just waiting until one of them notices Hyunwoo's soul just left his body

 

**Q-Tip**

the guy needs some sleep

 

**I.M**

I think he is sleeping

it's just that his eyes are still open

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

he's asleep on his own date?

amazing

 

**Q-Tip**

well is it really a date if your girl is helping another guy file his taxes or whatever it is no-ass guy is doing

 

**HoneyBuns**

I guess not

mullet hyung is having the time of his life though

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

he really is

look at him poking at hyunwoo with a dessert fork

 

**HoneyBuns**

I bet if he had a sharpie he'd be drawing on him

aaaand he has a sharpie.

I can't decide if that guy is just a terrible human being, really stupid, or some sort of unrecognized genius

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

maybe he's all three

kinda like Kihyun

the guy is smart

but also a whole fool you know what I mean

 

**Stallyoo**

no I don't please explain

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

holy shit

weren't you getting dicked to death or something

 

**Stallyoo**

you're gonna get decked to death

 

**I.M**

alliterative threats wow

you sure you don't wanna get in the hip hop club

 

**Stallyoo**

does that thing still exists

I mean weren't you like

the only two members

and now you've been neglecting it

in favor of whatever it is we've been doing for the past months

 

**I.M**

I'm pretty sure there was other members

weren't there?

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm almost 100% positive there was

 

**I.M**

we should probably check when we get back shouldn't we

 

**HoneyBuns**

that might be an adequate course of action

 

**Stallyoo**

just bring hyunwoo back to the hospital you guys are tiring me out

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I had hoped hoseok was the one tiring you out but

 

**Stallyoo**

you don't want to finish typing what you're tiping

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

sure I do

 

**Stallyoo**

no you don't

now just get back here don't make me come down

 

**Q-Tip**

ARE YOU GUYS DOING THIS ON PURPOSE

ffs I'm taking Minhyuk's phone

 

**HoneyBuns**

can we wait until we see if anyone noticed Hyunwoo's bleeding out his forehead again

 

**I.M**

sometimes I think to myself

we're all terrible friends

but then the feeling never lasts long enough for me to do anything about it

and soon enough I find myself watching my friend bleed out his skull from a stained couch out on a curb

 

**HoneyBuns**

the small pleasures in life

 

**I.M**

that so wasn't were I was going with this

 

**Stallyoo**

srsly bring back hyunwoo to the hospital you cretins

 

**I.M**

okay okay no need to get all scrunched up

 

**Stallyoo**

I'm not all scrunched up

 

**Wonh0**

he so is tho

 

**Stallyoo**

are you provoking me on purpose

 

**Wonh0**

well yeah

 

**Stallyoo**

damnit

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else freaking out over Destroyer because dayum.  
> I can't wait for the new comeback someone hold me


	50. Blast from the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where we shed some light on the whole Minhyuk-and-Hyungwon-dating-since-high-school thingie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JUDIES THIS IS THE 50TH CHAPTER WE'VE HIT A LANDMARK
> 
> I'm sorry for the lack of updates recently, I realized that if I was to ever leave university I should probably work on my thesis.  
> Anyway 50 chapters! Holy shit! Who would have thought!
> 
> I thought I would do something a little different to mark the occasion, so I hope you guys will enjoy it.
> 
> TOO PREVENT ALL CONFUSION: this chapter takes place in high school.

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

who's that guy you were talking to?

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

who are you?

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

the police now spill

wow that was a very nice head dive you just did there

how's the nose?

you really have something to hide huh

I was shooting in the dark here

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

fuck off I hate you

who are you?

how did you get my number?

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

it's Minhyuk you brain-dead moron

now get out from under the bleachers I need to know

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

didn't I block you

how are you still talking to me

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

yes you did and it's called borrowing a phone from a friend

 

**From: Lee Jooheon  
**

you have friends?

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

wow rude much

Yoo Kihyun is my friend

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

Yoo Kihyun?

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

small, angry, looks like a rodent, has the personality of a cacti

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

oh him

he's more like your handler tho isn't he

how did you get him to lend you anything

annoy him to death?

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

shut up I know you secretly love my sunny personality

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

yeah that's precisely why I blocked you

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

honestly that was a bit over the top jooheonnie

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

I have to protect myself from the likes of you

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

okay I actually do not care

I just need to know who was that guy you were talking to

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

which guy

I've talked to a lot of guys

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

you whore

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

see that's why people block you

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

ignoring that

work with me here

you've only talked to one guy worth knowing

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

how am I supposed to know which one it is

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

lips on a stick

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

oh him

Chae Hyungwon

he's new

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

nice thanks bye

 

**From: Lee Jooheon  
**

YOU STAY AWAY FROM CHAE HYUNGWON YOU FUCKTARD

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

who are you calling a fucktard

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

oh lemme guess this is Kihyun-hyung

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

you guessed right

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

could you prevent your charge from going after Chae Hyungwon

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

my charge?

who's chae hyungwon?

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

a guy in my class

lips on a stick

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

oh him

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

how did everyone already notice him

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

well have you seem him

he's all lips and legs

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

are you telling me you too have the hots for him

is everyone as gay as Minhyuk and I just didn't get the memo

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

you're gay too lee jooheon

you're just deluding yourself

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

I'm not

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

you'll see

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

why does this sound so ominous

why are you always so scary

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

I'm not

you're just a wimp

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

I can see you glowering at me from where you stand

and if we make abstraction of that 70s haircut you're sporting

it is quite scary

srsly tho who's cutting your hair

your grandma?

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

are you looking for an ass-kicking Lee Jooheon?

cause you're certainly well on your way to success

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

nah I'm good thanks

I sorta brained myself earlier that's enough physical pain for today

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

so you're not into the whole spank me daddy side of things

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

okay now I understand how you can be friends with Minhyuk

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

that's rude

you're rude lee jooheon

he grows on you after a while

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

so does herpes

 

**From: 010 - xxxx - xxxx**

that's way gross holy shit

 

 

 

 

**From: Chae Hyungwon**

hey would you happen to know one Lee Minhyuk by any chance?

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

oh god what did he do

he got to you already?

the man is FAST

 

**From: Chae Hyungwon**

he's just

he's sending me pictures of himself

and I am quite disturbed

I mean the guy sure is pretty but what am I supposed to do with them

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

jack off?

 

**From: Chae Hyungwon**

LEE JOOHEON

besides I'm not into guys

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

yeah apparently that's beside the point around here

maybe cause we're in an all-boys high school?

gotta do with the means available ya know

 

**From: Chae Hyungwon**

that's not how anything works jooheon

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

YOU'D BE SURPRISED

 

**From: Chae Hyungwon**

okay what exactly are we talking about here

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

I'm not sure myself I'm kinda free wheeling it

also I hit my head earlier

 

**From: Chae Hyungwon**

do you need help

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

when in my life did I ever not needed help

 

**From: Chae Hyungwon**

good point

holy shit that minhyuk guy is really pushy isn't he

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

according to inside sources he grows on you after a while

 

**From: Chae Hyungwon**

yeah so does herpes

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

 

**From: Chae Hyungwon**

what?

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

nothing

you're cool let's hang out more

 

**From: Chae Hyungwon**

okay?

 

 

**From: Jooheon**

STOP TRYING TO BULLY HYUNGWON INTO DATING YOU

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

I'm not doing anything of the sort

also unblocking me now are we?

 

**From: Jooheon**

I'm just trying to protect my friends

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

I'm your friend too

 

**From: Jooheon**

debatable

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

I'm so goddamn offended

 

**From: Jooheon**

srsly tho stop with the pictures

first of all you're gonna blow up your phone plan

second of all he's not even into dudes he told me himself

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

minor hurdle

 

**From: Jooheon**

you're a really optimistic guy aren't you

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

that's just one of my numerous qualities

 

**From: Jooheon**

eeeeeeeeh

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

I don't like that tone young man

come on be a pal help a guy out

 

**From: Jooheon**

you don't need my help

you already got his phone number from god knows where

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

I have my sources

 

**From: Jooheon**

I don't wanna know about your creepy stalker friends

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

I don't have creepy stalker friends

 

**From: Jooheon**

debatable

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

I'm gonna send Kihyun after you don't push it

  
**From: Jooheon**

I'm not scared of Kihyun

he dresses like a grandpa

  
**From: Lee Minhyuk**

I know you're scared of him

you're scared of everything Jooheon

that's like the one defining characteristic of yours we can all agree on

 

**From: Jooheon**

okay shut up what do you want

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

:D

just throw a casual little get together where I can put my plan in action

 

**From: Jooheon**

what plan

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

you don't need to know

 

**From: Jooheon**

why me

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

cause your parents are cool

 

**From: Jooheon**

by cool do you mean always gone on "we need time for ourselves" weekends

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

yes

do you have any idea what they're doing on those weekends

 

**From: Jooheon**

that's way dangerous territory Minhyuk

I'm warning you

do not go there

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

I just think it's beautifully romantic

 

**From: Jooheon**

sure

 

**From: Lee Minhyuk**

also your folks totally go on sex retreats LMFAO

 

**From: Jooheon**

FFS LEE MINHYUK

 

 

 

**From: Kihyun-hyung**

why am I invited

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

cause it's either that or I'm just stuck third wheeling for Minhyuk

you can't just leave me alone with them

come on

be a pal

 

**From: Kihyun-hyung**

what makes you think I want to watch Minhyuk being disgusting

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

he's gonna be disgusting?

 

**From: Kihyun-hyung**

have you never see him flirt?

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

no?

 

**From: Kihyun-hyung**

you've been blessed

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

come on it can't be that terrible

 

**From: Kihyun-hyung**

hahahahahahahahahah

hahahahaha

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

haaaaa

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

okay I sorta got the point?

but still that's just one more reason you gotta be there

 

**From: Kihyun-hyung**

don't you have other friends you can annoy

technically we're not even friends

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

yet!

also come on

please

I know you think I'm cute

 

**From: Kihyun-hyung**

did you try to send me a picture of yourself?

it's really pixelated

is that your face or your butt

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

technology has yet to catch up to my beauty

 

**From: Kihyun-hyung**

sure

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

I'll pay you

 

**From: Kihyun-hyung**

how much

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

is fried chicken acceptable

 

**From: Kihyun-hyung**

fried chicken is always acceptable

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

THANK YOU

I'm so relieved

 

**From: Kihyun-hyung**

not gonna last

 

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

you know what

I keep waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night

with images of last weekend seared into my brain

 

**From: Kihyun-hyung**

I did warn you

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

BUT HOW COULD I HAVE KNOWN

I don't know what was worse

the dancing

the cooing

the winking

does he know he can't wink?

also I never noticed before but he blinks unevenly

and it REALLY COMES OUT when he's drunk

 

**From: Kihyun-hyung**

yeah

your friend kinda seemed to think it was cute tho

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

YEAH WELL I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS STUPID AS FUCK

 

**From: Kihyun-hyung**

lmao harsh

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

also how was he drunk?

we had two beers

FOR FOUR PEOPLE

 

**From: Kihyun-hyung**

well I mean sober him already feels like he's kinda drunk doesn't he

he mustn't need much

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

do you think it worked?

 

**From: Kihyun-hyung**

I'd bet my right hand it didn't

I mean sure Hyungwon is a bit out there

BUT COME ON

 

 

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

so erm

I am widely confused?

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

about what?

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

you know what

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

the kissing or the confession of undying love

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

I did not confess

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung  
**

yeah pal you kinda did

you were all like "oh my god"

and I was all like "just call me minhyuk"

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

yeah about that

do not do that again

like

ever

it was so freaking lame I almost left right there and then

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

and yet you didn't!

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

MAYBE CAUSE YOU WERE DOING THOSE THINGS

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

what things

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

THINGS I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE COMING FROM YOU

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

 why not

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

BECAUSE

okay wait

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

anything for you luv

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

stop being lame

but

okay maybe you made a valid point

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

was pretty nice wasn't it

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

 why do I have the feeling you're currently waggling your eyebrows

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

maybe cause I am

see!

we already know each other so well

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

fuck

so like

am I dating you right now

is that what we're doing

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

I guess so

unless you have like

a strong opposition to the concept

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

nah

I guess

I guess I'm fine with it

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

just fine?

gee judy rein in the enthusiasm

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

OKAY YES I'M ECSTATIC IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

well that's certainly better ♥

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

oh fuck the others are gonna freak

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung  
**

yeah about that

let's not tell them

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

why not

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

first of all those fuckers don't deserve to share in my happiness

and then

don't you want to see how much we can get away with before they figure something is up

like

do you see the potential

with them being so obtuse and all

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

omg we could so fuck with them

let's have a betting pool

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

omg yes I love your way of thinking

oh fuck

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

what

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

no that's dumb

I mean full disclosure I kinda just went after you cause you were the only pretty thing in this dump

but like

I actually really like you

like fo real

I'm talking lame amounts of like

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

what's that supposed to mean

did I freak you out yet

I FREAKED YOU OUT DIDN'T I

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

no that's not it

you know you have an uneven blink?

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

a what?

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

sometimes you blink unevenly?

like one of your eyes is slower than the other

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung  
**

what?

where are you going with this?

is it weird?

it is weird

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

no

no it's not

hey what are you doing right now

 

**From: Minhyuk-hyung**

hiding from gym class in the science lab

why

 

**From: Hyungwonnie ♥**

okay don't move I'm coming

 

 

 

 

 

***Rename contact to Minhyukkie ♥  [ Yes ] [ No ] **

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys liked it I could maybe do a flashback chapter from time to time idk


	51. Fashion Police

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow Hyungwon gets into a corduroy suit and some more troubles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I have no idea what's happening anymore so like here's more of the usual nonsense I guess
> 
> Thank you so much for all the comments on the previous chapter! I'm so glad you guys liked the special. And thank you for the encouraging words regarding my thesis ;_; freedom is finally within grasp~

**Stallyoo  
**

minhyuk

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

yeah?

 

**Stallyoo**

why is hyungwon in the lobby wearing a violet corduroy suit looking like some fucked up ventriloquist

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

he doesn't look like a ventriloquist

which ventriloquist ever wore a corduroy suit

 

**HoneyBuns**

oh my god he so does I was wondering but that's exactly it

 

**I.M**

I think it's the little bow tie

 

**Wonh0**

anyone noticed the shoes are suede and violet too I mean he's really committing to the whole look

 

**Stallyoo**

do you guys have a creepy doll somewhere?

is this a new kink I don't know about?

that's how you guys get off now?

everything else got too boring so you're into fucked up circus tricks nowadays?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you're so rude I'm gonna email your mom

 

**Stallyoo**

tell her that hyungwon is on the loose wearing a violet corduroy suit and she's gonna say the exact same thing

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I always forget where you got your delightful personality from

and to think your dad is an angel!

 

**I.M**

his dad is an angel?

 

**Q-Tip**

as much as satan was once one too this family has true issues

don't insult my suit it's great

it screams sophistication

 

**Stallyoo**

it screams I have a creepy doll and I make it give me bjs at night but whatever

 

**Shownu**

I think it's distinguished

 

**Q-Tip**

thank you hyung

 

**Stallyoo**

I think people dressing like fuckboys 24/7 shouldn't be allowed to have an opinion on fashion

 

**Shownu**

that's very rude

I don't dress like a fuckboy

 

**Stallyoo**

that's you at the airport hyung

 

**Wonh0**

I never really paid attention but like now that you put it in words

 

**Shownu**

as if you have a say in anything fashion-related leash boy

 

**Wonh0**

h a r s h

will that follow me until I die

 

**I.M**

I mean you wore a leash so probably yeah

 

**Shownu**

what's a fuckboy anyway

 

**Stallyoo**

it's what you dress like

 

**Shownu**

that doesn't explain anything

 

**Stallyoo**

it should

so why the suit if it's not for one of your little role play

which I still doubt it isn't

 

**Q-Tip**

it isn't

it's for

well

there's this thing

 

**Stallyoo**

a sex thing?

 

**Q-Tip**

will you stop with that

a poker thing

at the casino

or well

behind the casino more like

or under

okay yeah it's in a basement

 

**Stallyoo**

you're going to play poker in a basement wearing a corduroy violet suit?

 

**Q-Tip**

yeah?

maybe

I was at the casino and those people were like

you're good we have this tournament

high stakes and shit

big players

they gave me like

a password

and a little map

to find the basement

 

**Stallyoo**

oh well that doesn't sound shady at all

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

it's a great opportunity more like

 

**Stallyoo**

wait help me out here for a minute

what's it called when you're like

neither book smart nor street smart and named Chae Hyungwon

 

**HyunBuns**

hm

fucking stupid?

 

**Stallyoo**

right yeah thanks that's what I was looking for

you're fucking stupid chae hyungwon

 

**Q-Tip**

I'd be mad but this insult had such a great set-up I can only be in awe

also like I'll probably clean house cause they didn't look like much

so don't come crying to me when I come back to make it rain

 

**Stallyoo**

that will be kinda hard to do when you wake up without your kidneys

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you're always so suspicious kihyunnie it's gonna be fine

 

**Stallyoo**

yeah I really don't see how going to play illegal poker in a shady basement with mafia-type loons can end badly

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm still interested in the reasoning behind the corduroy suit though

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well he needs to be taken seriously he can't just show up dressed like hyunwoo-hyung

 

**Shownu**

can we leave my fashion style alone

 

**Stallyoo**

you got a lot of nerves calling that a fashion style

 

**Shownu**

I miss my concussion

everything was blurry and nice

the world is too harsh to face entirely sober

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

okay did Kihyun's accursed poet phase got to you or something

 

**I.M**

I think he's just sad that his date got with a guy that was doing taxes while stuffing his face with a million parfaits

 

**HoneyBuns**

we're still not sure who really was the date in that scenario tho

 

**Stallyoo**

that's what you get for dressing like a fuckboy

and bleeding out your skull in public

how's the head by the way

 

**Shownu**

great

I could head-butt you to test it out

 

**Stallyoo**

I'm good but thanks for the offer

 

**Shownu**

sure?

you're missing out

 

**I.M**

you really are one time I saw him open a watermelon with his head

also he crushed one between his thighs once

and like elbow-smashed another too

hyung do you have something against watermelons why do you keep destroying them with various parts of your body

 

**Shownu**

I like to keep them on their toes

 

**I.M**

what does that mean

 

**Stallyoo**

are we sure you don't need another brain scan

 

**Shownu**

positive

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

okay so that was nice and all but it's almost time for us to go get rich so like

 

**Wonh0**

oh you're going too?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

are you implying something

 

**Wonh0**

no

nothing

well

just like

you're the most nonthreatening person this side of the galaxy

I thought maybe for going into a thug den he needed someone with more like

actual muscles

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

are you talking about yourself

 

**Wonh0**

or anyone else that isn't you no offense

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

offense so taken

 

**Wonh0**

but I said no offense

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that's not how this works hoseokkie

 

**I.M**

I could go

I mean I'm used to be your henchman

remember the good ol'days of the uni's underground casino

 

**Q-Tip**

we did make a good team

plus if it turns out to be actually shady it would be nice to have some backup

 

**Stallyoo**

it's cute that you think there's half a chance this could be legit

the guy hands you a map and a PASSWORD to a damn basement to play 'high stakes poker' and somehow you're like okay sure thank you kind sir

 

**Q-Tip**

come one live life on the wild side a bit kihyun-ah

unclench

 

**Wonh0**

I don't know he should live any more wilder that he already is I mean we already almost died like three times

 

**Q-Tip**

and yet we didn't!

 

**Wonh0**

what's this new affinity for danger I don't like it

 

**Q-Tip**

you sound like Jooheon

 

**HoneyBuns**

why do I always end up caught in the crossfire when I'm nothing if not delightful like what you got against me seriously I have squishy cheeks and dimples what more do you guys want

I SHED BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS FOR THIS FAMILY AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET

no one appreciates me in this house

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

wow settle down angela it's okay

 

**HoneyBuns**

I WON'T TOLERATE THIS TREACHERY ANY LONGER

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

changkyun did you do something to upset him

 

**I.M**

I accidentally tore one of our embroidered towels before we left and he's been on edge ever since

 

**HoneyBuns**

THOSE WERE A SYMBOL OF OUR LOVE CHANGKYUN

 

**I.M**

it's okay

our love can withstand a little wear and tear

it will just grow stronger through it all

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

awww that's cute

why don't you ever say stuff like that wonnie

 

**Q-Tip**

I'm out there wearing a corduroy violet suit looking like a fucked up ventriloquist what do you expect

 

**Stallyoo**

ha! so you admit it!

 

**Q-Tip**

I sorta caught a glimpse of myself in the lobby mirror and like I may kinda be seeing it now

 

**I.M**

it's the little bow tie I tell you

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I think you look hot

 

**Stallyoo**

that's the first step to a threesome with a creepy doll right there

 

**Q-Tip**

gross

he just thinks I look hot whatever I wear

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

cause it's the whole naked truth

 

**Wonh0**

is it cheese day or what

do I need to say something equally sappy to kihyun

 

**Stallyoo**

you better not my tolerance for sap is very low

 

**Wonh0**

I like that little snorty laugh that you do before running away when you're embarrassed tho

yeah like you just did right now

this is great

 

**Shownu**

wow I've never felt so alone as I do right now

 

**Stallyoo**

couples are gross

 

**Shownu**

you're a couple

 

**Stallyoo**

yeah I'm including myself in the gross squad

 

**Q-Tip**

that's great and all but I really need to go get freaky in the basement so like who's coming

 

**Stallyoo**

did you even get a +1

 

**Q-Tip**

what

 

**Stallyoo**

did they say you could bring someone

 

**Q-Tip**

I dunno but like how great would it be if I had bodyguards tho

 

**I.M**

I'm so in let me just like

there's this thing I gotta finish first I'll be down in five

or more like ten

maybe fifteen

 

**Q-Tip**

damn what you gotta finish

 

**Wonh0**

jooheon prolly

 

**Q-Tip**

jesus christ hoseok-hyung

 

**Wonh0**

I mean after that line of course he was gonna get it

 

**Shownu**

I'll come too I'm bored

 

**Q-Tip**

you just got out of the hospital is that wise

 

**Shownu**

almost as wise as going to play high stakes poker in a basement with obvious criminals

 

**Q-Tip**

touché my friend

 

**Shownu**

give me 5 minutes to find clothes

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

wait you were naked all this time?

 

**Shownu**

in a towel I just got out of the shower

 

**Q-Tip**

somehow this is weird

 

**Wonh0**

sometimes when I text you guys I'm on the toilets

 

**Q-Tip**

OKAY GROSS

we need some rules

no typing naked

no typing on the toilet

and no typing when getting dirty like what the fuck changkyun-ah I know multitasking is a thing but come on

I see your typing bubbles you better cut that shit out right now

 

**Stallyoo**

you're such a prude for somehow who's dating lee minhyuk, king of privacy invasion

 

**Q-Tip**

I'm just trying to keep the balance hyung

anyway I'll ttyl I need to focus this is important

 

**Stallyoo**

you should get a knife

do you want a knife?

I have a knife

 

**Q-Tip**

why the fuck do you have a knife

 

**Stallyoo**

I stole it from one of the dumpling minions

it's a great knife

 

**Q-Tip**

what if they check for weapons

 

**Stallyoo**

then they'll know that you're not fucking around

 

**Q-Tip**

isn't that kinda illegal

 

**Stallyoo**

you're going to play felonious poker in a shady basement hyungwon-ah isn't it a bit too late for legality

 

**Q-Tip**

touché again my friend

 

**Stallyoo**

bringing the knife

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

somehow this isn't a good idea right

 

**Stallyoo**

when's the last time we had a good idea just roll with it

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

alright I mean why not

 

**Q-Tip**

that's the spirit!

 

 

 


	52. Casino Royale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That little trip to the underground casino goes just as well as anyone could reasonably expect by now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so this thing makes less and less sense as we go along but who cares right. Also I'm at work so this is, once again, a product of being bored and stealthy.
> 
> This one is 100% stream comments I hope it's your cuppa tea.

_> why the quality so crap?_

_> >is this a hidden camera? the fuck are they doing_

_> >>anyone got the feeling we're about to witness a murder_

_> >>>well. this is pretty much where this has been headed all this time innit_

 

_> anyone else traumatized by that whole willy wonka ass suit_

_> >I think it's swaggy_

_> >>hey lets add "swaggy" to the list of banned words _

_> >>>we have a list of banned words?_

_> >>>>we did but it was so efficient I can't even remember which words were on it_

_> >>>>>it was only the d word_

_> >>>>>>dick? _

_> >>>>>>>DELISH_

_> >>>>>>>> oh_

 

_> okay is this a basement are they taking us into a basement_

_> >well this isn't shady at all_

_> >>love the bouncer tho like did he google "how to look like I eat babies" _

_> >>>the gold canines are a nice touch I mean way to commit _

_> >>>>honestly someone's gonna die_

_> >>>>>lmao probs  
_

_> >>>>>>anyone got the cops on speed dial_

_> >>>>>>isn't the cops' number already some kind of speed dial tho_

_> >>>>>>>you'd think so but I just checked and in macau it's 2857 3333_

_> >>>>>>>>oh gosh I'm getting stabbed let me dial this handy eight digits number_

_> >>>>>>>>>you shitheads it's 999 for emergencies  
_

_> >>>>>>>>>>well that makes it way less funny now  
_

 

_> did he just ask for a password_

_> >this looks like the D&D sessions I used to have in my garage. we set up a password and shit too. way intense. _

_> >okay this does looks like my D&D session but with like. way more knives holy shit how did he fit that into his pants_

_> >>even the bouncer looks impressed_

_> >>>does he thinks he's gonna have to skin a bear in there or something _

_> >>>>we're getting first row to a murder I tell you_

 

_> did he just pulled a shruggie on the bouncer and the guy just handed him back his knife_

_> > ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯_

_> >>what kind of fucked up criminal den just let you amble on with a freaking knife_

_> >>>he's just stuffing it back into his pants is he not afraid of ending up short of a nut like that's an accident waiting to happen_

_> >>>>look at what they're walking into, loosing a nut is the least of his worries _

 

_> that looks totally legit _

_> >I like that they're just... casually filming this. Like. that's so incriminating anyone here studies law_

_> >>for them you're looking at illegal gambling at the very least and that's like, up to 90 days in jail not to mention the fucking pants knife  
_

_> >>>neat who's up for a stream from the jail's bathroom_

_> >>>>honestly I'd be into it like move over prison playbook  
_

_> >>>>>who's ready to bet he cuts his femoral artery before anything happens tho_

_> >>>>>>what's it called when you murder yourself but like, without meaning to?_

_> >>>>>>>natural selection?_

_> >>>>>>>>okay well it's coming for them real fast then_

 

_> I like the little walk he has tho? and the two guys framing him when it's like... dude a guy with golden canines opened the door for you maybe you're not the toughest cookie here_

_> >they're beyond giving a damn. you know how it gets where you're on a trip, you get sort of loose_

_> >>personally I just get drunk a lot and try to get jiggy with the locals I don't like, strut head on in a den of sin _

 

_> that fucking suit they don't know what just hit them _

_> >does he have to sit like that tho he's making me tense_

_> >>he has a knife in his pants he can't very well just relax_

_> >>>do you think he knows there's those handy little things called holsters that exists just so you don't have to duck tape a bare knife into your godamn pants_

_> >>>>you'd think so! and yet. _

_> >>>>>he's a real one. you can't find anyone like him anymore_

_> >>>>>>yeah cause they all died out of femoral hemorrhage_

 

_> I just like that they're listening to smooth jazz_

_> >yeah that's very relaxing innit? I feel fancy_

_> >>well I mean if you're gonna gamble you need at least one saxophone solo_

_> >>>and this is the gospel truth  
_

 

_> that very awkward sitting is playing in his favor tho look at how unsettled they all are_

_> >honestly if some guy walked right into my illicit poker den in a violet corduroy suit with two bodyguards and sat across from he as if he had not only a wooden leg but also a very large stick up his arse I'd be slightly unsettled too_

_> >>when you put it like this_

 

_> GAME ON GAME ON_

_> >I've never watched poker in my life but somehow I'm pumped _

_> >>ACE IN THE HOLE BITCHES_

_> >>>BRICK MY DUDE_

_> >>>>FULL HOUSE FULL HOUSE_

_> >>>>>FAMILY OF FIVE  
_

_> >>>>>NEIGHBORS' DOG_

_> >>>>>>BOAT AND YACHT!!! _

_> >>>>>>>UP YOURS DONKEY  
_

_> >>>>>>>>okay do you guys actually know poker or are you just saying words_

_> >>>>>>>>>saying words_

_> seems like he's cleaning up tho those guys don't look very happy  
_

_> > murder! murder!! muRDER!!! MUR-DUR!!!!!_

_> >>okay let's reign in the crazy a little there shall we_

 

_> is this his poker face or did he just straight up went to sleep_

_> >ultimate power move: go right the fuck to sleep just right there on the goddamn table_

_> >>subtle nudge from bodyguard n°1 who I'm pretty sure was covered in oil and glitter during that talent show_

_> >>>now that you mention it he does look familiar_

_> >>>>I miss the sparkles. and the oil. if there's something we all learned from that particular stream is that everyone looks better once covered in oil_

_> >>>>>thus is the world we live in._

 

_> shit's about to go down that guy really doesn't look happy. you know regarding all that money he just lost_

_> >well I mean I'd be slightly pissed too if some jackass in a corduroy suit just fucking plundered me in front of all my minions, way to lose street cred_

_> >>such are the rules of the game my friend_

_> >>>you should tell that to that massive bastard right there _

_> >>>>where the fuck did he come from_

_> >>>>>I'd assume willy boy here isn't the only one with body guards_

 

_> okay time out did our camera guy just said "yo chillax kind sir" in english to that terminator_

_> >I mean why the fuck not this is basically an alternate reality right_

_> >>I wish I hadn't been drinking cause this is starting to feel like a fever dream and I'm freaked_

_> >>>who's filming tho he must have some gonads of steel_

_> >>>>his poor wife_

_> >>>>haha get it_

_> >>>>cause if he has gonads of steel then_

_> >>>>>yeah we get it. it's hilarious ya should consider stand-up  
_

 

_> did camera guy just_

_> >yeah he did_

_> >>yoooooooo that's casserole boy my dudes!!! would recognize that middle finger anywhere_

_> >>>do they not know that death is a thing_

 

_> why is everything suddenly super blurry_

_> >I think he's running_

_> >>is that willy boy in front of him just like, waddling it up like a penguin on crack_

_> >>>I mean it must be hard to run with a hand down your pants _

_> >>>>why he got a hand down his pants_

_> >>>>>for the knife_

_> >>>>he got a knife down his pants?_

_> >>>>>yeah you missed the beginning? it's a huge knife. a statement knife. a knife for overcompensating._

_> >>>>that's a lot of things down his pants. his hand, that other guy's hand. a knife. some duct tape._

_> >>>>>I don't know if oil boy is trying to help him get the knife out or like, trying to prevent him from loosing a nut_

_> >>>>>>you really care about his nuts_

_> >>>>>>>well someone has to cause clearly he does not_

 

_> success!_

_> >and as everything else in life, success is relative. _

_> >>well they did get the knife out you know. you need to set little, achievable goals for yourself._

_> >>>now that's just sad_

_> >>>>we should just take it as another success that he managed not to stab himself in the face when he tripped over that chair_

_> >>>>>how did he not see it tho it was RIGHT THERE_

_> >>>>>>maybe temporary blindness caused by too much adrenaline?_

_> >>>>>>>more like permanant obliviousness caused by being a huge dumbass  
_

 

_> anyone else sweating like a motherfucker_

_> >I wanted to call the cops but then he didn't turn on his localization so like. dudes are on their own I guess_

_> >>we're so chill about watching him get slowly beaten to death tho_

_> >>>well strictly speaking he's doing a really great job at protecting himself with this chair so like he's still pretty much unscathed _

_> >>>>we're rooting for you retail willy wonka!_

_> >>>>>we will avenge you!  
_

 

_> wow we buried him way too early_

_> >well who could have foresee that oil man would just, like, I don't even know, just somehow throw his whole body at the guy?  
_

_> >>was that even a flying kick?_

_> >>>to me it looked more like he just launched his whole self like a missile you know_

_> >>>>he must have some fucking strong calves _

_> >>>>>well I mean he does we saw him in booty shorts and like I mean ngl I have ten thousand screenshots from that stream_

_> >>>>>>oh do share_

_> >>>>>pm'ing you_

 

_> is casserole boy just screaming instructions_

_> >it's still like my D&D sessions. the wizard in the fancy clothes is useless so the tank has to cover his ass at all times but he's kinda reckless so the rogue becomes a freaking strategist out of sheer necessity. oh boy I miss the good ol' days_

_> >>he's still flipping people off as he goes that's some dedication to his craft_

_> >>>I mean they basically have that one goliath under control but like no one is siding with them in that battle_

_> >>>>were did the knife go tho cause like that's a lot of fuss for not even using it_

_> >>>>>honestly they'd probably just stab themselves before anyone else so like_

_> >>>>>>must be somewhere under all the crumpled remnant of that chair_

 

_> holy shit_

_> >is that when they all die_

_> >>I guess it's never a good thing to get cornered uh_

_> >>>that guy at the front got an axe. like a throwing axe or something. why they got an axe? _

_> >>>>I mean they let them in with a knife maybe there's a moratorium on the ban of cold weapons_

_> >>>>>yeah I'm pretty sure that's a pitchfork in the background_

_> >>>>>>why would some guy just go around with a pitchfork_

_> >>>>>>>maybe he's just proud of his rural heritage and wanna stick to his roots ya know_

_> >>>>>>>>I'm just gonna go along with it cause I see no better explanations_

_> >>>>>>>>>that sword's pretty cool too._

_> >>>>>>>>>>was that someone shrieking_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>was that someone just like, flying down the stairs_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>>well boy that's some entrance innit_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>>>holy mother_

 

_> woa woa woa those are the same guys!!!!! from the alley!!!!!!!!_

_> >MULLET KING!!!!!!!!_

_> >>just in the nick of time as usual is he tracking those guys or something_

_> >>>I mean probs I wouldn't put anything past a guy with a mullet_

_> >>>>well that just reversed the whole situation right_

_> >>>>>that one angry lil bright blue guy still going around telling people to shut the fuck up_

_> >>>>>>they're not even talking_

_> >>>>>>>yeah more like gurgling is it just me or does he make a point of getting everyone straight in the mouth_

_> >>>>>>>>maybe he just loves silence_

_> >>>>>>>>>well he obviously really needs to relax so _

_> >>>>>>>>>>I mean I get it sometimes all we need is a nice cup of chamomile tea, a good book and a quiet room_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>or just decking motherfuckers in the mouth left and right, he seems to be enjoying himself alright_

 

_> is casserole boy like, cackling?_

_> >yup_

_> >>I mean I would too if I just thought my last hour had come and then some guy with a mullet just bursts in with over-the-top theatrics to rescue me_

_> >>>pitchforkes really aren't that handy after all I'm a bit disappointed_

_> >>>>well you know once you lose the element of surprise._

 

_> boy oh boy that's a real nice clean up they got going on here_

_> >I retire what I said about last time being the arrest of the century. this one is, no contest_

_> >>so no murder?_

_> >>>no murder._

_> >>>>well that's a bit of a letdown innit_

_> >>>>>I mean better luck next time right_

_> >>>>>>you guys need therapy_

_ >>>>>>>>name one person here who isn't loose in the caboose honestly _

_ >>>>>>>>>yeah that's a fair point _

_ >aw I think this is goodbye my friends he's waving at us _

_ >>so it was indeed casserole boy! _

_ >>>cute. _

_ >>>>bye guys! _

_ >>>>>bye have a nice one! _

_ >>>>>>good night see you all soon hopefully! _

_ >>>>>>>bye!! good night!!! _

_ >>>>>>>>night night! _

_ >>>>>>>>>we're all so hecking polite _

_ >>>>>>>>>>right. adorable. _


	53. First rule of scrabble club, you do not talk about scrabble club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where the gang starts to think mullet hyung is highly suspicious, and then we learn some more about their hobbies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so I don't know how this chapter became like this I'm sorry about all that scrabble talk I don't even really play scrabble the gang gets away from me so much

**HoneyBuns**

what the fuck w h a t  t h e  f u c k 

 

**I.M**

yeah we might have lost our damn minds a bit there eh

 

**HoneyBuns**

understatement of the decade

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

toldya el chaepo would rise again

 

**Wonh0**

almost went right back the fuck down in the same breath tho

how's the face?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well I mean he already had huge lips to begin with so there's not much change ya know

 

**Q-Tip**

I resent that

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you know I love you no matter how purple your face is

 

**Q-Tip**

it's not purple

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

eeeeeeh it kinda is

 

**Q-Tip**

I won't take this disrespect

 

****Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN****

you'll take it and you'll like it

 

**Stallyoo**

is that how he talks to you in bed

 

**Q-Tip**

no

 

**Stallyoo**

it is isn't it

 

**Q-Tip**

ya want a purple face too?

 

**Stallyoo**

so it IS purple

 

**Q-Tip**

oh ffs

 

**Stallyoo**

when will you guys learn not to threaten me

I'm unthreatenable

 

**Shownu**

not a word

 

**Stallyoo**

it is now

using it next scrabble night and there's nothing you fuckers can do about it

 

**I.M**

you guys have scrabble nights?

why am I not privy to them

 

**HoneyBuns**

didn't think you'd be interested

also we're all very ashamed that these became a regular thing

that we spend time scheduling

and devoting entire hours to

and like

having yearly championships 

btw curent reigning champion is Yoo Kihyun, believe it or not

 

**Stallyoo**

what's that supposed to mean

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that you're barely literate

 

**Stallyoo**

that's rich coming from someone who can't spell their own name

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

IT WAS ONE TIME

 

**Stallyoo**

one time too many

 

**I.M**

excuse me you think I wouldn't be interested in scrabble?

have you looked into my face recently?

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah?

is this about how you're actually an old man again

 

**Shownu**

he does crochet in his spare time

 

**HoneyBuns**

he does uh

am I dating a closeted grandpa

 

**I.M**

albeit a very flexible one

 

**HoneyBuns**

can you not

**Wonh0**

not that I don't care

(spoiler alert: I don't)

but can I ask the question we should all be asking by now

 

**Shownu**

I think I know what you're gonna ask

 

**Wonh0**

how??? the fuck???? mullet hyung???

how did he know?

is he tracking us?

that's is isn't it

he's a psycopath and he's tracking us

and who the fuck????????

the little blue boy????????

 

**Shownu**

nvm I thought wrong

 

**Wonho**

what did you think I was gonna ask

 

**Shownu**

something like when's the next scrabble night

 

**HoneyBuns**

oh you're into it too?

sometimes I get carried away thinking we're actually pretty cool and then we go ahead and do stuff like having scrabble nights and doing crochet

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I mean you have embroidered towels what did you expect

 

**HoneyBuns**

don't diss the embroidered towels

 

**I.M**

yeah he's still in mourning be careful

 

**Wonh0**

can we get back to mullet hyung

 

**Shownu**

isn't he your friend can't you just ask him

 

**Wonh0**

well he's more like an acquaintance you know

plus if it's police business he won't tell

 

**Q-Tip**

how did you even met him in the first place

 

**Wonh0**

that was back in high school

 

**I.M**

oooh that blessed time when you used to be a certified Huge Nerd

 

**Wonh0**

how do you even know about my secret past

I didn't know you back then

oh my god did hyunwoo sell me out

 

**I.M**

well yeah

I'm a snoop and Hyunwoo hyung's a snake

where did you think I got all those pseudo-ulzzang pictures from last time

 

**Shownu**

hiss hiss motherfucker

 

**Wonh0**

okay is that concussion still going strong or what

 

**Shownu**

in all honesty I don't know either but they said they can't just give me brain scans all willy-nilly

 

**Stallyoo**

wait

you used to be a nerd?

 

**Wonh0**

ya wanna talk about your bowl cut?

 

**Stallyoo**

okay so first of all ouch

second of all I meant

so ya used to be a nerd ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Wonh0**

oooooooh

 

**HoneyBuns**

what?

what's this

what?

 

**I.M**

you probs don't really wanna know

didn't you learn to stay away from anything involving kihyun, wonho, and emoticons

 

****HoneyBuns** **

indeed!

forget I asked anything and let's smoothly move on!

so mullet hyung yeah

a hyung with a mullet

a hyullet if you will

 

**Stallyoo**

people died for less

 

**HoneyBuns**

didn't like my pun I take it

 

**Stallyoo**

that's not even a pun is it

 

**Shownu**

no it's a portmanteau

bam

I'm the next scrabble king

 

**Min **｡(-‿•)｡miN****

that's not something people traditionally brag about but I like the spirit

 

**Stallyoo**

portemanteau wouldn't even score that much

you only have like two letters that are worth more than one point

so like

bring it on

bitch

 

**Q-Tip**

remember when we all agreed that we shouldn't talk about scrabble outside of scrabble nights

that's like the first rule of scrabble club

you do not talk about scrabble club

 

**Stallyoo**

right

my bad

just needed to put that heathen back in his place

how dare he threaten the king

 

**Shownu**

I am pumped, boys

 

**I.M**

you sound like a dad again

 

**Shownu**

well this is scrabble we're talking about

 

**Q-Tip**

or not talking about gee does no one respect rules around here

 

**HoneyBuns**

you know I was actually interested in hearing how did Hoseok hyung become acquainted with hyullet and then it became like this

 

**Wonh0**

it's very underwhelming you know

they just paired us up with some college kids to help us find out about what we wanted to do and college life and shit

and I was paired up with him

I dunno who thought it was a good idea to have him participate but here he was

 

**HoneyBuns**

what did he do

did he already have a mullet

 

**Wonh0**

no

he was extremely blond?

like a disturbing amount of blond I don't know how to explain

and he just like

sat by the refreshment table and told me about life I guess

 

**HoneyBuns**

what?

 

**Wonh0**

yeah honestly I don't know?

it was all very rambling and very confusing

anyway I learned absolutely nothing about college?

but I learned a lot about fancy sailor's knots and how you're not supposed to match your pocket square with your tie and that wearing a wristwatch with a tuxedo is a faux-pas

I also learned the word faux-pas

 

**HoneyBuns**

useful stuff

 

**Stallyoo**

well the sailor's knots kinda are

 

**HoneyBuns**

don't wanna know

 

**Stallyoo**

and faux-pas' letters are worth 19 points in scrabble just saying

 

**Wonh0**

yeah thanks hyullet I guess

always coming thru when you least expect him

 

**Q-Tip**

yeah about that

maybe you're onto something with your whole HE'S TRACKING US paranoid stint

cause like this was supposed to be an ultra super duper secret meeting?

and he still found out?

I mean I'm grateful but still

suspicious.

and he was just supposed to be there for the dumpling mafia

not the casino mafia

 

**Min **｡(-‿•)｡miN****

inspector gadget on the case

 

**Q-Tip**

why inspector gadget?

couldn't you find someone more apt

 

**Min **｡(-‿•)｡miN****

well you're too stupid to be sherlock and that's the only other inspector I know

 

**Q-Tip**

how about

idk

cheo yong

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

but hyullet isn't a ghost

 

**HoneyBuns**

the mullet might be haunted just saying

can you get on that case too

 

**I.M**

we already talked about this jooheon-ah

 

**HoneyBuns**

and we never reached a definite conclusion so like get on it inspector

 

**Wonh0**

ya know what I'm just gonna send him a nice little text and we can all stop being extra about this

it's probably just a coincidence

 

**Min **｡(-‿•)｡miN****

yeah right

I believe that

 

**Stallyoo**

innocent until proven otherwise

 

****Min **｡(-‿•)｡miN**** **

more like so obviously guilty why do we even bother

 


	54. Come Back Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys regretfully leave Macau when their vacation comes to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm on [twitter](https://twitter.com/BlanquetteAO3) now! So you can all realize how fucking boring I actually am.
> 
> Also this feels like such a filler chapter but I have no shame left to feel so like enjoy I love you. It makes even less sense than usual but oh well. Sorry for the wait uni has been eating me alive.

**Min **｡(-‿•)｡miN****

I'm so sad we have to leave this place

it's the most entertained I have been in months

 

**Stallyoo**

seriously?

after all I did for you?

getting into fights?

putting you in jail?

busting my ass for a talent show we didn't even win?

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah that was a whole ass crime btw

 

**Q-Tip**

they weren't ready for this much booty what can we do

 

**HoneyBuns**

protest that's what

we should have staged a riot

behead one or two bigwigs

 

**Q-Tip**

what's this sudden inadequate revolutionary militancy

 

**HoneyBuns**

I have a lot on my plate all this frustration must go somewhere

 

**Stallyoo**

isn't that what I.M's ass is for

 

**Shownu**

that's a bit indecent kihyun-ah

you could maybe not say stuff like that

you know

just a thought I'm putting out there

 

**Stallyoo**

prude

 

**I.M**

holy shit wait

guys

I just realized something

 

**Wonh0**

your head is so huge it's a marvel you can go through doors at all?

 

**I.M**

no?

what the fuck hyung?

my head is very much standard-issued

 

**Wonh0**

really

why is it blocking the sun then

 

**I.M**

excuse you it's in perfect proportion with my body

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's true

we measured it

 

**Wonh0**

why the hell would you guys measure it

 

**HoneyBuns**

we have a lot of free time

 

**I.M**

yeah about that?

that's what I realized

I have an uncanny amount of free time for someone with a job

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you have a job?

 

**I.M**

well that's the whole issue

I guess I have mostly forgotten to show up there for like two weeks now?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh so you don't have a job

at least not anymore

problem solved!

 

**HoneyBuns**

lmao

changkyunnie

what the fuck

 

**Wonh0**

that's very well played I am impressed

 

**Q-Tip**

how the hell does someone forget something like that

 

**Wonh0**

the bigger the head, the smaller the brains

 

**I.M**

will you STOP

 

**Wonh0**

no

 

**Shownu**

can you guys stop discussing Changkyun's gargantuan melon and focus on the task at hand

 

**Q-Tip**

which was? I'm losing track so fast

 

**I.M**

for the last time

I do not have a gargantuan melon

ffs

 

**HoneyBuns**

he really doesn't

I told you guys

we measured it

 

**I.M**

why does no one care that I most certainly lost my damn job?

 

**Wonh0**

your gigantic cantaloupe of a head is too distracting

on the bright side you can probably find employment in a circus right this second

 

**I.M**

honestly.

like

I don't even know what to say

my head is normal?

 

**HoneyBuns**

we have scientific proof too

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

maybe it's just cause you don't have a neck so it's like an optical illusion

since it's just right there hanging out directly on your collarbones

it just looks huge

perspective is everything my guy

 

**I.M**

okay so first that's not how any of this works

and secondly

I HAVE A NECK

what's this

yearly annoy changkyun day?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well we're certainly very bored and this seems to be working pretty well so like

 

**I.M**

you fuckers

 

**Wonh0**

I think I'm hilarious

 

**I.M**

you're not very self-aware are you hyung

 

**Wonh0**

what's that supposed to mean

 

**Shownu**

guys?

hello?

airport?

like right now?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

do we have to

can't we just stay there

start our own dumpling mafia slash underground poker thingie

 

**Q-Tip**

I mean now that mullet hyung wiped them out they're in need of replacement

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

exactly

that's like once in a lifetime opportunity

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm so not starting a life of crime in macau

 

**Stallyoo**

fucking coward

 

**HoneyBuns**

what's with you

aren't you supposed to be a damn cop?

 

**Stallyoo**

what does that have to do with anything

 

**HoneyBuns**

everything?

like

you're supposed to fight crime

not create more?

 

**Stallyoo**

but see that's the thing

police needs crime in order to sustain itself

 

**Q-Tip**

this is going straight into conspiracy territory and I'm not sure I'm ready for it

 

**Stallyoo**

c o w a r d

 

**Shownu**

I think I'll just go back on my own and you guys can do whatever

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

are you abandoning us

that's not very dad-worthy of you

 

**Shownu**

since when am I a dad

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you're not dad

you're daddy

｡(-‿•)｡

 

**HoneyBuns**

didn't we ban winky faces or something

I feel like we really should have

 

**Shownu**

you can't see me but I'm mostly horrified

 

**Wonh0**

only mostly?

 

**Shownu**

yeah

the rest is just pure fear

 

**I.M**

understandable tbh

 

**Min **｡(-‿•)｡miN****

hey I'm not the one with an oral fixation going around biting him on the arms

 

**I.M**

fair enough but have you seen those arms?

like who wouldn't bite them

 

**Min **｡(-‿•)｡miN****

most people with the least bit of restraint

 

**I.M**

I'm gonna take a leaf out of Kihyun hyung's book and tell it to you straight up

that's just cause you're a coward hyung

 

**Stallyoo**

is this swell of pride how dads feel

 

**Shownu**

can you guys stop discussing my arms

and dads

any kind of dads

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

not our fault you're partial to tank tops

 

**Stallyoo**

toldya you dressed like a fuckboy

 

**Shownu**

ya know what I'm going to just block all of you

 

**Min **｡(-‿•)｡miN****

gasp

I thought we were past that hyung

I'm so hurt

 

**Shownu**

then get your asses to the goddamn airport

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

okay okay no need to be all pissy

 

**Shownu**

I'm not being pissy

I'm being

realistic

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that's exactly the same thing

that's how you slowly kill people

 

**Shownu**

by being realistic?

 

**Min **｡(-‿•)｡miN****

yes

 

**Shownu**

....h...how?

 

**Stallyoo**

just smile, nod, and slowly back away

 

**HoneyBuns**

hey not that all this isn't riveting but can we backpedal to mullet hyung

like any news on the hyullet front?

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what hyullet front

like his forehead?

 

**HoneyBuns**

what?

hyungwon did you accidentally elbow him in the face again or something

 

**Q-Tip**

I don't kno whatchu mean

 

**HoneyBuns**

ignoring all of this yET AGAIN

 

**Wonh0**

oh yeah I actually did send him something

and he did answer

 

**HoneyBuns**

AND YOU KEPT THAT FROM US

 

**Wonh0**

I was too busy making fun of changkyun's humongous watermelon of a mug

 

**I.M**

for the last fucking time MY HEAD IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NORMAL

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

is that the new "jooheon broke his foot" thing

 

**Stallyoo**

Jooheon never broke his fucking foot I thought we were clear on this

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh god this is still working

 

**Shownu**

that's a lot of swearing changkyun

don't agitate yourself you're gonna strain your tiny neck

 

**I.M**

NOT YOU TOO

 

**Shownu**

I too need an outlet sometimes you know

 

**HoneyBuns**

I COULD HAVE broken my foot thank you very much

and so what the heck did hyullet say

 

**Wonh0**

I was like "are you somehow tracking us how did you find out abt the poker"

and he was like "I'm very smart"

and then he blocked me

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well that's not suspicious at all

I mean we all know he's an idiot so he's obviously lying

 

**Shownu**

that's rich

you of all people calling anyone an idiot I mean

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

is that

did you just insult me

like

was that a burn?

 

**Shownu**

I guess so

I'm kinda proud?

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you're getting really good at those aren't you

 

**Shownu**

you guys are a great influence

I'll put my phone in airplane mode now so see you later

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what

why?

did he just

what the fuck?

 

**Q-Tip**

I have a creeping doubt right now

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay anyone remember at what time was the plane

 

**I.M**

3:30pm

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay so we have two options

do we freak out

or do we accept the fact that it is 3:35 and hyunwoo hyung just abandoned us

 

**Q-Tip**

to be fair he did warn us

 

**Wonh0**

so that's what he meant by "get your asses to the airport"

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

HE ACTUALLY DID IT I CAN'T BELIEVE IT

I feel so betrayed

but also like

this is so many levels of savage like omg I'm so impressed

 

**Wonh0**

ngl it's a little hot

 

**Stallyoo**

hot?

 

**Wonh0**

don't lie I know how you feel about guys in tank tops abandoning you in foreign countries

 

**HoneyBuns**

that's like a hella specific kink right there

your role playing sounds fucking elaborate

 

**Stallyoo**

gotta keep things interesting what can I say

 

**I.M**

so like do we panic or what

 

**Wonh0**

I think if we fill changkyun's mammoth head with enough helium and hang on to his arms we can all safely float over back to korea

 

**I.M**

I'm just gonna straight up murder you hyung

with my bare hands

 

**Wonh0**

ha!

okay no I'm actually a bit scared

 

**I.M**

good.

now what do we do I mean dad just left us?

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well I mean we can probably book new tickets and get our asses back home ourselves

we're grown adults

and also

wait

 

* **Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN** created the chatroom **Secret Meeting**

* **Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN** invited **Q-Tip** to **Secret Meeting**

 *** **Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN** ** invited ****HoneyBuns**** to ****Secret Meeting****

 ** *** **Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN** **** invited ** ****Wonh0** **** to ** ****Secret Meeting******

 ** ** *** **Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN** ****** invited ** ** ****Stallyoo******** to ** ** ****Secret Meeting********

 ** ** ** *** **Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN** ******** invited ** ** ** ****I.M********** to ** ** ** ****Secret Meeting**********

 

************Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN** **  
** ** ** ** ** **

we need to plan REVENGE

 

**Q-Tip**

we should prank him

we're kinda good at this right

 

**Stallyoo**

did someone say prank

 

**HoneyBuns**

holy shit is it plotting time again

 

**Stallyoo**

you bet your ass it is

 

**I.M**

former enemies coming together

I'm moved

 

**Wonh0**

will this end with someone in jail yet again

 

**Stallyoo**

I'm feeling more kidnapp-y than jail-y these days

 

**Wonh0**

well I mean

he did go up alone against the dumpling mafia

 

****Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN** **

is that a scheme I see forming in your tiny heads

 

**I.M**

we can use my plan for Hoseok's murder for fake kidnapping/murdering hyunwoo hyung

 

**Wonh0**

holy shit you already have a plan?

it's been like

not even ten minutes

 

**I.M**

I have several pre-planned murders in stock

just in case

 

**Wonh0**

that's

that's very worrying you know

 

**I.M**

you're telling me you never thought up the perfect murder?

 

**Wonh0**

no?

like is it something people go around doing?

 

**HoneyBuns**

well I mean didn't we already discuss the best way to get rid of a corpse

 

**Wonh0**

suddenly I feel super unsafe

 

**Stallyoo**

it's fine

just don't get too far away from me

 

**Wonh0**

what does that mean

 

**Stallyoo**

my sphere of rage protects you

 

**Wonh0**

sometimes I remember my life before meeting all of you guys and it seemed so peaceful

I'm willing to endure a lot for your love

 

**HoneyBuns**

are we getting sappy is it what we're doing now

weren't we supposed to plan a fake kidnapping

 

**Q-Tip**

we should probably start by finding tickets for home before they throw us out of the hotel

and we have the whole flight back to scheme

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I like that

scheming

we're schemers

that's great

 

 ***Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN** renamed **Secret Meeting** to **Smooth Schemers Social Club  
**

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

let's get down to business

 

**HoneyBuns**

wait

why smooth tho

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

cause that's what we are

smooth schemers

somehow that sounded better in my head

 

**HoneyBuns**

that's fine I can roll with it

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

great

hyungwonnie's on the tix issue

and hyunwoo

he's gonna get hit by

struck by

a smooth schemer

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay I can no longer get behind this the cringe is too strong

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

too late you coward

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was all over the place lmao I'm so sorry


	55. Keanu Reeves got nothin' on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That murder prank on Shownu was a genius idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the left is the "Smooth Schemers Social Club" group chat (so minus shownu) and on the right is the usual one.  
> And well. I mean what can I say that hasn't already been said. Chaos as per use. I love you all.

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

time to enact

THE PLAN

 

**I.M**

should we

just maybe 

address our abandonment issues

instead of like

actively try to run over hyunwoo hyung with a rented van in a misguided attempt to cope

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

no way who are you

that would be healthy

 

**I.M**

that's fair

GUESS I'M ON MY WAY THEN

 

**HoneyBuns**

wait hold up

hyungwonnie hyung

weren't you supposed to be the one doing the driving

 

**Q-Tip**

yeah but I had a photoshoot I couldn't get out off

 

**Stallyoo**

I keep forgetting you have some sort of career

 

**Q-Tip**

yeah forgetting about each other's jobs seems to be a staple of our various relationships

 

**HoneyBuns**

so you whole goddamn gaggle of fools turned to changkyun?

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well he offered?

 

**I.M**

what are you insinuating pumpkin

I'm a fantastic driver

 

**HoneyBuns**

IN GAMES

you don't even have a damn license ffs

 

**I.M**

minor detail

you master the go kart you master all

 

**HoneyBuns**

SINCE WHEN

wait are you texting and driving

YOU'RE TEXTING AND DRIVING AREN'T YOU

 

**I.M**

am not

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

boy this suddenly looks like a ginormous mistake doesn't it

 

**HoneyBuns**

YOU DON'T SAY

 

**I.M**

A LITTLE TRUST PLEASE

anyway where's he I'm like rounding the corner

 

**Stallyoo**

on two wheels?

 

**I.M**

on four I'm an excellent driver

the law just refuses to recognize my skills

 

**Stallyoo**

lmao sure

 

**Q-Tip**

are we all gonna ignore changkyun calling jooheon "pumpkin"

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

wait kihyun

where are you

 

**Stallyoo**

home?

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what the fuck?

 

**Stallyoo**

I mean you got changkyun to drive

did you really expect me to step into the back of that van

I'm still wearing the balaclava tho it's neat

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you're ruining THE PLAN

AND MY TRUST IN YOU

WHO'S GONNA KIDNAP HYUNG NOW

 

**Stallyoo**

relax

hoseok will do fine on his own

 

**Wonh0**

YOU SAID YOU'D JOIN US ON THE WAY

 

**Stallyoo**

yeah

I lied

 

**Wonh0**

did you just send me to my death

we're hitting every goddamn pothole this town has to offer my ass is whack

 

**Stallyoo**

I'm sure your ass can take a little pounding

 

**Q-Tip**

I guess we are ignoring it.

also goddammit kihyun

you never miss an opportunity do you

 

**Stallyoo**

I'm trying

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I am distraught

THE PLAN is already unraveling

 

**Wonh0**

why you keep writing it in all caps

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

it's just that dramatic

 

**Wonh0**

can anyone remind me why we thought it would be hilarious to fake kidnap slash murder hyunwoo hyung

cause right now

sitting alone in the dark

in the back of that hell van

I'm not too sure anymore

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

it's just what we do hoseok

get used to it and stop whining damn

 

**Wonh0**

easy to say you're not the one who's probably getting your ass whooped in 10 minutes

 

**I.M**

more like 3

 

**Wonh0**

STOP DRIVING OVER THE SPEED LIMIT

 

**Stallyoo**

his legs are too short to reach the pedals it's not his fault

be considerate

 

**I.M**

YOU'RE ONE TO TALK HYUNG

 

**HoneyBuns**

STOP TEXTING AND DRIVING

 

**Q-Tip  
**

wow this really is a mess

 

**HoneyBuns**

I have eyes on the target he's getting out of the supermarket

 

**Wonh0**

I think we're here

I'm hearing some sort of screeching

that might be changkyun stopping the van

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah he didn't make it

 

**Wonh0**

is that so

is that why we keep going

next time let's get a van with windows so I can actually know WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON

 

**HoneyBuns**

maybe we shouldn't have rented the van from shady min

 

**Wonh0**

who the fuck is shady min

 

**HoneyBuns**

the shady guy down the street

he's renting vans

 

**Wonh0**

are you fucking kidding me

 

**HoneyBuns**

honestly I wish I was

**I.M**

okay so this has nothing to do with my tiny legs but this van isn't stopping for god nor man

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what is that ungodly hollering I hear

 

**HoneyBuns**

that's changkyun with the windows down

they're heading your way

I'm running and typing it's super hard

 

**Wonh0**

THIS CAN'T BE HOW I DIE

 

**HoneyBuns**

there's worst ways to go

 

**Stallyoo**

yeah at least the balaclavas are neat

 

**Wonh0**

SRSLY KIHYUN

**HoneyBuns**

you guys should have seen hyunwoo's face tho

 

 

 

**Shownu**

guys

I think I just saw changkyun in a van screeching like a pterodactyl

he was going kinda fast

I didn't even know he could drive

can he drive?

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I know nothing about this

 

**HoneyBuns**

lmao way smooth hyung

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

shut up pumpkin

 

 

**Shownu**

what did you do

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

why are you instantly suspicious

 

**Shownu**

minhyuk.

 

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I CAN HEAR HOW DISAPPOINTED HE IS HELP ME I AM WEAK TO THE DADISM OF THE GUY

 

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

WE PLANNED YOUR MURDER HYUNG I'M SO SORRY

and it kinda like

got out of hand

really fast

 

**Shownu**

my what now

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

your murder

fake murder

as a joke

we even got bedazzled balaclavas

 

**Stallyoo**

they're way neat hyung

 

**Shownu**

they make bedazzled balaclavas?

wait no that's not important right now

what's happening with changkyun?

 

**HoneyBuns**

we rented a van

for the whole kidnapping skit?

and yeah apparently it doesn't work too well?

 

**Shownu**

I have no words

 

**Q-Tip**

so then you don't know how to stop a van either?

 

**Wonh0**

CAN YALL HELP US

 

**Shownu**

did you rent it from shady min

 

**Wonh0**

does everyone know shady min except me

 

**Shownu**

well if they really did they'd know not to rent vans from him

 

**Wonh0**

okay can we get back to the near death experience I'm having right now

 

**Shownu**

did you bedazzle the balaclavas yourselves?

 

**Wonh0**

HYUNWOO

 

**Shownu**

I'm sorry it's just

it's really bothering me

 

**Q-Tip**

yeah

Minhyuk and I did it

we're into arts and crafts these days

 

**Stallyoo**

it's way neat you won't believe

 

**Wonh0**

kihyun I hope you learn how to satisfy yourself with a bedazzled balaclava real fast cause I'm GONNA DIE REAL QUICK

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

don't worry hyung we're right behind you

 

**Wonh0**

you're what?

HOW

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well okay "right behind" might be a tad optimistic

we borrowed a bicycle?

and now jooheon's pedaling real fast with me in the back

so we'll catch up in no time!

 

**Wonh0**

somehow I really doubt that

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

have you seen Jooheon's thighs

don't underestimate their power

 

**Stallyoo**

you guys stole a bicycle?

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

BORROWED

unlike some people

jooheon is really intent on saving his boyfriend from becoming bloodied taramasalata he'll have to scrape off the pavement with a spade

 

**Q-Tip**

okay a tad too graphic?

 

**Stallyoo**

what's that supposed to mean

it's not like he can even do anything

 

**Wonh0**

AT LEAST HE'S TRYING

 

**Stallyoo**

I'm trying too

don't you find it uncanny there's no cops to arrest you guys yet?

 

**Wonh0**

now that you say it

it is uncanny

 

**Stallyoo**

yeah

they're all suddenly very busy

 

**Wonh0**

WHAT DID YOU DO

 

**Stallyoo**

MY BEST OKAY

 

**Wonh0**

I'VE NEVER STOPPED LOVING YOU

 

**Shownu**

this is great but I mean they're still in a van hurtling towards certain doom

 

**Wonh0**

gee thanks for the reminder hyunwoo that small hurdle had popped right out of my head

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

WE HAVE A VISUAL

 

**Q-Tip**

you mean to tell me jooheon goes as fast on a bicycle as a screaming changkyun in a van?

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I guess they're slowing down?

he went up a hill that's smart

wow

hey I think he might have been onto something with the go kart thingie

 

**Stallyoo**

what's happening?

I'm only pretending to be chill you know

if I sweat any more I'm gonna die of dehydration

even my buttcrack is sweating

 

**Q-Tip**

no one wants to know that hyung

 

**Stallyoo**

I'm anxious OKAY

 

**Wonh0**

hey it's true we're slowing down

also taking way too many turns

will you still date me if I throw up all over myself

 

**Stallyoo**

I just told you I'm sweating from my buttcrack so like

I guess we're past that now

 

**Q-Tip**

what a milestone in your relationship

 

**Stallyoo**

seriously tho what's he doing

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

he's going for the trees

I think

yeah

he is

 

**Stallyoo**

WHY

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

no listen it's okay

it's

yeah

oh

well

 

**I.M**

FUCKING GO KART

TOLD YA YOU SUCKERS

 

**Stallyoo**

IF HE KILLED HOSEOKKIE ISTG

 

**Wonh0**

no I'm mostly fine?

like if we ignore the emotional trauma

 

**Stallyoo**

WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO IM CHANGKYUN

 

**I.M**

well you know those sick skids you do with a go kart

and then you can kinda stop yourself on the railings?

I kinda did that

with the trees

so like the van is destroyed!

but we're good

and that's all that matters.

 

**Stallyoo**

I can't fucking believe

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

ngl it was kinda badass

I guess now is the time to run away from the wreckage tho

 

**Stallyoo**

take the license plates

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

why?

 

**Stallyoo**

jesus have you never watched a movie

so they can't identify the damn van

you unbaked potato

 

**Min ｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well it's gonna go back to shady min so like

he didn't make us sign anything

 

**Wonh0**

I'm pretty sure it's gonna go back to whomever shady min stole that van from

 

**HoneyBuns**

we need new acquaintances don't we

 

**Shownu**

yes.

preferably people without "shady" in their name

 

**HoneyBuns**

gotcha

and also running away now

 

**Stallyoo**

this all happened very fast but I'm way exhausted now

 

**Shownu**

wait

can you like

send me a picture of the balaclava

 

**Stallyoo**

srsly?

 

**Shownu**

I'm just

I'm so intrigued

 

**Q-Tip**

you know minnie and I can just make you one

 

**Shownu**

I don't know if I'm ready to commit yet

 

**Stallyoo**

oh, trust me

you are

 

**Q-Tip**

one bedazzled balaclava, coming right up

 you're gonna be amazed hyung

 

**Shownu**

ngl I am

kinda scared

 

**Stallyoo**

yeah, sounds about right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to stop coming up with horrible articles of clothing. First purple corduroy suits and now bedazzled balaclavas? Where will this stop?


	56. Razzle Dazzle Bedazzle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minhyuk's new career gets a bit out of hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a guest star in this chapter! And it's kinda on the short side but oh well (the chapter not the guest star).
> 
> Also like. This half happened from an interaction on twitter and then got spurred on by a whatsapp convo. I'm very sorry.

**From: Joonie**

Minhyukkie hyung?

 

**From: Minnie**

yeah Jooheonnie?

 

**From: Joonie**

did you and hyungwon hyung set up an etsy shop for bedazzled balaclavas per any chance?

 

**From: Minnie**

pffrrt

of course not jooheonnie

 

**From: Joonie**

...........alrighty

I believe you.

 

 

 

 

 

**From: Minnie**

okay fine you win

we did

 

**From: Joonie**

I didn't even say anything

 

**From: Minnie**

we got orders out our asses jooheon-ah

I'm a slave to the bedazzle

 

**From: Joonie**

okay???

 

**From: Minnie**

I brought this on myself

why couldn't I foresee this?

I'm so tired

I haven't left the craft table in three days

I keep finding rhinestones in my underwear and Hyungwon has hot glued his own fingers together at least seven times

 

**From: Joonie**

do you need help

 

**From: Minnie**

I think we're beyond help

do you think people are going at it in our bedazzled balaclavas?

this can only be it can it

somehow we've created a whole new fetish

 

**From: Joonie**

I'm pretty sure the only person going at it in a bedazzled balaclava is kihyun

 

**From: Minnie**

what on earth made you think I needed that image

 

**From: Joonie**

I'm done with suffering alone

 

**From: Minnie**

I can't feel my fingers anymore

 

**From: Joonie**

maybe take a break?

 

**From: Minnie**

we can't afford to take a break

the backlog is insane

 

**From: Joonie**

I'll send help hyung

alright?

it's gonna be fine

deep breaths

 

**From: Minnie**

I'd rather not

there's so much glue fumes jooheonnie

I've been high for twenty four hours straight

I'm ascending to higher planes of existence as we speak

 

**From: Joonie**

oh ffs

I'm sending some help

 

 

 

**From: J-Flawless**

jooheon?

 

**From: my friend Lee Jooheon**

yeah?

 

**From: J-Flawless**

ya know when ya said your hyungs needed help

I didn't think you meant that kind of help

 

**From: my friend Lee Jooheon**

what kind of help did you think I meant

 

**From: J-Flawless**

well

I don't know

but if I have to glue one more rhinestone to one more balaclava I might just kill myself

if I don't die from all that second-hand glue I'm inhaling first

 

**From: my friend Lee Jooheon**

you're w e a k

 

 

 

**From: Willy Wonka**

jooheon

what are you doing

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

you mean like in life?

 

**From: Willy Wonka**

no

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

oh great

cause I have no idea either

 

**From: Willy Wonka**

that guy you sent

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

yeah?

 

**From: Willy Wonka**

HE WON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

yeah he be like that sometimes

or like all of the times

 

**From: Willy Wonka**

I live with Minhyuk

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

I am aware

and slightly distraught

 

**From: Willy Wonka**

do you know how hard it is to get peace and quiet when you live with Minhyuk?

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

very?

 

**From: Willy Wonka**

very.

 

**From: Lee Jooheon  
**

I guess I see what you mean

maybe putting both of them in the same room wasn't the brightest idea

 

**From: WIlly Wonka**

no.

it clearly wasn't

 

 

**From: J-Flawless**

the tall one glued his fingers together

 

**From: my friend Lee Jooheon**

yeah apparently he does that a lot

 

**From: J-Flawless**

alright

it's not very convenient tho

 

**From: my friend Lee Jooheon**

really?

 

**From: Joonie**

why do you allow hyungwon to handle a glue gun

 

**From: Minnie**

because it's do or die out here

there's no room for slackers

it's war

and war is hell

and hell is full of hot glue.

 

**From: Joonie**

sounds painful

 

**From: Minnie**

painful?

I don't feel pain anymore

I don't feel anything

I've transcended my corporeal form

the only thing that matters now is the bedazzle

the cause will receive the sacrifices it requires

 

**From: Joonie**

hyung

step away from the glue gun

 

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

hyung?

I'm worried about minhyuk

seriously guys you should take a break

hyungwon?

your fingers are still stuck together aren't they

 

 

**From: J-Flawless**

just a thought but like

this minhyuk guy?

yeah he's a bit out there isn't he

 

**From: my friend Lee Jooheon**

what's happening

 

**From: J-Flawless**

fuck if I know

he's gluing rhinestones to himself tho

 

**From: my friend Lee Jooheon**

you mean onto his skin??????

 

**From: J-Flawless**

lmao no

we haven't reached that level of insanity yet

he's putting them on his clothes

I'll keep you posted tho he's surely getting there

 

 

 

 

**From: Joonie**

hyung what the fuck are you doing

 

**From: Minnie**

I AM THE BEDAZZLE NOW

 

**From: Joonie**

oh boy

 

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

chae hyungwon have you unglued your fucking fingers yet

 

**From: Willy Wonka**

will you still love me if I have lobster hands

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

srsly

you guys are tiring me out

 

**From: Willy Wonka**

well you suggested the balaclavas in the first place

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

yeah

regular ones

bedazzle-less

 

**From: Willy Wonka**

well what's the fucking point then

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

THERE ISN'T ONE

REGULAR BALACLAVAS FOR A REGULAR MURDER

 

**From: Willy Wonka**

you can't fault us from wanting to improve on things

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

take a good look at your boyfriend

 

**From: Willy Wonka**

well

it may have gotten a little out of hand

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

you think?

 

**From: Willy Wonka**

he's just

he's really passionate

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

open a damn window and put him to bed srsly

 

**From: Willy Wonka**

but

yeah okay

you may be right

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

what happened

 

**From: Willy Wonka**

I'm not sure

he just stood up and kinda blacked out

 

**From: Lee Jooheon**

I'm just

just go to sleep

 

 

 

 

 

**From: J-Flawless**

hey jooheon

 

**From: my friend Lee Jooheon**

what?

 

**From: J-Flawless**

so I'm doing all the packaging and shit

now that your friends just straight up abandoned me

like what disrespect srlsy

 

**From: my friend Lee Jooheon**

just get to the point

 

**From: J-Flawless**

well like

do you know why half of these are shipped to a police precinct?

 

**From: my friend Lee Jooheon**

are you fucking serious

 

**From: J-Flawless**

yeah?

it's somewhere in hongdae

 

 **From: my friend Lee Jooheon**

of course it is

ffs

should have seen that coming

 

**From: J-Flawless**

lmao is the knp swat gonna wear bedazzled balaclavas

 

**From: my friend Lee Jooheon**

honestly?

at this point I wouldn't even be fucking surprised

 

**From: J-Flawless**

dude

what kind of life have you been leading

 

**From: my friend Lee Jooheon**

I don't

I don't know?

I'm just

I need rest

 

**From: J-Flawless**

lmao

that bad uh

I'm gonna scram to the post office now but like

I'm taking one of those for myself

they're kinda neat

 

**From: my friend Lee Jooheon**

dude, I don't wanna know.

I really don't.

 

**From: J-Flawless**

I'll send you pictures ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**From: my friend Lee Jooheon**

I'll stuff your phone up your butt

 

**From: J-Flawless**

wow

get some rest Lee Jooheon

 

**From: my friend Lee Jooheon**

fuck right off Jackson Wang 

 

 


	57. Fingers to the Throat Means Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's some discussion about group exercising. Shady Min makes a comback, and he's pissed about his van. Or he's trying to be, no one really knows what's the play there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don't know I've been traveling!!!! Hence the lack of updates. I didn't give up on this or anything. You can still come yell at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/BlanquetteAO3) and I should get back to a sort of more regular schedule next month.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who's still following this!!!

**I.M**

hey guys

in retrospect

you know what wasn't such a great idea?

 

**Stallyoo**

being born?

 

**I.M**

wow

slow down there Edgy McEdgerton

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

godammn is he back on his absinthe-fueled bullshit again

wonho what did you do

you know I can't deal when he's like this

 

**Wonh0**

I did nothing

like for real this time

he's sober as a newborn

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

like a standard-issue newborn or a newborn with fetal alcohol syndrome

 

**I.M**

guys can you listen to me for once in your life

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

we always listen to you changkyun

if just cause your voice gives me the chills~~~

 

**I.M**

what

 

**Q-Tip**

excuse me

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh don't pretend you didn't pick him for "who we should get into a threesome with"

 

**Q-Tip**

yeah okay

that's fair

 

**HoneyBuns**

excuse me

can we all stick to our own boyfriends

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

coward

 

**Shownu**

is that what you two talk about when we're not around

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

yeah

you were a close second papa bear don't you worry

 

**Shownu**

all right

never call me papa bear ever again

especially in that context

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

coward

 

**Wonh0**

would be kinda hot with shownu tho like I can picture it

you guys look like stick insects so you need some meat in the middle of that sandwich

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

right!

that was a strong argument in hyunwoo's favor

 

**Stallyoo**

hoseok

can you not picture my friends getting it on with your friend

 

**Wonh0**

aren't we all friends now

 

**Stallyoo**

is that the only thing you take away from that sentence

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you were so at the bottom of our list kihyun

you're way too stuck up for a threesome

 

**Stallyoo**

excuse me

I'd be great at threesomes

 

**Wonh0**

oh yeah?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

don't fall for it

he'd be like trying to school everyone into what is the optimum strategy to go about it and whatnot

would turn into a freaking geometry lesson

 

**Stallyoo**

trigonometry

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what?

 

**Stallyoo**

geometry isn't what you need for a threesome

you need trigonometry

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

see!

he's already being boring and anal about it

 

**Wonh0**

well isn't anal what you need

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

ffs

okay

I'll allow it

but just this time

 

**Wonh0**

thanks

what number was I on the list

 

**Q-Tip  
**

you weren't on the list

 

**Wonh0**

why the heck not

have you seen my arms

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I'm more of a thighs man

 

**Stallyoo**

have you seen his thighs

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

are you offended we didn't put your bf on our list

cause the only reason we didn't

is that we were sure somehow you'd know

and you'd come in the middle of the night to whoop our asses

 

**Stallyoo**

and you would have been right!

you crackheads can keep him out of the disgusting fantasies your little mummified brains cook up

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

are they mummified because we don't use them enough

 

**Stallyoo**

yes congratulation on your understanding of words

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

sometimes the things you say

they sting

 

**I.M**

SERIOUSLY GUYS

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

yes what is it my smooth voiced friend

tell me everything

in that rich, velvety tone that you have

 

**I.M**

so like I'm never talking to you ever again so better pick up sign language you dirty fuck

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

it's fine I have your soundcloud

 

**I.M**

taking it down right now

who needs exposure anyway

not me

 

**HoneyBuns**

hey wait guys time out on the slightly icky group sex talk

why am I getting threats all of a sudden

or like

I'm not sure if those are threats

"I know where you live, I'll come down there, don't make me make you kick my ass"

like

what??????

 

**I.M**

THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO TALK ABOUT

I GOT THEM TOO

IT'S FROM SHADY MIN

HE'S PISSED ABOUT THE VAN

granted I got "you I can reach so better protect that nose that you have srsly is it a real nose? can I touch it?"

and then he must have realized how it sounded and he sent "with my fists"

like is that a compliment?

but also a threat?

what's this about being able to reach me?

is he calling himself small?

I'm so confused

 

**Q-Tip**

well it's shady min we're talking about

he probably just woke up

can't expect much out of the guy

 

**Stallyoo**

isn't he constantly in a state of just having woken up tho

how is his life working

is it just a long ass nap

interrupted by small spans of wakefulness dedicated to renting sucky vans to people

and sending inane threats?

 

**Q-Tip**

well

probably yeah

 

**I.M**

what should we do about this he seems mad

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

just let him fondle your nose for a bit

 

**I.M**

what is it about me that just brings out the kinky bastards laying dormant in everyone

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well your nose apparently

in all seriousness tho

it's just shady min

what can he do

 

**Shownu**

you guys should have some morals and go apologize at least

you did wreck the guy's van

 

**HoneyBuns**

a van THAT HE STOLE

 

**Shownu**

well

this does put my moral compass out of whack

 

**HoneyBuns**

phew yeah it's a real struggle hyung

honestly tho

"I'm gonna rip your arms off and beat you with them. Probably do some hella damage too like are you going to the gym these days?"

I don't know how to take it

like I don't want my arms ripped off but also thanks for noticing the gainz bruh

 

**Q-Tip**

what is he on

 

**Stallyoo**

I wanna say all the drugs but that's probably just how the guy is

pretends to be all tough but a real softie inside

 

**HoneyBuns**

so just like you hyung

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

wow jooheon

do you crave death

 

**Q-Tip**

we should so introduce the two of them

they'd be real good friends

 

**Shownu**

maybe we can send Kihyun to apologize on you guys' behalf

since they're kindred spirits and all

 

**Stallyoo**

I'll fuck you all up I'm not even kidding

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you're so rude kihyunnie

so rude

listen to your hyung

go apologize to shady min for wrecking his van

 

**Stallyoo**

IT WASN'T EVEN MY FAULT

I NEVER EVEN MET THE GUY

 

**I.M**

I told him we're sending an envoy to negotiate his terms regarding compensation for the crashing of the van

he said "hope he's ready to bleed"

and then asked if you're more a coffee or tea kinda guy

and if you'll have eaten cause he only has leftover chinese from yesterday and it's getting kinda stale

do you mind kinda stale chinese from yesterday hyung?

 

**Stallyoo**

for fuck's sake

I have enough of my own idiots to deal with

why do I have to meet another goddamn fool

 

**I.M**

cause we need a hero hyung

he's gotta be strong

and he's gotta be fast

and he's gotta be fresh from the fight

side note shady min seems really concerned about his stale chinese hyung what should I say

 

**Stallyoo**

did you just quote bonnie tyler at me

 

**I.M**

maybe?

 

**Stallyoo**

good call.

 

**I.M**

phew honest I was so goddamn worried for a while there I thought you had beef with bonnie tyler and it was forbidden ground

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

have you never been to karaoke with kihyun?

he got the bonnie tyler down.

that and freaking africa

 

**I.M**

well now I'm excited

 

**Stallyoo**

you can tell you tsundere bff I don't care about his goddamn stale chinese

 

**I.M**

he seems relieved and also he says you can put his stale chinese "where the sun don't shine"

 

**Stallyoo**

that's pretty old timey as far as insults go

 

**I.M**

I'm texting you his address but it's like just right down the street from where jooheonnie and I live

 

**Stallyoo**

I know where he lives

 

**I.M**

how?

you said you never met him

 

**Stallyoo**

there's only so much vans you can park around your building until people start noticing shit is up changkyunnie

 

**I.M**

right

 

**Stallyoo**

am I supposed to go now or how are we playing this

 

**I.M**

well he's expecting you

and a fight apparently

he told me who was his will executor?

I think he's expecting you to kill him somehow

 

**HoneyBuns**

he's really confident in himself I like that

you go shady min

picking fights you know you gonna lose

takes some guts

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh god I wanna see how this will go down

 

**Stallyoo**

you stay right were you are you nosy fuck

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

did you warn shady min kihyun was a rude-ass bitch

 

**Shownu**

language, people

seriously

when did you all got so vulgar

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

kihyun started it

 

**Stallyoo**

I did no such thing

 

**Q-Tip**

I'm pretty sure you did

 

**Stallyoo**

what's this treachery

don't gang up on me you morons

I'm leaving now

 

**HoneyBuns**

keep us posted I mean this can only be good

 

**Stallyoo**

yeah yeah

it's rude to text in compagny tho

so I'll report later

bye you crazy idiots

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

nani the fuck

did he just let us hang

 

**HoneyBuns**

he sure did

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

should we plan his kidnapping

 

**Shownu**

sure

your plan went so well last time

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

the disrespect!!!!

it would have

if the van had had brakes that actually worked you'd have been done for buddy

 

**Shownu**

sure thing

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I HEAR DOUBT

 

**Wonh0**

I mean

ya know I'm not sure I could actually take shownu

and kihyun had ditched so like...

he's not wrong on the doubt front

 

**Q-Tip**

this calls for a cage fight

let us find out the true alpha of the gang

 

**Wonh0**

oh really?

does it, hyungwon?

that's the thing that came to mind?

a cage fight?

 

**Q-Tip**

you know it baby

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

we can make it a mud fight if you'd rather

 

**Wonh0**

I'd rather not fight my best bud but like

to each his own I guess

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh the disappointment

you're killing me hoseokkie

that's what you're doing

straight up killing me

you'll find my shriveled husk turning to dust on the ground and that will all be because of you

 

**Wonh0**

okay

I think I could live with that

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

gasp!

the offense

 

**Shownu**

aren't you being a bit dramatic there minhyuk

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

shut up papa bear

you betrayed me too

the foundation of this friendship is lies and treatchery

it cannot go on anymore

 

**HoneyBuns**

hyungwon?

 

**Q-Tip**

yeah?

 

**HoneyBuns**

is minhyuk playing with the glue gun again?

 

**Q-Tip**

well

not playing

bedazzling.

we got some new orders to fill :'))

guess the bedazzled balaclavas fad has yet to die down

 

**HoneyBuns**

that's what I thought.

slowly get him away from the glue yeah?

 

**Q-Tip**

that might be a good idea

I think he's lowkey crying

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

AM NOT

 

**HoneyBuns**

just go to bed hyung

don't struggle

that's enough glue for today

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

IT'S LIKE FOUR IN THE AFTERNOON JOOHEON

 

**HoneyBuns**

when did that ever stop you

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

yeah true

ya'll better wake me up when cranky mccrankypants gets back from meeting shady min tho

can't wait to hear the disaster

and what happens to the stale chinese

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah don't worry about it we will

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you're the only one I trust jooheon you know that

 

**Q-Tip**

gee thanks

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you're a snake hyungwon you know that

 

**Q-Tip**

that's rich coming from you

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I know

that's why we go so well together my guy

 

**HoneyBuns**

jesus will you fuck off already

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

all right gee no need to be so rude about it

buh-bye children!!!!!!!!!

 


	58. Tiny cheese cubes in frigidaires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun is man of action

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I mean what can I say that hasn't already been said.  
> Thank you so much for still commenting and still reading guys you have no idea how much that means to me.

**Stallyoo**

guys

this bitch lives in like 4 meters square

how am I supposed to fight in these conditions

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

CAGE FIGHT

 

**Stallyoo**

okay so minhyuk's not allowed to talk anymore

also weren't you supposed to be asleep

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

got boring

 

**Stallyoo**

fair enough

 

**Q-Tip**

you guys should make out instead

 

**I.M**

yeah it's all about the love man

 

**Stallyoo**

the fuck

 

**HoneyBuns**

are you sniffing glue again this is getting old

 

**Q-Tip**

I'm not

I'm just trying to make the world a better place

 

**Wonh0**

by telling my boyfriend to make out with shady small time criminals who lives in four meters square?

 

**Q-Tip**

gotta start somewhere

watchu gonna do about it

 

**Wonh0**

you do know my muscles aren't just for show right

 

**Q-Tip**

oh yes

wreck me daddy

 

**I.M**

okay I'm not into this anymore

 

**Wonh0**

hyungwon

what the heck?

 

**Q-Tip**

mh

took it a bit far maybe

 

**Wonh0**

you think?

I wasn't even on you guys' threesome list

 

**Q-Tip**

only out of fear

you'd be at the top otherwise

and

you'd be the top

 

**Wonh0**

can you

can you not

 

**HoneyBuns**

Minhyuk ffs collect your man

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

nah he's doing great look at him go

 

**Stallyoo**

okay can you all stop being gross for a minute and help me out

that shady min idiot isn't even here

what am I supposed to do

 

**Shownu  
**

why are you in his house if he's not there

 

**Stallyoo**

first of all "house" is a tad too generous for the dump he lives in

second of all the door was open???? so I just let myself in

 

**Shownu**

this is really not safe

 

**Stallyoo**

no shit I could just rob the whole damn place

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

is there anything even worth stealing

 

**Stallyoo**

dunno

depends how you feel about dandruff shampoo I guess

and there's like

seven different kind of tea

also he has little unicorn patterns on his sheets I'm not sure how to feel about it

 

**I.M**

you're supposed to feel great about it ya coward

 

**Stallyoo**

I feel like we as a team should stop using that word all willy-nilly

 

**I.M**

coward?

you started it brother

 

**Stallyoo**

maybe but then ya'll ruined it

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

take everything bruh

just take it all

come on

 

**Stallyoo**

why

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

because crime excites me

 

**Stallyoo**

there you go again

telling me stuff I don't wanna know

remember what we said about you not talking

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

coward

what's in his fridge

 

**Stallyoo**

what did I JUST SAY about coward

 

**HoneyBuns**

nobody ever listens to you hyung

you should just make your peace with that

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

yeah who care

so what is in there

COCAINE??????

 

**Stallyoo**

geez

contain yourself

there's no cocaine

but honestly I'd feel better if there was

cause here's the entirety of what's in the fridge:

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

is that

is that a lone laughing cow cheese cube

 

**HoneyBuns**

somehow this is the saddest picture I have ever seen in my whole entire life

like

is he okay

 

**Q-Tip**

his whole ass fridge contains nothing but one (1) tiny laughing cow cheese cube what do you think

 

**Stallyoo**

this bitch can't live like this

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh

yes

here it comes

 

**I.M**

what

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

kihyun's infamous aggressive caretaking

where he turns into some sort of psycho butler

whether you like it or not

 

**Stallyoo**

excuse me I do not

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what are you doing exactly right now

 

**Stallyoo**

nothing

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

stop lying

 

**Stallyoo**

okay

I might be writing a grocery list

what's it to you

 

**Wonh0**

oh

I understand now

 

**Stallyoo  
**

what are you talking about hoseok

 

**Wonh0**

like

when you burst in my room the other day

and just started doing the laundry

while muttering to yourself

and punching my sweaters

and you didn't even acknowledge me whatsoever

you just disappeared without a word once it was done

like a vengeful wraith

I was too stunned to react I thought I was having a fever dream

 

**Stallyoo**

those shirts had been on the floor FOR A WEEK HOSEOK

have some self-respect

 

**Wonh0**

I'm sorry

 

**Q-Tip**

my favorite is still aggressive dish-washing

it always turns into aggressive floor-moping cause of all the splashing ya know

 

**Stallyoo**

you're all disgusting swines and you're lucky I care enough to not let you guys live in filth

now shut up I'm going to the supermarket

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

so aggressive grocery shopping it is

those poor retail workers

they won't know what hit them

 

**HoneyBuns**

is he still banned from that e-mart near you guys' place?

 

**Q-Tip**

yup

they got a court order and now the security guard is allowed to taze him on sight

 

**Shownu**

what did he do in there

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you don't wanna know

 

**Shownu**

I do that's why I'm asking

 

**Q-Tip**

well he just didn't think the organization of the shelves was optimum enough

so aggressive grocery shopping turned into aggressive retail working for free when nobody even asks you excuse me sir what are you doing you don't even work here do I have to call the police please let go this is a paying customer not a cardboard cutout 

 

**Stallyoo**

you jest but those fuckers still use my floor plan so like

 

**Q-Tip**

so like maybe consider therapy kihyunnie this isn't healthy

 

**Stallyoo**

wanna talk about your etsy shop you crackhead?

 

**Q-Tip**

it's glue not crack

 

**Stallyoo**

not helping your case

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

aren't you supposed to shop instead of provoking the love of my life like a four year old

 

**I.M**

you guys bicker so much

I didn't know that before entering this friendship

 

**HoneyBuns**

would you have thought twice about it

 

**I.M**

nah keeps the blood pumping ya know

plus I have a bet going on who's gonna snap first

 

**HoneyBuns**

what

who are you betting with

 

**Shonwu**

me

 

**HoneyBuns**

wow **  
**

somehow I did not expect that

 

**I.M**

he needs new jorts

 

**Shownu**

what are jorts

 

**I.M**

those things you're wearing when people run away from you screaming

 

**Shownu**

people never do that

 

**I.M**

they seen your thighs they know running away is futile

so they just submit to the jorts

 

**Shownu**

I'm just gonna ignore you it's easier than understanding whatever your brain comes up with

 

**Stallyoo**

anyone knows if shady min has any allergies

 

**HoneyBuns**

how the heck should we know something like that

 

**Stallyoo**

I don't know like at least half of you are creeps I wouldn't even be surprised

 

**HoneyBuns**

well sorry to disappoint I guess?

 

**Shownu**

I need to go to work

but also I want to know shady min's reaction when he comes home to a strange guy putting fresh groceries in his fridge

 

**Stallyoo**

hey he knew I was coming he was supposed to be there what did he expect

 

**Shownu**

probably not coming home to a strange guy putting fresh groceries in his fridge

 

**Stallyoo**

fair enough

but that's what he'll get

so he better deal

 

**I.M**

kihyun hyung

 

**Stallyoo**

yeah?

 

**I.M**

did you

somehow

had time to clean his bathroom before you left?

 

**Stallyoo**

maybe

I was stressed

 

**I.M**

okay cause I'm receiving weird texts from him and they all contain the word "pristine"

 

**Stallyoo**

I hope the bastard's thankful

 

**I.M**

I guess?

like a very disturbed kind of thankful

 

**Stallyoo**

tell him to put water to boil

 

**I.M**

okay?

wow this is so not turning the way I expected it to

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

are you gonna cook

 

**Stallyoo**

he had only one lone tiny cheese cube in his fridge minhyuk-ah

of course I'm gonna cook

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

bruh do a mukbang or a cooking show or I don't know but MONETIZE IT

 

**Stallyoo**

why would I do that

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

did you miss the part about money

plus our fans are starved for content

 

**Stallyoo**

I'll see what I can do

am I still supposed to fight him tho

that tiny sad cheese cube took me by surprise

I'm confused about the proceedings now

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

sure

film that shit too I mean why not he threatened us so like

 

**Stallyoo**

allright

okay I'm almost there so I'll like

improvise or something

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

cannot wait.

 


	59. Ultimate Fighting Cookship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new friendship blossoms on the stream, which comments ends up being all about love and support. For real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still traveling so my update schedule is still a mess but let's not lie to each other I never had one in the first place.  
> Anyway thank you for sticking with this for so long I love all of you <3

_> hi guys quick question is this a hostage situation _

_> >we thought it was for a while. that he had finally snapped and we were about to witness history_

_> >>........and then?_

_> >>>and then well we still don't know what this is really but boy if it doesn't involve a lot of nagging_

 

_> why is he so angry_

_> >have you ever seen him not angry_

_> >>yeah like that one time he was drunk and they set his hair on fire_

_> >>>okay reformulating. have you ever seen him not angry while also sober_

_> >>>>alright yeah I see your point_

_> >>>>>I love drunk yoo kihyun_

_> >>>>>>who doesn't tbh he's the best drunk there is_

 

_> that boy is taking it like a champ tho he didn't even flinch when king yoo almost brained him with that frying pan_

_> >yeah someone should tell him to not gesticulate so much while screaming about good eating habits_

_> >>"that boy"_

_> >>>what?_

_> >>>>that's not a boy that's like a grown man_

_> >>>>>is it? idk he looks like a 12 years old_

_> >>>>>>dude what kind of weirdass 12 years old are you hanging around  
_

_> >>>>>>>nah honestly I work at a bar and I'd card him_

_> >>>>>>>>if you just look at his eyes he looks like he's a hundred tho_

_> >>>>>>>>>or just super fucking baked_

_> >>>>>>>>>>that would explain a lot I mean did he even move in the past 10 minutes_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>I think he fell asleep _

_> >>>>>>>>>>>>yeah he 100% did. in the middle of a rant about fried eggs too how dare he_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm learning so much tho that's great get this man a cooking show_

 

_> that must have hurt. woke him up alright tho_

_> >it's such a mom thing to do _

_> >>shit your mom's a hardass_

_> >>>what yours never like, walloped you one behind the head?_

_> >>>>no? _

_> >>>>>well shit what a privileged childhood you must have led_

_> >>>>>>I don't know I mean one time she forgot me in the supermarket for four hours and she only noticed when the cops drove me home_

_> >>>>>>>that's..... that's fucked up son do you wanna talk about it_

_> >>>>>>>>I'm still anxious to go to the supermarket ya know_

_> >>>>>>>>>I understand completely my dude_

_> >>>>>>>>>>I was just there, crying in the vegetables aisle, between the kale and the cantaloupes_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>how the fuck do you forget a whole child_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>>are you sure she wasn't just counting on you not knowing your own address on account of being a child and thus never seeing you again_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>>>nah she was mostly just drunk_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>holy shit there's a lot to unpack here_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> **[view all 251 replies]**  
_

 

_> I'm just gonna ignore that whole thing happening above my comment cause it gives me anxiety and just like yeah anyone else noticed the gal?_

_> >yeah, iconic_

_> >>she came, she saw, she couldn't believe her fucking eyes_

_> >>>tbh if  I innocently went to my common kitchen to heat myself up some ramen and saw two dudes wrestle a dead chicken I probably wouldn't believe it either_

_> >>>>yeah btw what the heck is up with that chicken? like are we sure it's dead _

_> >>>>>I think it's not really defrosted yet but they still poured oil all over it for some reason and thus it acquired a life of its own. a slippery, oily life._

_> >>>>>>they're two whole idiots uh_

_> >>>>>>>it started out like he knew what he was doing but then he had to go and oil up a frosted chicken_

_> >>>>>>>>so. much. oil too like.... why so much oil?_

_> >>>>>>>>>should have stuck to eggs. you can't fuck up an omelette  
_

_> >>>>>>>>>>what's with him and poultry tho  
_

 

_> wow that's a mess uh _

_> >who slips on a whole chicken seriously the guy just had to pick it up not step on it_

_> >>he must have a hardass head tho cause man I thought for sure he'd brain himself this time_

_> >>>and king yoo is just there, looking on in disappointment _

_> >>>>I think that guy's too tired to feel pain cause man he just took it like a champ _

_> >>>>>king yoo's just like.... idk_

_> >>>>>>tsundere_

_> >>>>>>>I wish I had a better word for it but I don't_

_> >>>>>>>>did he just like bandaged this guy's head while insulting his whole ancestry that's so many mixed signals_

_> >>>>>>>>>guy don't seem to mind too much_

_> >>>>>>>>>>he's high as a kite I tell you_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>maybe he's just happy someone's taking care of him I know I would be  
_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>> are you hinting at something_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>>>well, if you must know_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> **[view all 358 replies]**_

 

_> so no one cares the chicken slid all the way into the corridor uh_

_> >honestly at this point I'm rooting for the dead chicken. may he break free and live his best life  
_

_> >>........is that ramen gal again_

_> >>>just kicking chickens back in kitchens as one does_

_> >>>>she really wants that ramen uh. braving the war zone and everything_

_> >>>>>I like how she's just.... ignoring whatever the fuck is going on right now, going straight for the water_

_> >>>>>>yeah about that, what the fuck is going on right now?_

_> >>>>>>>they just gave up on the chicken uh_

_> >>>>>>>>is the dude making him a little hat out of tissues_

_> >>>>>>>>>you know, that's why girls go farther in life than boys. she's here, focusing on getting shit done, and the man-boy just sitting there making a lil helmet for a dead oily chicken_

_> >>>>>>>>>>well I mean "getting shit done" is just her boiling ramen like let's not get ahead of ourselves here_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>she still achieved like 100% more than whatever they did during the half hour we've been watching this_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>>true. _

_> >>>>>>>>>>>>>goodbye, ramen queen_

 

_> what is that about vans tho_

_> >I dunno but I'm interested_

_> >>king yoo yells a lot uh _

_> >>>why should man-boy shut up if he only got tiny cheese cubes? like what? that's such a specific thing to have to shut up for  
_

_> >>>>is man-boy crying _

_> >>>>>he feels very strongly about those tiny cheese cubes uh_

_> >>>>>>I think he's just really tired like one time I was watching a video of a pangolin climbing a tree and I just started crying_

_> >>>>>>>why_

_> >>>>>>>>cause they're just there you know? living their best life climbing trees and being endangered. And I can't protect them. I can't protect any of them_

_> >>>>>>>>>are you crying again_

_> >>>>>>>>>>yes_

 

_> moving on, I've never seen anyone beat eggs that fast he's very angry uh_

_> >the guy looks vaguely threatened._

_> >>I mean I would be too he can probably slap you into the next dimension with that much velocity_

_> >>>that's gonna be one hell of a fluffy omelette lemme tell you_

_> >>>>is he lecturing him on his career choices _

_> >>>>>what kind of career is related to vans though I wanna know_

_> >>>>>>how do you look this threatening in a apron with a vat full of eggs under your arm is what I wanna know_

_> >>>>>>>talent_

 

_> if we forget about the whole chicken disaster he's a pretty good cook_

_> >how much food is he making though? is he aware there's just two of them? even just that omelette could feed a family of five_

_> >>maybe he's stress cooking you know_

_> >>>that's not stress cooking that's rage cooking he's so mad guys_

_> >>>>those tiny cheese cubes really offended him uh_

_> >>>>>the other guy's just wisely staying in his lane, making paper helmets_

_> >>>>>>I think he's making a little vest now_

_> >>>>>>>that will be one well dressed chicken _

 

_> anyone's listening to what king yoo is actually saying or nah_

_> >I am but I can't understand shit. why is he lecturing on driving safety and the technical control of vehicles?  
_

_> >>and that just after eating habits and how to clean a bathroom is he some sort of fucked up martha stewart _

_> >>>if martha stewart was just screaming at people and calling them stupid idiots I would so watch her show like that's really how to motivate me to do anything_

_> >>>>I mean it seems to work on the guy look at him nodding along, stuffing his face with pancakes_

_> >>>>>wait where the heck those pancakes ever came from did anyone see him make them_

_> >>>>>>I don't know one minute he was making a fluffy omelette and the next there's a pile of pancakes on the table I'm just_

_> >>>>>>>it's just magic at this point that's it he's a rage wizard_

 

_> the guy's just passively taking it uh_

_> >all that free food. you'd take it too_

_> >>he seemed all geared up to fight at first and then he just... gave up _

_> >>>I mean how can you say no to someone aggressively cooking you stuff while screaming at you_

_> >>>>I feel like he's screaming at me too I felt so attacked I actually scrubbed my bathroom_

_> >>>>>oh shit I'm glad I'm not the only one like I made three different groceries lists and I'm stress vacuuming now_

_> >>>>>>okay so that's normal right? cause I was planing on skipping lunch but right now I'm making a three course meal for me and my cat_

_> >>>>>>>yeah I've been making the same omelette and like three thousand side dishes for variety cause a balanced diet is important _

_> >>>>>>>>............I went out and bought a frying pan after all that spiel about eggs_

_> >>>>>>>>>so like.... we just got virtually bullied into taking care of ourselves uh _

_> >>>>>>>>>>damn. we got no spine  
_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>he just exudes this raw energy ya know what can we do we're only humans_

 

_> did the guy just put a whole ass onion onto the plate_

_> >he's trying his best_

_> >>his best isn't very good is it  
_

_> >>>how dare you! _

_> >>>>yeah no it isn't_

 

_> king yoo just... punched the whole onion into submission_

_> >yeah he... he did._

_> >>there you have it, kids. don't have a chopping knife? just fucking. just fucking punch the damn thing. just punch it._

 

_> I didn't know cooking could be that cathartic _

_> >ya'll punching onions now?_

_> >>yeah didn't have onions so I'm going with garlic tho  
_

_> >>>we're really easily influenced uh_

_> >>>>yeah this might be turning into a cult without us even knowing_

_> >>>>>I mean if all I have to do is keep my bathroom clean and punch onions I'm in_

_> >>>>>>word_

 

_> so... that chicken got a three piece suit and a lil viking helmet uh  
_

_> >the guy's talented I'll give him that_

 

_> okay what's happening? are they besties now? is that what this is?_

_> >I don't know but I'd be okay with him feeding me spoonfuls of fried rice too_

_> >>yeah I'm like... lowkey jealous_

_> >>>are you all in love with the king  
_

_> >>>>like you aren't just admit it_

_> >>>>>he just has this thing going on yeah? it's just. all that violence's turning me on. he punched an onion man how can I not be aroused_

_> >>>>>>we haves issues_

_> >>>>>>>yeah probably_

_> >>>>>>>> **[view all 479 replies]**_

 

_> I'm just happy a beautiful friendship is blossoming right there in front of our very eyes_

_> >you're crying again aren't you_

_> >>it's just. the pangolins guys. they have friends too. they want to eat ants in peace with them. someone needs to do something about this_

_> >>>we could start a charity. punch an onion, save a pangolin_

_> >>>>I don't see the connection between punching onions and saving pangolin but I like both so I'm in _

_> >>>>>alright yeah I'm in too I have nothing else to do anyway  
_

_> >>>>>> **[view all 517 replies]**_

 

_> no kidding tho the man-boy is crying again_

_> >he's been fed delicious fried rice with rolled omelette and there's still like half the pancakes left for desert I'd be having a nervous breakdown too man _

_> >>hell I'm having one right now I can't keep living on instant ramen guys my life is a mess_

_> >>>you're a millenial, of course it is_

_> >>>>okay I really felt that_

 

_> is this where we all start sorting our shit out? just cause we saw a man punch an onion?_

_> >I guess_

_> >>we don't want him to be disappointed in us_

_> >>>he was so disappointed in that dude he made him food for like at least a month_

_> >>>>yeah it's like our very low standards of living are somewhat of a personal offense to him_

_> >>>>>can he come be offended over here I need help_

_> >>>>>>you can do it yourself! go make some rice! punch an onion! the world is your oyster!_

_> >>>>>>>alright, I will believe in your words crying pangolin man_

_> >>>>>>>>don't believe in my words, believe in yourself!! you can do it!!!! be your own hype man!!!!!_

_> >>>>>>>>>I'M SO PUMPED I'M GONNA MAKE FRIED RICE NOTHING CAN STOP ME_

 

_> well this took an unexpected turn innit_

_> >yeah I mean who could have thought this would end up being a support group for barely-functioning losers_

_> >>good for us I guess?_

_> >>>I still wanna know how to make suits out of tissues tho that was so damn impressive_

_> >>>>you gotta lot of dead chickens to dress up?_

_> >>>>>no, dogs_

_> >>>>>>dead dogs????_

_> >>>>>>>ALIVE DOGS what the heck woman_

 

_> hm do you think they know this is still filming_

_> >I'm not sure cause like why would they want to film themselves doing the dishes?_

_> >>or king yoo screaming at the dude to do the dishes because he needs to take "responsibility for himself"_

_> >>>he didn't even ask for all that cooking tho did he_

_> >>>>nah at first dude was all pumped for some sort of fight that never happened cause there was all those eggs that needed beating and then that very long lesson about proper housekeeping happened  
_

_> >>>>>now that I think about it why would they want to show us anything in the first place that was the weirdest mukbang/cooking show hybrid I've ever seen_

_> >>>>>>well I have renewed passion for life now so thanks anyway I guess?_

_> >>>>>>>ah he noticed. I had the urge to wave back and now I feel stupid._

_> >>>>>>>>jolly good show my dudes. See you next time, whenever that is_

 

 

 

_> GUYS I BURNED MY FUCKING FRIED RICE_


	60. Just like them horses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where scrabble night is back on track, there's some discussion about botany and Shownu finally manages to shut down the group chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I haven't updated in a while uh. Is there anyone still waiting on this lmao

**Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

sooooooo kihyunnie

shady min your side piece yet?

 

**Stallyoo**

what?

the fuck are you talking about

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh come on

we all saw the sparks flying on that stream

 

**Stallyoo**

fuck right off minhyukkie

he's like some dumb dog

someone has to take care of him before he swallows chocolate and dies

 

**Shownu**

he's not dumb tho

he has like three degrees

 

**Stallyoo**

who asked you

also how do you even know that

 

**Shownu**

I know everything

 

**HoneyBuns**

go get that educated dick hyung

 

**Wonh0**

hey you guys know I'm like

right there

 

**Stallyoo**

babe you know how we keep saying you could probably crush heads with your thighs

now's the time to prove that theory

you can start with jooheonnie right there

 

**HoneyBuns**

hey what did I do

I was just rooting for you to ride the dick of success

that's a nice thought

 

**Wonh0**

_vid.mp4_

 

**HoneyBuns**

holy shit

is that

is that a watermelon

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

ngl I am terrified but also kinda turned on

like is there an opening for licking the juice off of those muscles

 

**Stallyoo**

fuck right off minhyukkie

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

so your mother never taught you how to share uh

 

**Q-Tip**

hey I mean I sure am impressed and also please minnie don't cheat on me with hoseok's thighs but like

I have a question

if shady min has so many degrees why is he like

renting stolen vans on the side instead of getting a cushy job

 

**Shownu**

because who wants to take part in the wage system

capitalism is hell and if the only way out is through leading a life of crime

then so be it

 

**Q-Tip**

......hmm

you alright there buddy?

 

**I.M**

he just got his paycheck

 

**Q-Tip**

ah

okay I get it now

 

**Shownu**

we should bring back the guillotine

the french had it right

eat the rich

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm pretty sure the French never ate anyone

 

**Shownu**

WELL THEY SHOULD HAVE

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that's what I'm talking about tho

so you're on board now?

 

**Shownu**

on board with what

cannibalism?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

with hyungwonnie's crime empire

 

**Q-Tip**

I have a crime empire?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

if you had listened to me back in macau you'd have

 

**Stallyoo**

didn't we all agree that what happened in macau would stay in macau

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

but think of the POSSIBILITIES

 

**HoneyBuns**

honestly I think we can just monetize that watermelon video it's basically porn

 

**I.M**

you're into fruits?

 

**HoneyBuns**

watermelon's a fruit?

 

**I.M**

isn't it?

 

**HoneyBuns**

I don't know that's why I'm asking

wait

wikipedia says it's a cucurbitaceae

 

**I.M**

how are you even supposed to pronounce that

 

**HoneyBuns**

kjuːˌkɜːrbɪˈteɪsii

 

**I.M**

???

yes?

are you possessed by a demon?

 

**HoneyBuns**

that's the phonetic alphabet you dingus

 

**I.M**

oh

and that's supposed to help me how?

 

**HoneyBuns**

you don't know how to read phonetic alphabet?

 

**I.M**

cause you do?

 

**HoneyBuns**

no?

 

**Stallyoo**

this is the most useless conversation I've ever witnessed holy shit what's going on inside your heads

 

**HoneyBuns**

honestly not much

 

**Stallyoo**

yeah thought so

 

**HoneyBuns**

you wound me hyung

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

cucurbitaceae tho

isn't this like 18 points in scrabble

 

**Stallyoo**

21 to be exact

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

thank you scrabble freak

 

**HoneyBuns**

hey if he's so smart shouldn't we invite shady min to scrabble night

we need more worthy opponents

 

**Q-Tip**

you guys keep forgetting scrabble club is supposed to remain a secret uh

 

**HoneyBuns**

oh come on it's not like we have any more dignity to save

 

**Q-Tip**

I guess

 

**HoneyBuns**

I have a genius idea

let's shake things up a little

each one of us should bring a new player

and we can bet on them like race horses

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

my interest is piqued

what do we win if our horse triumphs tho

do we even have enough money to bet

 

**HoneyBuns**

don't we have all that stream boon

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

true true

I wanted to use it to renovate my living room tho

 

**Stallyoo**

if anything that money is all thanks to me

are you cheating me out of my gains minhyuk-ah

do you really wanna get down that road

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

since when did you become actually scary?

it used to be all in good fun but now it's just like

yeah this guy would probably stab me for real

 

**Wonh0**

it's the hair

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what?

 

**Wonh0**

since you burned his hair and gave him a new haircut

he looks ten times more stabby

 

**Stallyoo**

or maybe you assholes finally pushed me over the edge

 

**Wonh0**

yeah that too

 

**I.M**

hey

not to interrupt

but since we never played

do we count as horses or as jockeys?

 

**Q-Tip**

whatever you want I guess

 

**HoneyBuns**

you can be my horse

 

**Wonh0**

yeah you're riding him anyway right

 

**HoneyBuns**

HYUNG

 

**Wonh0**

what

it's true

 

**HoneyBuns**

still

fucking gross hyung

 

**Wonh0**

rude

 

**Q-Tip**

okay so who brings who

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

since when are you the leader of scrabble club

 

**Q-Tip**

are you challenging my authority

do YOU wanna keep the book of records because no one else can be bothered and you were sleeping that one time roles were assigned so you got stuck with it

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

hmmm nah I'm good

 

**Q-Tip**

YEAH THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm bringing I.M

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

guess I'll go with hoseok

 

**Wonh0**

gee contain your enthusiasm

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

but you're a dumbass

 

**Wonh0**

that's rich coming from someone who can't spell their own name

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

when are you guys gonna stop throwing that exact line in my face

 

**Wonh0**

when it stops being funny

so like, never

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I need new friends

 

**Wonh0**

yeah you do

I don't wanna be a horse anyway

I'm a jockey

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

since when

 

**Wonh0**

since I'm sure I'm gonna win

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

why who are you bringing

 

**Wonh0**

it's a secret

 

**HoneyBuns**

does it starts with hyu and ends with llet

 

**Wonh0**

we need to work on our definition of secret

 

**Q-Tip**

is it really wise to put that many unhinged people in the same room

and also bring cops into it

 

**Wonh0**

hyullet's barely a cop tho

 

**Q-Tip**

.....yeah not untrue

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what makes you think he'd be good at scrabble

 

**Wonh0**

do we allow cheating

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

of course where's the fun in playing straight

 

**Wonh0**

he'd be amazing at scrabble

 

**Shownu**

this really isn't going to end well uh

 

**I.M**

yeah it's kind of a running theme around here

 

**Q-Tip**

hyunwoo-hyung are you a horse or a jockey

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

oh he'd sooooo be a jockey

 

**Stallyoo**

is that a tiny veiled and slightly gross metaphor about him being a top

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you know it baby

 

**Shownu**

I'll just bet on kihyun

 

**Stallyoo**

what makes you think I'm a horse?

 

**Shownu**

well for one your username is still a bad pun on stallion and second aren't you defending your title?

 

**Stallyoo**

mh

I guess I am

 

**Q-Tip**

great

so it's settled

let's do it this sunday

 

**Wonh0**

I think hyullet is working

 

**Stallyoo**

when does he ever work when he's supposed to

 

**Wonh0**

we have a very low opinion of him uh

 

**I.M**

or a great one I don't know he's kind of a legend

 

**Shownu**

and we should all rebel against the shackles of the capitalist wage system

 

**I.M**

is this when we get all arrested for being communist sympathizers

 

**Stallyoo**

if it's hyullet doing the arrests there's probably nothing to fear

 

**I.M**

really pays off to be tight with law enforcement uh

we should do more crime

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that's what I keep saying for fuck's sake

when will you guys grow a pair and embrace the inevitable

 

**Stallyoo**

aren't I supposed to become a cop or something

 

**HoneyBuns**

oh yeah how is that going

 

**Stallyoo**

I'm smart-passing so I'm doing pretty alright

 

**HoneyBuns**

cool cool

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that's the genius of the whole thing you can be our mole in the force

 

**Stallyoo**

why do they call it a mole though moles don't even have eyes

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

okay so great news everyone I went on wikipedia to find out why and apparently moles are also called "penetration agent"

 

**HoneyBuns**

yeah not a good enough reason to use the word penetrate

 

* **Stallyoo** username was changed to **Penetration Agent**

 

**Penetration Agent  
**

who did that

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

yeah keep acting like you don't like it we see you not changing it back

 

**Wonh0**

I mean it's not incorrect per se

 

**HoneyBuns**

once again, so many things I don't want to know, and yet here we are

 

**Q-Tip**

can we get back to scrabble

is sunday at 3pm okay with everyone

 

**HoneyBuns**

let's make it 2pm

 

**Q-Tip**

why

 

**HoneyBuns**

because listen to my heartbeat

 

**I.M**

it's beating for you

 

**HoneyBuns**

listen to my heartbeat

 

**I.M**

it's waiting for you

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

were you guys even born yet when this came out

 

**Q-Tip**

you know what

I'm going to take a nap

cause you guys are tiring me out

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

can I come

 

**Q-Tip**

you know it baby

 

**Wonh0**

I'm gonna go and try to get mullet hyung on board

on the SCRABBLE board haha get it

 

**HoneyBuns**

go die

 

**Wonh0**

wow a bit extreme

 

**HoneyBuns**

re-read your joke but slowly

 

**Wonh0**

yeah okay alright

 

**Penetration Agent**

I still love you

 

**Wonh0**

saying this with that username it's juuuust this side of disturbing

 

**I.M**

it's like a really bad porno actor name

or a slightly better hardcore band name

 

**Wonh0**

hm

both are slightly sexy

 

**Penetration Agent**

so you like it

 

* **Penetration Agent** was kicked by **HoneyBuns**

* **Wonh0** was kicked by **HoneyBuns**

 

**Shownu**

hm

 

**HoneyBuns**

srsly someone needed to do it before things escalated

 

**I.M**

for someone who's that kinky in the sack you're a real prude sometimes

 

**HoneyBuns**

okay WHO exactly needed to know that

 

**Shownu**

well

I'm the only one left

so thanks for the imagery I guess

 

**HoneyBuns**

I'm

I'm just gonna go practice my tunes

bye

 

**Shownu**

I don't know what to think of the fact that he calls his rapping "his tunes"

 

**I.M**

it's cute

 

**Shownu**

no

 

**I.M**

not even a little bit?

 

**Shownu**

if you insist

so

he's kinky uh

 

**I.M**

HYUNG

I'm

I'm gonna go practice my tunes too

 

**Shownu**

look who's the prude now

 

**I.M**

SRSLY HYUNG

stop it

 

**Shownu**

what

I'm just acting like you all are

 

**I.M**

yeah and it's WEIRD

 

**Shownu**

so now you know my pain

you lil kink freak

 

**I.M**

NO

BYE

 

**Shownu**

haha

...

finally

peace.

 


	61. Sweater vests aren't stabby enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An incident happens that might hinder the much awaited scrabble night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO PEEPS WHO THOUGHT I'D EVER UPDATE THIS AGAIN??? I have nothing to say for myself I'm just the worst :D  
> So yeah it's been a while and I hope it will be enjoyable for you guys (or like for the two people out there still reading this)

**From: Praying Mantis  
**

kihyun

 

**From: tiny**

yeah

 

**From: Praying Mantis**

can I ask you something

 

**From: tiny**

go ahead my gangly insectoid friend

 

**From: Praying Mantis**

what

wait nevermind

okay

shady min's on our couch?

 

**From: tiny**

yeah

 

**From: Praying Mantis**

may I know why

 

**From: tiny**

tonight's scrabble night

 

**From: Praying Mantis**

I get that but it's 9am right now

also how did he get here

 

**From: tiny**

he used his legs

 

**From: Praying Mantis**

why

 

**From: tiny  
**

cause that's what happens when you walk

 

**From: Praying Mantis**

hyung.

how does he even know our door code

 

**From: tiny**

I gave it to him

 

**From: Praying Mantis**

how do you even know our door code

 

**From: tiny**

I know all of you guys' door codes

 

**From: Praying Mantis**

why

 

**From: tiny**

just because

 

**From: Praying Mantis**

fair enough

moving on

I'm going to wake him up and put him outside

 

**From: tiny**

uuuuuuuuuummmmmmh

 

**From: Praying Mantis**

what.

 

**From: tiny**

just saying

he stabbed people for less

 

**From: Praying Mantis**

he's asleep

in a sweater vest might I add

 

**From: tiny**

don't underestimate the sweater vest

 

 

 

**From: Praying Mantis**

he stabbed me!!!!!

 

**From: tiny**

astounding

who would have thought?

 

**From: Praying Mantis**

!!!!!!

I'm bleeding!!!!!

 

**From: tiny**

like bleeding out or

I mean is this worth getting out of bed for

 

**From: Praying Mantis**

KIHYUN

 

**From: tiny**

shit okay don't get your panties in a twist

 

 

 

**Penetration Agent**

lmao guys get this

hyungwon got stabbed

 

**HoneyBuns**

what????

is he alright?????

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

no he's fucking not!!

he's bleeding!!!

 

**I.M**

shit did you guys call an ambulance??

 

**HoneyBuns**

where are you?

hospital?

 

**Shownu**

did you call the police as well

 

**Penetration Agent**

lmao

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

IT'S NOT FUNNY

 

**Penetration Agent**

it so is tho

 

**Wonh0**

okay

wait

did something idiotic happen again

 

**Penetration Agent**

words will never do it justice

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

shut you pie hole kihyun I swear

 

**Penetration Agent**

you can't stop me

so yeah

get this

shady min was sleeping on those idiots' couch right

 

**HoneyBuns**

why?

 

**Penetration Agent**

cause tonight is scrabble night

 

**HoneyBuns**

it's like 10am now tho?

 

**Penetration Agent**

yeah that's not relevant

 

**HoneyBuns**

how did he even get in?

 

**Penetration Agent**

I gave him the door code

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

the hell do you have our door code for?

 

**Penetration Agent**

I got all your collective door codes damn why does everyone wanna know that

 

**Shownu**

my door has a key tho

 

**Penetration Agent**

yeah that didn't stop me for long

anyway should I go on or are you guys more interested in doors

 

**I.M**

go ahead I don't really care about trespassing

let's abolish bourgeois private property am I right

 

**Penetration Agent**

that's a lot of socialism coming from a guy who doesn't share his gum

anyway

back to the stabbing

so that gangly moron decides to wake up shady min

 

**HoneyBuns**

oh

oh no

 

**Wonh0**

what?

 

**Shownu**

he stabbed people for less

 

**Penetration Agent**

that's exactly what I said

but he didn't believe me because of the sweater vest

 

**Wonh0**

what you mean the sweater vest

 

**Penetration Agent**

shady min's wearing a sweater vest

and it's not stabby enough for hyungwon apparently

 

**Wonh0**

oh

well I mean

it's a sweater vest

it doesn't really scream rampage

 

**Q-Tip  
**

RIGHT?????? IT REALLY DOES NOT

 

**HoneyBuns**

aren't you supposed to be in the middle of bleeding out?

 

**Penetrative Agent**

wait for the good part lmao

so he wakes him up which takes like forever

and so of course

surprisingly

he gets stabbed

 

**Wonh0**

who the heck hides knives in a sweater vest

 

**Penetrative Agent**

I never said he stabbed him with a knife

 

**Wonh0**

oh

is that the moronic part

 

**Penetrative Agent**

well it was already pretty moronic but get this

lmao

he stabbed him with an industrial stapler

 

**Wonh0**

a what

 

**Penetrative Agent**

a stapler dude like a huge-ass stapler gun

 

**Wonho**

why the heck do you guys have an industrial stapler

 

**Q-Tip**

FOR THE ETSY SHOP LET US LIVE

 

**I.M**

so technically

he got shot

not stabbed

 

**Penetrative Agent**

yeah true

but that's not important

what's important is that Hyungwon got an ass full of staples

cause you know who's supper quick with a staple gun?

shady min that's who

 

**HoneyBuns**

lmaoooo shit hyung that's bad

 

**I.M**

that's like

I'm sorry but also

a stapler gun lmao hyung way to go

 

**Q-Tip**

can you believe this disrespect????

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well I mean

yeah a little

I mean don't get me wrong I'm mad as hell

but also like

you got an ass full of staplers

it's kinda funny you know

in a way

like if it wasn't you

I'd be laughing

 

**Q-Tip**

BETRAYAL

 

**Penetrative Agent**

so yeah good show

 

**Wonh0**

I always miss the good stuff

what did you guys do with shady min

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

nothing he went right back to sleep

I'm not even sure he was fully awake during the whole ass-stapling incident to say the truth

 

**Penetration Agent**

he's also handcuffed to a radiator now

 

**Wonh0**

asleep?

 

**Penetrative Agent**

yeah

 

**Wonh0**

interesting

 

**Penetrative Agent**

watchu mean

 

**HoneyBuns**

before this veers into grossass territory what you gonna do with shady min

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

put him in jail!!!!

 

**HoneyBuns**

what?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well we got cops coming tonight

 

**HoneyBuns**

he needs a lawyer you can't violate his rights like this

 

**I.M**

did anyone say lawyer

 

**Shownu**

you're not a lawyer Changkyun

 

**I.M**

I might be

 

**Shownu**

somehow that's not the answer I expected

 

**HoneyBuns**

well mullet hyung's barely a cop so like

also this isn't a real arrest

and it's not even real handcuffs it's those shitty things with pink fur you can get out of in like two seconds top

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

how the heck do you know that

 

**HoneyBuns**

you guys think you're sleek with your kinky shit

but really

you're not

 

**Shownu**

I can second that

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

well

I hope we gave you ideas to spice up your life

 

**HoneyBuns**

I was this close to start sniffing glue just to forget

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you're welcome ｡(-‿•)｡

 

**I.M**

I'm asking for a meeting with my client

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

you're not a lawyer Changkyun

 

**I.M**

when did that ever stop me

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

good point

well our door is open I guess

 

**I.M**

it better be

you can't keep violating his rights like this

 

**Penetrative Agent**

he's still sleeping tho

want an ass full of staples too?

 

**HoneyBuns**

he might like it

 

**Penetrative Agent**

what

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

what

 

**Q-Tip**

what?

 

**I.M**

babe don't expose me like this

 

**Shownu**

did you get your tetanus shot

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

that's what you think about??????

 

**Shownu**

if you play you gotta play safe

 

**Q-Tip**

did I ever get a tetanus shot?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

how the hell should I know

 

**Q-Tip**

if I die from a stapled ass I'm so coming back to destroy your lives

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

maybe we should go to the hospital

I mean dinosaurs band-aids are cool but there's so much they can do

 

**Penetrative Agent**

I'll drive

 

**Q-Tip**

I CAN'T SIT

 

**Penetrative Agent**

sounds like a you problem

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

do you want tetanus?

 

**Q-Tip**

no

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

so find some pants and let's go

 

**HoneyBuns**

wait

pants?

you mean for the entirety of this conversation hyungwonnie was pants-less?

naked ass hanging out for the world to see?

 

**Q-Tip**

I'm bleeding from my ass cheeks Jooheonnie what else am I supposed to do

 

**HoneyBuns**

I don't know

 

**Wonh0**

I can lend you my jock strap if you wanna

 

**Q-Tip**

no thank you also excuse me what?

 

**Penetrative Agent**

you wouldn't have enough ass anyway

 

**Q-Tip**

I got even less of an ass now thanks to a certain person

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

I.M can you hurry the hell up I don't want to leave shady min alone in my apartment

he's shady

 

**I.M**

oh I was supposed to come now?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

didn't you just ask

 

**I.M**

yeah

I'm just so used to people saying no to me

 

**HoneyBuns**

for the last time

absolutely NO ONE would like that

 

**I.M**

don't knock it till you try it

 

**Shownu**

it's funny because when you first meet Changkyun you think he is shy and reserved and normal and then stuff like this keeps happening

 

**I.M**

is that good or bad

 

**Shownu**

I don't know yet

but you do you

 

**I.M**

I would if I could

like clone boning?

hell yeah

 

**Shownu**

see what I mean?

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

can you guys stop talking about boning clones and hurry up

 

**I.M**

oh yeah

sorry

on my way!

 

 **Min** **｡(-‿•)｡miN**

can't wait

 


End file.
